Running the Earth after Evil Aliens conquer it.

[Rossum]

Weird Backstory:

Okay, you are a member of an alien race known as the Monstros who are not only resemble the bastart offspring of a flatworm and a grizzly bear, but also are a race of hermaphrodites who reproduce via penis fencing. Sex and violence are basically the same thing, you don't care what race or color someone is... its just a matter of them being stronger or weaker than you. Weaker ones get raped and are forced to bear the offspring of the strong while the strong rape the weak and spread their genes.

Understandably, this fluke of evolution reulted in a race with no concept of asthetics, that is inherently violent and near sociopaths (or at least domineering), and is surprisingly resistant to getting stabbed or injured. The fact that your race became a spacefaring power has shocked and horrified pretty much every other race out there (it hasn't surprised you at all, once the scientists set up a meritocracy where the smartest ones call the shots and rape their subordinates then the net intelligence just increased over the generations). Anyone who sees what you look like is thinks you are a scary animal and anyone who hears how your society works is scared out of their wits. Your race is currently either at war with or has a strained neutrality with other races who seem hell bend on denying that you exist.

However, thats totally fine because your race breeds like crazy and recently discovered hyperdrive (which you are keeping a secret from the other races). The game plan so far consists of building fleets of warships to defend against alien attacks while simultaniously using hyperdrive to spread to all corners of the galaxy and set up colonies.

You personally are a military ethics adviser who was put in charge of a mission to conquer (or otherwise control) the planet Earth. A small colony and spaceport has already been set up on Mars and there are operations in place to set up profitable mining operations on the asteroids and other celestial bodies.

Earth is pretty much like it is today but they've been observing your ships setting up stuff on Mars for about four months now. They've sent out signals and your experts have recently translated them (mostly they announce that Earth is inhabited and ask to establish first contact) it looks like most of Earths governments are keeping this as secret as they can and there haven't been any major riots or changes in religion that you can detect (the closest your own race came to religion are various mind-body exercises and a few polytheistic religions that said that the universe is controlled by powerful self-centered jerks... kind of like ancient politics at the time).

While the military guys advise just bombing the hell out of human military instalations and conquering the place by force (you know, so the humans don't invent something crazy to kill everyone, learn to hack their systems, and generally get this job over with), your job is to come up with a way to put Earth under total Monstros controll while still being as 'ethical' to the humans as possible. Also, your scientists are really REALLY interested in all the various species of life forms on Earth and human technologies and art and want access to everything down there as soon as possible before the humans destroy their ecosystem or collapse their civilization. They would rather take over the planet as nonviolently as possible to avoid damaging things they could study or exploit later.

Oh, and some of the tech guys examined the human internet and medical databases and got a list of the chemicals in the human body and terrestrial life. They synthesized a glob of mushy stuff they say has the same chemical composition as human flesh and its rather tasty.

Right now you can put ships in orbit and bomb surface targets at-will while using point-defence lasers to take out anything that humans might be able to throw at you. You don't have enough infantry or ground equipment for a full military take-over but could probably seize the US by bombing all its military installations and sending in heavily armored tanks, aircraft, and combat drones. Your techs haven't quite gotten good enough at the human language or computer systems to be able to hack into anything more secure than a commercial PC much less create any computer viruses that could shut down the internet (though disabling satellites in orbit would be a cinch), although they can pinpoint the origins of radio transmissions and signals. You can easily move about on Earths surface with just some lightweight breathing apparatus and airtight suits (haven't determined if Monstros are allergic to any of Earths native flora and fauna or its germs... the scientists are interested in studying that stuff under controlled conditions).

[Big Orange]

I wouldn't see humanity as an immediate threat and sending in a proper ship to directly contact them could cause mayhem amongst the humans by its very presence alone. I'd concentrate on the rest of the solar system where the more worthwhile resources for the Monstros Empire are, and just deploy a small scattering of sophisticated probes that are under the stewardship of powerful AIs that have been programmed by another alien race who are more placid than the Monstros species. They will stand guard over Earth and react accordingly to any situation that develops (they'll disguise themselves as bits of rock or space junk).

[Imperial528]

Warning: Wall of Text approaching.

Well, the first thing I would do is contact several individuals on the Earth who are the kind of scum I like and are in decently high positions and get them to side with me, and I aid them in getting into positions of power, piece by piece, until my human allies essentially run the whole Earth. Of course, I brush off the official requests for first contact until after my people are in power, by telling the humans "Dude, get your fucking rover off our fucking sand lawn!" and "You're the dumbest race yet: why do you expect we'll respond when you can't even make a child's warp coil?" I initiate first contact with nations controlled by my people and their multi-national political party, to use as a way to advance the progress of my other pawns. I instruct them on how to turn the place into a utopia of peace, with a win-win economy and manufacturing which is off the charts, along with aiding their scientific advancement over the years.

As soon as they reach the point of space faring, I make sure that the other peaceful races find out about them and send ambassadors to welcome them to the Galactic Republic/United Federation of Planets/Other fucking peaceful shit I don't give a fuck about until it serves me. I position my war fleets so that they are nearby, and I deploy one of my strongest to the system, making sure I arrive just as all the ambassadors do. I of course tell my human pawns of this, and make sure that they do not have the public fear the ambassador's ships, but that they do not initiate contact either.

I then proclaim, with earth-language subtitles, to the rest of the known universe that I will completely and entirely rape and cluster fuck this peaceful little planet unless my demands of the other races are met (expanded space, certain spatial anomaly claiming rights, expanded political maneuvering ability and political power, you know, the necessities). As I blast my transmission across every band, I use directed communications to secretly tell the human leaders to play along, doing the begging, pleading, showing how far Earth has come, the crying at the podium, footage of people praying, families crying, etc. And if the other races don't give in, I send some of my war fleets to a world with 20th century level civilization on it, tell the other races about this fledgling race's innocence and how much they could learn from us, and then my fleets turn the place into such a hell hole that I'd rather vacation on Mustafar, proclaiming that Earth will be next. Hopefully, at least the pacifist races will submit, and I stage a whole ceremony and go on and on about how this is a historic occasion and how their will be peace for centuries to come, and as part of the deal give Earth the technology to reach the level of every one else, and I give several of the other race's mining worlds to Earth. Meanwhile, I tell the leaders of Earth to act all thankful, and of course to clone what they did with Earth on the world's I've given them, including striping whole systems of resources (except for Earth, since I need for it to keep up the illusion of "peace capitol of the Universe") and I also throw in a nice resort for myself in the most desirable part of Earth's climate for my kind, complete with a buffet of any of the Earth's undesirables and political opponents to my pawns.

End result: Get manufacturing centers which will pump out warships for my fleet, get my species greater political power in the area, and even better, I now have something good on my resume so that I beat my opponent in the elections, so that I can rape him/her/it and then as soon as the children are born, promptly have him/her/it executed and/or prepared as food for the kiddies.

[Uncluttered]

To sum it up.
I use the earth as a source of cheap soldiers for occupation of other alien planets.

Phase I: Convert Earth to a resource.
I don't need to lie to them, I simply tell them their planet is overpopulated, and that we will be removing the excess population to other worlds. The worlds happen to be occupied, but "C'est la vie".
Those that resist will be made and example of.
Governments that comply, will be given some advanced technological trinkets.
To prevent an earth united against me, I give more to some, and less to others.

Allow the governments of the Earth to decide on who stays and who goes.
The governments will most likely pick dissonants in order to stay in power.

Phase II: War without end.
Using my new source of cheap labor and intellect, I proceed with my plans to conquer and rape the galaxy.
I design unique spacecraft and weapons for the humans, that cannot be traced back to me. Actually, they will be mostly designed by a small cadre of humans I've educated, but keep in quarantine. These scientist and engineering humans will be cutoff from the rest of society. Eventually, they will be replaced with loyal slaves I've raised from infancy.

Spacecraft and weapons will be made by humans. Human tools will be used where possible. The less traceable back to me, the better.
Safeguards will be installed on the craft to prevent them from being used against me. These safeguards can consist of many things, for instance, a suitcase of codes that must be entered into the computers on a regular basis to prevent self destruct. They can rebel, but they can't rebel for long.

If I have the technology for cranial bombs, I'll do that too. The human must get a coded signal every year, or their brain dies. This allows for extended campaigns, but prevents ferel colonies.

A small amount of humans in quarantine will be used as breeding stock for an eventual race of grunts. They will be indoctrinated to worship us, and be genetically modified to tougher, but more compliant. (ie. AoTc) Eventually, I use the new Homo-Stultus as my invasion force. I keep Homo-Sapiens confined to earth, and other manufacturing centers.

Every once in a while when Earthicans get all "uppity", I drop a rock on them.

[DudeGuyMan]

The plans so far all sound ludicrously overcomplicated. I'll just...

1) Destroy all major military bases from orbit
2) List my demands
3) Destroy one city per day until I get what I want

[IvanTih]

The plans so far all sound ludicrously overcomplicated. I'll just...

1) Destroy all major military bases from orbit
2) List my demands
3) Destroy one city per day until I get what I want

Or you just bombard some unihabited area to show your power.

[CDiehl]

Or you just bombard some unihabited area to show your power.

I think destroying an inhabited area would scare people more, which is the point. Destroying cities sends the message that you don't give a shit about these primitive screwheads, and can eradicate them at the first sign of defiance.

[Uncluttered]

The plans so far all sound ludicrously overcomplicated. I'll just...

1) Destroy all major military bases from orbit
2) List my demands
3) Destroy one city per day until I get what I want

Or you just bombard some unihabited area to show your power.

I think what you have there is an executive summary, the other posts are outlines.

[RowanE]

I'm not sure there'd be a military ethics advisor for this species, since they're inherently violent near-sociopaths, and if it did exist, the system of ethics would probably be completely different to human ethics, so I have no idea what it would recommend. My best guess would be, invading earth and literally raping all of humanity to death, rather than this rapeless (ethics for the monstros is probably going to be all about rape, by the sound of it) orbital bombardment BS.

[Rossum]

I'm not sure there'd be a military ethics advisor for this species, since they're inherently violent near-sociopaths, and if it did exist, the system of ethics would probably be completely different to human ethics, so I have no idea what it would recommend. My best guess would be, invading earth and literally raping all of humanity to death, rather than this rapeless (ethics for the monstros is probably going to be all about rape, by the sound of it) orbital bombardment BS.

Well, I'm not sure if I really mentioned this in the origional post but the Monstro may be pretty evil by the standards of other races but the ethics system makes sense for their own perspective (its not exactly fun but it makes sense) they also have an understanding of utility and the scientists want to preserve humanity or at least a good chunk of the ecosystem so they can study it. After all, there could be all sorts of technologies and biochemical systems on Earth that never evolved on their home planet.

Besides, if human meat really does taste good then they might try farming humans and selling them for delicacies at high-price restaurants or something.

And, as for why the military would have an ethics advisor... the Monstros know that their system of ethics is vastly different (and rather incompatable) with those of most other races. If they want to fight other races or enslave them or rape them then they want to know how their enemy thinks. They might come across a race of total pacifists who never fight back... until they activate a WMD that destroys their planet and everything in a five parsec radius. Just because the Monstros are near sociopaths doesn't mean that they can't act intelligently.

Besides, they have pissed off quite a few other alien races each with their own ethics and level of technological development. If they make too many enemies then its only a matter of time before they run across some that are powerful enough to actually commit genocide on them. Even if acting nice to other people is a completely alien concept to them, the Monstros know that its a good idea to at least know enough about 'niceness' to act nice enough to not tick people off unnecessarily.

Finally, their tendancy to rape people is due to the fact that they biologically have to do that to procreate. Their 'genetalia' are basically big spikes they jam into eachother and for the first few million years of their existance their responce to attacking wild animals was 'rape it till it dies' and their respince to potential mates was 'rape it till it gets pregnant'. Alien races however get totally pissed off when they try raping them and start firing bullets. Raping aliens doesn't result in pregnancy and just winds up getting people killed... so... the high command of the Monstro Empire are starting to figure that while rape might be the best answer to many problems then its not always the best one.

Hense, get an Ethics Advisor to figure out a way to conquer other races without making every other race in the galaxy think you are a bunch of Nazis and gang up on you.

[Solauren]

What's my technology base, beyond FTL and Space Flight?

Are we talking Star Trek stuff? Or the rest is "Hard-Science"-Fiction?

With Cloaking/transporter/brainwashing tech, I could take over the world without anyone even realising what was going on.

Stage 1 - Make earth think I'm nice and friendly (i.e I don't want to Rape them)
1- Agree we can start trying to figure out how to set up diplomatic relations. Then drag out the radio communications for as long as possible. Cite stuff like 'Government Review' and 'Interstellar Communication lag time' before we proceed onto each step.


Brainwashing Note: I'm assuming something that can be remotely activated/programmed and that human medical tech wouldn't notice. Organic circuitry would be best. Failing that, some kind of 'smart chip', or something like a remote-control Gou'ald Symbiot.

The testing of brainwashing will be a sex-dominance act.

Stage 2 - Convert Take Over
1 - Park a cloaked ship in orbit.
2 - Start beaming up homeless people during the night, and brainwashing them. They are going to serve as intelligence agents. If need be, Detox them as well. Also, I'm sure there will be some experimentation.
3 - Brainwashed-Agents are to begin gathering information for us. Specifically, the living and working addresses, and photographs, of 'the Powers that Be' outside of the government.
4 - Beam up and brainwash government officals as they sleep. And their familes. They will also get me the information I want on 'the powers that be'
5- Using Google maps and the 'Address' information, beam up and brainwash the powers that be - i.e Powerful Lobbist, Rich people, owners of corporations, etc.
6 - Also brainwash stuff like military bases, police forces, etc.

The net result of this to date - I'll 'behind the scence' control all the governments of the world (at least, the major ones), as well as the major corporations, military, law enforcement, etc.

7 - Add more brainwashing infrastructure as quickly as I can. Either Earth-based facilities, or Orbital. I don't care on the ratio, as long as I brainwash the planet.

8 - Stop the Environmental damaging practices as I can. If this means closing a factory, brainwash the employees to 'shut up and take it'. Possible also to join the national military.

9 - As I take over something, all their knowledge is to be handed over to me. Everything. I want to be able to go back to my home planet, hand the specs over to my engineers, and build the first 'Evil Alien Xbox 360' in 2 weeks, and have it be able to play a game that is released a week after it's been built.

10 - Eventually, everyone on the planet will work for me, and I'll have all their knowledge, and will have stopped the Environmental damage.

At that point, Humanity is someone elses to worry about in detail. I'll just take a few thousand as pets/slaves/breeding stock for snacks.