Care for a Kalashnikov- umbrella?!

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-02-23 12:16am

"Care for a Kalashnikov Umbrella?

By Nabi Abdullaev
Staff Writer Anyone who ever dreamed of owning a Kalashnikov will be able to pick one up at shops across Europe and the United States in a few months -- Kalashnikov umbrellas, knives and perhaps even sport utility vehicles, that is.

The family of the inventor of the world's most famous assault rifle, Mikhail Kalashnikov, has authorized German engineering company MMI to use the well-known Kalashnikov name on a variety of not-so-deadly goods.

MMI, which produces renowned Solingen knives, will give a company named after Kalashnikov and run by his grandson, Igor, a third of its profits in exchange for the rights to the name, said Kalashnikov's spokesman, Nikolai Shklyayev.

MMI has an annual turnover of 7 million euros (about $7 million), the German newspaper Die Welt reported.

In addition to slapping the Kalashnikov brandname on umbrellas and Solingen knives, MMI is considering putting it on a vodka cocktail, tennis rackets, aftershave and sport utility vehicles, Die Welt said.

Mikhail Kalashnikov and MMI officials could not be reached for comment.

Shklyayev said the deal was struck late last year. "It was solely an initiative of his family," he said by telephone. "Mikhail Timofeyevich himself feels no need to get money from foreigners. He makes enough without it."

He denied news reports that Kalashnikov had found himself in dire financial straits and been forced to sell the rights to his name, saying the 83-year-old gun designer owns a four-room apartment and has a $500 monthly pension.

Kalashnikov lives in Izhevsk in the Urals republic of Udmurtiya and continues to design guns at the local weapons plant that first produced his AK-47. About 100 million units of his AK-47 have been produced worldwide since he invented it in 1947. Although Kalashnikov received a patent for his gun only 50 years later, in 1997, he has received a number of state prizes and been elevated to the rank of general.

Shklyayev said the Kalashnikov company was set up by Kalashnikov's daughter and grandson and that Kalashnikov is only a small shareholder in the firm."

I love capitalism.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-02-23 12:19am

Ah, adventures in capitalism!

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2003-02-23 12:20am

Store owner - "Hi, we sell Kalashnikov--"

Tourist, while fleeing the store, - "TEEEERRRORIISSSTTTSS!!!!"

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-02-23 12:21am

I'd buy a Kalashnikov SUV. Who the fuck is going to argue with me about wasting gas? Especially once the gun racks are installed.

Raxmei · Post by **Raxmei** » 2003-02-23 12:55am

I believe the word you're looking for is: ahhhhhhh!

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-02-23 01:56am

Kalashnikov vodka. Damn, is that a fine idea.

Enlightenment · Post by **Enlightenment** » 2003-02-23 02:25am

I have a feeling the creation of a line of non-military Kalashnikov products is going to lead to many--shall we say--unfortunate scenes at western airports...

Headline: Traveler shot and killed reaching for umbrella.

"He was reaching for a Kalashnikov," said Private Dumbfuck, who was awarded the congressional medal of honor for his contribution to the war on terror.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-02-23 02:53am

Heh, my first reaction was "Damn, they're going to stuck guns on umbrellas now?!?"

ben · Post by **ben** » 2003-02-23 03:04am

Well if MMI builds them with the same quality of their other products i'll buy the Kalashnikov brand products.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-02-23 03:04am

Exonerate wrote:Heh, my first reaction was "Damn, they're going to stuck guns on umbrellas now?!?"

Actually, I think Maglite did that with their flashlights.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-02-23 03:56am

Exonerate wrote:Heh, my first reaction was "Damn, they're going to stuck guns on umbrellas now?!?"

I suddenly have this idea for an umbrella mounted on the heads of musket armed infantry to keep there powder dry while loading.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-02-23 06:05am

Sea Skimmer wrote:I'd buy a Kalashnikov SUV. Who the fuck is going to argue with me about wasting gas? Especially once the gun racks are installed.

Don't Russian cars have a bad reputation here in the West??

desertjedi · Post by **desertjedi** » 2003-02-23 06:24am

All I can think of now are some Kalashnikov golf clubs... *drool*

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-02-23 07:30am

I saw the Kalashnikov umberella and i had visions of the Penguines umberella from Batman.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-02-23 07:34am

neoolong wrote:Kalashnikov vodka. Damn, is that a fine idea.

<bad pun>yay, 4 shots of kalashnikov</bad pun>

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2003-02-23 07:49am

I to stand eager to buy any and all Kalashnikov brand products, as long as they maintain the same quality as the rest of their products it would lighten my heart to be carriny around my Kalashnikov brand Flash-Light with my minature Kalashnikov brand Umbrella with folding stock and driving around in my Kalashnikov power SUV-The only SUV to come in Camo by default

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-02-23 08:11am

Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Don't Russian cars have a bad reputation here in the West??

Bah! Capitalist propaganda against the car of the proletariat!

The Duchess of Zeon · Post by **The Duchess of Zeon** » 2003-02-23 09:28am

Vympel wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Don't Russian cars have a bad reputation here in the West??
Bah! Capitalist propaganda against the car of the proletariat!

You mean the Trabant, Comrade?

http://www.nickselby.com/books/sidebars/trabjoke.htm

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-02-23 10:25am

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:
Vympel wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Don't Russian cars have a bad reputation here in the West??
Bah! Capitalist propaganda against the car of the proletariat!
You mean the Trabant, Comrade?

http://www.nickselby.com/books/sidebars/trabjoke.htm

Lol. But that's East German.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-02-23 12:33pm

Mr Bean wrote:I to stand eager to buy any and all Kalashnikov brand products, as long as they maintain the same quality as the rest of their products it would lighten my heart to be carriny around my Kalashnikov brand Flash-Light with my minature Kalashnikov brand Umbrella with folding stock and driving around in my Kalashnikov power SUV-The only SUV to come in Camo by default

They you can say, that damn Kalashnikov, they've gotten so commercial. I remember when it used to be about the guns. What happened to the good old days.

Sebastin · Post by **Sebastin** » 2003-02-23 07:36pm

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:
Vympel wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Don't Russian cars have a bad reputation here in the West??
Bah! Capitalist propaganda against the car of the proletariat!
You mean the Trabant, Comrade?

http://www.nickselby.com/books/sidebars/trabjoke.htm

Don´t you diss the Trabbi!!!

Only we wessies are allowed to do so.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-02-23 07:43pm

Looks like crap.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-02-23 10:58pm

I could see Kalashnikov making toys for kids now...

"I brought a Kalashnikov to school!"
"Oh my god! Run, kids, run! He's armed and dangerous!"
"But teacher, it's only a toy car..."

I could also see them competing with Microsoft to rule the world as well now.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-02-23 11:00pm

Kalishnikov Adult Products.......

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-02-24 12:28am

IG-88E wrote:Kalishnikov Adult Products.......

"Cease fire! I can't take it anymore! I surrender! Ahh!"