Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Zixinus]

Say "I think we should distance ourselves pretty quickly. I have a feeling that it may blow up. Normally, I do not pay attention to such notions but considering the last few days, I would dare to be prophetic at the moment."

[Eternal_Freedom]

Say "There's no point in moving until we know where we're going. Ivan, hows the alternate landing site coming?"

[FaxModem1]

"Okay, so are we going to bomb the crap out of Al Qaeda?"

[Zixinus]

Ask WCDG "Do you know where they are? Do you think we can fuel up, get LOX and then make a bombing run on a country that in a few years will have more bombs drop on it then Japan? "

Twirls mustache.

"Well, not that I wouldn't like to give the crazy bastards a genuine reason to pray but we all know how time travels ends up. Besides, we have bigger problems."

Ask ETERNAL FREEDOM:

"Why are you asking Ivan? I'm right here and so is the navigational computer. We can plot a trajectory from it you know. "
Spoiler

Okay, the time travel bit is getting way to silly. Can we fix that up soon?

By the way, by letting my pants lose I meant using the pants to block the robot's camera, not pee on it. But I guess I did well either way.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Say: "I wasn't sure if you were still high after you mano-a-mano battle with robocrab. As you seem sane enough, go ahead and find us a landing site. But please be quick, that spaceplane's leak is getting worse. On the other hand, the playboy is getting closer to us. That'll make things simpler."

[Zixinus]

I USE MFD to calculate path. ANSWER ETERNAL FREEDOM.
"In a word? Woomera. Australia. We're eating kangaroos. If we can keep this once-magnificent thing in one piece that is. And not die from oxygen depredation. We're rather iffy on that, even if we knock out everyone on board but you and me. We need to improvise OXYGEN and air, and fast."

[Eternal_Freedom]

Say: "Is there anywhere we can get serviced and refuelled near there?"

[Zixinus]

Say "It's a spaceport, so I would wager that they may be able to do so, yes. Not like it matters much as we are dead-broke. We are not exactly rich in options anyway, the only place after Woomera with our orbit and delta-v is in the USA and I would rather not go back where I started in the getting-shot department. Assuming we don't die of oxygen depredation first. Which reminds me, what is that brown thing that one of those astronauts are wielding?"

Observes in shocked silence. Twirl mustache. Sigh.

"WCDG, where was the leak? I would rather know because we may have lost a piece of the heat shield before we re-enter. We can tell our Playboy to fix it somehow, I think there is an emergency tool in the cargo bay for such an incident."

[Eternal_Freedom]

Say: "Aussieland it is then. When's the re-entry window?"

[FaxModem1]

WCDG points at OBVIOUSLY PATCHED HOLE.

"There it is."

[Shroom Man 777]

The TURD has FROZEN and JAMS the SHOTGUN's MECHANISM SOMEHOW

the FROZEN TURD has BROKEN the SHOTGUN's FIRING PIN ON IMPACT

SHRIEK IN PLEASURE at the SUAVE PLAYBOY's DEMISE

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY has just looked at what a spacesuit ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE.

SUAVE PLAYBOY has a great big mechanical DOOHICKEY acting as a breastplate and thus CANNOT BE HEART STABBED. SAID mechanical DOOHICKEY may be IMPORTANT however, so SUAVE PLAYBOY stabs his NEMESIS's DOOHICKEY for good MEASURE and leaps out of the PAYLOAD bay of the UNAUTH. SPACEPLANE to escape.

SUAVE PLAYBOY has no means of PROPULSION sadly.

[Shroom Man 777]

HURL POO at the SUAVE PLAYBOY to ALTER HIS COURSE and SEND HIM TUMBLING TO HIS DEMISE

[PeZook]

Spoiler

We'll ignore the time travel bit and blame it on Ivan's panicking insanity/inability to use a sliderule properly. Sorry Ivan

And yeah ZIXINUS you should've been more precise with your declarations since "let fly" used in conjuction with undoing one's pants is...well, it brings other connotations than "throw my pants"

[Zixinus]

GIVE FLIGHT DATA to ETERNAL FREEDOM. We would re-enter in about twenty minutes.

CHECK HOLE. Gladly acknowledge that the hole is no where near the re-entry body. ASK WCDG to see what else he can repair and try to clean some of the filth up (I'll help if my other actions permit).

EXAMINE ROBOTIC PROBE.

[FaxModem1]

WCDG decides to REPAIR EVERYTHING!

[Eternal_Freedom]

Say: "OK, re-entry will begin in 20 minutes. I want everything and everyone secure in 15 though. Now, I'm going to begin manuevring to catch the playboy"

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY waves at the SPACEPLANE of TEAM LAME, or maybe his arm is just drifting back and forth as he starts to lose CONSCIOUSNESS due to a MALFUNCTIONING and LEAKING suit.

[Scottish Ninja]

JANITORIALIZE the INTERIOR of the SPACEPLANE. Make sure everything is SECURE as POSSIBLE.

STRAP IN.
Spoiler

Yeah, I guess we can just assume that Ivan did actually set the correct date when using the scenario editor, and then forgot in all the excitement. At least that's one thing he got right.

[Zixinus]

USE RADIO HEADSET to CONTACT WOOMERA SPACEPORT. ASK HELP from IVAN IVANOV if necessary.

WARN Australian Air Force of arrival and ask permission to enter Australian airspace. Then try to contact WOOMERA SPACEPORT and warn them that we have to do an emergency landing at them and that we are low on oxygen.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Say:"Zixinus, tell them we are also out of SCRAM fuel, so we're going to have to glide in and land on the first attempt, no go-arounds."

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY straps into seat.

"This is a spaceplane, can it even do go arounds? Also, shouldn't we make sure everything works? For instance, THE RADIATOR?"

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY retrieves cell phone from pocket and calls WHITE POLAR BEAR. INFORMS HIM OF PROGRESS

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 2: PROBES ON A SPACEPLANE

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday
Wheels Up + 01:06:23

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, BITCHING BETTY, ROBOTIC PROBE, PHANT and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is FLYING really FAST. It is PILOTED by ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS. It is rather CRAMPED. The CONTROLS are CONFIGURED in METRIC UNITS. There is no SCRAM FUEL. There is 40% of MAIN ENGINE FUEL. There is plenty of HYDRAZINE for the APU. There is a ROBOTIC PROBE in the CABIN. It is not HOMICIDAL for the TIME BEING. The SYSTEMS COOLANT is again GETTING HOTTER. The AIR is no longer VENTING from the CABIN. There is much PEE and VOMIT in the AIR. It STINKS a LOT.

ZIXINUS has CALMED DOWN. He is now again GETTING things ORGANIZED by first REMOVING the ANAL PROBE ATTACHMENT from the ROBOTIC PROBE. The ROBOTIC PROBE is making BEEPS. There is a PROGRESS BAR on the BACK of its BODY. It is FILLING slowly. PHANT seems CATATONIC.

ZIXINUS Says: Well... That ended a bit better than I hoped. Though remind me of this next time I suggest overriding the safeguards. I have only two questions. Eternal Freedom, do you think you can use the RCS to catch our Playboy over there? I'd rather not leave him behind if I have a choice. That, and I would like to know what's going on with our radiators.

ETERNAL FREEDOM AGREES. He SEEMS quite CONFIDENT he can CATCH the SUAVE PLAYBOY with the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE, but would like to WAIT a few MINUTES before DOING it.

It soon becomes APPARENT you do not HAVE a few minutes

***

Wheels Up + 01:06:28

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP, INSANE FILIPINO, SUAVE PLAYBOY, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on an UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE. The UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE is FREE of its ROCKET BOOSTER. The UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE is VERY CRAMPED. It has now COMPLETELY DEPRESSURIZED. RI'ANN SHAPP is STRAPPED into his SEAT. FILIPINO JANITOR has MUTATED into INSANE FILIPINO and is FIGHITNG SUAVE PLAYBOY in the PAYLOAD BAY. The CONTROLS are IRREPAIRABLY DAMAGED. There are no SMELLS. The is a LOT of VOMIT and POOP in the CABIN. It is SPLASHING all OVER the INSTRUMENTS and HELMETS.

SUAVE PLAYBOY is WOUNDED. He is BLEEDING. It is VERY PAINFUL.

He is VENTING AIR. He is TUMBLING away from the UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE. INSANE FILIPINO is LATCHED onto SUAVE PLAYBOY and is STABBING him with a TURD KNIFE. He is RUINING the LIFE SUPPORT COMPUTER on the CHEST of SUAVE PLAYBOY. He keeps FLOATING BACKWARDS thank to THAT FUCKER NEWTON, but still HOLDS ON with his OTHER HAND.

SUAVE PLAYBOY Says: WITTYNESS!

SUAVE PLAYBOY FIRES his SHOTGUN, but the FIRING PIN got SMEARED with FROZEN POO and is JAMMED. INSANE FILIPINO SHRIEKS like a HARPY in UNADULTERED JOY.

In a FIT of RAGE SUAVE PLAYBOY STABS his MULTITOOL into the LIFE SUPPORT COMPUTER on INSANE FILIPINO'S CHEST. THAT FUCKER NEWTON IMPAIRS them BOTH with extra ROTATIONAL VELOCITY.

INSANE FILIPINO THROWS one last TURD at SUAVE PLAYBOY, bit MISSED TERRIBLY. He is now TUMBLING head over HEELS and is ALMOST out of OXYGEN.

SUAVE PLAYBOY goes LIMP and slowly TUMBLES AWAY from the UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE.

The UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE'S PAYLOAD BAY suddenly EXPLODES. The UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE begins DRIFTING AWAY from the SCENE as it VENTS various GASSES. FUCKER NEWTON is SITTING on the FUSELAGE.

What do you do? _

***

Wheels Up + 01:06:53



You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, BITCHING BETTY, ROBOTIC PROBE, PHANT and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is FLYING really FAST. It is PILOTED by ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS. It is rather CRAMPED. The CONTROLS are CONFIGURED in METRIC UNITS. There is no SCRAM FUEL. There is 40% of MAIN ENGINE FUEL. There is plenty of HYDRAZINE for the APU. There is a ROBOTIC PROBE in the CABIN. It is not HOMICIDAL for the TIME BEING. The SYSTEMS COOLANT is again GETTING HOTTER. The AIR is no longer VENTING from the CABIN. There is much PEE and VOMIT in the AIR. It STINKS a LOT.

You are OBSERVING your FRIEND'S DEMISE at the HANDS of an INSANE SPACEMAN. ETERNAL FREEDOM ACTIVATES the RCS and begins an ATTEMPT at INTERCEPTION. You cannot SEE very WELL because of IVAN IVANOV'S many MATHS covering the WINDSHIELD.

Suddenly, there is PANIC. IVAN IVANOV SHRIEKS that you have TRAVELLED back in TIME. There is SHOCKED SILENCE, but people seem not TOO WORRIED as nobody really BELIEVES it. IVAN IVANOV continues to SHRIEK, though, while ZIXINUS twirls his GRAND MOUSTACHE and LOOKS for a LANDING SITE.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!

Oh, CRAP.

There is a loud THUMP as you seem to have HIT SOMETHING. There is ANOTHER just a few SECONDS later. Both THUMPS sound VERY PAINFUL.

ETERNAL SILENCE decides to TAKE the CHANCE and BEGINS to CLOSE the OUTER DOOR to the AIRLOCK and PRESSURIZE it, while ZIXINUS announces there is a SPACEPORT ROUGHLY on your PATH. He BEGINS to CALL OUT on the RESCUE FREQUENCY and gets a RESPONSE from the RAAF.

They TELL him to DIVERT to RAAF AMBERLEY as WOOMERA does not have a RUNWAY of sufficient LENGTH and GIRTH to take your MAGNIFICENT and RIGID SPACEPLANE.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY attempts to make a CALL on his CELL PHONE but there is no SIGNAL.

The AIRLOCK completes its CYCLE. A VILE STENCH of POOP and BLOOD bursts OUT of it. There is a MAN HEAP inside. The MAN HEAP is COMPOSED of SUAVE PLAYBOY and INSANE FILIPINO. Their SPACE SUITS are RUINED. They are both UNCONSCIOUS. They are BRUISED from the IMPACTS.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!

If you are to RE-ENTER on TIME you will have to do the first BURN in three MINUTES, or risk COMING IN a bit TOO STEEP getting FRIED alive.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY points OUT that your RADIATOR still DOESN'T WORK.

What do you do? _

[Zixinus]

GIVE ETERNAL FREEDOM UPDATED FLIGHT DATA to AMBERLEY. CONGRATULATE HIM on his FINE PILOTING.

GET OUT of seat and provide FIRST AID to SUAVE PLAYBOY and FILIPINO JANITOR. Then STRAP IN BOTH in REMAINING free seats, while taking note to TIE FILIPINO JANITOR DOWN. NOTICE that both spacesuits are RUINED. HELP PHANT if I CAN, make sure that he is STRAPPED IN and TIE HIM DOWN if he looks like he might damage himself.

Once done with that SAY "This is bad. We have no space suits and we need to fix the radiation immediately. We have only one chance."
Points to ROBOTIC PROBE.

WAITS BY ROBOTIC PROBE UNTIL PROGRESS BAR IS COMPLETE. TRY TO TALK to ROBOTIC PROBE and ASK IT NICELY TO FIX THE RADIATORS.

[Shroom Man 777]

WAKES UP AND SCREAMS IN HORRIBLE REALIZATION UPON HEARING THE SPACE EXPLOSION:

"SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPP!!!! DOGGGIEEEEE!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

FALLS BACK INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS

VOIDS AND SOILS HIMSELF WHILE UNCONSCIOUS

SHIT AND PISS START LEAKING OUT OF HOLES IN SUIT