Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Shroom Man 777]

"HOLY FUCK!" LOOK UPON THE SHOCKED FACES OF FELLOW LAMERS AND START WEEPING "YOU SEE WHAT THEY DID TO ME?! YOU SEE WHAT THEY DID TO ALL OF US?!"

PRESSES a BUTTON on the FOOT to make it SPRAY TEAR GAS at the HUNGARIAN

GRAB MY OWN PARANG and DEFEND MYSELF

ULULATE A MIXTURE OF SOBBING AND DERANGED CACKLING

"I DIDN'T WANT ANY OF THIS! I WANT TO LIVE!"

[Eternal_Freedom]

LOSE my COOL. LEAN AROUND in PILOT'S SEAT. GRAB my TIGER-SKINNING PARANG, still NICELY LUBED with TIGER BLOOD.

Say:" Well thanks janitor. Now we know, we have even less reason to spare you."

SWING PARANG VERY HARD.IT SLICES PARTWAY though the JANITORS NECK. He MAY BE STILL ALIVE, but in INCALCULABLE PAIN.

[Zixinus]

KICK AWAY COMBAT JANITOR. IGNORE TEAR GAS DUE TO FROTHING RAGE. ATTEMPT TO SIMPLY KILL SHEP NOW WHILE MANHANDLING HIM TO AIRLOCK.

[Scottish Ninja]

STAY OUT of the FRAY with PROFESSIONAL CALM. AS IF this were ROUTINE.

" ... I can fix problem. You think Kazakhs take good care of space fighter? Or that we have time to fix before launch? And I am still here, no?"

[Shroom Man 777]

DODGES ETERNAL FREEDOM's SWING thanks to HUNGARIAN's KICK.

OR PARRY ETERNAL FREEDOM's PARANG and then USE the MOMENTUM from the HUNGARIAN's KICK to PUSH me to SAFETY



PULL OUT A GUN from MY CYBERNETIC LEG'S CONCEALED CARRY HOLSTER (MADE by OZZIE CONSUMER PRODUCTS)

TURN INTO GUN-CRAZED FILIPINO

"GO AHEAD PUNKS, MAKMENDE!"

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST looks toward CHAOTIC MELEE in PASSENGER AREA. Sees KAMIKAZE SPACE PILOT, HUNGARIAN, and WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY all WRESTLING with COMBAT JANITOR. While IGNORING the FACT that WE'RE ALL GONNA BURN upon REENTRY. Feels a TWITCH in his DOC BROWN HAIR as MAD SCIENTIST INSTINCTS kick in.

"BICKERING FOOLS! Kill each other later! If any of you wish to survive the next fifteen minutes, you must listen closely!"

[Scottish Ninja]

"You know gun will kill you when you shoot it, right? You think Australians are giving you working gun?"

" ... Da, would be convenient for us to all be shot. But if you want to walk on land again and shoot gun without dying is best to calm down."

[Shroom Man 777]

"BUT THEY'RE ALL TRYING TO KILL ME!"

CRY AND CACKLE AT THE SAME TIME

CRYCKLE

"THEY'RE ALL SO MEAN!"

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST continues SHOUTING.

"YES! We are mean! So shut up and let us be mean to the problem, instead of to you!"

[Eternal_Freedom]

REGAIN my COOL. In a QUITE QUIET but CLEARLY COMMANDING tone of VOICE, ORDER ENERYONE to LISTEN to MAD SCIENTIST. EXECUTIONS will be POSTPONED until we HEAR what he HAS to SAY.

[Shroom Man 777]

"YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS! IF IT WASN'T FOR ME, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE PROBLEM AT ALL!" CRY AT THE MAD SCIENTIST "GO TAKE YOUR SPACE TIME CONTINUUM AND SHOVEL IT!"

AND THEN CALM DOWN

BUT BE READY TO SHOOT THESE MOTHERFUCKLERS IF THEY TRY ANYTHING

[Scottish Ninja]

"We will have no executions on this ship! I am not cleaning that kind of mess again!"

To COMBAT JANITOR: "Do not worry. I will buy you vodka and caviar and medal when we land. Hero of Soviet Union even I can get. I think."

RESTRAIN both ZIXINUS and SHEP so they don't make an ENORMOUS MESS.

[Zixinus]

"BUT THEY'RE ALL TRYING TO KILL ME!"

CRY AND CACKLE AT THE SAME TIME

POINTS TO SHEP.
SAY "NO, I WANT TO KILL HIM!"

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY takes time out from manhandling people to womanhandle TROPICAL BEAUTY, saving her from SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR or saving HIM from HER one of the two. SUAVE PLAYBOY is then made to pay attention to STRANGE CRAZY HAIRED PHYSICIST by TROPICAL BEAUTY.

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY calms himself. He looks to MAD SCIENTIST.

"Okay, they said under the wing, but I checked the plane for booby traps and sabotage before we left, and I didn't see it."

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY checks airlock to see if any SPACESUITS are available.

"Problem is, I think we already used our spacesuits during our last voyage, so even if there was a hole, we wouldn't be able to fix it."

If Spacesuit is found, WCDG gives it to SUAVE PLAYBOY, as he has most experience outside of SPACEPLANE.

[FaxModem1]

WCDG then asks COMBAT JANITOR for a COPY OF RECORDING.

"We're going to need that for later."

[Shroom Man 777]

REFUSES to GIVE AWAY INSURANCE POLICY

"I WILL BE THE ONLY COPY UNTIL I MAKE IT THROUGH THIS ALIVE!"

"SO LET'S START WORKING ON THAT."

[Simon_Jester]

REFUSES to GIVE AWAY INSURANCE POLICY
"I WILL BE THE ONLY COPY UNTIL I MAKE IT THROUGH THIS ALIVE!"
"SO LET'S START WORKING ON THAT."

MAD SCIENTIST points to COMBAT JANITOR. "Fine, whatever."

POINTS TO SHEP.
SAY "NO, I WANT TO KILL HIM!"

MAD SCIENTIST points to MUSTACHIOED HUNGARIAN. "Fine, but kill him later!"

REGAIN my COOL. In a QUITE QUIET but CLEARLY COMMANDING tone of VOICE, ORDER ENERYONE to LISTEN to MAD SCIENTIST. EXECUTIONS will be POSTPONED until we HEAR what he HAS to SAY.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY calms himself. He looks to MAD SCIENTIST.
"Okay, they said under the wing, but I checked the plane for booby traps and sabotage before we left, and I didn't see it."

MAD SCIENTIST feels FURTHER TWITCHES in his DOC BROWN HAIR as MAD SCIENTIST instincts kick into OVERDRIVE. MAD SCIENTIST attempts to CONSTRUCT PLAN so we DON'T DIE. He is IN A HURRY.

MAD SCIENTIST points to KAMIKAZE BADASS SPACE PILOT and MUSTACHIOED HUNGARIAN. "If possible, we should boost ourselves into a polar orbit with the main engines to buy time- fifteen minutes is not enough. Zixinus, Freedom, you and I will work on that."

MAD SCIENTIST points to WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY. "Delivery guy, the hole is only a tenth of a millimeter wide; practically microscopic. You probably missed it, assuming this isn't all a horrible joke. Unfortunately, that will make finding it very difficult. And it's in reentry-proof composites; I don't know how to plug it, patch it, or replace the material. You're in charge of figuring out a way to do that. Tell anyone you need for help."

MAD SCIENTIST points to SUAVE PLAYBOY. "Bazooka boy, if you're our most experienced EVA man, we're going to need you. I sure hope we have a spacesuit. With a radio."

MAD SCIENTIST points to IVAN IVANOV, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, TROPICAL BEAUTY, PHANT, BUTTBURNED HISTORIAN, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, and R'IAN SHAPP. Rapidly. In descending order of how helpful he expects them to be. "Everyone else, if you can't go EVA, let's see if we can work out a way to... do anything helpful. I don't know what yet, that's the point. Let's move!"

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY looks for a COMPUTER READOUT. WCDG then asks the computer to do a SELF DIAGNOSTIC and READOUT of any damages. While that's going on, he also gets out the REPAIR KIT and FLASHLIGHTS.

"We're going to need these."

WCDG then has idea.

"What if we go to the moonbase? There's no atmosphere to reenter into, so no death. Of course, us having enough fuel and provisions to get there is another story."

WCDG looks for any EXTERIOR HULL PATCHES that are available.

[Force Lord]

HISTORIAN volunteers to do...SOMETHING.

[FaxModem1]

IF no EXTERIOR HULL PATCH is found, WCDG EXAMINES CYBERNETIC LEG to SEE if it would work to PATCH UP HOLE.

[Scottish Ninja]

"This craft's heat shielding is having some similarities to Spiral-type spaceplane. This I have experience with."

DESCRIBE a PROCEDURE for CREATING an IMPROVISED HULL PATCHING ADHESIVE, out of MATERIALS available onboard.

...which INCLUDES BODILY WASTES.

LOOK at COMBAT JANITOR.

SHUDDER.

TAKE a SLUG of VODKA.

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST'S voice can be heard from COCKPIT, where he is HELPING WORK OUT if we can ENTER A POLAR ORBIT from our current trajectory.

"Remember, we have to find the hole too!"

[FaxModem1]

On hearing this, WCDG looks for a device to mix the 'ingredients'.

"Do we have the equipment to do that?"

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY looks to MAD SCIENTIST:

"That's what the DIAGNOSTIC and FLASHLIGHTS are for."