OK, how to kick a vampire's ass?

Pistolero · Post by **Pistolero** » 2003-02-16 04:27am

First off, I am following the canon here (Bram Stoker's Dracula), And according to it, you can fuck a vampire by burning it, cutting its head off, sticking a wooden stake through its heart, having him up and about in broad daylight... but, wait a second? there is a scene in the book in which our hero is out and about AT NOON a sunny day in London... WTF??? So I guess my real question is this: If Drac can dance on the beach at high noon for a few minutes without getting zinged to ashes; and even further proof of my madness, he gets beheaded and spiked with a smile on his face while the sun was still out at dusk,,, is it the sun light what kicks his ass or the time of the day, since obviously he can be awake at noon? If it is the time of day, then what the fuck happens to other time zones, since it is always day somewhere? If it is the radiation from the sun, then where did he get his SPF 569 Coppertone to go out in the day in 18something?

Also, you are an atheist, and you know no fucking religious paraphernalia would be effective against an undead asshole... so how do you kick his ass short of setting off a nuke? Bullets still just tickle him...

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-16 04:42am

It depends on exactly which vampire tales you take as your cannon....it seems here you're going with the movie of BS's Dracula (arent abbreviations fun kiddies?

). In this case, sunlight isnt on the list of ways to kill...a vampire only has his full powers at night...during the daylight you have a far better chance of kicking his ass....compared to the almost none after darkness.....
The reason to be grinning at dusk even with the sun still up is simple...the sun is fading...its about to get dark and real bad for those fucking with you.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2003-02-16 04:44am

A flamethrower would help. So would phosphor rounds, WP grenades, naptha (are you detecting a pattern here?)

Pistolero · Post by **Pistolero** » 2003-02-16 04:54am

Keevan_Colton wrote:It depends on exactly which vampire tales you take as your cannon....it seems here you're going with the movie of BS's Dracula (arent abbreviations fun kiddies?)

Actually I am going by the book (Which BTW is one of the very few I have read that really scared the ever living shit out of moi), and according to it, IIRC, a vampire can only be out during the day for a few minutes at noon. Granted, it is easier to kick his ass during this time, but not that much easier, as he still possesses insane strength and he is very impervious to bullets...

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-02-16 04:56am

Make him watch Enterprise

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-16 04:58am

Pistolero wrote:
Keevan_Colton wrote:It depends on exactly which vampire tales you take as your cannon....it seems here you're going with the movie of BS's Dracula (arent abbreviations fun kiddies?)
Actually I am going by the book (Which BTW is one of the very few I have read that really scared the ever living shit out of moi), and according to it, IIRC, a vampire can only be out during the day for a few minutes at noon. Granted, it is easier to kick his ass during this time, but not that much easier, as he still possesses insane strength and he is very impervious to bullets...

I'm more fond of some of the other vampire stuff out there to be honest....though I have read a shitload....as you might be able to guess from my avatar its an area of intrest of mine...

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-16 04:59am

Darth Fanboy wrote:Make him watch Enterprise

Sick, evil, cruel!!

I like it.

Pistolero · Post by **Pistolero** » 2003-02-16 05:04am

Darth Fanboy wrote:Make him watch Enterprise

I said kick his ass, not make him an American under Ashcroft!

The Great Unbearded One · Post by **The Great Unbearded One** » 2003-02-16 06:11am

Hmmmmmmm, can vampires see when they turn into bats if they can see when they are in the human undead form?

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-02-16 12:18pm

Love the book.

A vampire can be up and about by day, but he needs to be in his occfin at dawn and dusk (not a killing thing, just will be)

To kill him, you need the stake, beheading and stuff garlic/host in his mouth, IIRC.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-02-16 12:21pm

How to disable a vampire: Convert them into a Jehovah's Witness.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-02-16 01:38pm

Actually, with religious parpehenalia it doesn't have to be religious. The power can be inherent in the shape and when people see the power it has, it could be appropriated by a religion into a holy item.

I say the best way, is to just shoot it full of holes. And then burn it while it's reeling.

phongn · Post by **phongn** » 2003-02-16 01:57pm

There is only way sure way.

Thermonuclear weapons.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-02-16 02:04pm

if you cut off a vampires head, it cant hurt you. then you can give it to raycav and be sure the thing is dead. UNF

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-02-16 02:15pm

Pop's neck.

Jewish/Catholic Patant guilt trip?
hey, even the undead would be wanting to kill themselves.

oh, and when one parent is each, and you know BOTH guilt trip techniques.....

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-02-16 04:03pm

Vampires are invulnerable. Don't you know?

http://elfonlyinn.keenspace.com/d/20021230.html

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-02-16 04:11pm

Just fuck them over like you would a deadite, then they are your bitches and you can dispose of them at your own convience.

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-02-16 04:12pm

Ok, question. If stake him, then stick a grenade in his mouth and blow his head off, is he then impossilbe to kill since he doesn't have a mouth to stick garlic in?

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-02-16 04:23pm

I like Aylee's Solution.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-02-16 04:37pm

"But a mere flesh wound!"

I have visions of the Black Knight..

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-02-17 06:59am

"have at you!"

Vampires can only be killed by the Hybrid team of Vampire Hunter D, Blade, and Cuddles the Transylvanian Poodle.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-17 07:06am

Darth Fanboy wrote:"have at you!"

Vampires can only be killed by the Hybrid team of Vampire Hunter D, Blade, and Cuddles the Transylvanian Poodle.

Thats got to be one hell of a movie

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-02-17 07:31am

WIth RIffs stake autocannon.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-02-17 07:53am

phongn wrote:There is only way sure way.

Thermonuclear weapons.

Rifts vampires will just get pissed off by that.

Sure it'll take them all of 40 seconds to reform after being blasted into component molecules, but you better be spending that 40 seconds running the hell away...

Baron Mordo · Post by **Baron Mordo** » 2003-02-17 10:51am

What if you snuck into their crypt at high noon and put little piles of thermite on their coffins, and lit'em up with magnesium strips?