Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[MKSheppard]

LARGE IRRITABLE DOG floats towards SHAPP and BITES ZIXINUS as he attempts to toss SHAPP out the AIRLOCK.

IT IS NOT PRETTY.

ZIXINUS screams in HUNGARIAN and FLOATS off SPINNING IN A CLOUD OF BLOOD, while LARGE IRRITABLE DOG GROWLS and SNARLS at EVERYONE.

THE BLOOD from ZIXINUS's wound BEGINS TO FILL THE COCKPIT. DUE TO ZERO GEE, IT IS STRANGELY BEAUTIFUL.

{at this point, the recording plays}

[FaxModem1]

"Good thing I installed Air Purifiers."

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY activates AIR PURIFIERS.

[Shroom Man 777]

PULL OUT A HANDFULL OF TURDS DISTURBINGLY FAST

"HERE, YOU NEED BODILY WASTES TO SAVE THE PLANE? I HAVE THEM! CATCH!"

TOSSES the TURDS to RUSSIAN

A TURD FLOATS INSIDE HIS VODKA BOTTLE

[FaxModem1]

"You know, this is one of the reasons we don't like you."

[Scottish Ninja]

ACT QUICKLY. PUT the OTHER INGREDIENTS into the VODKA BOTTLE (CHEAP RUSSIAN VODKA is one of the INGREDIENTS).

CLOSE the VODKA BOTTLE and SHAKE IT VIGOROUSLY.

An ADHESIVE suitable for PATCHING the HULL forms inside the VODKA BOTTLE.

"Now someone needs to go out there and smash this bottle on hole. It will set immediately upon exposure to vacuum."

[FaxModem1]

"That just leaves finding it. SUAVE PLAYBOY, you're up."

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY on the assumption that a SPACESUIT is available puts it on in preparation for VACUUM so as not to disappoint TROPICAL BEAUTY.

[MKSheppard]

Because NOTHING ELSE is HAPPENING, get into SPACESUIT. Put SPACESUIT on LARGE IRRITABLE DOG.

STRAP MYSELF and LARGE IRRITABLE DOG into the SEATS available on LARGE MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE.

Since our HELMETS are in the OPEN AND UP postion, pet LARGE IRRITABLE DOG's HEAD to CALM HIM DOWN.

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST continues to WORK on COURSE CORRECTION.

LOOKS AROUND.

"Gentlemen, do we have any problems not caused, directly or indirectly, by Mister Shapp?"

[PeZook]

You run into a PROBLEM.

You have two SPACESUITS. You would have THREE (or FOUR, depending on the WAY you COUNT them) had anybody THOUGHT to COLLECT those belonging to RI'ANN SHAPP and LARGE IRRITABLE DOG.

The PROBLEM is that the SPACESUITS are HOLED and have DAMAGED LIFE SUPPORT MODULES.

It is POSSIBLE to ENTER a POLAR ORBIT if you BURN at APOAPSIS. You will HAVE to DUMP your SCRAM FUEL to do that, THOUGH, and won't be LEFT with much MAIN ENGINE FUEL at ALL.

[Zixinus]

While IRRITABLE DOG IS LATCHING ON to me TO BITE, I USE PARANG to GUT IRRITABLE DOG.

Within a few seconds, the dog dies from massive blood loss and organ damage. His guts begin to flot out of his corpse.

Say "Hiding behind a dog to do the fighting for you, eh? Quite a coward."

CONTINUE TO MANHANDLE SHEP to AIRLOCK without him having SPACESUIT.

[Shroom Man 777]

FOLLOW SHAPP (MY HERO) and STRAP DOWN

WHILE BEING READY TO QUICK DRAW AND BUST A CAP ON ANYONE WHO DISSES ME

[MKSheppard]

CONTINUE TO MANHANDLE SHEP to AIRLOCK without him having SPACESUIT.

ZIXINUS is BLEEDING from the DOG BITES. He STABS LARGE IRRITABLE DOG.

LARGE IRRITABLE DOG WHINES LIKE CRAZY AND YELPS. HE LETS GO OF ZIXINUS AND FLOATS OFF IN A CLOUD OF HIS OWN BLOOD.

THE WOUND IS ONLY A FLESH ONE -- IT JUST LOOKS BAD.

RIANN SHAPP DOES NOT KNOW THIS HOWEVER.

WITH A HORRIBLE WAIL, HE SNARLS AND BEGINS TO BEAT UP ZIXINUS with a TRULY EPIC DISPLAY of RETARD STRENGTH.

IT IS HORRIBLY MAGNIFICENT. LIKE WATCHING SOMEONE POUND A SLAB OF MEAT.

ZIXINUS BLOWS SNOT OUT OF HIS HORRIBLY BROKEN NOSE AND ATTEMPTS TO STAB SHAPP WITH THE PARANG.

HE MISSES AND HITS THE AIRLOCK RELEASE BUTTON.

BOTH SHAPP AND ZIXINUS ARE SUCKED OUTSIDE THE WARM WOMB OF THE SPACECRAFT BY THE DECOMPRESSION FORCE LIKE A HOMOBORTIONIST PERFORMING A HOMOBORTION WITH THE COAT HANGER OF VACUUM.

BEFORE LARGE IRRITABLE DOG CAN BE SUCKED THROUGH, THE AIRLOCK CYCLES BACK SHUT.

LARGE IRRITABLE DOG STARES THROUGH THE AIRLOCK WINDOW AT HIS MASTER AND WHINES.

[Shroom Man 777]

"NO! SHAPP! HUNGARIAN SAUSAGES!"

READIES TO RESCUE THEM WITH CYBERNETIC FOOT GRAPPLING GUN

"GO GO GADGET!"

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY sighs, and PUNCHES COMBAT JANITOR in the throat as he is talking.

"Go Go Gad-"

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY takes COMBAT JANITOR's PISTOL and SHOOTS him with it.

"This madness is over."

[Zixinus]

GRIN at SHEP, at our COMMON DEATH and that HE IS NOT GETTING AWAY, THE FUCKER.

BEGIN HAVING YOUR LIFE FLASH BEFORE YOUR EYES SEQUENCE.

[Shroom Man 777]

The GUN will not FIRE because of BIOMETRICS TECHNOLOGY (and because the SAFETY is ON)

"THE MADNESS WILL NEVER END!"

KICKS WCDG with ELECTRO-FOOT CAUSING WCDG to URINATE ON HIMSELF

RETRIEVES GUN and ACTIVATES BUILT-IN RETRACTABLE BAYONET

GUN TRANSFORMS TO KNIFE PISTOL

WRITE MY INITIALS IN WCDG's SHIRT

RETURN to SAVING SHAPP and the HUNGARIAN SAUSAGE

"I WILL BE THE MAN WHO SAVES THE WORLD"

[PeZook]

Jesus, people

The AIRLOCK will not OPEN when PRESSURIZED without the PILOT disabling the SAFETY INTERLOCKS. It also NEEDS to be CYCLED in order to OPEN to SPACE. Again, the INTERLOCKS prevent the OPENING of both SIDES at ONCE. CYCLING the AIRLOCK takes a full MINUTE without COUNTING the DEPRESSURIZATION.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY avoids the ruckus in the AIRLOCK cause when he looks at SHAPP the TROPICAL BEAUTY pokes him and babbles something in which THE HEAT OF PASSIONATE LOVE or something similar and something like TILL DEATH DO US PART are involved. SUAVE PLAYBOY thus recovers his old SPACESUIT and drags it in front of IVAN IVANOV and MAD SCIENTIST.

"Can we get it fixed if you patch and you rewire?" he asks the two, directing the words respectively.

SUAVE PLAYBOY realizes that with the way this task is complicating they'll deserve a MEDAL if they manage to get planetside, all they need to do is find a NATION that doesn't want them dead or want to steal their MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE who can BESTOW THEM.

[FaxModem1]

Jesus, people

The AIRLOCK will not OPEN when PRESSURIZED without the PILOT disabling the SAFETY INTERLOCKS. It also NEEDS to be CYCLED in order to OPEN to SPACE. Again, the INTERLOCKS prevent the OPENING of both SIDES at ONCE. CYCLING the AIRLOCK takes a full MINUTE without COUNTING the DEPRESSURIZATION.

Spoiler

We're tired of being screwed around with, action must be taken. Besides, we were focusing on the problem when they started shit again.

Seeing as how COMBAT JANITOR was PUNCHED in the THROAT, he was unable to DO ANYTHING. Once WCDG realizes the PISTOL won't work for him, he tosses it to HISTORIAN and puts COMBAT JANITOR in SLEEPER HOLD.

"ETERNAL FREEDOM, can I borrow that PARANG of yours?"

[Eternal_Freedom]

"By all means my friend."

GENTLY LOBS TIGER-STAINED PARANG on a GRACEFUL ARC to WCDG.

"As long as you kill that turd-flinging sone of a bitch."

[FaxModem1]

WCDG catches PARANG and SLASHES COMBAT JANITOR'S THROAT.

"Good thing I turned on that AIR PURIFIER, because this is about to get messy. SUAVE PLAYBOY, would you kindly go outside and fix the problem? ZIXINUS, would you get RIANN SHAPP out of that spacesuit?"

[Shroom Man 777]

SEEING as there was NO AIRLOCK INCIDENT AT ALL and I WASN'T DISTRACTED by TRYING to SAVE SHAPP with GRAPPLING FOOT, I WAS ABLE to AVOID theMID-SENTENCE THROAT-PUNCH

SHOOTS GLASER SAFETY SLUGS AT WCDG and ETERNAL FREEDOM

AIM CENTER MASS

AT THIS RANGE I CAN'T MISS

"DON'T BRING A KNIFE TO A GUNFIGHT"

CACKLES

*CYBERNETIC LEG BEGINS TO REPLAY THE AUSTRALIANS' SCHEMES OVER AND OVER AGAIN*

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY hears a CLICK from the PISTOL. WCDG PUNCHES COMBAT JANITOR in THROAT.

"Next time, turn off the safety."

Now WCDG STABS COMBAT JANITOR several times with PARANG.

[Force Lord]

HISTORIAN LAUGHS SUDDENLY.