Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY as a result of HISTORIAN's UTTERANCE for a moment sees a PENTAGRAM WITH A GOATSHEAD on the wall which says "oremornhojemlliktsumuoyemagehtniwot"

SUAVE PLAYBOY blink blinks "Dude, when we get to russia we need to find me a dealer. I'm starting to see shit."

[Shroom Man 777]

MAD SCIENTIST parries STREAM OF HISTORIAN PUKE with ADVANCED CLEANING SUPPLIES.

"Look, you have to do your actual job sooner or later. Better now than later."

"okay"

ATTACHES the CLEANING SUPPLIES to the CONVULSIFICATING HISTORIAN'S HANDS and FEET

TURN HIM INTO A BUFFER/MOP

USE HIM to SCRUB the INTERIOR

[Scottish Ninja]

APPROVE this DISPLAY of IMPROVISATIONAL JANITORIAL PROWESS.

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST likewise APPROVES of decision to USE HISTORIAN AS FLOOR BUFFER.

"Mwa-ha-ha-haaa!"

MAD SCIENTIST returns to TASK AT HAND. Then REALIZES he is UNSURE what TASK AT HAND is.

"Hmmm."

[Zixinus]

Whisper to MAD SCIENTIST: "Doing whatever you can to prevent us from dying?"

[Force Lord]

DERANGED HISTORIAN SHAKES EVEN STRONGER. BECOMES HUMAN VIBRATOR.

[Shroom Man 777]

SHRIEKS IN HORRER AS THE VIBRATIONS OF THE DERANGED HISTORIAN CAUSES THE WHOLE SPACESHIP TO SHAKE

"NEIN!"

[Simon_Jester]

Whisper to MAD SCIENTIST: "Doing whatever you can to prevent us from dying?"

"Obviously, my dear fellow, I'm just trying to think what that is..."
Spoiler

If I have more trouble than I expect getting a laptop working, I may be incommunicado for the next week. Just giving you guys a heads-up.

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

I'm having the aforesaid trouble. I can't count on an Internet connection for the next week; I ask that if anything important happens, PeZook make my character an NPC until such time as I can get back in touch. OK?

[Zixinus]

ROLL EYES at stupidity, as I have previously determined that HISTORIAN is HAVING A GIGANTIC ORGASM.

SHOUT TO BACK "PUT A BUCKET OR SOMETHING IN FRONT OF HIS DICK!"

[Eternal_Freedom]

MUTTER to MYSELF YET AGAIN:

"I should have renamed the Ravenstar. Ship of Fools is much more appropriate."

[Zixinus]

Say to ETERNAL FREEDOM "Hey, look at it this way: for the raving idiots that we are, this thing is still in one piece and flying. If anything, that has to be a sign of quality."

[Eternal_Freedom]

Or luck...

[FaxModem1]

"How about determination? We succeed because we try so hard? Or in spite of it?"

[Shroom Man 777]

"OH NO HE'S GONNA BLOW!"

GATHERS COLLECTED POO and PILES IT ON TOP OF DERANGED HISTORIAN'S GROIN as his GIGANTIC ORGASM reaches its FINAL THROES

HURLS SELF ON TOP OF POO PILE ON CONVULSING HISTORIAN'S GROIN to BLOCK the INEVITABLE EXPLOSION

SCREAM: "SAVE YOURSELVES!"

[FaxModem1]

WCDG adjusts AIR PURIFIERS to MAXIMUM SETTING.

"That's it, the Ravenstar can't take any more."

[Scottish Ninja]

"This is getting to the point where I am thinking it may be better to die in fiery explosion in upper atmosphere."

YET, KEEP COOL.

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 3: A HOLE IN THE ACE

February 23rd 2025
Sunday
Wheels Up + 00:07:24

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, RI'ANN SHAPP, LARGE WOUNDED DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, TROPICAL BEAUTY, IVAN IVANOV, INSANE HISTORIAN, MAD SCIENTIST, BITCHING BETTY and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. You are at an ALTITUDE of 140 kilometres. You are not ASCENDING. You are in FREEFALL. You at the APOAPSIS of your TRAJECTORY.

There is lots of various BODILY FLUIDS in the PASSENGER CABIN. They STINK. VERY BADLY. They also STICK to EVERYTHING. They make TROPICAL BEAUTY terrified and revolted at the same time.

ETERNAL FREEDOM prepares for the APOAPSIS BURN. He has DUMPED the SCRAM FUEL as per helpful ADVICE of IVAN IVANOV who CLAIMS to have FLOWN similar THINGS before.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Apoapsis

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: You know, since we're in Earth orbit, it should really be ApoGEE, Betty.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Bite me.

Despite the apparent SURPRISE at BITCHING BETTY turning into CHEEKY BETTY, ETERNAL FREEDOM orients the SPACEPLANE. Those PASSENGERS who are not full of FROTHING RAGE or engaged in ATTEMPTS to KILL each other manage to STRAP IN before the BURN.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Ignition. Full thrust.

You are SUDDENLY subjected to nearly 2Gs of ACCELERATION. RI'ANN SHAPP, ZIXINUS, TROPICAL BEAUTY, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, LARGE WOUNDED DOG, COMBAT JANITOR and INSANE HISTORIAN are all VIOLENTLY thrown towards the BULKHEAD. They SLAM into the BULKHEAD and form a MESSY HEAP. It is VERY PAINFUL. The FREE FLOATING PARANG falls HARMLESSLY to the BULKHEAD which is now a FLOOR and HURTS nobody.

The MESSY HEAP is PRESSED to the BULKHEAD with very STRONG ACCELERATION for several MINUTES as the ORBITAL INSERTION is PERFORMED. This AGGRAVATES the INJURIES of LARGE WOUNDED DOG and ZIXINUS but also COOLS some HEADS.

FUCKER NEWTON CACKLES.

MAD SCIENTIST LAUGHS MANIACALLY.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Says: Get...a...grip...on...yourself!

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY wants to SLAP MAD SCIENTIST, but his FEEBLE PHYSIQUE does not ALLOW him to OVERCOME the DOUBLE GRAVITY.

MAD SCIENTIST helpfully EXPLAINS that he is ALLOWED to LAUGH MANIACALLY according to his CONTRACT, which he APPARENTLY just INVENTED. He also hits FUCKER NEWTON with a STEELY GAZE and BANISHES him with a RITUAL CHANT.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Burn complete.

There is a PING. The SEATBELT SIGN is now OFF. The ACCELERATION is SUDDENLY OVER. You have 15% MAIN ENGINE FUEL left.

RI'ANN SHAPP notices the INJURIES of the LARGE WOUNDED DOG and begins to CRY like a BABY. He ABANDONS the thoughts of REVENGEANCE and FEEBLY ATTEMPTS to administer FIRST AID.

ZIXINUS is ATTEMPTING to STOP the BLEEDING from the BITE WOUND. WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY is ANNOYED at SHAPP'S feeble ATTEMPTS at FIRST AID and ADMINISTERS some PAINKILLERS to the DOG. He then HELPS MAD SCIENTIST and SUAVE PLAYBOY in FIXING a RUINED SPACESUIT.

ZIXINUS has managed to JURY RIG a TOURNIQUET for his WOUND and GLARES at RI'ANN SHAPP in MURDEROUS RAGE. He surprises RI'ANN SHAPP withan an IMPROVISED GAROTTE and DELIVERS an ULTIMATUM.

It is a PROPOSAL that RI'ANN SHAPP can't REFUSE.

Faced with CERTAIN DEATH as opposed to DEATH that is not QUITE as CERTAIN, RI'ANN SHAPP ACCEPTS the PROPOSAL. He seems to WANT to ESCAPE the DEVELOPING SITUATION with INSANE HISTORIAN.

RI'ANN SHAPP Mutters: The dog better live!

RI'ANN SHAPP waits for a BIT and DONS a HASTILY REPAIRED SPACESUIT. The HASTILY REPAIRED SPACESUIT is of SUSPICIOUS INTEGRITY and may yet KILL the USER.

COMBAT JANITOR gives RI'ANN SHAPP a BIG and SLOPPY KISS. He PLAYS some DRAMATIC MUSIC for the EVA.

INSANE HISTORIAN is doing INSANE or possibly RETARDED things. He is PUNCHED by SUAVE PLAYBOY in a MANLY DISPLAY of MANLINESS. This RESULTS in INSANE HISTORIAN becoming even more INSANE.

ZIXINUS performs FIRST AID on INSANE HISTORIAN. The FIRST AID takes the FORM of TYING him UP and SEDATING him. INSANE HISTORIAN becomes DOCILE HISTORIAN.

COMBAT JANITOR seems DISMAYED, as he has GATHERED a HUGE LOAD of POOP for some UNCLEAN and HORRIBLE use.

With a WEARY SIGH, the PILOTS return to MANAGING the EVA. ZIXINUS takes some extra TIME to INTUBATE LARGE WOUNDED DOG.

Suddenly, the IMPROVISED AIR FILTER gives UP the GHOST.

What do you do? _

***

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP

You are in the COLD and CRUEL VACUUM. You are WEARING a SUSPICIOUS SPACESUIT. It is LEAKING. It is VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. You are HOLDING a VODKA BOTTLE full of IMPROVISED SEALANT. It is VERY AWKWARD.

You are at the FRONT of the SPACEPLANE. You are ALREADY quite TIRED. You are THREATENED by an ATTACK of VERTIGO. Also PANIC, as you SEE quickly APPROACHING parts of RUSSIAN TERRITORRY well BELOW.

There is a STRANGE AUDIO SIGNAL in your HEADSET. ZIXINUS has ASKED what it IS.

What do you do? _

[Force Lord]

DOCILE HISTORIAN takes a look at himself, SCREAMS IN HORRER, and begins to BEAT HIMSELF UP. DOCILE HISTORIAN becomes DESPAIRED HISTORIAN.

[Zixinus]

YELL at SUAVE PLAYBOY that he, his girlfriend and everybody else should strap in. Except the JANITOR who should CLEAN UP THIS UNHOLY MESS and IVAN who we need at the RADIO.

REMIND ETERNAL FREEDOM to MONITOR SHEP and try to CATCH HIM once he's done the REPAIRS.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Standing by.
Spoiler

I may not be around much for the next few days guys. I jsut lost my gran so I've gotta be on hand for funeral arrangements and so forth. Don't expect a fast response

[Force Lord]

Spoiler

Sorry to hear about your loss EF.

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

Sorry about your Gran.

WCDG sees if AIR PURIFIER can be REPAIRED. IF so, REPAIR it.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Spoiler

Thanks guys. Kinda expected but still painful. I've gotta sleep off a fair amount of beer now

[Lonestar]

SAILOR decides to SHAKE UP can of BODDINGTONS and then open it in crowded COMPARTMENT.