Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Scottish Ninja]

Answer CELL PHONE CALL from ETERNAL FREEDOM.

SAY: "Whatever Iosef and Pyotr can come up with. I wasn't too picky."

OWN BARACK OBAMA PRIVATE SPACEFLIGHT COMPLEX in CREEPY RUSSIAN FASHION.

SAY: "We can get whatever onto this airfield for now. But you'd better hurry up and get here."

Drink CHEAP RUSSIAN VODKA while waiting.

(EDIT: updated to reflect actual name of location)

[MKSheppard]

REVEAL STORY under DURESS.

TELL UNSMILING FEDERAL AGENTS how I found out that I was being suckered into a FRAUDULENT SCHEME by a bunch of BOZOS who were going to take people for SUCKERS.

{insert long explanation of pounds per square foot and how if you want to load a main battle tank onto a C-5 galaxy, you must make sure that at no point does the load exceed the C-5 cargo floor's pounds per square foot rating. Also explain mass distribution and how off-center loads do bad things to aircraft center of gravity and thus flight characteristics}

MENTION that I have no idea what EXPLODED. EXPLAIN that I woke up in the Hospital CHAINED TO BED, then WENT TO SLEEP and WOKE UP IN BACK OF TRUCK.

ASK for SOMETHING WARMER THAN HOSPITAL GOWN.

[Ilya Muromets]

*regenerates completely*

*emerges DRAMATICALLY and MENACINGLY from the rubble and begins to track the scent of ZIXINUS and ETERNAL-FREEDOM*

[Zixinus]

Use tablet to
- read HUNTSVILLE ROCKETRIES issue
- see whether I can order online, having my credit card memorized. If I can, I arrange a gift to be brought to the hangar for the PLAYBOY for his kindness. As well as to arrange a list of items that may be useful for out flight.

Talk to ETERNAL FREEDOM. Admit that BOMBING the PALACE OF SAINT ORBAN THE THIRD is tempting but it might cause more problems than it's worth. For one, doing so is a war crime and it will guarantee that it will cause everyone to try and BLAST US OUT OF THE SKY. Plus, the bombs may not be drop-able from orbit.

But it does raise the question of what to do with the SPACEPLANE. We COULD go to EUROPE.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY begins to have DOUBTS about acting as CHAUFFEUR for ASPIRING BOND VILLAINS and FUGITIVES even if they are POLITE.

Tries to derail PLOT OF MASS DESTRUCTION with offer of COCAINE.

[Shroom Man 777]

TAKE my UNCOMFORTABLE GOWN OFF

[Eternal_Freedom]

REASSURE SUAVE PLAYBOY that COCAINE is NOT NECESSARY. EXPLAIN that the PLOTS OF DESTRUCTION are the result of getting ROYALLY SCREWED OVER on a JOB APPLICATION. EXTEND OFFER to SUAVE PLAYBOY to JOIN our SPACEPLANE CREW and hence AVOID the plotted DESTRUCTION.

TALK with ZIXINUS and say it MIGHt be a GOOD IDEA to EXTRACT R'IANN SHEP from the UNSMILING FEDERAL AGENT'S GRASP, as he MIGHT SPILL THE BEANS.

NOTICE what the FILLIPINO JANITOR has DONE, SCREAM LOUDLY and tell him to PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

[Shroom Man 777]

THROW the UNCOMFORTABLE GOWN at ETERNAL FREEDOM's FACE

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY considers risks and accepts ETERNAL FREEDOM's offer to GET HIGH IN SPACE!

[Scottish Ninja]

CALL Eternal_Freedom. CRYPTICALLY SUGGEST a DETOUR to a HOLLOW TREE which may contain ITEMS of "potentially some small use" on the way to the SHERIFF'S OFFICE. Spoiler

I don't even know what a Spetsnaz is, honest

[PeZook]

January 20th 2025
Monday

ROUND 5



Mobile County Sherrif's Office
510 South Royal Street
Mobile, AL

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP.

You are in a COMFORTABLY ENHANCED INTERROGATION ROOM. It is VERY COMFORTABLE. There is CHAMPAGNE and some COOKIES. There is a COUCH. There is a HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT. There HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT is SITTING across the TABLE from YOU. He seems ANGRY. He does not BELIEVE your STORY.

There are SOUNDS of a BEATING coming from the NEXT ROOM.

HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT Say: That's your story? Really?

RI'ANN SHAPP NODS and REQUESTS some NEW CLOTHES.

HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT SLAMS his FIST on the TABLE.

HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT Says: Don't play with me, motherfucker! What cell are you a part of? Where did you take the prototype? Who smuggled your operatives into the country?! Tell the truth, fucker, or we'll talk differently!

RI'ANN SHAPP SWEARS on his MOTHER'S LIFE that he DOESN'T KNOW. The HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT RISES from his CHAIR.

HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT Says: All right, you goddamned piece of trash! Let's talk differently!

HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT goes to the DOOR and CALLS in the GUARD.

HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT Says: We don't need the cookies anymore.

The GUARD CACKLES and TAKES the COOKIES away. HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT SITS DOWN and SMILES DRYLY.

HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENT Says: Are you going to talk or not? Or should it get even uglier?

What do you do? _

***

HUNTSVILLE ROCKETRIES

Altea case reaches district court

Federal authorities announced today that Altea Aerospace executives arrested in the Altea Bankrupcy case will face the court under previously declared charges. According to leaked details, the executives were responsible for appropriating the only prototype of Altea's new revolutionary spacecraft, the XR-2 Ravenstar to cover gambling debts.

Defence analysts consulted by Huntsville Rocketries claim the spacecraft represents a quantum leap ahead in aerospace technology, and could be used to threaten the security of the United States if it fell in the wrong hands, making it likely high levels of the federal government will get involved in the case.

Huntsville terror attack linked to Altea Bankrupcy Case

The bomb attack that left the Von Braun Aerospace Business Centre in ruins is possibly linked to the Altea Bankrupcy Case. As had been recently stated by Federal authorities, it had been established during investigation that the company lost their SSTO spacecraft prototype to unknown parties due to larceny perpetrated by two of Altea's highest executives.

It is possible that the bombing of the VBABC had been performed the hide the paper trail that could lead investigators to the current illicit owners of the spaceplane.

Barack Obama Private Spaceflight Complex
Merrit Island, FL

You are now: FILIPINO JANITOR, ZIXINUS, PHANT, ETERNAL FREEDOM and SUAVE PLAYBOY.

You are in a CONVERTIBLE with the SUAVE PLAYBOY. It is LATE EVENING. The WEATHER is VERY HUMID. It is VERY CROWDED inside the CAR.

You are ALMOST THERE. The ROAD was VERY TEDIOUS. ZIXINUS used the TIME to order some EXPENSIVE CIGARS for the SUAVE PLAYBOY. He also made GRAND PLANS for WORLD DOMINATION with ETERNAL FREEDOM. The FILIPINO JANITOR got NEKKID despite ETERNAL FREEDOM'S DESPERATE URGINGS to do OTHERWISE. He also SLAPPED ETERNAL FREEDOM with his SWEATY HOSPITAL GOWN. PHANT seems to have SLEPT through the TRIP. Or possibly DIED of ASPHYXIATION inside the TRUNK. SUAVE PLAYBOY has AGREED to the PROPOSAL made by ZIXINUS and ETERNAL FREEDOM. Possibly against his BETTER JUDGEMENT.

You have ARRIVED at the BARACK OBAMA PRIVATE SPACEFLIGHT COMPLEX. The COMPLEX is ALMOST DESERTED. There are VERY FEW PEOPLE around. It is VERY SUSPICIOUS.

You DRIVE UP to a SECURITY GATE. The SECURITY MAN waves you THROUGH despite the FILIPINO JANITOR FLIPPING him THE BIRD. LITERALLY. The SECURITY OFFICER seems TERRIFIED of SOMETHING. Possibly the FILIPINO JANITOR. You all are.

You DRIVE UP to HANGAR NO.8 where FLOYD LLOYD said the SPACE AIRPLANE THING had been PARKED. There is NOBODY around. You PILE OUT of the CONVERTIBLE. It is VERY PLEASANT.

You NOTICE a FAINT SMELL of CHEAP RUSSIAN VODKA. There is a TRUCK full of WOODEN CRATES parked OUTSIDE. The CRATES have MILITARY MARKINGS on them.

Before you can DECIDE what to MAKE OF IT, four ARMED RUSSIANS go OUT of the HANGAR. CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY is WITH them. They EYE you SUSPICIOUSLY. They look VERY NASTY. Their BOSSES are SMOKING the EXPENSIVE CIGARS bought as a PRESENT for the SUAVE PLAYBOY.

You are INTRODUCED to PYOTR and IOSEF by CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY. You are NOT relieved.

PYOTR Says: The bombs are on the truck. Your friends can inspect them, and then we get our money, da?

PYOTR does NOT ask the QUESTION is a VERY NICE MANNER. His ARMED FRIENDS are EYEING the FILIPINO JANITOR with much SUSPICION. One of them is SMILING LUSTFULLY.

What do you do? _

[Eternal_Freedom]

INSPECT the BOMBS. ASK PYOTR and IOSEF what KIND of BOMBS they are, and WHETHER they are ARMED and READY.

[PeZook]

The BOMBS look like so:



The CRATES say they ARE MK-84 2000 lb HIGH EXPOSIVE LOW DRAG MUNITIONS.

There are five BOMBS on the TRUCK. They are in INDIVIDUAL CRATES. They are VERY FUCKING LARGE. They LOOK to be BRAND NEW.

PYOTR Says: They are ready. They are stocked and cocked and their toad is locked, da!

IOSEF GRUNTS.

PYOTR Says: Da, my associate is right to ask about the payment method. Quarter million, da. Cash or credit?

[Eternal_Freedom]

ASKS:

"Will you and your mean accept payment in apparently attractive fillipino janitor?"

[Zixinus]

SMILE. Realize that you have nowhere near the appropriate funds nor even the means to try access them. HIDE ANNOYANCE of CIGAR THEFT.

MAKE LIGHT of ETERNAL FREEDOM'S "OBVIOUS" JOKE.

GIVE part of payment TO PYOTR in the form of COCAINE FROM SUAVE PLAYBOY. WHISPER to SUAVE PLAYBOY that the price of those things are on ETERNAL FREEDOM.

WHISPTER to ETERNAL FREEDOM that he is a MASSIVE IDIOT for asking for BOMBS that we shouldn't use, possibly couldn't use and most importantly of all, cannot pay for. WHISPER TO HIM that he should try to delay things with technicalities until I manage payment.

Wake up PHANT. HOPE TO HIGH HELL that he can somehow manage to PAY FOR THIS SHIT.

LOOK AT ESCAPE ROUTES. REALIZE that you would be shot down before you would have a snowflake's chance in hell to get away. CREATE GRUDGE on ETERNAL FREEDOM for his STUPIDITY.

[Eternal_Freedom]

WHISPER BACK to ZIXINUS that I'll use an AMERICAN EXPRESS card that has NO SPENDING LIMIT I "acquired" from SOMEWHERE. That BUYS US TIME to pay the BILL to AMEX.

ALSO POINT OUT that having BOMBS is always a GOOD THING, although I HAD HOPED they might be NUKES or some kind. ANSWER his UNASKED QUESTION about my SANITY. REASSURE HIM that I HAVE A CUNNING PLAN.


TO PYOTR: "They're good looking bombs. But I think a quater-million is a bit much. $200,000?"

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY is having GRAVE MISGIVINGS about negotiating with DANGEROUS ARMED MEN and also about parting with his MODERATELY LARGE QUANTITIES OF COCAINE.

SUAVE PLAYBOY believes he may be SHOT for ETERNAL FREEDOMS stupidity. Ask ZIXINUS if he has a plan to prevent us being SHOT.

These do not appear to be the type of MEN who accept CREDIT.

[Zixinus]

SLAP FOREHEAD. I slap on my bump, so it is very painful.
EDIT: WHISPER to SUAVE PLAYBOY that we can either part from cocaine or with our lives. Tell him that HE SHOULD BLAME ETERNAL FREEDOM.

ASK ETERNAL FREEDOM: "Do you honestly think that a Russian black market dealer accepts American Express for heavy ordanence?"

Think. Turn to PYOTR.

SAY: "You mentioned credit. Do you accept American Express?"

If YES: SIGHT with relief and take GRUDGE back from ETERNAL FREEDOM. Tell him that for his grief, I'll use the card to buy replacement CIGARS for SUAVE PLAYBOY.
Also ask PYOTR whether he has any FIREARMS & AMMUNITION with him for sale.

IF NOT: Tell PYOTR that we planned paying with AMERICAN EXPRESS and it will take us 24 hours to manage payment. I will do so with our financial manager, PHANT (once he wakes up). Until then, the colleteral is ETERNAL FREEDOM, FILIPINO JANITOR, SUAVE PLAYBOY and whatever is in the HANGAR. Tell that ETERNAL FREEDOM is a SHY MASOCHIST.
THINK of ways to use the AMERICAN EXPRESS card to quickly gain access to quarter million dollars.

EITHER WAY:
Gather TEAM LAME and for TEAM MEETING. Discussion agendas:

- No one will make any purchase greater than 1000 dollars or equivalent without the financial manager's written approval.
- We will make a point of discussion regarding the bombs and their use
- How we will ignore SHEP as he does not know the location of the space-plane or anything important.
- Make notes on future plans on using the spaceplane. Suggestion: high-paying cargo hauler in the short-term future.
- LEAVE. THE. USA. ASAP. Suggestion: Wait for FLOYD BROTHERS until nightfall and launch prep.

[Eternal_Freedom]

TELL ZIXINUS that if the RUSSIANS accept AMEX he can GLADLY use the CARd to BUY REPLACEMENT CIGARS.

[PeZook]

January 20th 2025
Monday

ROUND 6



Barack Obama Private Spaceflight Complex
Merrit Island, FL

You are now: FILIPINO JANITOR, ZIXINUS, PHANT, ETERNAL FREEDOM, CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY and SUAVE PLAYBOY.

You are STANDING in front of a HANGAR. It is LATE EVENING. The WEATHER is VERY HUMID. There are four RUSSIANS. The RUSSIANS are ARMED. They are SCOWLING.

ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS begin to NEGOTIATE with the RUSSIANS. ETERNAL FREEDOM makes an INITIAL OFFER of PAYMENT in LIVESTOCK. PYOTR is NOT AMUSED.

ZIXINUS manages to INTERVENE and LAUGH IT UP. He ACQUIRES some COCAINE from SUAVE PLAYBOY and OFFERS it to PYOTR. He then ASKS if his OFFER of CREDIT means they can PAY with AMEX.

IOSEF GRUNTS.

PYOTR Says: Da, is very funny joke, Iosef. I made joke as well, da? Cash only. No drugs, no credit.

Somehow PYOTR doesn't SEEM like he's HAVING A LAUGH. His MEN shift NERVOUSLY and ADJUST the GRIPS on their AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.

ETERNAL FREEDOM then ATTEMPTS to NEGOTIATE on the PRICE while ZIXINUS tries to THINK DESPERATELY.

IOSEF GRUNTS. He then GROWLS.

PYOTR Says: Iosef be right. It is bad time to haggle, da? If you don't have quarter million, why should you have two hundred thousand? I think we have a problem. And that really means you have a problem, not us. Da.

IOSEF GRUNTS in APPROVAL. ZIXINUS GULPS and PROCEEDS to LIE his ASS off.

ZIXINUS Says: You see, we planned on paying with American Express and it will take us a while to manage payment, like 24 hours...how about you get us all and everything in the hangar as collateral? My buddy here is a shy masochist, so your friend should...

IOSEF GRUNTS.

PYOTR INTERRUPTS the LIE. With a RAISED HAND.

PYOTR Says: Da. 24 hours? Fine. You stay in hangar and if you can't pay in 24 hours we take plane, da?

PYOTRS EYES the FILIPINO JANITOR.

PYOTR Says: ...but we don't want any of you strange people.

IOSEF GRUNTS in APPROVAL.

PYOTR Says: You understand, we can't tolerate cheaters, da? Bad things will happen. We take plane, we take some fingers.

PYOTR eyes CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY

PYOTR Says: And Ivan, you and Iosef have to talk. Can't have such things happen again, da?

You are HERDED into the HANGAR by the ARMED RUSSIANS. They LOCK all the DOORS. They BRING the TRUCK inside and CLOSE the MAIN DOORS as well.

PHANT wakes up. After a BRIEF TALK you LEARN the LLOYD BROS have no MONEY and there are MANY BILLS due in less than TEN DAYS. You feel like WHIMPERING.

ZIXINUS and ETERNAL FREEDOM are no longer BROS. They are now BEST BUDS.

What do you do? _

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY has developed a GRUDGE against ETERNAL FREEDOM.

SUAVE PLAYBOY pleads that he is not part of the IDIOT PLAN and that just picked them up and DROVE them HERE.

SUAVE PLAYBOY attempts to barter entirety of COCAINE STASH in exchange for NOT LOSING FINGERS and possibly GAINING FREEDOM.

[Scottish Ninja]

"What do you guys mean you don't have any money?"

Use ETERNAL_FREEDOM's AMEX to ORDER $250,000 worth of UNMARKED GOLD BARS, which based on PRIOR EXPERIENCE Pyotr and Iosef will ACCEPT.

Also ORDER a PRODIGIOUS AMOUNT of CHINESE TAKEOUT. TELL the OTHER RUSSIANS that they will have to go PICK IT UP though.

[MKSheppard]

I EXPLAIN to HUMORLESS FEDERAL AGENTS FROM THE BEGINNING HOW I BEGAN TO SUSPECT THAT MY POTENTIAL EMPLOYERS WERE RUNNING A SCAM.

WHAT KIND OF SCAM, I DON'T KNOW.

POSSIBLY A PONZI SCHEME WITH EMBEZZLEMENT THROWN IN BY MAKING NOISES ABOUT ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY AND WHEN IT CAME TIME TO SHOW INVESTORS; SHOW THEM A CARDBOARD MOCKUP.

I THEN ASK FOR A DIET COKE.

INSTEAD, I GET WATERBOARDED.

[Eternal_Freedom]

WINCE, THINK "OH SHITE" then ASSIST CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY in ORDERING the GOLD BARS and CHINESE TAKEOUT.

ASK the RUSSIANS if we can INSPECt the SPACEPLANe whilst we AWAIT the GOLD BARS and CHINESE.

[FaxModem1]

White guy delivering CHINESE FOOD.

I arrive at HANGAR and ask for money for takeout.