"Tiger Mothers"

[PainRack]

Sorry to interject here but has anyone posting in this thread read the book? I"m midway through it and I have to say it seems less than congratulatory to the "Tiger Moms" way of doing things and more a commentary on the efforts taken by this specific woman in raising her kids.

Yay! Mind posting some extracts?

It would be nice to actually see what she's writing about instead of the media blurbs.

[Maj]

LOLWUT? Obviously there are lots of happy families who all get on fine as the kids grow into adulthood, mine is one of them. It is not impossibly hard, you just need everyone to put some effort into not being jerks.

No doubt. On my mom's side (traditional Italian upbringing with the "live at home until you succeed, but don't expect to do anything other than work towards it" mom), we love family get-togethers. Thanksgiving and Christmas aren't dreaded obligations, they're don't-miss-it-social events where we have a great time and everyone fights to give each other presents.

On my dad's side (stereotypical "kick them out when they turn 18 and let them figure it out on their own" parental figure - I didn't grow up with him), though, everyone gets plastered before family gatherings because the stress of talking to one another is too horrible to face. My dad seriously paid for his entire family - wife, kids, grandkids - to go on a week-long cruise and only requested that we see each other for one meal a day. That was apparently asking too much for some of the family.

Going from one side to the other is culture shock.

[Broomstick]

Question - not "tiger mom" specifically, but how do these highly-driven make-childhood-a-career parents deal with a kid with a genuine learning disability?

[aerius]

The only case I know of is one of our family friends who had a child with Down Syndrome. In that case there was nothing they could do but accept the fact that their child was the way he is and just do what they can to make his life manageable. And that's what they did.

I don't know of any other family friends with learning disabled kids so I'm kinda curious myself as to what they'd do. I'll have to ask my parents to see if they know of any such cases.

[Sela]

A relative of mine is in such a family. . . successful, pushed hard, and very intelligent. But due primarily to social issues and pressure he had something of a mental breakdown during the first year of his postgrad studies.

The family's response was totally unexpected (given their style of raising him) and admirable. Rather than yell at him or push him harder, they bucked the social taboo, took him to see a psych-doctor, and basically brought him to live at home. His father in particular went from detached to nurturing and protective. Over a couple years this relative of mine has improved dramatically in his condition.

I don't know of too many cases - but just as the author of "Tiger Mothers" explains - there's deep love in that style of family too. I've lost track of how many times my own parents remind me that if I *couldn't* do it, they wouldn't be upset. . . but to not make the effort, to not live up to my God-given talents. . . that was inacceptable. Sad as it would be, I'm totally confident that if I'd been born mentally handicapped, they'd have nurtured me within those limits and pushed me to the limit of what I could achieve with that handicapped mind. They'd effectively have said, "Sure, you're handicapped, now don't let that be an excuse to be stupid/an under-achiever also!" .