The Borg Assimilate GIR From Invader Zim

[Invader Taz]

A fleet of Borg Cubes is just floating around doing nothing when the planet Mars rams them and destroys all but one of the Cubes, and a small robot flys off and hits the Cube. The Borg bring it inside to assimilate... the insane robot known as GIR from Invader Zim.

What horrible fate awaits the Borg when they assimilate this being of mass stupidity?

[Rossum]

I'm going to vote on the Borg getting access to some Irken tech at most. Though its more likely that the assimilation won't work on GIR.


My reasoning is that the Borg won't become become gibbering idiots just because the assimilate GIR because the have already assimilated members of the Voyager crew and starfleet in general without turning into suicidal nutjobs who have no sense of self preservation or tactics and frequently obey stupid orders that get themselves killed just because their incompetent commanding officers order them to...

... okay that wasn't the best example. Um... okay when the assimilated future Janeway at the end of the series they weren't overloaded by the sheer level of sadistic incompetence and illogic she manifests on a daily basis. They were overloaded by some sort of virus she had implanted into her own brain... maybe.

Listen, the Borg didn't turn into idiots just because they assimilate idiotic people... they turned into idiots for completely unrelated reasons. However it has been shown that they can't assimilate everything, Data is an example. Instead of assimilating Data, the Borg Queen tried sewing human skin onto his face to make him feel better. This was obviously because the Borg can't assimilate non-organic life forms and because the Borg Queen herself is a colossal moron.

Thus, if the Borg get their hands on GIR they might be able to examine him to get some Irken Technology... probably something along the lines of how to fit large objects into smaller ones or how to mass produce rubber piggies and snack foods. The Borg Queen might take an interest in him and try fusing organic tissue to his robotic body in a stupid attempt to have someone around that isn't a cyborg zombie.

Thus, the Borg will get access to some powerful Irken Technology but will already be too stupid to make proper use of it and be unable to assimilate GIR anyway. However, Zim or some other Irken ships will track down GIR and destroy the Borg with their superior ability to use ranged weapons. The Borg will be defeated by their own stupidity without the help of a brainless robot.

[Oni Koneko Damien]

The problem is that GIR isn't an idiotic person. He's not an idiotic living being. He's a robot, which means his stupidity is actually hard-wired into his programming (or is a severe programming bug, which seems more likely as he was constructed from trash/reject parts). Borg assimilation erases or suppresses the personality of organic beings, but we've seen on numerous occasions that they are just as vulnerable to computer-based attacks as anything else.

I can't remember the specific episode, but GIR was once hooked up to something which amplified his own power and resulted in an expanding field of stupid that essentially incapacitated anyone caught in it. As soon as GIR is hooked up to the Borg's mainframe, the Borg are so fucked even Q will be blinking in disbelief.

[Stark]

Actually, that was the generator itself that gave of dangerous stupid waves; GIR being attached to it just made it a mobile field of stupid (somehow).

But GIR's brain is some small change and a piece of paper. Is he ever shown to have a deep understanding of Irken technology? He helps ZIM build stuff, but I can't remember him actually doing anything technical himself. He makes waffles, finds dirty stray animals and watches the angry monkey show.

[Napoleon the Clown]

Zim comes to retrieve his robot, which he is inexplicably attached to, wipes out the Borg in the process, and any Borg infected by Gir insanity become useless. The Borg have firewalls, right? If not, the madness may spread as they incorporate his... defective programming. And this would all happen because it would be funny. That seems to be what Gir generally operates under.

That, or Gir will go into Combat Mode and take out a bunch of Borg before they manage to kill him. The few times we see Gir's eyes go red, he becomes a proper SIR unit. No matter what course of events occur, things will end badly for the Borg, and if they do manage to survive the encounter long enough to get the knowledge the gain to the Collective, they're still going to find the Irkens very interested in them. "Oh, look. We missed a society during Operation Impending Doom II. And this one works as a collective! Commence Operation Impending Doom III!"

At which point the Borg end up making the Irkens toys or get annihilated completely.