Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY invites ZIXINUS's friend the ENORMOUS PANIC into the ROOM.

[Lonestar]

Regret the series of events that led me here.

I guess it should be:

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR REGRETS the series of EVENTS that led him here.

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR SIGHS and drinks BODDINGTONS in the DARK

[Zixinus]

Pretend to FAINT from SHOCK. If LARGE IRRITABLE DOG or RI'ANNON SHEP gets near, I'll kick them in the balls.

[FaxModem1]

WCDG shouts.

"Don't leave me here. I've done everything I could to help you guys."

[Zixinus]

Whispers: "What are you talking about? We can't leave, we're cuffed to the chairs and even if we weren't, we're likely to be in the middle of a RAAF airforce base. We can't just leave. So shut up and try to think of something more useful to do."

[Scottish Ninja]

HASTILY RETURN to FREE my COMRADES when the CONFUSION grows. ESCAPE back into the VENT.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Say: "Oh not more shit like this!"

Having been FREED by IVAN, FOLLOW him to the VENT.

[MKSheppard]

LARGE IRRITABLE DOG FINISHES MAULING KANGAROO. IT IS NOT PRETTY.

WHISTLE TUNE AGAIN.

LARGE IRRITABLE DOG PICKS UP KEYS TO HANDCUFFS WITH MOUTH FROM UNCONSCIOUS AUSSIE COLONEL AND BRINGS THEM OVER TO ME, ALLOWING ME TO UNLOCK MY HANDCUFFS.

I SOMEHOW KNOW SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR.

[PeZook]

February 21st 2025
Friday



RAAF Amberley
Australia

ROUND 3

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, SUAVE PLAYBOY, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, RI'ANN SHAPP, SISSY JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR and STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY.

You are in a CLOSED ROOM. You are CUFFED to a SET of CHAIRS. There are four WALLS. There is a large TABLE. The TABLE is BOLTED to the FLOOR. There is a COMITTEE. The COMITTEE is COMPOSED of MILITARY OFFICERS. They are VERY SERIOUS. They are wearing very SHORT PANTS and very LARGE HATS. There is an ATTACK KANGAROO The ATTACK KANGAROO is FIGHTING the LARGE IRRITABLE DOG.

The is PANIC. The PANIC is ENORMOUS.

The LARGE IRRITABLE DOG MAULS the ATTACK KANGAROO. It is VERY PAINFUL. The SISSY JANITOR TRANSFORMS into AWESOME BATTLE JANITOR and TRIES to KICK an AUSSIE. He FALLS to the FLOOR and DRIVES his FACE over the CONCRETE, as he has FORGOT about the HANDCUFFS. WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY PLEADS to be LET GO.

STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY manages to ESCAPE in the CONFUSION. ZIXINUS has FAINTED from the SHOCK, but not before the PANIC enters the ROOM. The PANIC immediately ATTACKS RI'ANN SHAPP. It is ENORMOUS. RI'ANN SHAPP engages in DESPERATE COMBAT against the ENORMOUS PANIC while SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR SITS quite REGRETFULLY in the CORNER getting SMASHED.

The LARGE IRRITABLE DOG picks up KEYS to the HANDCUFF and TROTS across the ROOM to HELP RI'ANN SHAPP. Suddenly, ZIXINUS springs into ACTION.

ZIXINUS has GAINED the ADVANTAGE of SURPRISE. ZIXINUS KICKS the LARGE IRRITABLE DOG in the BALLS. LARGE IRRITABLE DOG DROPS the KEYS and CURLS into a HEAP of MISERY.

STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY RETURNS to FREE you ALL. He UNDOES the CUFFS on ETERNAL FREEDOM when an ASSLOAD of SOLDIERS BURST into the ROOM. They fire a DOZEN TEAR GAS CANISTERS at WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY of all PEOPLE. From POINT BLANK RANGE. It is VERY PAINFUL.

You are quickly SUBDUED.

***

February 22nd 2025
Saturday



Another middle of nowhere

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, SUAVE PLAYBOY, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, RI'ANN SHAPP, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR and STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY.

You are SICK. It SUCKS ASS.

You are in a HELICOPTER. You are CUFFED to EACH OTHER in the MIDDLE of the CARGO BAY. You are COVERED in BLOOD. You are VERY DIZZY. You have NO IDEA what is GOING ON. It is suspiciously QUIET. There are many SOLDIERS. They are STANDING GUARD.

AGENT JOYCE LEANS over YOU.

AGENT JOYCE Says: Wake up, blokes!

AGENT JOYCE KICKS RI'ANN SHAPP in the SHIN.

AGENT JOYCE Says: That's for my kangaroo, you yankee bastard. It's too bad I can't just leave you out to die in the bush, but orders are orders.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL ENTERS the HELICOPTER. He SCOFFS at AGENT JOYCE.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: Joyce, please.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL MOTIONS to a COUPLE of SOLDIERS. The SOLDIERS THROW OUT several SPORTS BAGS.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: Well, blokes, I can't say I am satisfied with it, but Her ROyal Highness Natalie Portman has ordered us to release you, so here you are. I have no idea who he is...

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL POINTS to the SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: ...and where he came from, but whatever.

AGENT JOYCE Says: Don't think you're quite off the hook, though. We might have a job for you in the future. You may refuse, but then we can always point the Americans your way.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL Says: Do you agree to those terms? Hah! Just joking. Nobody's gonna ask you that. Off you go now.

You are unceremoniously DUMPED from the HELICOPTER. The HELICOPTER SPINS up its ENGINE and TAKES OFF. As it LIFTS, somebody TOSSES a SET of HANDCUFF KEYS off the RAMP. They LAND about a HUNDRED METRES away from YOU.

You are on a TARMAC. The TARMAC is OVERGROWN with VEGETATION but otherwise INTACT. There is an OLD HANGAR. There is JUNGLE all AROUND. It is MORNING. It is VERY HOT. Also VERY HUMID.

Your MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE is RIGHT THERE. There are SPORTS BAGS full of GOODIES.

The LARGE IRRITABLE DOG is growing ANNOYED.

What do you do? _

[Scottish Ninja]

SEARCH the HANGAR.

[PeZook]

STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY has PICKED his CUFFS. He LEAVES everyone still CUFFED TOGETHER and SEARCHES the HANGAR.

The HANGAR contains some EQUIPMENT. There are three LARGE REFRIDGERATED TANKS. The TANKS are marked H2, LOX and HYDRAZINE. There are four COTS. There is a CRAPPY TV. There is a SMALL ELECTRIC GENERATOR. There is a COMPUTER. The COMPUTER is REALLY OLD. It is OPERATIONAL.

There is a FOURTH tank. It is not REFRIDGERATED. It contains KEROSENE.

[Eternal_Freedom]

MUTTEr to MYSELF that the SITUATION just got EVEN MORE CONFUSING.

CALL to STIRLITZ:" Hey, dude, come help us."

WHILST WAITING, BEGIN slow CRAWL to the HANDCUFF KEYS.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY comes around mumbling the names of various female staff at the RAAF FACILITY they were at previously.

SUAVE PLAYBOY looks around hopefully for a HOTEL and wonders why he agreed to come with you CRAZY PEOPLE seen as he's been since joining this mission STABBED, nearly BLOWN UP, ASSAULTED, IMPRISONED, POISONED and is now considered to be guilty by association by at least two governments. SUAVE PLAYBOY attempts nevertheless to UNCUFF himself and get to the HANGAR.

[Scottish Ninja]

GET the HANDCUFFS KEY. FREE Eternal Freedom, Zixinus, SUAVE PLAYBOY, and WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY.

TELL them about the CONTENTS of the HANGAR. SEARCH the SPORTS BAGS for any BOOZE.

RETURN to the HANGAR. CLAIM one of the COTS, then TURN ON the CRAPPY TV and DRINK BOOZE.

[MKSheppard]

WHISTLE AGAIN.

LARGE IRRITABLE DOG ATTACKS SCOTTISH NINJA AND TAKES HANDCUFF KEYS FROM HIM. HE THEN BRINGS THE KEYS OVER TO ME.

I FREE MYSELF, THE JANITOR AND SMARMY SAILOR.

I OPEN UP ONE OF THE SPORT BAGS. INSIDE IS A COLEMAN STOVE AND A PRE PACKAGED STEAK AND VEGETABLE MEAL. I COOK THE STEAK ON THE STOVE AND GIVE IT TO LARGE IRRITABLE DOG WHO BEGINS TO WHINE HAPPILY.

[Zixinus]

SEARCH SPORTSBAGS for WEAPON and MY STUFF.

USE HANDCUFFS to STRANGLE RI'ANNON SHEP. Make SURE that he is DEAD.

Say to him while he is dying: "Sorry dude, but you nearly got us killed for the third time. I've got that you didn't want to work with us and that's okay. But going after us? Even though we didn't do anything to you before you ran off? That's just vindictive."

KILL IRRITABLE DOG if NECESSARY, otherwise leave it alone.

USE KEROENE and nearby wood from JUNGLE to BURN RI'ANNON SHEP'S BODY TO ASHES.

ENTER HANGAR. TALK TO WCDG about REPAIRS. OFFER TO HELP if NECESSARY.

OTHERWISE TALK with SUAVE PLAYBOY. Now would be prudent to find a HOTEL, although I'm comfortable making this place our BASE OF OPERATIONS. If NOTHING ELSE we can SEE ABOUT UPGRADING this PLACE (or at least improvising a new COT).
We SHOULD LOOK FOR WORK. I LOOK FOR WORK ONLINE for WORK we CAN DO or an OPPORTUNITY where orbital work can be done.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY has found a BEERSTAINED MAP in the HANGAR and AGREES as this place is pretty damned CRAPPY.

SUAVE PLAYBOY has been trying to find SHOPS and HOTELS located nearby using the MAP, he also checks their AIRSTRIP for a mode of TRANSPORTATION that is not powered by ROCKETFUEL and COLLECTIVE LUNACY, ideally a CONVERTABLE of some kind. MAP indicates they are not in COMFORTABLE WALKING DISTANCE of any CIVILIZATION.

[Eternal_Freedom]

COMMEND ZIXINUS on his MURDER/BURNING of SHEPP.

SEARCH SPORTS BAG for USEFUL STUFF.

THEN begin examing SPACEPLANE-RELATED STUFF in the HANGER.

[Lonestar]

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR walks into hanger. He is UNSURE how his handcuffs GOT REMOVED.

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR looks for bug spray while telling others how to properly use the MAP and COLEMAN STOVE.

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR discovers a bottle of 100% DEET. SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR applies it EVEN THOUGH it will melt plastic.

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY moves slowly due to bruises from tear gas rounds. After HANDCUFFS are unlocked, WCDG inspects SPACEPLANE and sees if there is any damage, if someone left a surprise like a bomb or if its been repaired.

Once SPACEPLANE has been assessed, and its not dangerous to go near, WCDG gets it flight ready.

[Shroom Man 777]

AFTER BEING RELEASED BY SHAPP, KARATE KICK ZIXINUS WITH CYBERNETIC FOOT

The FILIPINO JANITOR is BETTER than he was BEFORE.

BETTER, STRONGER, FASTER.

[Zixinus]

BLOCK and ROLL WITH KARATE KICK, thus MINIMIZING DAMAGE from a BONE-SHATTERING STRIKE to a MERE BRUISE.

Give UP PLAN to KILL SHEP for NOW. GROAN. DRINK from PÁLINKA FLASK.

LOOK AROUND OUTSIDE OF HANGAR. FIND OLD BICYCLE and a FEW OLD PARANGS* with SHEATHS. TAKE a the PARANG WITH SHEATH that is in THE BEST CONDITION and EQUIP IT. PRESENT BICYCLE to SUAVE PLAYBOY.

Say "Well, this definitely doesn't need rocket fuel. Doesn't need much lunacy either."

REPAIR GRAND MUSTACHE using MUSTACHE WAX. TALK to TEAM LAME about SHEP, JANITOR and the strange AMERICAN SAILOR.
TRY TO LAY OUT PLANS: We need to:
0. Make sure all of us are OK and in condition to fly again.
1. REPAIR and REFUEL SPACEPLANE. We got is pristine. We should do our best to keep it that way.
2. CLEAN UP RUNWAY so we can PROPERLY LIFT OFF.
3. SETTLE situation with SHEP. We need to make sure that he doesn't try to kill us again somehow. With the USA on our tail, we can't afford to have a problem like him.
4. DISCUSS what our next MISSION SHOULD BE. Suggestions:
- Alexyei Alexieyev Alexevsky is heavy on advertising. Maybe we can try to approach him with the possibility of advertising from orbit? Or from the Moon, on the 10th anneversy? Sounds like a not-too-hard job and one that would pay us well.
- Can we realistically have a hope in hell of STORMING GUANTANAMO? Personally, I think we should delay that until we have more info.
- We may still have the bombs, although I don't know why. Maybe we can look to do a bombing run on some pirates or something? Personally, I don't find that a good idea: we have no reliable mechanism for the bomb to begin with. Also, it could also stir up trouble for us in the future.
-

* Type of large, jungle knife like a machete that is favored by the British Army.

[Lonestar]

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR calls Zixinus a pussy for DESPERATELY SEEKING a penis replacement through the PARANGS

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR finds an E-TOOL.

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR favors USING THE SPACEPLANE to look for SOLOMON'S MINES.

[PeZook]

February 22nd 2025
Saturday



Abandoned airbase
Another middle of nowhere

ROUND 1

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, SUAVE PLAYBOY, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, RI'ANN SHAPP, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR and STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY.

You are SICK. It SUCKS ASS.

You are OUTSIDE. You are in a JUNGLE. There is an OLD HANGAR. There is a TARMAC. There is a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is MAGNIFICENT. You are CUFFED TOGETHER. Except for STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY. STIRLITZ THE RUSSIAN SPY is RUMMAGING through the HANGAR. It is MORNING. It is VERY HOT. Also VERY HUMID.

RI'ANN SHAPP WHISTLES yet AGAIN. The LARGE IRRITABLE DOG UNTANGLES himself and DEFTLY STEALS the HANDCUFF KEYS from STIRLITZ. He HANDS them to RI'ANN SHAPP. There is an ALTERCATION as PEOPLE begin to FIGHT for the HANDCUFF KEYS. RI'ANN SHAPP BARELY manages to FREE HIMSELF, COMBAT JANITOR and SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR before ZIXINUS HEADBUTTS RI'ANN SHAPP. ZIXINUS SNATCHES the KEYS and FREES HIMSELF.

ZIXINUS begins to CHASE RI'ANN SHAPP around the TARMAC but is ATTACKED by COMBAT JANITOR. ZIXNUS BARELY avoids having his SKULL CRUSHED. He RETREATS into the HANGAR.

SUAVE PLAYBOY and SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR have already TAKEN up RESIDENCE inside the HANGAR. SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR turns out to ALSO be a SURVIVALIST NUT. Possibly a CAMPING ENTHUSIAST. He EXPLAINS to SUAVE PLAYBOY how to ORIENT the BEER STAINED MAP. The MAP is OLD and OUT OF DATE. It shows a PART of NEW GUINEA. You are not SURE which PART it IS.

ZIXINUS has FOUND a STASH of STUFF. He FOUND an OLD BICYCLE. It is a CONVERTIBLE. He has also FOUND a bunch of OLD and rusty PARANGS.

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR notices ZIXINUS take a PARANG and wants to CALL him a PUSSY, but is HIT with the SMELL of PALINKA. SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR has GAINED some GRUDGING RESPECT for a MAN who can DRINK something so FOUL. And HAS such GRAND MOUSTACHE.

RI'ANN SHAPP temporarily ABANDONS thoughts of VENGEANCE. RI'ANN SHAPP has APPROPRIATED the FOOD BAG for HIMSELF and BEGINS to COOK some MEATS. The SMELL is PURE TORTURE. There is RUMBLING of EMPTY STOMACHS across the TARMAC. ZIXINUS ATTEMPTS to INITIATE STRATEGIZING but it will be HARD to CONCENTRATE.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY begins to DIAGNOSE the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE. He DISCOVERS that is had only BASIC REPAIRS done. The INTERIOR still REEKS of BODILY FLUIDS. The BODILY FLUIDS are now MONTH OLD. The RADIO has been REPLACED by a BASIC MODEL. The FUSE in RADIATOR SYSTEMS has been REPLACED. COCKPIT INSTRUMENTS have been PARTIALLY REPAIRED. You got to KEEP the BOMBS for SOME REASON. It is COMPLETELY UNFUELED.

Code: Select all

===SYSTEMS DAMAGE===
MAIN COMPUTER - OK
FLIGHT SURFACES - OK
HEAT SHIELD - OK
RADIO - REPLACED
HYDRAULICS - OK
RADIATOR - OK
INTERIOR - RUINED BY BODILY FLUIDS
DOCKING CLAMP - OK
RADAR - OK
COCKPIT INSTRUMENTATION - DAMAGED

===CARGO===

RANDOM SPARE PARTS (23)
MK 84 2000LB LOW DRAG MUNITIONS (3)
FUELING HOSES (4)
OFFICE CHAIR (1)
MEDKIT (1)
SPECIALIZED TOOLBOXES (2)
ROTTEN CHINESE TAKEOUT (4)

===FUEL LEVELS===

SCRAM FUEL: 0%
MAIN ENGINE FUEL: 0%
RCS FUEL: 0%
APU FUEL: 10%

What do you do? _

[Lonestar]

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR turns on avionics in VAIN HOPE for a GPS reciever

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR looks for a compass in order to SHOOT A BEARING.