Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[doom3607]

CTHULHU CULTIST CAUSES MINOR EXPLOSION, DESTROYING LOGIC PROBE. FOR CTHULHU'S AMUSEMENT!

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST asserts that his grasp of SCIENCE! is superior to CULTIST'S grasp of CTHULHU, as demonstrated by CULTIST BEING AN ANTHROPOID and MAD SCIENTIST having DOC BROWN HAIR. ASSERTS NORMALITY and invokes power of FUCKER MAXWELL in attempt to DISPEL WONKY CULTIST EFFECTS.

If HIGH VOLTAGE LOGIC PROBE explodes regardless, MAD SCIENTIST reverts to BLUDGEONING CULTIST with handy LARGE DURABLE OBJECT.

SUAVE PLAYBOY recovers swiftly from the surprise.

SUAVE PLAYBOY engages PYOTRIVICH in conversation and attempts to use CHARM and ARTFUL RHETORIC to take advantage of all the free PERKS that are rolled out for RICH CLIENTS without committing to actually spending any MONEY.

Spoiler

Um, PLAYBOY, we're hoping to be able to land here again, swindling these people is counterproductive

[Scottish Ninja]

SIDLE over to SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH and have a QUIET CHAT. USE SUBTLETY to EXPLAIN the FACTS of LIFE to him. NOTE with SATISFACTION the way his BALLS beat a HASTY RETREAT into his ABDOMEN where they can COWER in FEAR.

Then ask IVAN PYOTREVICH for a LIST of his SERVICES and their ASSOCIATED PRICES so we can TALK about what is REASONABLE PRICE and not RIPOFF CANNY EXPLOITATION of RICH AMERICAN TOURISTS, DA?

FIND a PHONE BOOTH or a PREPAID MOBILE PHONE KIOSK and start MAKING some CALLS.

"RAVENSTAR is safely in Okhotsk. Requires fuel and some repairs; flight crew can begin operations at any time."

[Darkevilme]

Spoiler

We can pay him back when we get the money from our first mission. I assume the AMEX card has a credit limit somewhere between its current debt level and infinity. We might need what's left on the card now to pay for rebuilding the Ravenstar's cabin.

Then again, idea. we can sell our bombs to pay for that.

SUAVE PLAYBOY is an irredeemable and compulsive leech though. Taking advantage of perks is his standard way of living.

[Shroom Man 777]

SHOVES a TURD from NOWHERE into CULTISTS' MOUTH

ALSO begin MARKETING A BRAND NEW CHEAP and EASILY PRODUCED SPACESHIP REPAIR SEALANT MIXTURE

[Eternal_Freedom]

KAMIKAZE SPACE PILOT MORPHS into LIKEABLE SPACe PILOT. INTRODUCES HIMSELF as the PILOT/FLIGHT DIRECTOR, and WILL THEREFORE handle any LIASON and/or PAYMENt on BEHALF of our PASSENGER, Mr. PLAYBOY.

QUIETLY WHISPER to PLAYBOY:

"Listen shithead, that's MY AMEX card, and I managed to avoid aving a credit limit entirely. I'm gonna have one hell of a bill come year end, so how about I handle the money eh? Good, now go back to playing with that vapid tropical beauty."

NEGOTIATE with IVAN IVANOV and the SMALLER RUSSIAN for BERTHING FEES, REFUEL and REPAIR if AVAILABLE.

ASK if he MIGHT BE INTERESTED in TRADING the LARGE BOMBS in our CARGO BAY for the FUELING/REPAIR SERVICE, or for SMALL ARMS.

[Zixinus]

Whisper to Eternal Freedom that while he's negotiating, I'll contact our clients and inform them that we're waiting for them here. Also, to somehow get them to send pre-payment with what we can pay hangar fees, repairs and do some shopping.
Although right now, we need to find a hotel.

Also mention that we should save the small arms for both later and with people we can trust. Well, trust slighty more. I'm sure Ivan will know a few people.

Talk to REPAIR GUY and inform him of a CUNNING PLAN that I have thought of that includes repairing the air filters.
Twirl mustache in MISCHIEVOUS GUILE when done explaining CUNNING PLAN.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY is willing to listen to CUNNING PLAN. If CUNNING PLAN doesn't interfere, REPAIR GUY is going to oversee REPAIRS and make sure nothing fishy happens.

[Scottish Ninja]

MENTION to ZIXINUS that it's EXTREMELY LIKELY that the JOB OFFER may not have EXISTED in the FIRST PLACE, being a RUSE by the AUSTRALIANS to get us to make a FLIGHT.

[FaxModem1]

"If that's true, then we're going to have to find clients. Can you find us some IVAN?"

[Force Lord]

PRODUCES LOGIC PROBE from THIN AIR.

"Mr. Scientist, I think you will be interested in this..."

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY looks at both CULTIST and HISTORIAN:

"You know, two days ago, I didn't think any of this was possible."

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

Honestly, I am getting rather annoyed at the magic. I didn't sign on for a genre shift, and it doesn't strike me as very funny, especially when it's getting used as a substitute for technical success. MAD SCIENTIST may perform a ritual abjuration of FUCKER NEWTON, but that is a joke, not a serious attempt to suspend the laws of physics.

This is a major factor in MAD SCIENTIST's deep hostility to FUCKING MAGIC, I have to admit. It lends itself to wanking "I summon dark creatures!" and to the DM being tempted to hand us problems that cannot be solved except by the magician, whereas normal 'merely technical' problems (like a hole on the wing) can be solved by anyone with the ingenuity and guts to do something about them.

Also, of course, MAD SCIENTIST takes it upon himself to stick up for the LAWS OF NATURE when no one else will. For SCIENCE!

[Eternal_Freedom]

Spoiler

That's why the mad cultist, and possibly the historian, have been added to space pilot's "Murderize" list, along with Shepp and the Janitor. Brings us nothing but trouble and does little to help us

[Force Lord]

HISTORIAN tells CULTIST, "We should lay off the magic for now. Don't want the locals to burn us for witchcraft."

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST stares at HISTORIAN.

"Interested in what, your hand?"

MAD SCIENTIST continues to deliver RIGHTEOUS SMACKDOWN to CULTIST on behalf of LAWS OF REALITY, using HIGH VOLTAGE LOGIC PROBE if possible and LARGE DURABLE BLUNT OBJECT if not. Might use OTHER CREW MEMBER as blunt object if necessary, such as COMBAT JANITOR.

"Oh, you think forbidden rites in cities forgotten by man and beast are enough to learn sacred mysteries, do you? Well let's see YOU get a master's degree on four months' notice because your adviser thinks it'd be a good idea, HUH!"

[Zixinus]

"What? That we would just beat each other up in increasingly strange and bizarre ways rather than just ourright kill each other?"

[Force Lord]

HISTORIAN pulls out SOMETHING SCIENCE!-LOOKING from his pocket.

"And this?"

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST is, alas, DISTRACTED by task of DELIVERING SMACKDOWN to WANNABE MASTER OF LAWS OF REALITY due to personal outrage at his attempts to CHEAT.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY decides to ignore the bickering and give the RAVENSTAR a look over and tries to REPAIR things.

[Eternal_Freedom]

SPACE PILOT looks over BRIEFLY at the COMBAT, DECIDES it's NOT WORTH getting INVOLVED.

CONTINUE NEGOTIAITING with SMALLER RUSSIAN. ASK in an UNDERTONE:

"I don't suppose you've got a large-calibre handgun I could purchase as well do you? I need to deal with some discipline problems."

[Shroom Man 777]

JANITOR HIGH-FIVES the HISTORIAN and DEPOSITS a HUGE PIECE OF TURD on his OUTSTRETCHED OPEN EMPTY HAND

[Force Lord]

HISTORIAN relapses into INSANITY. SEIZES JANITOR by the throat. CACKLES.

[Simon_Jester]

If MAD SCIENTIST has been using COMBAT JANITOR as a CLUB to beat CULTIST, stops doing so and finds SOMETHING ELSE to beat CULTIST with.

ORDER OF PREFERENCE FOR BEATING CULTIST:
-HIGH VOLTAGE LOGIC PROBE
-BLUNT OBJECT
-OTHER BLUNT OBJECT
-OTHERWISE USELESS TEAM LAME MEMBERS*
-...
-...
-...
-...
-COMBAT JANITOR

*Defined to include: PHANT, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, TROPICAL BEAUTY, and RI'ANN SHAPP,

[Shroom Man 777]

RENDERS the HISTORIAN into a EUNUCH by CYBER-FOOT KICKING his CROTCH

SPEAKING OF WHICH I must find a REPLACEMENT PROSTHETIC as the PERFIDIOUS AUSTRALIANS have POISONED this one