Making hideous aliens socially acceptable

[Solauren]

From a combination of my own mind, and the ideas in this thread:

I’m assuming I have a lot of intelligence on Earth. That would help with the timeframe. I'm also assuming I have access to Star Trek level (or higher) tech. Asguard (Star Gate) level tech would be better....

#1 – Make a big, public, showy display of arriving. I’m tempted to try tossing an asteroid at the planet and then deflecting it with time to spare, but the possible side effects of that, both long and short term, negate it.

Preferably, my arrival will be as something is coming down from space if at all possible. I’ll ‘escort’ it down.

#2 – Big Flashing lights on the ship, in the top 4 languages by regional use, and top 4 by population.
“Greetings, We come in Peace. Preparing to contact your leadership now. Please be Patient. First contact with you is important to us. Thank you for continuing to be patient. Yes, we have automated answering systems too.”

#3 – Transmit a cute, cuddle appearance of myself via hologram to the various world leaders, give them a speech in their language about peaceful co-existence, and that this is a ‘cute and cuddly’ version of my appearance. Explain that it’s for their comfort. This is what I actually look and sound like….

If Hologram is not available, pick a nice spot I could ‘land’. Hover over it, and have a count-down time of say, 5 days. That would give the local government time to secure the area, and for diplomats to arrive.

Public First Contact -
#4 – Reveal myself to the public, in my natural form. I tell them I am showing myself like this so they know I’m not trying to hide anything, and that from this point on, unless asked to do otherwise, I’ll be using my ‘cute and cuddly’ holographic disguise. Que cute and cuddly version.

#5 – I explain that my leadership wants to establish some sort of peaceful diplomatic relationship with humanity within the year if at all possible.

#6 – (I’m stealing this from something I saw in the News recently). I inform humanity that the worlds around them have (presumably) already solved many of the problems they face, at least scientifically. We are hoping to establish a relationship with humanity so your whole world can benefit from that.
Clean, Renewable Energy sources, such as economical Solar Power, Cold Fusion, non-toxic Thorium Nuclear Reactors, and others
Improved methods of recycling, which would let humanity clean up most of it’s waste sights
New materials science that would let them build lighter, strong, more fuel efficient vehicles, stronger and safer buildings, and longer-lasting consumer products
And most importantly, Medical Advances, that once studied and adapted by your spieces would improve the quality of life for everyone, and eliminate problems such as STDS, chemical dependency, hereditary diseases, obesity, miscarriages, and repair nearly all serious injuries.

Explain what we want in return – Earth to be good neighbours. “Share your art, history, and culture with us. Let us share cultures, so they we may both be enriched”

(/End of Public First Contact)

#7 – Copyright the appearance of my holographic avatar, and start cranking out toys and video games. Hopefully, I’ll already have been able to do this before #4. Give half the profits to schools and charities and the like, and use the rest as ‘cushion funds’. Maybe set up free hospitals in areas that need them. Serious cases will be beamed up to the ship for Sickbay to handle.

#8 – Set up some system for the Various world governments to contact me. Would anyone be willing to set us up with Satelite telephone numbers? Embassy grounds arn't needed at this time.

#9 – Hire the best PR firm there is.

#10 – Depending on the capabilities of my ship, start helping out with humanities problems, when asked (I’ll always offer to help). I’ll explain that “I’m being a good friend. I’ll help you do something, until you’re able to do it on your own. Like the friend that’s handy with tools that comes over to help you renovate your bathroom”

i.e: Big Oil spill? Beam it up!
i.e Natural Disasster? We’ll evac the area via teleportation immediately. How fast can you get them into Hotels, and how long until you’ll have relief forces ready to teleport over?

In short – Be ‘Mister Helpful’.

I hope the Big Giant Head sent me at least the equal of a Star trek Galaxy Class starship. (Preferably without the warp core problems caused by that Cheap Andorian union labor!)

#11 - Tell the Big Giant Head to send a mobile industrial ship, so I can start ‘uplifting’ humanity. Uplifting should be gradual over the course of several years, obviously, but still, the sooner, the better.
I'd want to start by giving them tech to convert modern vehicles to run on something besides gasoline + it's 'chemical relatives' (i.e Fossil Fuels). I'd follow that up with various recycling technologies. We can start cleaning up the environment together.

[Broomstick]

People can get used to a lot of things, given enough time and hand holding. Some humans, of course, will never get over their hangups, but assuming the alien race has some experience in dealing with other species they'll know that. I'd also expect, the human race being what it is, a lot of humans will find the aliens completely fascinating no matter how horrific.

On a short note - they will have the same experience as we have, since we will most likely just like strange/hideous to them as they do to us. So they'll have the exact same problem and hence understand the necessities that come from that.

I don't see why that follows - seems to be it would be just likely we'd look or smell tasty to them as look hideous or smell funny. I mean, I see cats as cuddly, my pet birds see them as horrific monsters. There's no reason that the aliens will see us as we see them.

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

People can get used to a lot of things, given enough time and hand holding. Some humans, of course, will never get over their hangups, but assuming the alien race has some experience in dealing with other species they'll know that. I'd also expect, the human race being what it is, a lot of humans will find the aliens completely fascinating no matter how horrific.

On a short note - they will have the same experience as we have, since we will most likely just like strange/hideous to them as they do to us. So they'll have the exact same problem and hence understand the necessities that come from that.

I don't see why that follows - seems to be it would be just likely we'd look or smell tasty to them as look hideous or smell funny. I mean, I see cats as cuddly, my pet birds see them as horrific monsters. There's no reason that the aliens will see us as we see them.

You share something like 80% of your genes with a cat, you're both mammals, and you occupy an overall superior position on the food chain to a cat.

Contrast this with the sapient ET in the OP, with whom you share no evolutionary history whatsoever. Not even as much evolutionary history as you'd share with, say, a field of corn. To this ET, one could suggest that humans are quite short, smell funny, have skin that's far too smooth, have disconcertingly tiny beady eyes, don't have enough limbs, and gracelessly stumble around like they're constantly about to fall on their ugly little faces.

[fgalkin2]

What do you do?

Resign.

It is impossible to achieve the mission objectives with less than a billion in total assets, no new technology, and just a year. Not enough carrot, not enough stick, and not enough time.

The ideas in this thread are good for not getting my successor shot on sight, but that's about it.

On that note, what is the purpose of this mission? Getting the Big Talking Head popularity points back home? He got caught giving a blowjob to an intern and now desperately needs to make first contact before the next election?

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

[bilateralrope]

Stick a large number of pictures and video of what you really look and sound like on a website, setup so that people can't avoid several warnings before they get to the pictures and video. If anyone asks why, give them a reasonable reason.

Then watch as various internet jerks copy the content so they can trick/force others into viewing it, thus acclimatising a large number of people.

[Packbat]

bilateralrope@05:23pm: ...that is frelling genius. And it works in parallel with the rest of the strategies, too, so the cost is minimal!

[fgalkin2]

Thus, we shall be known as the Tubgirl species and the Cosmic Rickroll. Yes, that's a foundation for lasting peace.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

[Rossum]

Other ideas:

1. Set up a smallish base on Mars or an asteroid or some other celestial body in the Sol system. Humanity has send probe and such out into the system but lacks the ability to send ships, establish bases, or fire missiles at the other planets. If things don't work out on Earth then at least you have a place to keep your stuff on Mars.

2. If you are opting to get refined metal from asteroids or whatnot then set up another base to fulfill that fuction. Or you can just collect samples of air, soil or whatnot from Mars.

3. Locate the Spirit mars rover and take pictures. If you think you can repair it then give it a shot (if you have an engineer on your team then let them take a look at it) at the very least brush off the dust on the solar panel. If you get the Spirit reactivated and it moves then you can treat NASA to the first few glimpses of you and your engineer standing around it with a toolbox and maybe holding up signs for the camera.

4. After that, contact the Earth. Send the usual greetings and maybe let them see a cute version of you, a brief glimpse of the real you, or stand there in full view while holding a puppet that you can use to talk to people. After that, mention that you set up a temporary base of operations on Mars and came across the probes they sent there.

5. While typical political operations are taking place, politely offer to help the scentists out. Maybe repair the Rover (with instructions provided by the humans) or pack it up so that you can return it to Earth and it can be put in a museum. Offer to collect samples of martian soil, asteroid chunks, or various other data of the planets in the solar system. This shouldn't violate any providing of technology the Big Giant Head put in place.

6. While working with the world leaders on things, have a philosophy/ethics major on your team discuss things with Earth scientists. It can be expected that alien cultures might have different views of morality in respect to their biology (A race that lays eggs instead of giving live birth might have different views about children, a race that is purely carnivorous or herbivorous might develop different views on animals and the environment than omnivors, etc.). Bring along some books about the various religions and cultures of the races who might be meeting the humans so they might know what to expect.

Of course, let them know that you're not trying to convert them to baby-eating or superhappyism or that all the aliens out there are monolithic dogmatic jokes... just prepare the way so that humans have an idea what they might run into. While you personally are a hideous monster who is nice and intelligent inside... you don't want the wolf-spider equivalent of a fundamentalist preacher showing up after your one-year prep time and alarming everyone with his declaration that humans are stupid because the smart don't eat the brains of the stupid or whatnot.

7. On that note, come up with a good name for your own race that is palatable to human ears. Its possible that your own sense of hearing/language doesn't match up right with humans so come up with a nice name that doesn't injure human throats and isn't secretly an insult in either your races language or a human one. You don't want the humans calling your
galaxy-spanning race "Prawns", "Baldrics", "Spideys", or "Baby Eaters" if you unintentionally do something in your first impression to start a meme.

8. Maybe have one of your team mates do a blog or review movies or something. Have him poke fun at movie plots that deal with alien invasions. He doesn't have to necessarily be good (maybe have a human working alongside him to ask for elaboration on stuff) he just has to let people familiarize themselves with your race. Bonus points is that he can do it from the ship (or Mars) and he just needs a communication link to send a video feed and his replies between planets (no risk of microbe contamination). Couple this the having a cute version of your race as an avatar, maybe he starts out with a cute version and his avatar slowly gets more realistic as people are more accepting of his 'celebrity' status.

9. Stay away from religious discussion. There's probably going to be stupid stuff going back and forth anyway, try to put it off until well after you fulfilled your mission.


Oh, if you are posting a bunch of pictures of yourself so that people spread it around, then make sure you put your races 'real' name on there so that people don't give it a wierd name like The Internet Monster, or Y2K Bug or the like. Sure, they might just meme up the new name but at least it sounds good.

Internet guy: Do de do... hey, this site says it's got 'free hot pirated porn' that sounds perfectly...

*Giant Scary Alien Spider*

Internet Guy: AAAHHHHH!!! Oh... oh... *heart starts beating again* I just got Toclafaned!


Other Internet Guy: Hey, the next episode of Gurren Lagan Abridged is up on youtube, I'll just click on it and...

*Giant Scary Alien Spider pops up with rickroll music playing in the background, the pictures cycle through with the music*

Other Internet Guy: AHH!! Oh man... I got Toclapfaned. Those things are never gonna give me up... but they make me cry and hurt me.

[Simon_Jester]

You share something like 80% of your genes with a cat, you're both mammals, and you occupy an overall superior position on the food chain to a cat.

Contrast this with the sapient ET in the OP, with whom you share no evolutionary history whatsoever. Not even as much evolutionary history as you'd share with, say, a field of corn. To this ET, one could suggest that humans are quite short, smell funny, have skin that's far too smooth, have disconcertingly tiny beady eyes, don't have enough limbs, and gracelessly stumble around like they're constantly about to fall on their ugly little faces.

It's possible, but it isn't necessary. What's really going to be the deciding factor may have to do with seemingly arbitrary and petty details.

I remember reading... I think it was A Deepness in the Sky by Vernor Vinge, where at the end of the novel humans make contact with an alien culture whose members look (as here) a lot like spiders. We're ugly to them, they're ugly to us... but they find the way we have to turn our heads to look at things adorable, because that's a characteristic trait of their own young who haven't developed the extra eyeballs they need for all-around vision yet.

In general, our ability to find the appearance of another organism bearable has little to do with how much DNA we share with it. I have quite a bit more DNA in common with a wolf spider than I do with a field of corn, but I'd rather be looking at the corn.

[Solauren]

I have quite a bit more DNA in common with a wolf spider than I do with a field of corn, but I'd rather be looking at the corn.

But Wolf Spiders are far more interesting.

[Molyneux]

You share something like 80% of your genes with a cat, you're both mammals, and you occupy an overall superior position on the food chain to a cat.

Contrast this with the sapient ET in the OP, with whom you share no evolutionary history whatsoever. Not even as much evolutionary history as you'd share with, say, a field of corn. To this ET, one could suggest that humans are quite short, smell funny, have skin that's far too smooth, have disconcertingly tiny beady eyes, don't have enough limbs, and gracelessly stumble around like they're constantly about to fall on their ugly little faces.

It's possible, but it isn't necessary. What's really going to be the deciding factor may have to do with seemingly arbitrary and petty details.

I remember reading... I think it was A Deepness in the Sky by Vernor Vinge, where at the end of the novel humans make contact with an alien culture whose members look (as here) a lot like spiders. We're ugly to them, they're ugly to us... but they find the way we have to turn our heads to look at things adorable, because that's a characteristic trait of their own young who haven't developed the extra eyeballs they need for all-around vision yet.

In general, our ability to find the appearance of another organism bearable has little to do with how much DNA we share with it. I have quite a bit more DNA in common with a wolf spider than I do with a field of corn, but I'd rather be looking at the corn.

Wolf spiders may not be all that attractive, but have you ever seen a close-up picture of a jumping spider? By some trick of development, most people I know find those things adorable.

[Swindle1984]

I can certainly tolerate jumping spiders much more than I can tolerate, say, orb weaver spiders. The fuzziness and "cute" faces contrast the bulbous "I'm fucking poisonous" appearance of other spiders.

[Tanasinn]

I'm not sure the fact that you look scary would offset human enthusiasm at finding out that not only are they not alone, but the other guys are benign, too. The theists will probably pitch a fit, but we could come down as a race of Space Jesus and they'd be throwing a temper-tantrum. Repeated reiteration that our intents are peaceful should keep us fine with the various governments, and their militaries can handle any pitchfork-wielding mobs with .50 BMG if it really comes to that.

Come in slow, visit ALL of the major world governments possible, and broadcast not only our imminent arrival, but that we're ugly motherfuckers in advance, and we can avoid surprising and setting anyone off when we touch down and step out.

[FrankManic]

Wear a baby-powder blue burka, communicate primarily in writing, and land at UC Berkeley.

[Zaune]

Personally, I'd avoid covering up as far as possible. A voice-modulator is fair enough, indeed probably necessary anyway if they want to communicate verbally without doing permanent damage to whatever they use instead of vocal cords, but insisting on wearing a mask so as not to scare people is just a bit patronising. Besides, the only people it would make a difference to are the sort who have an irrational fear/hatred of black people, never mind someone really weird-looking.

[Simon_Jester]

The problem with that is that you can't automatically make the jump from "fears things that look like a different kind of member of my own species" to "fears things that look like a rampaging tentacle-spider-hell-beast." Lots of people have instinctive revulsion reactions to various forms of animals, even among people who are nominally enlightened and free of prejudice.

[Zaune]

Well, yes. But we're still at least theoretically capable of overriding those instinctive reactions if we know intellectually that they're wrong.

[Oskuro]

I'd use the funds to create an entertainment franchise based around the idea of humans and our species working together. Like District 9, with ugly aliens being shown as sympathetic and the human lead having a buddy-cop relationship with them. Maybe even with the comments on racism.

[Galvatron]

Is it a violation of the conditions in the OP if I threaten humanity with swift and immediate destruction if they can't keep their instinctive fears in check long enough to tolerate the establishment of peaceful, diplomatic relations?

[RowanE]

Communicate with everybody using a hologram of an androgynous, friendly-looking human face. Ignore the issue of what we really look like completely, until someone brings it up. If the person I'm talking to asks what I really look like, say "You don't want to know". And if they press the issue, switch to a video feed of me, speaking in my own planet's language, with subtitles in english, until they either scream in terror, or tell me to switch back to the hologram.

[Nyrath]

I remember a short story with a similar premise, only they were snail aliens that were just disgusting, not horrifying. They went the route of pre-contact propaganda, with the help of earth governments who wanted good relations as well. Cuddly toys, cartoons with alien look-alikes as the heroes, and so on, then a big reveal at the end when they came into public view. They also came with various gifts, which is always a good way to start on the right foot with new neighbors.

If they looked like giant slugs, you are probably thinking about "Betelgeuse Bridge" by Willilam Tenn.