Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Eternal_Freedom]

Break away from smugly watching the wounded janitor writhing in pain to remind Zixinus of my AmEx card.

[Zixinus]

Point. But again, we still have priorities. We should worry about a hotel once we got the spaceplane safe. Booking a hotel now would be foolish, as we don't know where we'll have to go.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Very true.

EDIT: Return to watching janitor writhe in pain.

[FaxModem1]

Look for repair parts and fuel in HANGAR.

[Scottish Ninja]

Make an ADVANCE to the REAR back to the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE. RECOVER IMITATION AMERICAN TOKAREV.

[PeZook]

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday

ROUND 3



Middle of nowhere
Australia

-26.478932, 114.883118

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, INSANE FILIPINO, IVAN IVANOV, SUAVE PLAYBOY, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, PHANT, RI'ANN SHAPP, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG and ROBOTIC PROBE.

You are at a DIRT AIRSTRIP. It is very DUSTY. There is a SHACK. There is a DILAPIDATED HANGAR. There is a MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE. There are two PARACHUTES. It is EVENING. It is VERY HOT.

RI'ANN SHAPP has MANAGED to DISENTANGLE from the PARACHUTE. He FINDS himself STARING down the BARREL of a GUN. The GUN is HELD by ZIXINUS. He is VERY ANGRY. He is YELLING. It is VERY THREATENING.

ETERNAL FREEDOM ROLLS to the SIDE and RETRIEVES the GUN. He SHOOTS the INSANE FILIPINO in the LEG. IVAN IVANOV TAKES the IMITATION AMERICAN TOKAREV from ETERNAL FREEDOM.

INSANE FILIPINO mutates into FILIPINO JANITOR. He becomes SISSYFIED. He is CRYING. It is VERY SAD.

ZIXINUS CALLS WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY and SUAVE PLAYBOY. They don't GIVE a FUCK. SUAVE PLAYBOY begins PLAYING with your TABLET. He seems to THINK he FOUND it in the SHACK. It must be the HEAT. Possibly an INFECTION.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY WANDERS OFF towards the DILAPIDATED HANGAR in a FAR-FETCHED attempt to FIND any SPARE PARTS for your incredibly HI-TECH SPACEPLANE.

The is a DISTANT SOUND of HELICOPTERS.

What do you do? _

[Zixinus]

Tell Eternal Freedom that he should go inside and turn on all the lights on for the Ravenstar. We need to be seen.
Meanwhile, I keep watch on RI'ANNON SHEP and LARGE IRRITABLE DOG.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY sees HELICOPTERS and checks his PHONE to see if he made any CALLS to people with HELICOPTERS without REMEMBERING IT.

SUAVE PLAYBOY then attempts to use his PHONE's DIRECTORY APPLET to find the number for people in the HELICOPTERS and CALL THEM.

[Scottish Ninja]

EXPRESS an EXTREME SUSPICION of the HELICOPTERS.

DETERMINE BEST HIDING PLACES and ESCAPE ROUTES.

[PeZook]

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday

ROUND 4



Middle of nowhere
Australia

-26.478932, 114.883118

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, SISSY FILIPINO JANITOR, IVAN IVANOV, SUAVE PLAYBOY, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, PHANT, RI'ANN SHAPP, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG and ROBOTIC PROBE.

You are at a DIRT AIRSTRIP. It is very DUSTY. There is a SHACK. There is a DILAPIDATED HANGAR. There is a MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE. There are two PARACHUTES. It is LATE EVENING. It is VERY HOT.

You have TIED UP RI'ANN SHAPP, SISSY JANITOR and the LARGE IRRITABLE DOG. LARGE IRRITABLE DOG is IRRITATED. He is still WEARING his DOGGIE SPACESUIT.

There is a brief TALK between the BRAIN TRUST of the CREW. They DETERMINE to WAIT for RESCUE, which seems to be INCOMING with the HELICOPTERS.

IVAN IVANOV turns very SHIFTY the MOMENT he HEARS the SOUND of incoming HELICOPTERS. ZIXINUS does not seem CONCERNED at ALL.

You TURN the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE'S LIGHTS on to GUIDE the HELICOPTERS to YOU. SUAVE PLAYBOY tries to USE his phone's DIRECTORY to CALL the GUYS and manages to REACH the RAAF PRESS OFFICE. He gets the PHONE NUMBER of the CHICK in the RECEPTION, but NOTHING MORE.

The HELICOPTERS soon ARRIVE. The HELICOPTERS LAND around the DIRT AIRSTRIP. They are CARRYING lots of ARMED MEN. There are two GUNSHIPS which are CIRCLING the AREA.

The ARMED MEN are ARMED. They are WEARING uniforms of the RAAF MILITARY POLICE.

You are promptly ARRESTED.

***

THE BULLSHIT NEWS

Florida triad leader arrested on terror charges

In a spectacular operation, American authorities have arrested one Dougal McDougal, AKA White Polar Bear, on charges of terrorism, high treason, conspiracy to commit murder, murder of federal officers, resisting arrest and jaywalking.

Mr. McDougal has allegedly planned and executed the diversionary attack at the Barack Obama Private Spacelight Complex in Florida, which left two federal agents dead and allowed international terrorists to steal a revolutionary spacecraft prototype.

McDougal is being held at the Happy Fun Caribbean Retreat in Guantanamo bay pending trial.

State Department accuses Australian authorities of espionage

The US State Department has released a statement yesterday accusing Australian authorities of aiding and abetting international terrorism and engaging in industrial espionage of US companies. According to the release, the prototype spaceplane stolen last month had been allowed to land in Australia and was spirited away by local authorities in an attempt to reverse engineer classified defence technology.

Australia's foreign office denied the charges, calling them "An absurd invention of the paranoid national security state". US officials are currently debating whether or not to arrest Australia for treason.

Russian oligarch buys out right to bear advertising

Alexyei Alexieyev Alexevsky, a Russian noveau rich oligarch, had bought the right to advertise his company's products on bear fur anywhere in the world.

It remains to be seen whether the bears object, but mr. Alexevsky claims his revolutionary new technology will allow for a safe and easy application of ads on unsuspecting bears everywhere.

Armstrong Base announces 10th anniversary

The first permanent human settlement on the moon is now oficially 10 years old. The celebrations are planned for three weeks from now, and will include many grand events, with VIPs from around the world attending.

More details on our website.

February 21st 2025
Friday



RAAF Amberley
Australia

ROUND 1

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, SUAVE PLAYBOY, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, RI'ANN SHAPP, SISSY JANITOR and STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY.

You are in a CLOSED ROOM. There are four WALLS. There is a large TABLE. The TABLE is BOLTED to the FLOOR. There is a COMITTEE. The COMITTEE is COMPOSED of MILITARY OFFICERS. They are VERY SERIOUS. They are wearing very SHORT PANTS and very LARGE HATS. There is an ATTACK KANGAROO in the CORNER. It looks REALLY MEAN.

You have been thoroughly INTERROGATED for WEEKS by a BUNCH of AUSTRALIANS. SUAVE PLAYBOY is still RECOVERING from NASTY INFECTIONS but is USING his newfound CHARM in an ATTEMPT to CONVINCE the AUSTRALIANS to LET you KEEP the SPACEPLANE.

So far he has a BUNCH of PHONE NUMBERS to HALF the FEMALE STAFF of the FACILITY. It is POSSIBLY the REASON why the COMITTEE is so PISSED. JEALOUSY is a HORRIBLE THING.

IVAN IVANOV has deftly ASSUMED a COVER IDENTITY. He is now STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY.

ETERNAL FREEDOM has BANDAGED HANDS. For some STRANGE and UNFATHOMABLE reason, the SISSY FILIPINO JANITOR is here with you. He has LOST his LEG and is now EQUIPPED with a CYBERNETIC PROSTETHIC. It is REALLY COOL.

SUDDENLY the DOOR opens. RI'ANN SHAPP is VIOLENTLY SHOVED INSIDE. He has a BAG on his HEAD. The ATTACK KANGAROO SHOVES RI'ANN SHAPP to his SEAT and UNBAGS him.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: Well, now that we're all here, let's get it over with. My wife had convinced me...

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL GLARES at SUAVE PLAYBOY

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: ...had convinced me to give you mates one more chance to convince his majesty's government that you should keep your stolen property and allowed to operate from Australia.

AUSTRALIAN GLOOMY SUIT GUY Says: Is this really necessary?

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: I'm afraid so, agent Joyce.

AUSTRALIAN GLOOMY SUIT GUY Says: Blimey, mate, no names!

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL SMIRKS

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: Oh, sorry. Anyway, you have five minutes. I have to catch the tide before the waves are gone, so hurry up so that we can disappear the lot of you already.

What do you do? _

[Shroom Man 777]

Spoiler

Oh god yes, this should totally lead to the AUSTRALIAN-AMERICAN WAR when we heroically fly the spaceplane to nuke America till it glows in the dark, shoot the Americans in the dark, and steal their oil.

[Zixinus]

ASK where the spaceplane is. EXPLAIN that to take away the spaceplane, we would need to REPAIR and REFUEL it.
ASK whether the RAAF would like anything to be put in orbit anytime soon. Give IMPRESSIVE BUSINESS SPEECH using GUILE.

[FaxModem1]

After Zixnius uses impressive speech using GUILE. WCDG makes impassioned PLEA using M. BISON instead of Guile. Tell them that I am no friend of the US anymore after they took my father and I only wish to go back there with the spaceplane to liberate him.

[Eternal_Freedom]

SPEAK to the AUSSIES, explaining using my powers of REASON that the SPACEPLANe is not actually stolen, but is the property of Lloyd Aerospace and Managment Enterprises, of which myself, ZIXINUS, PHANT and the FILLIPINO are employees of said company.

In a FLASH of INSPIRATION, offer to FERRY AUSSIE VIPs to ARMSTRONG BASE for the10th ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION, the COLONEL and the AGENT included, of course.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY leaves the INTELLECTUAL HEAVY LIFTING to the EXPERTS and just smiles with the confidence of a man who despite being a prisoner has somehow managed to make love to a girl in every room of this facility.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Spoiler

You smooth-talking lucky sod Darkvilme!

[Scottish Ninja]

ASK the AUSTRALIAN COLONEL if he would like to WORK for the GRU; the PAY is GOOD.

SEE the COLONEL'S SHOCKED EXPRESSION. ASK for a CUP of SUGAR, because people only REMEMBER the END of a CONVERSATION.

[MKSheppard]

WHISTLE the theme song from RIN-TIN-TIN.

*five minutes later*

THERE IS A BANGING NOISE IN THE AIR VENT NEARBY. IT OPENS UP TO REVEAL LARGE IRRITABLE DOG, WHICH HAS CRAWLED 60 FEET THROUGH THEM.

LARGE IRRITABLE DOG ATTACKS ATTACK KANGAROO, KNOCKING DOWN AUSTRALIAN COLONEL IN PROCESS.

[FaxModem1]

How does a deaf person know the theme to RIN-TIN-TIN?

[Lonestar]

How does a deaf person know the theme to RIN-TIN-TIN?

Cochlear implant.

[PeZook]

February 21st 2025
Friday



RAAF Amberley
Australia

ROUND 2

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, SUAVE PLAYBOY, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, RI'ANN SHAPP, SISSY JANITOR and STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY.

You are in a CLOSED ROOM. You are CUFFED to a SET of CHAIRS. There are four WALLS. There is a large TABLE. The TABLE is BOLTED to the FLOOR. There is a COMITTEE. The COMITTEE is COMPOSED of MILITARY OFFICERS. They are VERY SERIOUS. They are wearing very SHORT PANTS and very LARGE HATS. There is an ATTACK KANGAROO in the CORNER. It looks REALLY MEAN.

You have not LOST your COOL. ZIXINUS is DOING an AWESOME BUSINESS PITCH to the AUSSIES. Even the AUSTRALIAN COLONEL seems INTERESTED. He MAY be WILLING to OVERLOOK SUAVE PLAYBOY'S many INDISCRETIONS.

ZIXINUS Says: And as you can see on this graph, which I produced from somewhere, it is more economical to outsource your launches to a deniable asset that cannot be linked to your government, and...

RI'ANN SHAPP begins to WHISTLE a TUNE. It SOUNDS a BIT like the THEME SONG to RIN-TIN-TIN. The SONG is HORRIBLY OFF KEY.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL GLARES at RI'ANN SHAPP. He MOTIONS to the ATTACK KANGAROO. The ATTACK KANGAROO begins to BRUTALIZE RI'ANN SHAPP.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: Carry on, blokes. It is very interesting.

STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY ASKS the AUSTRALIAN COLONEL if he would like to WORK for the GRU. He PROMISES GOOD PAY.

ATTACK KANGAROO HOPS over and BRUTALIZES STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY.

AUSTRALIAN GLOOMY SUIT GUY Says: Hold on! I'd like to speak with this one later on.

STRILITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY catches a REPRIEVE and ASKS for a CUP of SUGAR. He HOPES the AUSSIES will only REMEMBER the END of the CONVERSATION.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY uses the OPPORTUNITY to BUTT IN.

WHITE CHINES DELIVERY GUY Says: Listen, the short end is this - my father was arrested in the US and my only wish is to go there with the spaceplane and rescue him!

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL is SURPRISED.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: Good point. Agent Joyce...

AGENT JOYCE HISSES

AGENT JOYCE Says: I said no names!

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL SMIRKS

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: Sorry. Anyway, the scrawny bloke makes a good point. They probably have an agenda and will run off the moment they get the machine back.

AGENT JOYCE Says: True. Let's make them vanish and just take the thing.

ETERNAL FREEDOM YELPS. PHANT begins to CRY.

ETERNAL FREEDOM SAYS very QUICKLY: Butwaittheplaneisnotactuallystolenitisthepropertyoflloydaerospaceandmanagement...

ETERNAL FREEDOM TAKES a DEEP BREATH.

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: ...enterprises, and we're their employees!

The AUSSIES seem SKEPTICAL.

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: And hey how about we ferry your VIPs to the celebration at Armstrong Base? Free of charge! You guys can come along!

There is SILENCE. AUSTRALIAN COLONEL and AGENT JOYCE EXCHANGE a KNOWING LOOK.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: Right. Not gonna...

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY RECOGNIZES the TUNE.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Thinks: Hey, how does a deaf guy know the theme to RIN-TIN-TIN?

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR WALKS in SOMEHOW.

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR Says: Cochlear implant, you idiot.

There is a CRASH. There is a BANG. LARGE IRRITABLE DOG EMERGES from the VENT. LARGE IRRITABLE DOG ATTACKS the ATTACK KANGAROO and EVERYTHING goes to SHIT.

What do you do? _

[Lonestar]

Regret the series of events that led me here.

[Shroom Man 777]

KARATE KICK the nearest AUSSIE with my CYBERNETIC FOOT that is actually PISTON POWERED and JACKHAMMER EQUIPPED

BURST OUT FROM SISSY-MODE INTO AWESOME MODE

SCREAM AN AUSTRALIAN BATTLE CRY:

"FROD FROD FROD! STRAK STRAK STRAK! FROD STRAK FROD STRAK FROD FROD FROD STRAK STRAK STRAK!"

[FaxModem1]

WCDG asks to be let go. Anything else is beyond his ability.

[Scottish Ninja]

PICK the LOCK on the HANDCUFFS. ESCAPE into the VENT.