Most gratuitous biowank

[Nephtys]

black hole fueled Buster Machines, Sizzlers and capital ships killed space monsters by the tens and hundreds of thousands.

This figures needs more zeros. Approximately three thousand ships in the end of Gunbuster held out against several waves composed of multi-billions of space monsters. Sure only about a thousand survived, but they survived being outnumbered 3-6 million to one.

The real biowank in that setting is the Humans who survived because of thier technological aptitude and engineering abilities.

And it takes place in like, 2065.

Welp. I can't wait to see our legions of intergalactic star battleships and giant robots and the ability to move JUPITER around as a power source in another 55 years.

[SylasGaunt]

The Gunbuster Space Monsters are pretty much up there. Not only can they have an FTL Speed capable of traversing multiple galaxies (then again, so do humans in that), but are capable of spawning thousands of multikilometers sized monsters out of stars they eat. Stars. They blow up planets also.

I prefer to think of them as raping the star to death myself given that it's their reproduction within it that kills the thing IIRC.

[Xon]

To be honest, by the end of Diebuster it is strongly implied that the original Space Monsters could have been another species runaway von neumann defense platforms. And that humanity was starting to show traits which strongly resembled the Space Monsters which triggered the Sol defense system(s) to start attacking humanity.

[Ford Prefect]

This figures needs more zeros. Approximately three thousand ships in the end of Gunbuster held out against several waves composed of multi-billions of space monsters. Sure only about a thousand survived, but they survived being outnumbered 3-6 million to one.

The real biowank in that setting is the Humans who survived because of thier technological aptitude and engineering abilities.

Would it make you feel better if I clarified it as being tens or hundreds of thousands per attack?

I prefer to think of them as raping the star to death myself given that it's their reproduction within it that kills the thing IIRC.

Yeah, their handiwork is seen in episode three, when the fleet stops over in a star system and they're shocked it's a red giant, which is chronologically impossible. Raising little Space Monsters prematurely ages stars, which is why the humans are terrified. It's probably why the little science lesson short refers to them as 'the most formidable species in the universe'.

To be honest, by the end of Diebuster it is strongly implied that the original Space Monsters could have been another species runaway von neumann defense platforms. And that humanity was starting to show traits which strongly resembled the Space Monsters which triggered the Sol defense system(s) to start attacking humanity.

Ah, no, that's not the case. The Space Monsters are definitely animals - it's just that the 'space monsters' that appear in Diebuster are human-made automated defense platforms which took on the appearence of actual Space Monsters, because they are such a formidable species. You can see the difference when the Titan Variable Gravity Well and Excelio Variable Gravity Well show up - they're totally different.

[Xon]

Gunbuster has the best time-skip mechanic I've seen for a long time. Relativity FTW.

Ah, no, that's not the case. The Space Monsters are definitely animals - it's just that the 'space monsters' that appear in Diebuster are human-made automated defense platforms which took on the appearence of actual Space Monsters, because they are such a formidable species. You can see the difference when the Titan Variable Gravity Well and Excelio Variable Gravity Well show up - they're totally different.

Yes, the 'space monsters' from Diebuster are automated defense platforms and they selected towards something similar to the 'space monsters' from Gunbuster because it happened to be the most effective method on record. But the actual original space monsters are also very much like the "mechanical" versions of the Diebuster 'space monsters'. And frankly the label "animal" is kinda inapproprate for a von neumann swarm like that.

The variable gravity well part is actually a function of the space monster's FTL drive/power source, which humanity lost the knowledge of.

[Wyrm]

Bio-Booster Armor Guyver takes the biowank cake. By last count, the biowank violates all three laws of thermodynamics, has telepathy and psychokinesis, butchers evolution and wears the remains as a hat, manipulates gravity and dimensions, conjures (fake) black holes with the former, has 'adapt to anything' bullshit (although limited), and violates the square-cubed law — the human-sized protagonist becomes Jet Jaguar. Oh, and the civilization responsible was founded on biowank, and while creating the raw material of their biowank Spoiler

humans

somehow neglected a tiny misfeature that enabled it to break free of their telepathic control — bioengineering competence and incompetence juxtaposed.

[avianmosquito]

I know they're not the worst, not by a longshot when you've got things out there like gunbusters and the yuuzhan vong, but aren't the spherelings (or whatever we're supposed to call them) from "Prey" pretty far up there as well? They won't make top 5, but they should at least make an honourable mention.

Think about it, we've got a species:
1. That has a massive bio-ship that warps gravity, moves at a multiple of the speed of light and creates spatial anomalies within itself;
2. Uses massive bio-warriors with double-barreled machineguns for arms;
3. Whose standard infantry weapon is a living gun that somehow shoots calcium, makes its own ammunition without being fed, with an eyestalk for a scope that somehow allows you to vary its zoom, highlights living creatures in a way that doesn't fit any known mechanism and probably makes smoothies as well, but for some reason does less damage than a lugwrench;
4. That for some reason needs to eat children because they apparently can't just feed themselves with some of the rediculous biowank they use to seed planets and eat children in the first place;
5. Whose basic soldiers, despite all this, are consistently outmatched by a human with a lugwrench, even if he just runs and jumps around in the open with a big neon sign screwed to his ass that says "shoot me;"
6. And finally, can't locate a group of human escapees on their own bioship, instead relying on the protagonist to lead them to these refugees.

[open_sketchbook]

The stuff in Prey is at least cybernetic to some degree, the living matter being meshed with mechanical portions. It's close on a 50/50 mix of genetically engineered biological and designed mechanical elements, and one can't say it isn't damn cool.

[avianmosquito]

The stuff in Prey is at least cybernetic to some degree, the living matter being meshed with mechanical portions. It's close on a 50/50 mix of genetically engineered biological and designed mechanical elements, and one can't say it isn't damn cool.

Cool? Not that I don't agree, but what does cool have to do with whether something is pheasable or not?

[Jeremy]

So do the Treeships count from Tenji Muyo?

[Korgeta]

So do the Treeships count from Tenji Muyo?

Where do you start? that they generate a defence that nullifies attack to zero? Empowering a mech to rip apart an entire fleet, pull ships out of hyperspace and turn them into black holes all because that mech was empowered by a 1st seed gen? Or that the lowst gen tree ship has a minimumn fire power to destroy a planet? Not bad for pieces of wood!

[Temujin]

What conceivable reason would there be for both sides in an eons long conflict to deliberately use inferior technology? There is absolutely no indication of such a sentiment; the intent of the writers was clearly that 'organic technology' was the pinnacle of what was possible in the setting (the ridiculously advanced 'third space' aliens also had organic looking ships). The best available rationalisation is that the elder races are using some kind of active nanotech materials, which look 'organic' when examined with the younger race's scanners (e.g. they have self-repair, fine-grained fluid and control networks reminiscent of blood/nerves, micro-scale modularisation similar to cell structure etc). They are 'alive' in an abstract sense but are actually engineered and use sophisticated metal/composite nanostructures rather than protein-based chemistry.

I remember that this was essentially my first thought when seeing so-called "organic" tech in B5; and that's essentially the view I continued to hold through the series. Sentient AI ship's computers, kind of like Rommie from Andromeda, with hyper advanced smart and nanotech materials enabling a certain degree of self repair and maintenance. The alternative is just too stupid. At least in Farscape (and Lexx as well) they identified a lot of true organic tech's limitations.

I'll also have to throw in a vote for the Gunbuster aliens, though organic wank (as well as nanowank) seems to be pretty rampant in anime compared to other scifi formats.

[DrStrangelove]

The Flood and Species 8472

[Zixinus]

Lexx, although I think that one may have been mentioned and it doesn't go too much biowank as some other examples here apparently do.

For one thing, aside destroying planets, Lexx isn't that great. Also, depending on which season you picked, the ship's downsides are sometimes showed: like how Lexx deals with the crew's waste and that he has to eat as well (and has to eat a lot).

[Temujin]

Lexx, although I think that one may have been mentioned and it doesn't go too much biowank as some other examples here apparently do.

For one thing, aside destroying planets, Lexx isn't that great. Also, depending on which season you picked, the ship's downsides are sometimes showed: like how Lexx deals with the crew's waste and that he has to eat as well (and has to eat a lot).

Unlike Farscape, which didn't even stoop to wanking with Talyn, Lexx vacillated between wank, Lexx can destroy a planet, and all sorts of limitations like Lexx constantly needed to eat only certain types of organic matter, and thus being weak and helpless if he couldn't.

[Siege]

The dyson sphere made out of trees and other assorted living matter from Dan Simmons' Endymion books comes to mind. It's not overly powerful (in fact it gets toasted by Pax ships pretty easily) but still... It's a dyson sphere. Made out of wood. Hokay...

[adam_grif]

The zerg swarm in Starcraft has got to be up there. Despite being completely fleshy, they are a huge interstellar threat to the humans and the hyperadvanced protoss. They have magical psychic leaders that are indestructible (in the sense that they will be reborn forever) unless you kill them with the DARK TEMPLAR ENERIESSSSS. Then there is the fact that they "evolve" new units and upgrades for their units in a way that is definately not really evolution. Their fleshy bodies are as resiliant as the shielded/heavily armored units of other factions. Their mutalisks use wings to fly through space, and are capable of attacking and destroying fighters and battlecruisers with ease. Spitting acid is a viable anti-air tactic for the zerg. They grow and develop units on the same timescales it takes to teleport units in from offworld locations.

[avianmosquito]

I know they're not the worst, not by a longshot when you've got things out there like gunbusters and the yuuzhan vong, but aren't the spherelings (or whatever we're supposed to call them) from "Prey" pretty far up there as well? They won't make top 5, but they should at least make an honourable mention.

Think about it, we've got a species:
1. That has a massive bio-ship that warps gravity, moves at a multiple of the speed of light and creates spatial anomalies within itself;
2. Uses massive bio-warriors with double-barreled machineguns for arms;
3. Whose standard infantry weapon is a living gun that somehow shoots calcium, makes its own ammunition without being fed, with an eyestalk for a scope that somehow allows you to vary its zoom, highlights living creatures in a way that doesn't fit any known mechanism and probably makes smoothies as well, but for some reason does less damage than a lugwrench;
4. That for some reason needs to eat children because they apparently can't just feed themselves with some of the rediculous biowank they use to seed planets and eat children in the first place;
5. Whose basic soldiers, despite all this, are consistently outmatched by a human with a lugwrench, even if he just runs and jumps around in the open with a big neon sign screwed to his ass that says "shoot me;"
6. And finally, can't locate a group of human escapees on their own bioship, instead relying on the protagonist to lead them to these refugees.

This post was made by Jacob Stinson during the period where he dominated my account, and I would like to note he is plagiarising me. In fact, he has never even played Prey. At most, he has read the plot overview on wikipedia.

Not sure wether this should mean "ignore it" or not.

[Serafina]

Oh, quit the "he took my jobs account"-story.

Wether it's true or not doesn't matter.
If you continue to to fling it around, you are either lying (if it is not true) or remembering us that you broke a rule (if it is).
So, my honest advice, wether this story is true or not:
Don't mention it anymore and just try to contribute valuable, non-retared posts. If you can do that, most people will stop caring about these stupid posts by your account.

[avianmosquito]

Oh, quit the "he took my jobs account"-story.

Wether it's true or not doesn't matter.
If you continue to to fling it around, you are either lying (if it is not true) or remembering us that you broke a rule (if it is).
So, my honest advice, wether this story is true or not:
Don't mention it anymore and just try to contribute valuable, non-retared posts. If you can do that, most people will stop caring about these stupid posts by your account.

Point taken. Now, if only I actually had the time to make a large number of such posts. Hell, I didn't even have to time to provide a <6 hours of research to back up my own claim.

[NecronLord]

The zerg swarm in Starcraft has got to be up there. Despite being completely fleshy, they are a huge interstellar threat to the humans and the hyperadvanced protoss. They have magical psychic leaders that are indestructible (in the sense that they will be reborn forever) unless you kill them with the DARK TEMPLAR ENERIESSSSS. Then there is the fact that they "evolve" new units and upgrades for their units in a way that is definately not really evolution. Their fleshy bodies are as resiliant as the shielded/heavily armored units of other factions. Their mutalisks use wings to fly through space, and are capable of attacking and destroying fighters and battlecruisers with ease. Spitting acid is a viable anti-air tactic for the zerg. They grow and develop units on the same timescales it takes to teleport units in from offworld locations.

Is it a solid sphere, or a sphere made of satellites? Because one could do that second one out of wooden satellites, if you could make one such item.

[Samuel]

I think you are quoting the wrong part of his post Necron Lord. You mean Siege talking about Endymion, correct?

I know they have people genetically engineered to live in space (Which the book tries to justify... really poorly), but I'm pretty sure it was a solid ring-like construct, not a dyson sphere.

[sirocco]

I think you are quoting the wrong part of his post Necron Lord. You mean Siege talking about Endymion, correct?

I know they have people genetically engineered to live in space (Which the book tries to justify... really poorly), but I'm pretty sure it was a solid ring-like construct, not a dyson sphere.

Well in Hyperion (the prequel?) you got the Yggdrasil :

From wikipedia, living trees (related to Dyson trees) that are propelled by ergs (spider-like solid-state alien being that emits force fields) through space. The ergs also generate the containment fields around the enormous tree that keep its atmosphere intact. There are only a small number of Treeships in existence - in Hyperion, the Consul remarks that the Yggdrasill is one of only five.

I think the ergs are just worse than the tree ships since they could still be used on regular non-organic ships.

And it seems to me that the ousters, the people genetically engineered to live in space, did it willingly just as a way to differentiate them from regular humans. It's more some kinf of a way of life and is done over many generations. But you have also some kind of physiolgical alteration that can transform someone into nearly anything he wants (Martin Silenus got transformed into a satyr then back into a human).

[Imperial528]

Which example of biowank in science fiction in your opinion really takes the cake, be it in implausibility, over-the-topness, etc? For me, I'd say it'd have to be the Tyranids, as cool as they are, or any similar bug race. Considering their inexplicably tight control over their biology and evolution...but are there any similar or even more egregious examples?

I would have to say that Species 8472 would be it. Because in ST, the only thing that apparently can't be assimilated by the Borg are gods (Q) and some weird bugs from some stupid fucking "fluidic space".

Oh and to the guy who said the Zerg were bad...

[rant]You do realize there are animals on Earth which have under skin cartilage plates that can stop a .22 round from a rifle? And really, a Zergling goes down in 4-6 shots, which isn't too bad considering the 'ling will probably be charging and you need to shoot through the plate on the head to hit the torso, or hope for a head shot (brain the size of a pea though). I'm sure you could easily kill a zergling with a combat knife if you got close enough. And of course flamethrowers work very well. As compared to their buildings, which are fleshy, have little armor at best, and go down very easily. As for the cerebrates, I would suspect that the Overmind simply grows a new cerebrate and transfers the mind of the slain cerebrate into the new body, as they are all psychically connected somehow, it could simply be that the dark templar's psi blades disrupt the connection as the cerebrate dies, I wouldn't be surprised if a cerebrate in-range of the psi disruptor would be permanently dead from conventional attack as well.

And your bitch about the "evolve" thing kind of doesn't apply, since it's just UI terminology. I mean, you can't really train a marine to use a powered exoskeleton in under sixty seconds, or construct a vehicle in under a few minutes, or completely research uranium shells AGAIN just because you're in a different battle now. And just because the mutalisk flaps its wings in space, doesn't mean its using them to travel. Not to mention the size of the mutalisk, which is probably the same size as a wraith fighter, so by simple mass it could last a bit.
And your point about the fast growth as compared to the teleportation is a bit null, since every instance of teleportation in SC has taken seconds at most, Zealots and other protoss units which are teleported in may take long simply because gateways/starports/etc aren't fixed teleporters, and it never says they teleport from the same place every time.
Also, the Protoss probably aren't so threatened by the Zerg as it seems, its simply that the Protoss HATE the Zerg for being the antithesis of what the Protoss are (Aiur was lost due to the Conclave's ignorance that the Zerg could possibly field enough forces to overwhelm it.)
And the UED only wanted to conquer the place. Really only the native Terrans had anything to fear, because they've been clusterfucked in many of their own wars alone, not to mention that Chau Sara, Mar Sara, and many other worlds don't exist anymore except as mining colonies.[/rant]

[hongi]

Their mutalisks use wings to fly through space

No, they don't. I remember reading a manual or something that says that the humans don't know how they can move in space, but they do. The wings are used in atmospheric flight as well, see cinematics.

And really, a Zergling goes down in 4-6 shots

From a gauss rifle. See the problem yet?