Let's Play: TEAM L.A.M.E.

[Eternal_Freedom]

The new and (hopefully) improved TEAM L.A.M.E. thread, as continued from here.

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL_FREEDOM, REPAIR GUY, MILDY DERANGED PHYSICIST and SUAVE PLAYBOY, CREEPY RUSSIAN.

You are in a HANGER. The HANGER is RUSSIAN. It CONTAINS the RAVENSTAR. The TEAM has GATHERED to SHOW OFF the PLANE to a POTENTIAL CUSTOMER.

There is CALM. It is SURPRISING.

The CUSTOMER has AGREED to HIRE YOU. She is PAYING $1 million UP FRONT. Another $4 million UPON ARRIVAL at ARMSTRONG BASE.

She wants a TOILET. You have OFFERED to INSTALL one, AT A PRICE.

CUSTOMER: "Da, comfort of toilet on trip is worth some extra money. I pay you an extra $500,000 to fit a toilet aboard this magnificent plane."

CUSTOMER proceeds to WRITE A CHEQUE for A LOT OF MONEY. She GIVES it to ZIXINUS, along with a CARD.

"Here is the advance payment, and the number you can reach me at. Call me when you are ready to depart."

The CUSTOMER then RETURNS to the HOTEL, DRAGGING SUAVE PLAYBOY with her. CLEARLY, she has some IDEAS for him. They ARE NOT PLEASENT.

WHAT do you DO?

-----------------------

You are now: COMBAT JANITOR, QUIET HISTORIAN.

You are in a TUNNEL. It is UNDER the HANGER. The TUNNEL is DARK. It is QUIET CREEPY. Yu are INVESTIAGTING STRANGE NOISES. It is POSSiBLE there are CREATURES down here.

COMBAT JANITOR has ACTIVATED his EMERGENCY FLASHLIGHT. He has ALSO ACTIVATED what APPEARS to be SOME KIND OF SEX TOY. He is PLEASURING HIMSELF AGAIN.

There is a LOUD NOISE IMMEDIATLY BEHIND YOU.

What do you do?

[Force Lord]

QUIET HISTORIAN LOOKS BACK.

"AAAAH!"

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

Who's CREEPY RUSSIAN again? Is that IVAN IVANOV?

Also, I think this should maybe go into the main G&C thread; I wish we had a separate RPG subforum aside from the STGOD subforum.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST remains rather WORRIED about installing the SPACE TOILET.

REPAIR GUY said he ORDERED a TOILET, here, but if so, what kind? Again, PHYSICIST thinks the best plan is to order an EXISTING ZERO-G TOILET and try to RETROFIT it into the CABIN.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Spoiler

Bollocks, I'd forgotten what he was was called. Yes, CREEPY RUSSIAN is IVAN IVANOV.

And I put it in here because that's where the original was. I'm sure the mods will move it if necessary.

[Zixinus]

Thank CUSTOMER and SAY GOODBYE.
WINK PROUDLY at SUAVE PLAYBOY, knowing that he has EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.

Begin ORGANISING our SUPPLY RUN.

OOCishDo I still have the list that Simon gave me? Did I lend it to Fax, so he can approve it and add anything else? If not, I do so.

ASK IVAN to come with me and to help PLAN our ROUTE to avoid problems with LOCALS. Also, as TRANSLATOR. Considering that we have a LARGE SUM OF MONEY, ASK ETERNAL FREEDOM for his AK and give it to IVAN.

Point of interest for shopping, in order of priority:

- BANK to CASH the CHECK. From there, GET BACK to give a significant SUM of money (around 300k) to REPAIR GUY so he can PAY REPAIRS and REFUELLING. MAKE HIM REMEMBER TO KEEP THE BILL OF EVERYTHING!
- VET, to take back DOGGY.
- CLOTHES STORE for CHEAP but PRACTICAL LOCAL CLOTHES. CHOOSE CLOTHES so that it appears that we are much poorer than we are but are still practical for the weather.
- SHOPS where we can buy NEEDED PARTS for REPAIRS.
- FIREARMS DEALER or MILITARY SHOP. I plan to get a revolver for myself (with a few varities of ammo), a Winchester lever-action and a Desert Eagle for Eternal Freedom and ammo for REPAIR GUY'S PISTOLS. CONSIDER getting a SHOTGUN for OTHER PURPOSES, as well as some more regular pistols for other personal. If possible, get some nylon rope, holsters, knives (do we still have the PARANGS?) some shovels and SLEEPING BAGS.
- Computer store for hardened netbook.
- Medical store to REPLENISH MOSTLY USED UP FIRST AID KIT and a variety of other things.
- VERY HUNGARIAN STORE for PÁLINKA. Also to see if I can find any CONTACTS of OLD.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Spoiler

you still have the list. And bollocks, I forgot about the dog. Well, I'll say now that the doggy is sleeping right now, probably after having been given some meds. He is certainly calmer than before.

GIVEs AK to IVAN.

Also, REMIND ZIXINUS:

"Don't forget the enormous AMEX bill. That's our only way to buy stuff online, so I think we need to wipe the slate clean on that."

[Scottish Ninja]

Take the KALASHNIKOV, OKHOTSK MAPS, and VAN KEYS.

Don USHANKA. "Now we are ready for anything, da?"

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY looks at LIST and ORDERS ITEMS ONLINE for RUSH DELIVERY.

"We're on a deadline here, gotta pay for it now. I also have the highest bid for a ALTEA SPACEPLANE TOILET on EBAY."

[Eternal_Freedom]

SPACE PILOT STOPS whatever he's DOINg and does a COMICAL DOUBLE-TAKE?

"What the fuck is the ALTEA space toilet doing on eBay? Hold on......is there anymore stuff of there's on there? Like, I dunno, fuel tanks, a passenger module, useful shit like that?"
Spoiler

Faxmodem, there is indeed such stuff also being auctioned. Pick any three items to bid on.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY quickly BIDS HIGH on PASSENGER MODULE, SPARE TILES, and SPARE FUEL TANKS.

[Zixinus]

OOCish: It sort of makes sense for them to try and get rid of the toilet: it's meant exclusively for the Ravenstar, remember? Since they don't have that anymore, they can't do anything with it and might as well sell it.
Although I believe that this won't be as simple as it seems. I mean, Altea surely is suspicious of someone aggressively wanting this thing, no?

ASKS REPAIR GUY that he doesn't waste all money on BIDDING with the money meant exclusively on REPAIRS and REFUELING. Because while ONE MILLION DOLLARS is A LOT OF MONEY it is not INFINITE AMOUNT of MONEY. Also, if Altea realizes that we have their space-plane, they will try to fuck us over whatever way they can.

Begin careful JOURNEY to BANK.

[doom3607]

Any other former characters that want to re-appear can do so, please PM me and I'll write you in.

Spoiler

"Former"? Was I killed off without being told? PeZook just had the cultist "somewhere else, that smells of very large fishes". So is INSANE CTHULHU CULTIST still in?

[Eternal_Freedom]

spoiler=ooc]CULTIST is ELSEWHERE. I was working on the assumption you lsot interest because you hadn't posted in a while. Like SHEPP or SMARMY SAILOR. By all means, post something about your INEVITABLY EVIL PLANS.[/spoiler]

[doom3607]

Spoiler

Well, my EVIL SCHEME is to either call up some FELLOW CULTISTS so we can summon us up some YITHIAN LIGHTNING GUNS and MURDERISE YOU ALL, or to summon some things that are much, much worse. Cthulhuspawn, anyone? And no, I hadn't lost interest. I'd mentioned the plan before, and was assuming I'd re-appear when PeZook thought it was a good time for my re-appearance.

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST stands ready to serve as the guardian of REALITY against the forces of ANNOYING and STUPID surreality. With SCIENCE!

Hey, it worked for the Elder Things...

[doom3607]

Spoiler

No, it got them a truce. And they had things Man Was Not Meant To Know on their side. Unless the physicist also knows such things, he's got a problem.

[Thanas]

Moved topic to appropriate forum.

[noncredible]

There is SOMETHING STANDING BEHIND the QUIET HISTORIAN. It is a MAN. He is WEARING a YELLOW CAPE. It is WEIRD. Underneath it is a SUIT. It looks REASONABLY NORMAL. He has FANGS. They are PURPLE. They are PLASTIC. He is HOLDING a BOTTLE of LSD. He is HOLDING a FISH in the OTHER HAND. It is a HERRING. It is RED. It is a RED HERRING. It is MILDLY AMUSING. It is NOT PLASTIC. It SMELLS. It SMELLS VERY BAD. The MAN is CACKLING. He CACKLES with A WESTERN SLAVIC ACCENT. YOU WONDER how it is POSSIBLE to CACKLE with an ACCENT.

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

No, it got them a truce. And they had things Man Was Not Meant To Know on their side. Unless the physicist also knows such things, he's got a problem.

Spoiler

Oh, bullshit.

My genre can beat up your genre any day.

[Scottish Ninja]

Approve of SCIENCE and PROGRESS and SOCI...

Do not make BIG DEAL about that LAST BIT.

[doom3607]

Spoiler

Fine. The Elder Things still didn't win, they just managed to score a tie.

[Zixinus]

OOCish: Am I the only one waiting for EF's next-move post?

[Force Lord]

There is SOMETHING STANDING BEHIND the QUIET HISTORIAN. It is a MAN. He is WEARING a YELLOW CAPE. It is WEIRD. Underneath it is a SUIT. It looks REASONABLY NORMAL. He has FANGS. They are PURPLE. They are PLASTIC. He is HOLDING a BOTTLE of LSD. He is HOLDING a FISH in the OTHER HAND. It is a HERRING. It is RED. It is a RED HERRING. It is MILDLY AMUSING. It is NOT PLASTIC. It SMELLS. It SMELLS VERY BAD. The MAN is CACKLING. He CACKLES with A WESTERN SLAVIC ACCENT. YOU WONDER how it is POSSIBLE to CACKLE with an ACCENT.

QUIET HISTORIAN is SOMEWHAT NERVIOUS. He is DISGUSTED by the SMELL.

"Who are you?"

[Eternal_Freedom]

You are now: JANITOR, HISTORIAN, MYSTERIOUS MAN.

YOu are in a TUNNEL. The TUNNEL is DARK. It is SPOOKY. You are NERVOUS. There is a NOISE behind you. You TURN to FIND a MYSTERIOUS MAN, wearing an ABSURD CLOTHING MISHMASH and PLASTIC FANGS. He is CARRYING LSD and a LARGE RED HERRING. It MAY or MAY NOT BE SIGNIFICANT. He MAY be STONED.

What do you DO?

---------------------------------

You are now: REPAIR GUY, SPACE PILOT

You are in the HANGER. The HANGER holds the MIGHTY SPACEPLANE. REPIAR GUY is BIDDING on EBAY for the ALTEA SPACE TOILET, the PASSENGER MODULE, SPARE TILES and FUEL TANKS.

You have LOST the BIDS for FUEL TANKS, but are FRONT RUNNER for SPACE TOILET, PASSENGER MODULE and SPARE TILES. You ONLY have FUNDS for TWO. You MUST CHOOSE.

You are ALSO DISTURBED that you have HEARD NOTHING FURTHER from the BASEMENT TUNNEL EXPLORATION PARTY.

What do you do?

---------------------------

You are now: IVAN IVANOV, ZIXINUS.

YOu have ARRIVED at a BANK. The BANK is BUSY. There is a QUEUE. The QUEUE is LONG and SLOW MOVING. MANY CUSTOMERS and STAFF are ARMED.

Those CUSTOMERS WILLING to PAY $500 and SURRENDER their WEAPONS as SECURITY may USE the EXPRESS VIP SERVICE.

ATTEMPTS at HURRING the NORMAL QUEUE UP are INADVISEABLE. A BANK ROBBERY is a POSSIBILITY. With SO MANY PROBABLE CRIMINALS CAPITALIST BUISNESSMEN, they MAY SIDE WITH YOU and TAKE their OWN SAHRE OF LOOT.

What do you do?

--------------------------

You are now: CTHULLU CULTIST

You are in a STRANGE DARK PLACE. There is FOG. The FOG is THICK. It SMELLS STRONGLY of ALMONDS. There is NOTHING ELSE. You can SENSE OTHERS moving in the FOG. You are making PLANS. The PLANS are EVIL but POORLY THOUGHT OUT.

You can HEAR VOICES CALLING YOUR NAME, but ANSWERING would LEAD you INTO THE FOG.

What do you do?
Spoiler

Four groups in a single post, hooray. I think this might be a record for people splitting up in a game.

Spoiler

Cultist, I'd tread carefully. The place you're in is far from friendly

[Force Lord]

You are now: JANITOR, HISTORIAN, MYSTERIOUS MAN.

YOu are in a TUNNEL. The TUNNEL is DARK. It is SPOOKY. You are NERVOUS. There is a NOISE behind you. You TURN to FIND a MYSTERIOUS MAN, wearing an ABSURD CLOTHING MISHMASH and PLASTIC FANGS. He is CARRYING LSD and a LARGE RED HERRING. It MAY or MAY NOT BE SIGNIFICANT. He MAY be STONED.

What do you DO?

HISTORIAN places hand near POCKET. If STONED MAN proves HOSTILE, then at least he can't stop a KNIFE.

Asks again, "Who the hell are you?" Repeats this in ACCENTED RUSSIAN.