[joke] Diagnosing conditions

Drewcifer · Post by **Drewcifer** » 2003-02-19 05:13am

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?" "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick." "Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately." "You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?" "Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-02-19 06:42am

Q-What does a woman havein common with Kentucky Fried Chicken

A-Well, once you're done with the legs, breasts, and thighs you have a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q-What's green and yellow and eats nuts?

A-Syphillis

*Mrs Smith*

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor?s office to collect his wife?s test results.
Receptionist: ?I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your wife?s. Frankly, that?s either bad or terrible.?
Mr. Smith: ?What do you mean??
Receptionist: ?Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for Herpes. We can?t tell which is your wife.?
Mr. Smith: ?That's terrible! Can we take the test over??
Receptionist: ?Normally, yes. But you belong to an HMO, and they won?t pay for these expensive tests more than once.?
Mr. Smith: ?Well, what am I supposed to do now??
Receptionist: ?The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don?t sleep with her.?

*Autopsy School*

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class:
?There are two things you need to succeed in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.? Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse?s anus and licked it. ?Now you must do the same,? he told the class.
After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.
?Second,? the professor continued, ?You must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this corpse?s anus, but licked my index finger??

(Insert well known SDnet Member) walks out of the bathroom naked, and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, ?I have a headache.?

?Perfect.? her (Insert well known SDnet Member) said. ?I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with asprin. You can take it orally or as a suppository. It?s up to you!?

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-02-19 07:35pm

A man goes in to see a doctor after feeling sick for a few days. He lists his symptoms while the doctor examines him. The man asks: "So what is it doc?"

"TJS."

"TJS? I've never heard of it."

"Tom Jones Syndrome..."

"Is - is it common?"

"It not unusual."

*ba-dum-tch*

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-02-19 07:41pm

It's not unusual? I don't get it.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2003-02-19 07:44pm

A spanish and a portuguese are walking together on the beach. Suddendly, they see a lamp. The spanish quickly grabs it and rubs it until a Genie appear.

Genie: as a reward for releasing me, I'll grant each one a wish.

The spanish promptly says: I want a huge wall surrounding my Spain, so that we no longer have to endure the filth brought by portuguese, africans and french alike.

Genie: wish granted. And now for the second one.

Then, the portuguese asks: Oh grand genius, is the wall tall?
Genie: So tall that the highest mountain is nothing compared to it.

The Portuguese again asks: Oh, grand genius, is the mountain strong?
Genie: so strong that none of the strongest weapons made by men could even dent it.

Fill it with water, then

Alferd Packer · Post by **Alferd Packer** » 2003-02-19 07:47pm

weemadando wrote:A man goes in to see a doctor after feeling sick for a few days. He lists his symptoms while the doctor examines him. The man asks: "So what is it doc?"

"TJS."

"TJS? I've never heard of it."

"Tom Jones Syndrome..."

"Is - is it common?"

"It not unusual."

*ba-dum-tch*

ERROR: rimshot.wav not found.

Just kidding, that was pretty good. In a corny sort of way.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-02-19 07:50pm

'Genius'? I thought it was 'Genie' or 'Djini' or something.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2003-02-19 07:52pm

HemlockGrey wrote:'Genius'? I thought it was 'Genie' or 'Djini' or something.

Blah

SAMAS · Post by **SAMAS** » 2003-02-19 08:20pm

HemlockGrey wrote:It's not unusual? I don't get it.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how we tell if a person never saw "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air."

"It's not Unusual" is a Tom Jones song. The Fresh Prince crack is because of the fact that Carlton Banks, the show's resident Oreo, has a habit of dancing to that song.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-02-19 08:25pm

Hey! That's a great show! I just guess I never noticed it...