Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[MKSheppard]

KNOCK FEELEPINO JANITOR UNCONSCIOUS. SEE THAT LARGE IRRITABLE DOG HAS CHEWED THE SAUSAGE TO SHREDS. INVESTIGATE SAUSAGE. REALIZE THAT FEELEEPINO JANITOR IS NOW IN NEED OF EMERGENCY GENITAL SURGERY.

STARE AT SPACEPLANE RISING INTO THE SKY.

UNSMILING FEDERAL AGENTS RUN UP TO YOU AND GRAB YOU. ASK ABOUT DOG. AGENT GRABS DOG AND PUTS IT INTO THE BLACK SUV NEXT TO YOU.

GET TOLD YOU JUST VOLUNTEERED TO FLY AN UNPROVEN MILITARY SPACECRAFT TO RECOVER THE STOLEN SPACEPLANE.

[Zixinus]

EDIT: Never mind.

[FaxModem1]

"So, where are we going? It's going to be nice to not have to go to some place where there are dozens of Russian Mobsters."

[Scottish Ninja]

Spoiler

What happened to the pictures from the last page?

"We are going to the great nation of Russia, my friend! You will all be welcome in this marvelous land of great opportunity. Tax-free for such entrepreneurs as ourselves. Excellent space infrastructure. And I know... many useful people. They will be great help for our endeavours."

[Shroom Man 777]

HURL the SAUSAGE at R'IANN SHAPP while SCREAMING that it is ACTUALLY a BROWN THUNDER!

LARGE IRRITABLE DOG is now WHIMPERING after having EATEN a MOUTHFUL of BROWN THUNDER SAUSAGES

EXCRETE MORE BROWN THUNDER SAUSAGES at R'IANN SHAPP

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 2: PROBES ON A SPACEPLANE

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday
Wheels Up + 00:22:32

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, SUAVE PLAYBOY, IVAN IVANOV and PHANT

You are on a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is FLYING really FAST. It is PILOTED by ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS. It is rather CRAMPED. The CONTROLS are CONFIGURED in METRIC UNITS. The RADIO is SCREAMING OBSCENITIES and MANY THREATS on the RESCUE CHANNEL.

You have barely ESCAPED from FEDERAL AGENTS by USING a COMPLETELY INSANE MANEUVER. You have CLIMBED to the ALTITUDE of 20 KILOMETRES before LEVELLING OFF. You are running your SCRAM engines. You are still CLIMBING. The SYSTEM COOLANT is still rather COOL. There is a FEELING of INCREDIBLE SMUGNESS in the COCKPIT. It is COMING from ETERNAL FREEDOM.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Mach 3.5

There is DISCUSSION and much CONGRATULATING. ZIXINUS CHECKS the INSTRUMENTS and NOTICES that there is no NAVIGATIONAL AUTOPILOT that could TAKE you where you WANT to GO. You will have to FLY the entire ROUTE manually. It APPEARS the FLIGHT SOFTWARE is still in BETA. ETERNAL FREEDOM's FLIGHT PLAN is SCRIBBLED on a bunch of STICKY NOTES. ZIXINUS begins to SWEAT and LOOKS AROUND to make SURE the ENORMOUS PANIC hasn't HITCHED a RIDE. He CHECKS his INVENTORY.

ZIXINUS has: STREETS CLOTHES (1), STOLEN MULTITOOL (1), DOLLARS (15), CENTS (21), TABLET (1), NEARLY SPENT BOX OF MOUSTACHE WAX (1), HIP FLASK OF PALINKA (1), UNHOLY HUNGARIAN MIXTURE (1), PUMP ACTION SHOTGUN (1), SHOTGUN SHELLS (30), ROBOTIC PROBE MEMORY CORE (1)

BITCHING BETTY Says: Mach 4

None of the PASSENGERS NOTICE the TREPIDATION. They have MADE a LIST of the STUFF THEY PACKED into the PAYLOAD BAY.

The PAYLOAD BAY has: BOMBS (3), FUELING HOSES (4), SPECIALIZED TOOLBOXES (2), RANDOM SPARE PARTS (23), MEDKIT (1), OFFICE CHAIR (1) CHINESE TAKEOUT (4), ROBOT PROBE (1)

BITCHING BETTY Says: Mach 5

SUAVE PLAYBOY does a DOUBLE TAKE of the LIST. He NOTICES some FAINT SCREECHING NOISES from behind the BULKHEAD.

What do you do? _

***

Saint Reagan Space Centre
Cape Canaveral, FL

Wheels Up + 00:45:12

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP, FILIPINO JANITOR

You are in a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is STUCK on a ROCKET BOOSTER. The SPACEPLANE is VERY CRAMPED. You are STRAPPED into your SEATS. The CONTROLS are LOCKED OUT. There is a faint SMELL of POOP.

RI'ANN SHAPP shouts into the AIR he WANTS OUT and PREFERS to go to PRISON. He is IGNORED by the FLIGHT CONTROLLERS. It SEEMS the GOVERNMENT is TRYING to COVER ITS ASS by BLOWING you both UP on this UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE built by the LOWEST BIDDER. It is VERY SURREAL.

MISSION CONTROL Says: We are go for launch! Remember, we want that spaceplane back in one piece, or you have nothing to look for in glorious America, fuckers!

RI'ANN SHAPP SCREAMS some PROFANITY into the MICROPHONE. He is IGNORED (again).

The FILIPINO JANITOR begins to LAUGH MANIACALLY. The BITCHING BETTY begins to COUNT DOWN.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two...one...



BITCHING BETTY Says: Liftoff.

The MISSION CLOCK is RUNNING.

What do you do? _

[PeZook]

Spoiler

By the way, if anybody wants to try to replicate ETERNAL FREEDOM's crazy-ass maneuver, here is the scenario file for Orbiter.

It requires the following addons:

XR-2 Ravenstar

Wideawake International

And of course Orbiter Spaceflight Simulator itself.

[MKSheppard]

WE PUNCH THROUGH MAX Q. THE SKY BEGINS TO DARKEN. THE GEE FORCES BUILD UP.

I LOOK OVER MY SHOULDER AND FIND LARGE IRRITABLE DOG STRAPPED INTO THE SEAT BEHIND THE JANITOR, WHIMPERING FROM WITHIN A DOG-SIZED SPACE SUIT.

FILLIPINO JANITOR DOES NOT SEEM TO BE ENJOYING THIS -- HIS INITIAL LAUGHTER HAS FADED INTO FEAR.

I TAKE CONTROL OF THE SPACE PLANE AND FLY THAT FUCKER INTO ORBIT LIKE NEIL ARMSTRONG

[OOC: Armstrong did a lot of simulations work on flying the Saturn stack into orbit if the autopilot failed before he was selected as Prime for Apollo 11]

[Eternal_Freedom]

THINK "OH SHIT" no AUTOPILOT and swing back around to the CONTROLS.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY will attempt to INVESTIGATE the SCREECHING NOISE from the PAYLOAD BAY once the GIANT ELEPHANT OF ACCELERATION stops SITTING ON HIM.

SUAVE PLAYBOY also wants to know who packed the OFFICE CHAIR and also WHY.

SUAVE PLAYBOY also CHECKS his pockets.

SUAVE PLAYBOY still has enough DRUGS to make for interesting conversations when they reach RUSSIAN CUSTOMS.

[FaxModem1]

So, where did I go?

[Zixinus]

Wonder how and why did I end up keeping my pálinka, memory core and unholy mixture, thinking that they were taken by federal agents while I was hospitalized. Wish I still had my CUSTOM-MADE POCKET KNIFE and WALKING STICK WITH FOKOS* (the axe-head). I make sure that the shotgun is loaded but not primed (ie, there is no shell in the barrel and the safety is on if there is one). DRINK a SIP of PÁLINKA to calm nerves and jittery hand.

Start PLOTTING course for STAR CITY. PAY ATTENTION to height so I may TURN OFF SCRAM engines and USE MAIN ENGINES when NEEDED (ie, when the SCRAM engines can no longer get enough air to PROPERLY WORK). PLAN SHIFTS and ALERTS using TABLET and NAVIGATIONAL CONTROLS (autopilot is off, but we still have navigational data and planners, right?) with ETERNAL FREEDOM so we can FLY to our DESTINATION.

ROLL EYES at the fact that the crew was stupid enough to LOAD A CHAIR INSTEAD OF POSSIBLY VALUABLE EQUIPMENT (or more BOMBS for that matter).

* FOKOS is primarily a peasent fighting tool. The axe-head is very small thus making a more manoeuvrable axe relying on speed and agility. Primarily attraction was that you could hide the axe-head in your pocket and thus the handle turns into a apparently simple walking stick. Favored by old peasants, bandits and for some reason, by students for certain ceremonies as decorative tools.

[PeZook]

Goddamn you can't edit posts in G&C.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY is OBVIOUSLY ABOARD the SPACEPLANE. It's a SOFTWARE BUG that he was not LISTED, just as ZIXINUS managed to MYSTERIOUSLY PRODUCE more PALINKA and UNHOLY MIXTURE.

Also oh man alcohol plus amphetamine I'm sure it won't end badly AT ALL

[FaxModem1]

"So, Russia? What are we going to do there?"

WCDG obviously is hopping onto WINNING TEAM. He also WONDERS what his father, WHITE POLAR BEAR, the head of the CHINESE TRIAD, is doing and if he still instituted a DISTRACTION on the FEDS.

[Eternal_Freedom]

AGREE COURSE with ZIXINUS. CUT OFF SCRAM ENGINES once they are NO LONGER EFFECTIVE.

WARN CREW for ACCELERATION. IGNITE MAIN ENGINES for ORBITAL INSERTION BURN.

LAUGH at the SILLY PANICKY IDIOTS who PACKED a CHAIR in place of SPARE PARTS or BOMBS.

[PeZook]

Spoiler

So, just to clarify: you're going full orbital, or just doing a suborbital hop?

[Zixinus]

REALIZE that I was JUST GIVEN AMPHETAMINES and TAKEN ALCOHOL. THINK WHETHER YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.
QUICKLY HAND SHOTGUN AND AMMUNITION TO SUAVE PLAYBOY.

TRY TO VOMIT.

And yes, a hop should be enough to reach Star City.
Spoiler

What would this thread be if not for occasional deep stupidity? Although I haven't thought what would that do.

[Zixinus]

Actually, can I null my last post and instead use this one?

GROWL and hand SHOTGUN to SCARED SUAVE PLAYBOY.

NOTICE that there is something WRONG with you but decide that you are too busy to notice.

ANSWER WCDG in a SNAPPING MANNER that we're going to make money, fuck cheap RUSSIAN WHORES and DRINK VODKA. Add that hopefully we'll also get to maintanaince this baby and get propellant and fuel for it.

BE TERRIBLY ANNOYED at EVERYTHING. FEEL WEIRD and COUNT THAT OFF TO INJURIES. CURSE ROBOT.

[Eternal_Freedom]

A HOP would be SUFFICIENT to REACH RUSSIA, but I THINK this is a GOOD TIME to TEST it. So we'll ACHIEVE ORBIT, go round once then RE-ENTER on COURSE for STAR CITY.

This will ALSO give us TIME to mak the ARRANGEMENTS NECESSARY for our ARRIVAl. If we NEED TO DELAy, we can just MAKE ANOTHER ORBIT.

[Zixinus]

SNAP at ETERNAL FREEDOM as to HOW we'll make the ARRANGEMENTS considering that our phones no longer work in ORBIT and we have no RADIO OPERATOR to call STAR CITY.

ALSO POINT OUT, this time with less irritation, that we have NO SUPPLIES (food, water, toilet paper, toilet, adult diapers) and that another orbit CAN TAKE TOO MUCH TIME, during which we can EASILY MISS A RE-ENTRY POINT. We have limited OXYGEN and THERE ARE SIX PEOPLE ABOARD.

THEN HAPPILY START SUCKING A CENT as I BEGIN to HUMM a fun HUNGARIAN RHYTHM. FEEL STRONG URGE TO DANCE. TALK CASUALLY with ETERNAL FREEDOM as if I wasn't MAD at him a second ago.

[Eternal_Freedom]

SMILES at ZIXINUS like an OLD FRIEND. REVEAL RADIO HEADSET.

"Dude, chill, I planned ahead. Give this to Ivan and get him to call the Russkies. As for oxygen, one orbit's 90 minutes and according to the gauges we have anough oxygen for six people for a day. More than enough time. This thing was built for passenger trips remember? Woops, hold on, MECO in twenty seconds. Get Ivan talking bro."

[Zixinus]

Spoiler

I know (although not the 90 minutes an orbit bit and whether we realistically can manage to connect up to Star City), but I am trying to show that my character is getting increasingly high and irrational due to the drugs.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Spoiler

I know. I'm showing my character calming down now I'm back in the pilot's seat. Now it's my turn to be calming moderating influence. I never thought I would say that!

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY is now ARMED and possibly DANGEROUS, goes to INVESTIGATE the NOISE.

[FaxModem1]

WCDG looks at SUAVE PLAYBOY.

"Umm, is it really wise to shoot a shotgun in this thing? What if you make a hole?"