Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[PeZook]

Spoiler

Yes, Russia in 2025 has apparently become a libertarian paradise in practice if not in theory

[Scottish Ninja]

CALL the TRAWLER again. Have them SEND our FLIGHT PLAN to the GRU so they can TERRORIZE the APPROPRIATE AIR DEFENCES.

ENCRYPT this RADIO TRAFFIC.

[Zixinus]

Mutter "You know, I just had the terrible feeling that we might end up causing the war that our forefathers had nightmares about."

GAZE into SPACE for a second. SHRUG and then CONTINUE whatever I was doing.

[FaxModem1]

WCDG reflects on ZIXINUS statement.

"If one little non-aligned civilian plane is enough to start a nuclear holocaust, then the world was already at the brink of destroying itself."

EDIT:I misspelled Zixinus name.

[Eternal_Freedom]

EMERGE from WEEKEND-LONG DAYDREAM (and lack of internet in RL).

REPEAT EARLIER LAUNCH at the BARACK OBAMA SPACEFLIGHT CENTRE.

FIREWALL THROTTLES. HAUL up on the CONTROLS so we CLEAR THE JUNGLE. PUSH us back into LEVEL FLIGHT at LOW ALTITUDE. BEGIn EVASIVE MANUEVRES that APPEAR WILD and UNCONTROLLED, but UPON CLOSER INSPECTION REVEAL BADASS PILOT SKILLS.

HAVING CLEARED the AIRFIELD and AVOIDED ANY PERSUIT, PREPARE for SUB-ORBITAL HOP to OKHOTSK.

Remarl: "Ha, this is much easier than flying X-Wings over Libya in '11!"

[Scottish Ninja]

"Da. Is still dangerous, but not like Lybia, or Uragan launch from Baikonur under Kazakh noses in '03!"
" ... "
"Which did not happen and since it did not happen I am not involved in this!"

[Eternal_Freedom]

"'03 eh? I heard some rumours bout that. Almost got transferred to recon to take a looksie, but I turned it down to join the X-Wing secret test program. Also, dangerous? DUH! If it weren't dangerous we wouldn't be doing it. This outfit is more insane than 666 Squadron was."

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY looks to DERANGED PHYSICIST and SWARMY SAILOR.

"I hope you have strong stomachs."

[Simon_Jester]

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST looks at WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY.

Feels POWERFUL ACCELERATION pushing him BACK in SEAT.

"So do I, buddy, so do I!"

[Force Lord]

HISTORIAN feels PRESSURE of ACCELERATION. Is UNABLE TO MOVE.

[Scottish Ninja]

"Is rumour only! No such thing as Uragan! Columbia is not carrying Israeli doomsday weapon on secret mission. Loss was accident.

" ... and nothing else you have heard is true either! I am flying MiG-31 only. No space fighters, which have never existed. MiG-31 is not special project flying at speed of Mach 4 either. Is no faster than Mach 2.8. Otherwise engine is melting."

[PeZook]

February 23rd 2025
Sunday



Abandoned airbase
Somewhere in Papua New Guinea

ROUND 10

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, RI'ANN SHAPP, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, TROPICAL BEAUTY, IVAN IVANOV and MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. Thee is JUNGLE. The JUNGLE is partially on FIRE due to the EXPLODING FART CLOUD. There is an OLD HANGAR. There is a slab of TARMAC and a RUNWAY. There is a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is MAGNIFICENT. It is MORNING. It really HOT again. There is a MOB. There is a TIGER. It is VERY DEAD. It is in two PIECES. It STINKS really BAD.

There are DRONE HELICOPTERS. The DRONE HELICOPTERS are SHOOTING UP the ABANDONED AIRBASE. Two of the DRON HELICOPTERS are presenty ATTEMPTING to MURDERIZE ETERNAL FREEDOM in the COCKPIT.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST has an IDEA how to SAVE ETERNAL FREEDOM and POSSIBLY EVERYONE from DEATH via LEAD POISONING.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST yells to ETERNAL FREDOM to CLOSE the NOSECONE so that he can FRY some SUCKERS. He RUSHES to the COPILOT SEAT and TEMPORARILY displaces ZIXINUS.

DRONE HELICOPTER are APPROACHING REALLY FAST. They seem INTENT on MINIMIZING the DAMAGE to the SPACEPLANE while MURDERIZING you.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST manages to MASTER the RADAR CONTROLS with DISTURBING SPEED and CONVERTS your NAVIGATIONAL RADAR into a REALLY BIG ZAP GUN.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST gets a serious CASE of DOC BROWN HAIR. MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST mutates into MAD SCIENTIST.

MAD SCIENTIST Yells: Commence primary ignition!

The NAVIGATIONAL RADAR begins to EMIT lots of CASTRATING RADIATION at the DRONE HELICOPTERS. They begin to WOBBLE and seem CONFUSED.

MAD SCIENTIST Yells: I need more power! More power!

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY REDIRECTS most of the APU POWER towards supplying ELECTRICAL ENERGY.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Says: Time to tell the drones hello!

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY PRESSES a SHINY RED BUTTON marked as a THING YOU SHOULD NEVER PRESS.

One of the DRONE HELICOPTERS CRASHES. The WRECK flies past the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE and TUMBLES into the PRESSURIZED TANKS. The second DRONE HELICOPTER loses CONTACT with the OPERATOR and FLIES AWAY on AUTONOMOUS PROGRAMMING.

MAD SCIENTIST CACKLES.

Meanwhile ZIXINUS was TAKING CARE of BUSINESS with the MAN HEAP. He CUT APART SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR'S TREKKING POLES with OLD PARANG. He also ISSUED some THREATS and INSULTS before saying EVERYONE should BUCKLE UP.

However, due to LARGE IRRITABLE DOG'S IRRITATION he was UNABLE to. ZIXINUS ATTEMPTS to STUN the LARGE IRRITABLE DOG with PALINKA FUMES but is KICKED in the GROIN by RI'ANN SHAPP, who in the MEANTIME managed to ESCAPE from the MAN HEAP.

ZIXINUS COLLAPSES to the FLOOR. He is WHIMPERING. LARGE IRRITABLE DOG sees RI'ANN SHAPP and CALMS DOWN somewhat. He STOPS biting PEOPLE.

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR has ALSO managed to ESCAPE the MAN HEAP and INEXPLICABLY RUNS into the CLOSED AIRLOCK DOOR. WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY helpfully POINTS OUT that SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR is now INSIDE the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE.

ZIXINUS manages to DRAG himself to the COPILOT CHAIR and REPLACE MAD SCIENTIST. ZIXINUS BUCKLES UP and ATTEMPTS to PLOT a COURSE to OKHOTSK. MAD SCIENTIST HELPS using his SLIDE RULE FU. He occasionally INTERRUPTS in order to CACKLE. He manages to EXPLAIN that he is quite WORRIED about the US NAVY shooting LARGE MISSILES at you.

The DRONE HELICOPTER WRECK has EXPLODED and set the HANGAR on FIRE. Other DRONE HELICOPTERS are now APPROACHING the HANGAR. The have DISCARDED ATTACK RUNS due to a total LACK of EFFECTIVE AA FIRE and will now METHODICALLY MURDERIZE EVERYONE.

It is time to LEAVE. Very QUICKLY.

ETERNAL FREEDOM finally WAKES UP and FIRES up the MAIN ENGINES. With PRACTICED CALM he ADJUSTS some SETTINGS and WITHOUT WARNING the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE SHOOTS out of the HANGAR while RIDING an EXPLOSION of the PRESSURIZED TANKS.

In SLOW MOTION.

You COLLIDE with a DRONE HELICOPTER on your WAY OUT. You WIN the COLLISION. The MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE STANDS on its TAIL again, MELTING the RUNWAY and SETTING OFF a RAGING JUNGLEFIRE. Everyone not BUCKLED UP first SLAMS into the REAR BULKHEAD, and then ROLLS onto the CEILING as ETERNAL FREEDOM performs a ROLL MANEUVER to get you ON COURSE.

You are AIRBORNE.

***

CHAPTER 3: A HOLE IN THE ACE

February 23rd 2025
Sunday
Wheels Up + 00:00:01

Code: Select all

SIMULATION ENGINE ACTIVATED

CHOOSE HEADING

*020 _

CHOOSE ASCENT PROFILE

* [ ] FULL ORBITAL FLIGHT
* [X] SUBORBITAL FLIGHT
* [ ] ATMOSPHERIC SCRAM TRANSFER

CONFIGURE SOUND CARD

* Autodetect: DirectX 7 onboard audio device

THANK YOU FOR CONFIGURING SIMULATION

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, RI'ANN SHAPP, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, TROPICAL BEAUTY, IVAN IVANOV, MAD SCIENTIST and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. You are ASCENDING to perform a SUBORBITAL HOP. There are many Gs in the PASSENGER CABIN. There is a MAN HEAP on the CEILING.

The MAN HEAP DROPS rapidly back on the BULKHEAD as the FLIGHT STABILIZES towards ILLUSION of NORMALITY. The ENGINES are ROARING. It is VERY LOUD.

You ASCEND very QUICKLY. ETERNAL FREEDOM performs some ADJUSTMENTS as per INSTRUCTIONS from MAD SCIENTIST. FUCKER NEWTON GLARES at MAD SCIENTIST.

You are now in FREEFALL. You are FIFTEEN MINUTES away from RE-ENTRY. There is an ALTERCATION in the AIR. TROPICAL BEAUTY seems OFFENDED at RI'ANN SHAPP accidentally BUMPING into her due to the CONFUSION of FREEFALL. She is currently TRYING to CLAW his EYES OUT.

You have to ADMIT it looks REALLY FUNNY. FUCKER NEWTON is CERTAINLY having a BLAST.

IVAN IVANOV has UNBUCKLED and SEIZES a RADIO HEADPIECE. He is trying to CALL COMBAT JANITOR and GIVE him some INFORMATION.

There is a FART. It is REALLY NASTY.

COMBAT JANITOR EMERGES from BENEATH a SEAT. It seems IMPOSSIBLE that he managed to FIT below it. He SHOULD have some BROKEN BONES.

COMBAT JANITOR Says: You called?

What do you do? _

[Lonestar]

SAILOR tries to break up the FIGHT between SHAPP and TROPICAL BEAUTY. SAILOR grabs TROPICAL BEAUTY and hopes she doesn't notice his BONER.

[Shroom Man 777]

REALIZES that WE ARE IN SPACE

SHRIEKS: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

and then CACKLES while WEEPING

"FOOLS! YOU HAVE KILLED US ALL!"

CACKLES ECHO IN SPACE

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY stays buckled in, he than notices NEW PASSENGERS.

"So, we have a sailor, a tribal chief's daughter, a bloodthirsty dog, a janitor with bowel problems, and the guy who has been hunting us down, even if he says he was forced to."

WCDG then looks at their crew again.

"Where did SUAVE PLAYBOY go?"

[PeZook]

SUAVE PLAYBOY is VERY FAST when SCARED and hence managed to BOARD while nobody was LOOKING.

[Eternal_Freedom]

CALMLY INSTRUCT ZIXINUS, PLAYBOY and WCDG to PLACE COMBAT JANITOR and SHEPP in the AIRLOCK so we may DISPOSE OF THEM.

[Shroom Man 777]

"NOOOO!" SCREAMS the COMBAT JANITOR "IF YOU KILL ME YOU WON'T KNOW THE SECRET"

CACKLES

[FaxModem1]

"Thanks, but we're not cats."

WCDG opens INNER AIRLOCK HATCH.

[Shroom Man 777]

FUCKING LAUGH AT THEM ALL.

"THE AUSTRALIANS DID SOMETHING TO THE SPACEPLANE! YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION, MAKE YOUR TIME! ONLY I CAN SAVE YOU!"

FUCKING LAUGH

[Zixinus]

Say "OK, you have a chance to talk. I'm also partial to giving our smarmy sailor here a chance. Shep however definitely needs some vacuum aroma treatment. Like, right now!"

PROCEEDS TO MANHANDLE SHEP TO AIRLOCK by GRABBING HIM AND KNEEING HIM IN THE BALLS, aided with LONG, PENT-UP RAGE and THIRST FOR REVENGE. THREATEN TO CUT APART ANYONE WITH A PARANG if they INTERFERE, including IRRITABLE DOG.

LOUDLY RANT AT HIM WHILE DOING SO "This is what I get for giving people a chance! Strand us in the middle of a desert just to get his selfish ass arrested, without so much as dropping us off at a town. Sure, he was confused, I thought, let's just not hold that against him. Then the motherfucker goes and shoots missiles at us. Says he was forced to. Like the feds have such money lying around that they'll give any half-remorseful moron a spaceship but let's give the benefit of the doubt. Then the moron lands right next to us to try and finish the job with a dog because he himself doesn't have the guts. Well, what the fuck ever, we were free and the whole thing was over. Then we get a moment of peace and what does this moron do? HE CALLS THE NAVY ON US! Somehow the fucker force-feed his cellphone to his own, poor dog and called the fucking navy on us. Then the miserable little shit runs up and hides with us when the navy wants to kill his traitorous, worthless little ass. He had his chance to let bygones be bygones, but nooooo! He decided that to REPLY to the motherfuckers and tried to kill us. He shown us no mercy, why should we do it now! ARGH!! BLAGARHARGH! Huj huj huj huj hujhujhujhuj HUJ HUJ HUJ HUJ HUJ HUJHUJHJHUJHUJ HUUUUUUUJ!"

ENTER INTO FROTHING RAGE!

[Shroom Man 777]

KARATE KICKS the HUNGARIAN's SAUSAGE with CYBERNETIC FOOT

THEN PRESSES a BUTTON on CYBER-FOOT and PLAYS a RECORDING of the AUSTRALIANS DISCUSSING THEIR SABOTAGE OF THE SPACEPLANE

[Eternal_Freedom]

"I'm sorry, Janitor, but you're a fuckhead. Like we're gonna fall for that "Only I can save you" spiel. Zixinus, WCDG, show him out. Shepp too. Leave the dog. Smarmy sailor can stay as well, he hasn't done anything wrong yet."

[Zixinus]

EASILY RECOVER FROM KARATE KICK DUE TO FUCKER NEWTON. CHOP OFF CYBERNETIC LEG by GRABBING IT. PROCEED TO KILL SHEP AT ALL COSTS.

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 3: A HOLE IN THE ACE

February 23rd 2025
Sunday
Wheels Up + 00:03:11

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, RI'ANN SHAPP, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, TROPICAL BEAUTY, IVAN IVANOV, MAD SCIENTIST and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. You are at an ALTITUDE of 80 kilometres. You are ASCENDING. You are in FREEFALL.

There is AMATEUR ZERO-G COMBAT in the PASSENGER CABIN. SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR has ATTEMPTED to SAVE RI'ANN SHAPP from LOSING his EYESIGHT. He has accidentally MOLESTED TROPICAL BEAUTY. TROPICAL BEAUTY RETALIATED by KICKING SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR in the BALLS.

RI'ANN SHAPP, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR and TROPICAL BEATY all VIOLENTLY DRIFT into the COCKPIT banging on VARIOUS THINGS along the WAY.

ETERNAL FREEDOM RETAINS his COOL and ORDERS ZIXINUS, SUAVE PLAYBOY and WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY to STUFF COMBAT JANITOR and RI'ANN SHAPP into the AIRLOCK. ZIXINUS immediately FLIES into HOMICIDAL RAGE and GRABS RI'ANN SHAPP while SCREAMING OBSCENITIES right in his FACE. RI'ANN SHAPP almost PASSES OUT due to the HUNGARIAN BREATH.

TROPICAL BEAUTY is HITTING SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR on the HEAD with an UNLIT OXYGEN CANDLE.

COMBAT JANITOR hears ETERNAL FREEDOM'S command. COMBAT JANITOR Screams: If you kill me you won't know THE SECRET!

COMBAT JANITOR is MANHANDLED by SUAVE PLAYBOY and WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY who are LUSTING for REVEANGEANCE.

COMBAT JANITOR Yells: The australians did something to the spaceplane! You are on the way to destruction, make your time! Only I can save you!

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY opens the INNER AIRLOCK DOOR.

ETERNAL FREEDOM is SKEPTICAL of COMBAT JANITOR'S claims. ZIXINUS is BUSY fighting RI'ANN SHAPP. COMBAT JANITOR attempts to FREE HIMSELF but manages to enter AMATEUR ZERO-G COMBAT with WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY and SUAVE PLAYBOY.

ZIXINUS grabs COMBAT JANITOR with INSANE STRENGTH. He begins to HIT the CYBERNETIC LEG with the PARANG. He must have hit SOMETHING IMPORTANT, for a RECORDING begins to PLAY. From the LEG. Somehow.

*helicopter engine sound in the background*

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL: I don't like it. One bit.

AGENT JOYCE: What don't you like? It's a really elegant solution. It's not like we can just admit to stealing a US spaceplane and rummaging through it for weeks...

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL: But what if they survive? That's going to be quite an embarassment for us...

AGENT JOYCE: Don't worry. The hole is under the wing, and only tenth of a millimeter wide. Enough to destroy them on re-entry, but there's no way these idiots can spot it. When they recover, we send them a fake job, they take off and break up on re-entry, we deny any involvement. Problem solves itself.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL: I really hope you know what you're doing.

AGENT JOYCE: As long as your men can keep a secret, wer're covered. Queen Portman knows nothing, so the government is protected. At worst, I take the fall.

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL sighs.

*strange click, noise*

AUSTRALIAN COLONEL: We shouldn't have wasted money on replacing that one guy's leg, though.

AGENT JOYCE: Oh, it's a rejected military model. Our surgeons got some practice and the thing will kill him in three weeks anyway, even if he doesn't burn up with the rest of them.

Oh, DAMN. That last part never played back before!

What do you do? _