Worst intro of all time?

[Vympel]

UFO: Extraterrestrials

I bought the Gold version of this game from Steam yesterday for $19.99 - its fully patched and includes with it a collection of very useful mods done by a member of the game community - the developers liked the mods so much not only did they do that, but he's also on staff for the sequel (which at the very least so far looks to have far superior art design).

But Cheeeerrrrrrrissssssssst that is the worst intro ever. Really, that's just amazingly bad. Inexcusable for a 2007 game.

[Stark]

That really sums up UFO: Extraterrestials as a whole.

If you mean offensive, the DoW intro remains irritating as a depiction of what a cool 40k game would look like, and not DoW. The Sins intro is horrid because it doesn't even scale to your screen so you watch the shitty fanart in a little box. The Universe at War cinematics are all made using the (shit) ingame engine and look like cutscenes circa 1996.

[Vympel]

Whatever category you like (offensive, irritating, totally non representative, just cheap shit, etc) is fine. Galactic Civilization 2 had a pretty terrible intro too, I recall.

UFO:ET was probably over-proced at $19.99. I should've waited until a sale brought it down to about $5.00. Still, I'll definitely play it. It's still X-COM.

[Norade]

I've heard better voice overs in machinima and that art style was enough to make me stop part way through.

[Gramzamber]

The sheer amount of fail in that intro is hilarious.
Not only is it boring, it has nothing to do with the game (hey guys it's a remake of XCom: UFO Defense, not XCom: Interceptor) and the planet Elysium is not supposed to look like Mars.

Say, do brilliant intros that cover a shitty, shitty game count?
If so I put forth the intro to Star Ocean 3.
I thought it was so good, it brought tears to my eyes.. and then the wretched game and insipid story that followed it brought bile to my throat.
It had not one thing to do with the game, and in fact the game's story makes a complete mockery of the message it's trying to send (the progress of mankind).

[Stark]

Whatever category you like (offensive, irritating, totally non representative, just cheap shit, etc) is fine. Galactic Civilization 2 had a pretty terrible intro too, I recall.

Oh jesus. It got a new horrid intro for each of its expansions too, so it's got three fucking terrible intros!

UFO:ET was probably over-proced at $19.99. I should've waited until a sale brought it down to about $5.00. Still, I'll definitely play it. It's still X-COM.

Ironically it has no excuse to be so ugly and clunky?

[Andrew_Fireborn]

Coming, 1st of the May!

... Tell me english isn't this studio's first language... ...

Wow...

[Stofsk]

UFO: Extraterrestrials

I bought the Gold version of this game from Steam yesterday for $19.99 - its fully patched and includes with it a collection of very useful mods done by a member of the game community - the developers liked the mods so much not only did they do that, but he's also on staff for the sequel (which at the very least so far looks to have far superior art design).

But Cheeeerrrrrrrissssssssst that is the worst intro ever. Really, that's just amazingly bad. Inexcusable for a 2007 game.

That was truly bad. It wasn't even 'so bad you can laugh at it' bad, but more 'god how long has this been going on for - only a minute? What the christ' bad.

I found Sins' intro to be pretty meh. Imperium Galactica had a really long and boring intro too.

[adam_grif]

What the hell is that. I can't believe it.


...


These ships are very very strange.

...

Frank, they're turning.

...

Jesus, where are they going?

[Stofsk]

They must be invincible.

[Norade]

What's worse is the damned monotone, the ground controller had more emotion than the fighter jockies did...

[adam_grif]

We are starting to strike back.

Disengage.

What?

Enemy is superior.

[Korvan]

You know, it might seem like a good idea to use production staff for voice-overs, it saves some money and is neat for the staff members involved. But it almost always ends in tears, or at least wincing. Really though, there's no real excuse to not use professional voice talent. It's not that expensive if you stay away from A-list stars and most voice actors have their own home studio now and often times you can direct the entire session over the phone.

Using in-house (non-professional) voices is fine for working out the timing in your animations, but for the love of god, don't think that those voices will be good enough for the final product. Hell they could've hired a single voice actor to do all the voice-overs in that intro and likely for under $1000 to boot.

[Nephtys]

The instant I saw the thread title 'Worst intro of all time?' in G&C, I immediately thought of UFO Extraterrestrials.

The game's really, really bad stock. With the mods installed, it actually kinda plays like X-COM. Which is surprisingly decent f you need a fix of that kind, so that's alright.

It's art design is the worst on the entire freaking planet though. Your people look awful, and the animations look awful. The art design itself really just so bad, that it's preferable playing the original X-COM in a tiny 320x200 window, so it doesn't go out to OFFEND your senses.

[Wedge]

Hahahaha, that intro is so bad IT IS FUN.

You know what I missed at the end, when they shot the second fighter and it explodes?
Hank: "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!"

[Zixinus]

What about Eternal Sonata, where the scriptwriter completely forgot that he's making an intro for a video game?



Why is it telling us how wonderful the morning sun is in a VIDEO GAME where it can SHOW US?

[Stark]

I've got the best worst intro of all time right here



PIRATE SHIP HATFUCK

let's listen to our favourite song!

[Dooey Jo]

Is he trying to do a Schwarzenegger impression?

Why is it telling us how wonderful the morning sun is in a VIDEO GAME where it can SHOW US?

Most game writers are actually bad writers. The video in the OP is a great example of this:
"Oh noes, he was undamaged by my whatever missile! I will shoot at him with the fusion reactor missile. It has powerful warhead and doesn't afraid of anything."
I think the other pilot I assume he was talking to (or was he talking to himself? That's even dumber) knows what the hell the weapons do. Just say "Shit I'll blast him with the big one", or "Launching Deltas" or something.

[Vympel]

I've got the best worst intro of all time right here

That's really bad. I went from loling to hysterics upon "Pirate Ship Hatfuck"

[Vendetta]

What about Eternal Sonata, where the scriptwriter completely forgot that he's making an intro for a video game?

Please, the intro for Eternal Sonata is positively brilliant compared to the incoherent babble which was it's ending. (which was so bad it had to be completely rewritten for the PS3 rerelease).

[Oskuro]

Getting Unskippable flashbacks here. All we need now is some riffing and we're set.

Oh, and X-Blades:

[Norade]

The X-Blades one, even with no voice acting beside Hmmm, and Huh, was by far better than the rest here. It had decent pacing, a sense of surprise, a clear plot, and set the tone for a game. I'd go so far as to say with a little more length and some dialogue it'd be one of the better intros I can recall.

[Admiral Valdemar]

When it got to the "scanning system" part, I was truly expecting it to cover ALL segments in the system, taking at least five minutes to scan each in turn... and report nothing. Then the lead pilot signs off.

Fade to black.

Also, STRAK wins this thread. An Internet for you, sir.

[Gramzamber]

That's it, I'm bringing out the big guns.

[Crossroads Inc.]

Ye Gods, that Op was so horrifically bad.. Like watching Computer graphics from the 90s with Sound effects from the 80s.
Vlad is right.. Watching the "scanning" scene was so god awful boring. And listening to the voice 'actors' it was like they were reading from the games descriptions of weapons and features rather then, you know, trying to 'act'

The X-Blades one, even with no voice acting beside Hmmm, and Huh, was by far better than the rest here. It had decent pacing, a sense of surprise, a clear plot, and set the tone for a game. I'd go so far as to say with a little more length and some dialogue it'd be one of the better intros I can recall.

Agreed, it wasn't nearly as bad as the others.. the Lack of ANY talking was rather mystifying...