Let's play: Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space

[ChaserGrey]

...I knew there was a reason I liked you, Simon.

Seriously, yes. Nauts with a 4 in ANY skill, IMO, need to be held back for the missions that absolutely need to work. I still remember the moment of utter, shit-eating frustration when I sent a Cap-4 astronaut up on a routine improve-the-EVA-suits mission and burned him up in the atmosphere.

Say it with me, BARIS players. FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCC-

[Mayabird]

As Fox Modem worked, trying to get ready for his inevitable flight, Rex followed Johnson around, trying make amends.

"Listen buddy, I'm sorry you got caught. If its not beer you want, what is it? Come on, I'm trying to make it up to you."

Leave me alone! I need to rehide my prophylactics.

"Look, Rex, I'm already behind on stuff, I have things to do and I need to catch up. Just hold the beer for me for another night."

He finally shooed Rex away so he could go back to glancing over some training manuals textbooks...then rehiding his box of condoms in a more secure location once he was sure no one was around...and then going back over them and trying to remember some math he hadn't used in a while. He found the full cinderblock-sized tome that was the full list of rules and regulations on the base and flipped through it.

"Why are there rules on what color ties we're allowed to wear? Unallowed prayers? What is this about using industrial lubricant as...that's disgusting...why would you do that? Who would even think of that? I can't figure...why are there regulations on the allowed size, shape, and color of dog food bowls? What the heck?"

[Scottish Ninja]

A passing MASA engineer pokes his head in and says, "The dog bowls - trust me, you really don't want to know. Just remember - somebody broke those rules and ruined it for the rest of us."

[doom3607]

Well, at least the dismal failure that was von Evilstein helped me learn something. How not to do an evil overlord. And as a result, my cherished character is now a painfully neutered lab rat. Can I make a cosmonaut now, or is von Evilstein going to be doing anything else that I'm needed for?

[ChaserGrey]

Wandering by, Brown peers over the shoulder of his fellow squid. He's been looking for him all day, actually, since they were apparently both the targets of a prank-the-Navy stunt by one of the older astronauts.

His eyebrows go up.

Way, way up.

"Is it even legal to do that with cheese? Is it even- well, I guess it must be possible if there's a regulation specifically prohibiting it, but...man. I don't think we're in Norfolk anymore, Toto."

[Simon_Jester]

Well, at least the dismal failure that was von Evilstein helped me learn something. How not to do an evil overlord. And as a result, my cherished character is now a painfully neutered lab rat. Can I make a cosmonaut now, or is von Evilstein going to be doing anything else that I'm needed for?

Von Evilstein can be safely reduced to an NPC. If you want to be a cosmonaut I'm not actually opposed, as long as you don't do anything too thickheaded or annoying. Ask PeZook and a few other cosmonauts, though.

Or maybe the Murcans could use someone with your skills.

Basically, key lessons are:

-Do not backstab people for the hell of it. They will get pissed, and become vindictive. If you are going to backstab people, it must be entertaining to other people, not just "me kill cosmonauts yuk yuk yuk!"

-Do not avow hatred, IC or OOC, for all the other characters involved in the story. They will get pissed, and turn on you all at once.

-Make sure that you grasp the motivations of others, including NPCs, before trying to manipulate them. Your letter to Shroomanski, a man who hated you and believed you to be the CIA's buttboy, was an example of how not to do this. Likewise, your attempt to promise something that anyone who knows anything about the game knows is nearly impossible to achieve (a 1967 moon landing using Voskhod, along with massive testing of Voskhod before flying it). More on that later.

-Make sure that you know what the fuck you are talking about. It became painfully clear to me early on that you had no idea how the game worked, showed very few signs of understanding just how shitty the chances of success are for a piece of hardware with 50% reliability given how capsule stages work, and were almost totally unaware of the penalties for failure with manned missions, which would have gutted the Zenobian program if we'd proceeded the way you had us set to go.

The 1967 moon proposal was even worse. When I actually sat down and mathed out how you would do that, it was fucking hilarious; I detailed what you would need to make it work in my post (all R&D proceeding at above-average speed every season on every project, all random events breaking in your favor, unlimited funds, and no mission failures to speak of whatsoever).

The fact that you'd have your character promise such a thing to someone who might well take you seriously and have you shot for screwing it up suggests that either you didn't grasp the risks, thought the Politburo membership were a pack of idiots who existed solely to rubberstamp your designs for the space program, or simply did not know how the game worked.

Since this game has been out for nearly twenty years and there are a number of freely available guides online, the fact that you never took time out to figure out what the hell was going on isn't a good sign.

While it can be worthwhile to play games when you don't know the rules, and entertaining under some conditions, if you consistently make bad decisions because of a refusal to look up the rules, it is not ta good play habit.

[Akhlut]

Manshuk Mametova strolled about the grounds of the facility, chewing on a blade of grass, hands thrust deeply into pockets, elbows held out as far from his body as possible, as if they were trying to escape from the skinny man's body. His hands framed an enormous belt-buckle, one the size of a small plate; emblazoned upon it was the motto of his native land, "Everything's Bigger in Boratistan," with a picture of a sheep winking saucily next to the motto.

He could still hardly believe they accepted him into the program; he thought for sure they already had all the positions filled with Boratistanis already, but they didn't even have a single one hired! So, it was really no surprise they hired him on as soon as he rode into the facility since they didn't already have the superior abilities of a Boratistani in place.

So, he strode into the cosmonaut quarters to meet his comrades.

"Howdy, comrades! Y'all ready for space, da?"

[Simon_Jester]

Hmmm.

[Seriously considers putting some of those cosmonauts into advanced training; he can always take them back out if he needs them, and some of them could use a bit of polish]

[PeZook]

MISSIONS LAUNCH
MERCURY XIV, SEPTEMBER 1963

It's been a long time since I rock-and-rolled
It's been a long time since I did the Stroll
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back, let me get it back
mm-baby, where I come from
It's been a long time, been a long time
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time
Yes, it has

The song blared from speakers all across the Teddy Space Center. The PA system was broadcasting rock&roll all day, making everyone pumped up and ready to take on the world. Rocket fuelling? Yeah! Groundside checkouts? Oh yeah, baby! Astronaut Kelly's preflight enema? FUCK YEAH!

Director von Braun was also satisfied that the eerie, crackling last transmission of astronaut OhJesus was being drowned out by the music. Just how this message was still bouncing arond the atmosphere, he would never know. And he'd rather not think about it just about now.

He was kinda busy, after all.



"Countdown holding. Where are we on those fuel pumps?", the Flight Director was trying to solve some sort of simple problem with groundside equipment. Despite the Bitchin' Rock&Roll
(it was an actual musical genre in Murca, Johnny had learned), the people actually inside the control room were already showing signs of nervousness, with visibility inside the room close to zero from all the cigarette smoke.

"Pad fuhrer reports the problem has been solved. Ground crews are boarding their APCs and moving towards staging areas."

"You know", Astronaut Kelly went on the radio, "If you want to reassure me, stop cutting into flight frequencies with information about the ground crew leaving in armored vehicles, kay?"

"Uh...", Fox Modem, who was working as CAPCOM for the mission, replied in his usual eloquent way, "...uh, copy that."

"Fine. Can we go now? And Bruce better be there when I get back!"

The Flight Operations Director sighed, but signalled to resume the countdown.



"Flight, we have good ignition...engines working within parameters...the spacecraft has cleared the tower!"

"Excellent, FIDO. Report any problems.



"Copy that, flight"

The smoke clouds got even thicker. A particularly weak-lunged reporter collapsed to the ground and had to be taken by paramedics just as the Atlas was coming up on staging.



"Staging complete...", FIDO seemed really tense. The engineer from the INCO station gave him a reassuring pat on the head. Minutes passed, as the rocket burned for orbit, and then...

"MECO! Flight, we're in orbit."

"Excellent! Stand by. All stations, I need a go/no go for orbital operations!"



"We are go. How are you reading us, Kelly?"

"It's bloody cramped in here, blokes! Everything is floaty...hey, get back here!"

Kelly grabbed his pencil, that was trying to float behind the instrument panel, "Right. Let's get on that checklist, shall we?"

The following hours were rather predictable and boring. Kelly circled the Earth, reporting what he saw (much of which had to be censored for the TV crews), how he felt, and the status of his spacecraft. He slept a bit, reporting on problems related to, as he put it "Handling my goddamn hands, they're trying to get away from me!"

Johnny von Braun sighed. He was certain those colorful expressins would find their way into commienist propaganda. He just KNEW.

The next morning, a hair over 24 hours since the orbital insertion burn was completed, things got tense again.

"We're coming up on the deorbit burn, and working through the checkout lists...we're fairly certain the retropack will fire, and we'll retain it according to the modified procedures...", the Flight Director, some Anglian called Common Carter Connoway, was briefing his superiors.

"You are...fairly certain?", von Braun asked incredulously, "The orbit will decay if it doesn't light, right?"

There was silence.

"Oh. I see. Well, don't tell him that."



Fortunately, it did light, although for obvious reasons the control room had to study an artist's impression of the happenings, held up so that the screen would look pretty.



"Re-entry seemed good all the way until blackout...now we'll just have to wait and see if we get parachutes."



And that they did. Two hours later, Kelly was safely aboard the recovery ship Massive Rocker. His shit-eating grin would be all over the morinng news.

***

There were two more launches that fall ; All well-practiced satellite liftoffs, designed to make sure the Bitchin' Rock&Roll kept flowing from orbit.






...some of it would not, to the world's great joy dismay.

[Simon_Jester]

OOC: "Pad fuhrer... APCs..." ha.

Seriously, good stuff, and congratulations to the Murcans; hopefully I can one-up them in short order. But damnit I was so close.
____________

Baikonurek Cosmodrome
September 1963

Some days later, Syrgy Pavylyvych found himself listening to a copied wire recording of clips from the orbital flight of Paul Kelly of Straya, thankfully with a transcript to the Zenobian courtesy of Comrade Commissar Omeganski.

"Handling my goddamn hands, they're trying to get away from me!"

Pavylyvych feels a terrible chill rushing through him, remembering as if Ivanov's ghost were hovering just over his shoulder, whispering the words he'd heard over the radio again- "Once you have your arms and legs arranged properly, space sleep is fine ... I slept like a baby..."

He shakes his head. "I'm so sorry, friend Ivan..."

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 7: POYEKHALI!
Time is: Spring 1964






MURCA
TEDDY SPACE CENTER

Johnny von Braun awoke with a terrible headache. He had no idea what time it was...well, it was morning, since the damn sun was shining right into his office, making the headache even worse. Why was he so sensitive to light? What has going on?

Oh, jawohl...now I remember...verrdammt, I don't even like alcohol that much...

He glanced at the calendar. Wait, how could it already be February? Where did the last two months go?

It seemed that he didn't quite remember everything. He could recall the massive amounts of Stenchian Champagne, the astronauts carrying Kelly around the entire complex, Bruce The Alligator chasing them around in fear of his master's safety, then there were the countless presidential visits, a tour of the country by Murca's newest space hero, banquets, functions, White Dwelling Dinners...

Oh. And that, too.

Johnny von Braun lifted up Kelly's resignation note. He gave it a year early, but damn, losing such a fine young man would be a shame. Family reasons...huh...what could they possibly be?

"DIRECTOR!", von Braun's secretary didn't really yell, but inside the Director's head it sounded like a massive bell just...going off, "YOU HAVE A BUDGET MEETING SCHEDULED IN TWO HOURS, HAVE YOU READ THE REPORTS? AND THERE'S A STORM WARNING OUT ; LOOKS LIKE THIS WILL BE ONE NASTY HURRICANE SEASON!"

Code: Select all

Current funds: 93 megabucks

Astronauts assigned to programs:
MODEMJR - CAP 3, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 1, END 2 (Mercury/I) ; MOOD: 43
FLASHHEART - CAP 1, LM 0, EVA 4, DOCK 1, END 1 (Mercury/II) ; MOOD: 52
CUNTSER - CAP 3, LM 3, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 1 (Mercury/III) ; MOOD: 57
KELLY - CAP 3, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 2, END 2 (Mercury/V) ; MOOD: 70 - will retire next year

Unassigned astronauts:
REXMODEM - CAP 3, LM 3, EVA 3, DOCK 1, END 0 ; MOOD: 73
BARNESTI - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 4 ; MOOD: 78
RAVENSBURG - CAP 3, LM 3, EVA 0, DOCK 0, END 2 ; MOOD: 73
JOHNSON - CAP 2, LM 2, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 4 ; MOOD: 73
BROWN - CAP 4, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 2 ; MOOD: 83
CONRAD - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 3 ; MOOD: 78
BORMAN - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 3 ; MOOD: 88
KNIGHT - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 1 ; MOOD: 78
GIVENS - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 3 ; MOOD: 88

Other astronauts:
MCCAIN - retired fall 1963
HARDBEEF -  retired spring 1963
OHJESUS - DECEASED, MERCURY IX

Programs running: Explorer, Atlas, Titan, Mercury, EVA Suits

Launch pads: 3

Scheduled missions: 
Launch Pad A, manned EVA orbital, Mercury/Atlas,ModemJR/Flashheart    
Launch Pad B, orbital satellite, Explorer/Atlas
Launch Pad C, orbital satellite, Explorer/Atlas

ZENOBIA

[/size]

BAIKONUREK

"Vladimirensky...", Syrgy tapped his pen on the desk, pockmarked from years of him engaging in that habit, "...shame! Terrible shame!"

This was not a good season for Syrgy (again). He had just learned it was Vladimirensky, the young and promising candidate, who died in the centrifuge incident. Then, that the experimental "piss on Murca from orbit" system turned out a dismal failure, and its incorporation into the original suits turned out to have been a mistake. The base hospital couldn't fix von Evilstein up fast enough between tests, and eventually the system had to be scrapped, and the suits redesigned.

Then comrade Titov retired from the program, and Moosecow forcibly ordered comrade Dostarovaski to leave as well, lest he "destroy the morale of the cosmonaut corps". It sounded like an excuse, maybe comrade Dostarovaski pissed off someone powerful...who could know? The fact remained: Syrgy only had one Voshkhod flight crew remaining. Comrades Nikov and Faaabio seemed to be holding it together, but Nikov wouldn't last long, either.

And, of course, then the Murcans launched their thrice-damned orbital flight, which of course had to go flawlessly! Syrgy could feel the lead slipping through his fingers...

Code: Select all

Current funds: 75 megarubloids

Cosmonauts assigned to programs:
NIKOV - CAP 4, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 2 (VOSHKHOD/I/PILOT) ; MOOD: 23
FAAABIO  - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 3 (VOSHKHOD/I/SPECIALIST) ; MOOD: 64

Cosmonauts not assigned to programs:
DOSTAROVASKI - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 1, DOCK 1, END 3 ; MOOD: 29 ; will retire next year
BRZECZYSZCZ - CAP 3, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 3  ; MOOD: 65
YEBANOV - CAP 3, LM 2, EVA 4, DOCK 0, END 1  ; MOOD: 75
KARZANOVSKI - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 0, END 3  ; MOOD: 75
DIGADITCH - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 3  ; MOOD: 61
MAMETOV - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 2  ; MOOD: 71
PETROV - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 2  ; MOOD: 60
BELYAYEV - CAP 3, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 1, END 1  ; MOOD: 70
BEREGOVOY - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 3, END 0  ; MOOD: 71

Other cosmonauts:
TITOV - Retired Spring 1964
IVANOVICH - GROUNDED BY MEDICAL PROBLEMS, WILL NEVER FLY AGAIN
VLADIMIRENSKY  - Deceased, training accident
IVANOV - Deceased, VOSTOK VII

Programs running: Sputnik, Cosmos satellite, A-Series, Proton, Booster stage, Voshkhod, EVA Suits

Launch pads: 2

Scheduled missions: 
Launch pad A, Unmanned suborbital test, Voshkhod/A-Series
Launch pad B, Unmanned suborbital test, Voshkhod/A-Series

GM Notes:
Well, Simon isn't going to like this.

On one hand, random events seem nasty towards him, and obviously Murcans are now clearly in the lead. On the OTHER hand, however, the Voshkhod is pretty much ready (good roll on the research there), and they still have their ace in the sleeve - the Cosmos satellite!

Murcans have lost the lead once, though. It is almost inevitable they will have a failure eventually. Frankly, they kinda screwed the pooch on this one: they could've easily nabbed, wait for it, 23 prestige points had they made the Kelly flight a duration B/EVA one.

Now they have to do it anyway, but they no longer have the "failure avoidance" random events to help them I can say that now since they can't do anything about it, and I promised not to fix your bad decisions for you.

[PeZook]

OOC: "Pad fuhrer... APCs..." ha.

Seriously, good stuff, and congratulations to the Murcans; hopefully I can one-up them in short order. But damnit I was so close.

I like incorporating small bits from the actual space program ; The ground crews did actually move about in APCs (not from the pad, though, but they had some M113s on hand for emergencies), and Guenther Wendt was called the pad fuhrer

Apollo 14's crew even gave him this

Man, can you imagine the shitstorm if that happened today?

[Simon_Jester]

I'll work out a plan tomorrow.

Though I have to say, I am getting goddamn fucking tired of uninterrupted bad luck. My budget is shot to shit, random events keep fucking me over, and Voskhod's intrinsically such a damn death trap that I feel like I'm writing off whoever I send up on the next mission.

It's just ridiculous. This has probably been said before a million times, but if real life had been as hard as the game, I doubt we'd ever have gone to the moon at all.


Question: can we arrange/rearrange a two-man team and assign them to a mission scheduled for next season? Or do they need one turn to work together before they can be assigned?

Also, I knew Titov would be first to leave in a huff. I knew it!


Oh, clarification: I had only intended the "piss on Murca from orbit" scheme to be tested once; the first test makes it clear that the engineering challenges are insoluble. After that, no more hazardous and injurious tests for Dr. von Evilstein; he is to be moved to a relatively peaceful desk job and somewhat better quarters

[PeZook]

I'll work out a plan tomorrow.

Though I have to say, I am getting goddamn fucking tired of uninterrupted bad luck. My budget is shot to shit, random events keep fucking me over, and Voskhod's intrinsically such a damn death trap that I feel like I'm writing off whoever I send up on the next mission.

Using my arcane powers I have gazed into the future, and things seem to ease up a bit in the next few years. The game does seem to screw over the Soviets more than Americans, but then again, I didn't play it often enough to notice if that's a trend or not.

It's just ridiculous. This has probably been said before a million times, but if real life had been as hard as the game, I doubt we'd ever have gone to the moon at all.

You should see the playstyle of the computer ; If you think humans have a lot of catastrophes...

Question: can we arrange/rearrange a two-man team and assign them to a mission scheduled for next season? Or do they need one turn to work together before they can be assigned?

No, 0.4.8 allows you to plan a mission immediately after setting up a team. Thank God.

Oh, clarification: I had only intended the "piss on Murca from orbit" scheme to be tested once; the first test makes it clear that the engineering challenges are insoluble. After that, no more hazardous and injurious tests for Dr. von Evilstein; he is to be moved to a relatively peaceful desk job and somewhat better quarters

Well, I did need a reason for why the EVA suits inexplicably became less safe

[Simon_Jester]

How about I come up with something tomorrow and we retcon it in as the explanation?

[PeZook]

How about I come up with something tomorrow and we retcon it in as the explanation?

Sure

[Narkis]

Dead already? Damnit, I didn't even graduate!

PeZook, could you hack me back in place of an NPC cosmonaut? Or will Mikhail Mikhailovich Mikhailichenko have to wait until class 3?

[PeZook]

I could hack you in, but you will have to chose a name equal to or shorter than one of the NPCs.

[Narkis]

Mikhailichenko will have to wait then. How about Boris Borisovich Borisov? That should be short enough.

[PeZook]

Well, at least the dismal failure that was von Evilstein helped me learn something. How not to do an evil overlord. And as a result, my cherished character is now a painfully neutered lab rat. Can I make a cosmonaut now, or is von Evilstein going to be doing anything else that I'm needed for?

Feel free to make a cosmo/astronaut and do shenaningans.

Just no cthullhu magic

[doom3607]

What if it doesn't work but the cosomonaut is crazy enough to think it does? Stuff happening as if by luck, that sort of thing.

[PeZook]

What if it doesn't work but the cosomonaut is crazy enough to think it does? Stuff happening as if by luck, that sort of thing.

No

[OmegaChief]

Cheer up Comrade Director, though things are looking grim for us now, the Muricans are growing over confident, soon they will reach too far and fall horribley, we have seen them do so once already.

So let us just keep plugging away through adversity da? Is the Zenobian way.

[fnord]

So Nikov and Faaabio are making their orbital shot next season, yes?

[LaCroix]

Gzregorz strolled over the holy grounds of Baikonurek, still wearing his astronaut overall, like ever since he had been given one. Despite that, he still wasn't fully happy.

It wasn't that training was hard. Navigating a capsule was easy compared to keep uncle Bartok's old car running and avoiding crashing into the ditches that were called 'potholes' at home. But that incident with the EVA suit was embarrassing....

Why was it his fault that the seat seam was so fragile? And why were the technicians shouting at him for that?

He still blamed the Borscht - or the Warikemi with kraut. Maybe it was the Soljanka. It definitely couldn't have been the Pilaw, although it left an impressive mark on the pressure chamber. Maybe he had one Bliny too much. He should have stopped at ten, but no breakfast was complete without them...

Grumbling, he walked on to the kitchen tract. His mood brightened as he saw the menu.
Spoiler

Suit problems solved! Feed astronauts less gassy food!