Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[PeZook]

Attention! Attention!

Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises henceforth announces they are looking to fill the following positions with inexpensive candidates. Competence and qualifications are welcome, but low financial expectations are a must.

Vacant positions listed below:

1. Director of finance and strategic planning
2. Director of sales
3. Command pilot
4. Co-pilot
5. Loadmaster
6. Janitor

Company information:

Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprise is a cutting-edge trend-setting startup competing in the cutting edge hi-technology hi-growth markets. Comitted to innovation and the spirit of the free market, our mission is to seek ways to make the world a better place.

We are currently based in Huntsville, Alabama, in a modern one-story office block in the von Braun Aerospace Business Center.

Prospective applicants should send their CV and motivational letter to the following address:

Unit 213
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

Or post them below this message.

We are looking forward to working with you for a better future!

Fixed this to more represent ROCKET CITY USA -- Shep

[MKSheppard]

This is R'iann Shapp applying for the position of Loadmaster. My friend Mr L would like to apply for the position of Janitor.

What's that John? You want to be co-pilot?

Dream the fuck on.

I don't care how many graphs you've colored in with crayons; nobody's going to put a feeleepini in space.

[Shroom Man 777]

man I wish I was uniquely qualified to be a loadmaster leik you Ri

by having the ability to be totally unaffected by the engine noise!

[PeZook]

I would like to remind all candidates that the personal director requires motivational letters to be attached to the CV.

Women are required to submit a bathing suit picture as well due to technical reasons.

[MKSheppard]

My motivation? I want to be the first man on the moon to piss directly onto the surface!

*drink cheap rotgut beer*

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

cheat sheet, lol

[Ilya Muromets]

01101001 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110011 01101001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101111 01110100 01101001 01100011 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01100101
Spoiler

i would like to apply for the position of robotic probe

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

'nother cheat sheet for a different science test

[PeZook]

January 1st 2025

HUNTSVILLE ROCKETRIES

ALTEA AEROSPACE GOES OUT OF BUSINESS

In the most shocking piece of news today, the private R&D company Altea Aerospace had announced they filed for bankrupcy protection after a loss, in unspecified circumstances, of their revolutionary Single Stage To Orbit (SSTO) space vehicle, which was slated to undergo first test flights in March.

While the company spokesman has refused to release details of the incident, intrepid HUNTSVILLE ROCKETRIES reporters have found that federal investigation is ongoing into activities of several high-ranking Altea executives just prior to the vehicle loss.

The SSTO aerospacecraft, tenatively named the "XR-2" was supposed to revolutionize the world of rocketry, allowing for cheap and reuseable transport of passengers and cargo to low earth orbit and, with refuelling, all the way to lunar bases in Brighton Beach and the Armstrong Crater. It was only made possible by quantum leaps in materials science made within the last decade, and Altea had managed to secure billions in private and Federal funding to realize the project.

We will inform our readers of any new developments concerning this story.

-----------------------------------------




Offices of Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises
Unit 213
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

"Brother!"

"Brother! Come here, give me a hug!"

*CHRISTIAN SIDE HUG*

"So, what do you have for me? Are we ready to sail into open waters?"

"Damn straight we are! Check this out, we've had lots of applications since yesterday!"

"Excellent! We need to fill these positions quickly and get the balls rolling...show me those applications, bro!"

*beer belch* "Here you go..."

*loaded pause*

"You said there were lots of them."

"There are!"

"I see three. And one of them's in crayon."

"Oh, yeah, that one, it's that Filipino guy. He's cheap! Look!"

"He's also an illegal"

"So?"

"So we can get in trouble for hiring him!"

"Oh come on, nobody will ever know!"

"HE WROTE HIS APPLICATION IN CRAYON"

"Don't yell at me!"

"Then stop being a retard!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you, too!"

*pause*

"I'm sorry, brother."

"I'm sorry too...come 'ere!"

*POWER HUG*

"Okay, we'll think about this 'Mr. L'. Now on to the second one...hey, this Shapp guy seems like our kind! Look here, we wants to piss on the Moon!"

"Awesome!"

"Hell yeah he's awesome! HIRED! On to the last...what the hell?"

*another pause, ruffling paper*

"What's with the ones and zeroes?"

"I don't know. Oh, look, there's a translation."

"Where?"

"Here, flip it over...fold like so...voila!"

"Robotic probe? Do we even have a vacancy like that?"

"Oh, who cares?! He's a robot! We must have a robot!"

"Oh, I suppose...okay, he's hired too."

"And what about that guy?"

"I have no idea he's just been sending us some government papers from th 1960s...full of graphs."

"Okay, whatever, just ignore him and he'll go away. Let me stamp those applications as approved...move to the outbox...there,all done!"

"Great! I'll just type out some replies and..."

"Oh, you should go to a public library. We don't have a computer yet, remember?"

"Ah, right...okay then, bro, see you later!"

*POWER HUG*

----------------------------------

To: R'Iann Shapp
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

Dear Sir/Madam/Other

Seasons greetings! I am barrister Envoy Lee Jones from Nigeria, Africa. I like inform you I have at mi dysposel a sum of 1 200 000 (one million two hundred thousand dollar only) belonging to a late customer of mine, mr...

To: R'Iann Shapp
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

Dead sir!

We are pleased to inform you that your application has been APPROVED.

We are looking forward to seeing you in Huntsville for your employee orientation and training session in 7 day's time.

Together we shall build a better future!

To: Mr. L
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

You're hired. Meet us at the MASTER BLASTER gay bar in Huntsville in a week. I will be wearing a policeman's cap for identification.

Make sure to bring your own mop.

To: ????
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

1110102020100100101020001010101010101021
Spoiler

It will be awesome to have robot at our *intelligible*. You're hired!

[Zixinus]

I want to be a co-pilot! I haven't crashed into the moon in Orbiter twice now. I even landed once!

If failing that, can I manage sales? I can spin bullshit just fine! Just fine!

[Eternal_Freedom]

I'll be pilot. I want to fly and I want to go into space. i've flown X-Wings, how's that for experience?

[PeZook]

January 2nd 2025



Offices of Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises
Unit 213
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

*doors crash open*

"Bro!"

*sounds of someone falling*

"Jesus bro don't startle me like that I was..."

"Oh crap man sorry..."

"I was researching the markets!"

"I'm really sorry, bro. Could you pull up your boxers? And the pants, too?"

*pause*

"Okay. So what's this about?"

"Check this out! Two more applications!"

"Oh come on...just two?"

"Dude, they're awesome! Look at that guy!"

*ruffling papers*

"Zixinus? What the fuck kinda name is that?"

"No fucking idea. He must be a foreigner."

"Fucking foreigners!"

"But check this out - he landed on the Moon once!"

"No way! Holy shit, he's just what we need! A veteran! DAMN!"

"And look at this one!"

*more shuffling paper*

"Oh fuck me he flew x-wings! I can't believe how lucky we are!"

"Word!"

"Come 'ere, you!"

*POWER HUG*

"Fuck man go back to the library and email the shit out of them before some fucking NASA yokels snatch those two!"

"On it, bro!"

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you, bro! This is going to work out brilliantly!"

"It sure will!"

*POWER HUG*

"GO!"

---------------------------------

To: Eternal_Freedom
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

Dead sir!

We are pleased to inform you that your application has been APPROVED.

We are looking forward to seeing you in Huntsville for your employee orientation and training session in 6 day's time.

Together we shall build a better future!

P.S.

You have an awesome name and we are glad to have a real PURE BLOODED AMERICAN PATRIOT on the team!

To: Zixinus
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

Dead sir!

We are pleased to inform you that your application has been APPROVED,despite your foreign-sounding initials.

We are looking forward to seeing you in Huntsville for your employee orientation and training session in 6 day's time.

Together we shall build a better future!

[Phantasee]

I'll be your director of finance. I'm in the top five of my financial management and international finance classes. Also: accounting student.

-Sincerely,

Phant

[Eternal_Freedom]

Sweet. I'll be there ASAP. A question though. What will I actually be flying?

[PeZook]

To: Eternal_Freedom
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

I'm not sure dude it's some airplane thing.

They say it's pretty radical, though, it's supposed to go into space and shit. I'm sure a HOTSHOT AMERICAN PATRIOT like you will get a handle of it in no time!

To: Phant
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

Dead sir!

We are pleased to inform you that your application has been APPROVED.

You are cordially invited to our employee training and orientation session in Huntsville in six days. We are sure your time at Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises will be one of learning, growth and self-discovery as we make the world a better place!

[Scottish Ninja]

I would like to submit my application for the position of Janitor. I have particular expertise in taking out wastebaskets full of trashed design documents and intensively mopping just outside closed doors behind which sensitive material is being discussed.

Thank you for your prompt attention,

Ivan Ivanov

[Eternal_Freedom]

To: Eternal_Freedom
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

I'm not sure dude it's some airplane thing.

They say it's pretty radical, though, it's supposed to go into space and shit. I'm sure a HOTSHOT AMERICAN PATRIOT like you will get a handle of it in no time!

Fuckin' A, flight-testing a mysterious spacecraft. Is there a simulator or are we doing an all-up test?

[PeZook]

To: Eternal_Freedom
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

Everything will be explained at the orientation session.

--------------------------------
January 3rd 2025



MASTER BLASTER bar
2120 Church Street
Huntsville, AL

"Duuuuuude..."

*puff of smoke*

"Oh bro this is great stuff...urrrp..."

"I see butterflies! Woo!!!"

*puff of smoke, beer belch*

"Ahahahahahahahaha"

"Man...shouldn't we be working?"

"Man we deserve a break! We worked so hard this week!"

*puff of smoke*

"Yeeeeaaah...man, I wrote SO MANY emails! Like five or six..."

"Right, man...a day off! Hehehehe...hey, remember that guy...Ivo...Ive...Ivanov?"

"Oh yeah hehe dumb prick thought he could trick us! Steal our secrets! What does he think, that we're stupid?"

"Oh no we're not! He'll be really pissed when he doesn't get an answer!"

"Hell yeah! Are we awesome at it or what?"

"Damn straight we are!"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"Oh man you're so hot..."

"You too man oh God I'm so wasted..."

*beer belch*

*sounds of drunk people making out*

*blackout*

-------------------------

January 4th 2025

To: Ivan Ivanov
From: Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises (hotstud1123@hotmail.com)

Hey man I ws supposed to do sumething wif you applaicatiun but cant remember lol anyways i guess ur a cool dood drop by on the 8th u can be a janitor cool kkk XOXOXOXOX

[PeZook]

January 8th 2025
Wednesday

HUNTSVILLE ROCKETRIES

In a press conference today, NASA's chief Jason Bourne, appointed by our beloved President For Life Schwarzenegger, announced the International Space Station will remain in orbit for the next five years.

The ISS, considered the world's most expensive space project ever undertaken (topping even the initial construction of Armstrong Base), had been slated for deorbiting several times in the last two decades ; However, NASA considers it role as an orbital fuel depot for Lunar flights to be too important at this moment, and the agency's limited budget prevents the initiation of any projects to replace the aging facility.

NASA had announced a bid for twelve supply flights for the ISS, seeking private contractors to perform a "cheap, efficient and professional service" where the bloated, elitist and socialist government agency cannot.

Conference Room
Unit 215
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

ROUND 1

YOU ARE NOW: Group of prospective Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises employees.

You are in a CONFERENCE ROOM. The conference room is EMPTY. There is one DOOR.

It is VERY LATE.

Your POTENTIAL EMPLOYERS have not appeared yet.

There is a FILIPINO JANITOR in the ROOM with you.

What do you do?

[Ilya Muromets]

What do you do?

*downloads music torrents wirelessly off the net, activates the built-in MP3 player, and begins to play music of mismatched genres*

[Phantasee]

Hit on the janitor.

[Shroom Man 777]

hey there tall dark and hideous

[Zixinus]

*Gently sings Hungarian dance rhythm*

* The paint starts to peel.*

* Casually offers high-alcohol content drink from suit hip flask, to other potential employees. Even the janitor. *
If someone accepts, I say: "Cheers. Hungarian pálinka. You should be able to see after a few seconds."

For reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwfrT3bJweg

[Eternal_Freedom]

Accepts strong drink from Zixinus, drink a toast to President Schwarzenegger, asks if anyone knows whats going on and wtf is the Janitor doing here, asks when we're gonna DO something, then sits down and pulls out the ISS Haynes manual to read up on the potential job.

[Scottish Ninja]

Accept offer of pálinka. Offer cheap Russian vodka in return.

Answer my cell phone in heavy Russian accent.