need some help

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Jason von Evil
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need some help

Post by Jason von Evil »

Ok, I'm writing a ST fanfic, the first part of it involves the main ship getting attacked by three Jem'Hadar ships while on patrol. Here's the battle scene:
"Speak of the devil. Helm, initiate evasive manuever Beta-6 and bring us about."

Hague made his way to his chair and sat down as the Elysium turned itself around to face the the three attacking warships. They were lucky, the new model of attack ships weren't as good as the ones from the Dominion War. They were mostly hastly assembled using poor materials and in some cases, it seemed as if they were built solely to get weapons to the battlefield and use them. The ship shook for a third time, but this time not as hard. Hague narrowed his eyes as the three ships came into view. They were coming in on the same attack vector they've always used, tight formation, fire when your close and break away when you can see the bridge crews face. You'd think the Founders would give these guys some tactical sense Hague thought to himself.

"Tactical, lock weapons on the center ship and open fire with the forward cannons and target the left nacelle of the right attack ship and fire one second afterwards."

"Locking weapons and firing."

Four colbalt blue beams of energy lanced out from the front section of the ship and impacted with the center enemy ship, it's shields resisting at first, but eventually collapsing as several more beams pounded them. Soon, the front section of the ship exploded, causing the ship to tilt to the right and fly towards the ship there. On queue, several other beams shot out at the other ship and after some battering, destroyed it's shields and the targeted nacelle, which erupted in a brilliant red colored explosion. That vessel was too thrown by the explosion towards the other Jem'Hadar attack ship that was coming towards it. The two ships collided with each other, exploding almost on impact.

"Helm, hard to starboard. Tactical, target the warpcore and open fire with all
Any suggestions on how I can clean this part up? I want two of the ships to collide with each other and the third ship to be destroyed while making a getaway.
"It was the hooker rationing that finally drove people over the edge." - Mike on coup in Thailand.
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