Let's play: Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space

[PeZook]

Now I have an image of Comrade Svetmaya Surnameova doing a parachute jump into Murcan airspace to punch him.

That is a most reasonable and perfectly viable plan that has my full approval.

...it also made me laugh like an idiot through last evening and this morning, frustrating my wife to no end.

EDIT: Also, Haggistan! Where men are bred tough, for it is a place where they haven't invented pants, yet the thistles reach up to waist level.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Ravensburg found May unpacking his luggage in the astronaut quarters.

Seventeen hundred bottles of Scotch? Check
Bagpipes? Check
Regulation kilt? Check

Yup, the Haggistani was in town all right.

"John! How have you been on base for this long and not said hello yet? Still drinking like a fish I see!"

[fnord]

For the love of Saint Bob, what have I set loose?

[fnord]

Especially if the blasted haggis walloper plays those pipes while in a capsule as part of a crew.


As for countries listed (so far) and their real life equivalents:

Murca - USA
Onion of Zenobian Commienist Republics - USSR
Anglia - England
Haggistan - Scotland (and it must be in mcperil if they sent May...)
Straya - Australia
Zeichovoslukia - Czechoslovakia
Stenchia - France
Boratistan - Kazakh SSR
Polackistan - Poland

Which ones have I missed?

[PeZook]

You missed the most important one, dude.Thanasia!

[fnord]

You didn't name the Thanasian successor states, the one that was formerly the Zenobian zone of occupation (OTL's East Germany) and the combined Murcan-Anglian-Haggistani-Stenchian zone (OTL's West Germany).

[Eternal_Freedom]

Mcperil? sweet!

Now I am suddenly tempted to add another astronuat, an Irish one this time, purely for the lols that would result!

[PeZook]

You didn't name the Thanasian successor states, the one that was formerly the Zenobian zone of occupation (OTL's East Germany) and the combined Murcan-Anglian-Haggistani-Stenchian zone (OTL's West Germany).

I think East Thanasia and West Thanasia were mentioned once or twice

Anyways, Murcans should hurry up with their plans!

[Eternal_Freedom]

Genius takes time, man. But thanks for the index thread.

[Mayabird]

Sorry. I've been trying to write something to explain how Johnny got in and Givens suddenly disappeared, but I just can't the explanation ludicrous enough, although I have the pictures ready.

[PeZook]

Genius takes time, man. But thanks for the index thread.

I'll populate it properly when I have a few moments

[ChaserGrey]

Sorry. I've been trying to write something to explain how Johnny got in and Givens suddenly disappeared, but I just can't the explanation ludicrous enough, although I have the pictures ready.

Drive down to Tijuana, get him drunk, and ditch him? It's what I'd do.

[Eternal_Freedom]

All right, quick plan as there is really very little to decide upon right now.

Funds: 45 MB

R&D:

-2 Teams on Titan program (8 MB)
-2 Teams on Ranger program (6 MB)

Leaving 31 MB, ring-fenced for beginning XMS-2 program next season.

[FaxModem1]

An undisclosed location
Fax Modem couldn't believe what he was wearing.

"Why am I wearing this?"



The man in the shadows sighed, which Fax could barely hear through the helmet.

"The previous Agent Squirrel has died in the line of duty, and now you are taking his place, until you complete enough missions or die in the line of duty."

"I get that, but why the costume?"

"Is tradition, goes all the way back to the founding fathers. Now here is your target." A folder was placed on the table. Fax opened the folder and saw the picture inside. The man in the shadows continued talking.


"This is your target. Boris Badenov. He was the reason we've been behind the Zenobians so much. Your job is to hunt him down, and bring him in, alive preferably."

Fax nodded, understanding that this was the way his life now worked. He was given his supplies, and a car. Agent Squirrel was now on the hunt.

[Simon_Jester]

Good shit, Fax. I like it.

[PeZook]

Whoa, there was a live action version?

[FaxModem1]

Two actually. A Boris and Natasha movie from 1990 and the terrible live action movie Rocky and Bullwinkle that came out in 2000.

[PeZook]

Simulating turn...

EDIT: The Murcan plan is scrapped, as no further research can be performed on Titan nor Ranger

[PeZook]

MISSIONS LAUNCH
COSMOS I, OCTOBER 1965

"Comrade! You really shouldn't, in your condition..."

Syrgy Pavylyvych waved off the protesting Interior Ministry trooper, who has been following him around for days now, uring the Chief Designer to rest after his most recent round of surgery.

Syrgy would take a break after observing the Proton in action. Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps a bit later still, for after a succesful flight, much administrative work would still be left.



The launch crew was almost done with checklists, the beautiful Proton rocket ready for its maiden flight. It was a bit risky, attempting to launch at this stage, with several major problems with the booster sitll unresolved - but Zenobia could not afford a missile gap with the Murcans. They would launch more commienism to outer planets than the Murcans could hope to beat, da. The Cosmos probe sitting on top of that rocket was virtually loaded with Marxism-Lennonism in the form of slogans tightly covering its thermal shielding.

"We are ready. Launch crews have retreated to their bunkers. Vehicle is primed for launch."

Sirens wailed across the cosmodrome. The Proton wasn't like the A-Series rocket: it was twice as massive, and thus far more dangerous in case of launch failure.



An engineer was reading off mission milestones for the benefit of the watching military officers, "Engine start. Engines working. Fuel flow good. Tower retracting. Retracted. Liftoff. Velocity correct. Acceleration correct. No vibration. Guidance correct. Roll complete. Pitch complete. Altitude four-five. Staging. Staging complete."



"Insertion burn complete, comrades. We are in orbit!"

The generals were chattering excitedly. This new rocket was quite something, though the applications the military had in mind were QUITE different from the work being done at Baikonurek.

Syrgy nodded to himself, satisfied with the vehicle's performance. He watched in silence as the engineers ran their checkouts in preparation for the next step.



The final stage of the rocket ignited while it was over the night side of the planet, tracked vigorously by stations all around the globe, and hurled its payload to the Moon.



Four days later, the probe began transmitting images, and broadcasting Lennon's speeches at the Moon.

***

RANGER II, NOVEMBER 1965

There were senators in the launch control center. Many old and possibly senile senators, which didn't really stop them from pestering the crews, asking stupid questions and being angry about knowing the Commienists now had their own pictures of the Moon.



"Is this the mission that will etch the Constipitution in lunar surface?", one particularly patriotic senator asked.

"No"

"Then it will shoot down that commienist satellite, right?"

"No"

"Drown out its foul transmissions?

"No!"

"Then why are we even doing that, director? It sounds like a waste of money!"

Johny von Braun glared at the senator. The man wasn't dissuaded, obviously expecting an answer.

"You can ask the press corps, senator. We have a launch to prepare for!"



Suddenly, sirens started wailing in the control center. Engineers started to shout amongst each other. The range safety officer grabbed a phone and started to yell into the receiver.

"What is going on, director? What is going on? I demand an explanation! Right now!"

Von Braun ignored him. Camera feeds from the launch tower showed white-suited technicians running towards the elevator and emergency zip-lines.

The base's PA system kept blaring, "Premature booster ignition! All personnell, clear the pad! All personnell, clear the pad!"



Too late. A gargantuan explosion rumbled through the entire building, despite the launch complex being located more than fifty miles away.




Not too far away, on a boat, a shady character watched the spectacle.



Da, he thought with glee, Zat should just about do eet!

***

COSMOS II, DECEMBER 1965

Barely a wekk later and on the other side of the globe, a well rested, revitalized and further medallized Syrgy Pavylyvych was very carefully going through the Proton's revised launch checklist with his engineers.

Cosmos I had been a great success ; It returned much data for Zenobia's top scientists (who were now locked in their rooms and furiously having their way with it), even if the mission was merely a follow-up for the Murcans.

But this...this was more. So much more.

"It looks good. The fuel cell problem was bad, da, but it has been corrected. I think we can proceed."

"Comrades", Syrgy said, closing the binder, "Today we make history."

"We make history here every day, comrade Chief Designer."

"Hah! True, indeed!"

Smiling, Syrgy turned the ignition key without further ceremony.



With a roar, the Proton launched, soaring towards the heavens. Six hours later, the Proton's upper stage ignited and in a precisely timed maneuver, ejected the probe on course towards its destination.

Venus.

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 8: WOW! THE MOON! AND VENUS! WOW!
Time is: Spring 1966

MURCA
TEDDY SPACE CENTER

Johny von Braun's office was temporarily unavailable, due to janitors shovelling out empty bottles of scotch out of it. The day after the rocket explosion in November, Director von Braun went to the astronaut quarters, requisitioned the new guy's stash and locked himself in.

How the man was still alive was a mystery. How he could still be sober at the January 1st briefing despite drinking a veritable sea of whiskey was even stranger.

Sam Francisco was speaking, trying to concentrate on the agenda instead of the Director's state, "We have here another concept submitted to us from Congress...as you can see, this one is much improved, and uses actual pencil instead of crayon. It is also written on actual paper, rather than a napkin. Much improvement can be seen in the technique and shading, and..."

"Sam, please. Just...circular file it. You had your own concepts, didn't you?"

"Hell yeah, sir!", Sam dumped the newest proposal in the waste bin and pulled out his own folder, "Right here!"





Everybody present was impressed.

"We are so awesome!", one of the department heads blurted out.

"Fuck yeah!"

Code: Select all

Current funds: 108 megabucks

Astronauts in Mercury program:
FLASHHEART - CAP 1, LM 0, EVA 4, DOCK 1, END 1 (Mercury/II) ; MOOD: 22
BARNESTI - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 4 (Mercury/III) ; MOOD: 65
REXMODEM - CAP 3, LM 3, EVA 3, DOCK 1, END 0 (Mercury/IV) ; MOOD: 48
RAVENSBURG - CAP 3, LM 3, EVA 0, DOCK 0, END 2 (Mercury/V) ; MOOD: 60
CONRAD - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 3 (Mercury/VII) ; MOOD: 68
BROWN - CAP 4, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 2 (Mercury/VIII) ; MOOD: 70

Unassigned astronauts:

BORMAN - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 3 ; MOOD: 74
KNIGHT - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 1 ; MOOD: 64
OLDS - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 3 ; MOOD: 74

Other astronauts:
MODEMJR - retired spring 1965
CUNTSER - retired fall 1965
KELLY - retired spring 1965
MCCAIN - retired fall 1963
HARDBEEF -  retired spring 1963
OHJESUS - DECEASED, MERCURY IX
JOHNSON - DECEASED, MERCURY XVI

Programs running: Explorer, Ranger, Atlas, Titan, Mercury, EVA Suits

Launch pads: 3

Scheduled missions: 
Launch Pad A, DESTROYED BY EXPLOSION, 20MB TO FIX
Launch Pad B, none
Launch Pad C, none

ZENOBIA

[/size]

BAIKONUREK

Comissar Omeganski walked into Syrgy's office carrying a covdered bucket and an envelope. The bucket was obviously heavy.

Seeing the Chief Designer's strange expression, the comissar removed the bucket's cover, revealing thousands of various medals. He chose four - pretty much at random - and laid them down on Syrgy's desk.

"Excuse the lack of ceremony, comrade Chief Designer. The pictures just came in, and we were ordered to honor everyone involved as fast as possible."

"What pictures?"

"Don't you know? From Venus. The probe just sent them in!"

Syrgy leapt to his feet and left. The comissar sighed, made a notation on his list of medal recipents and continud his rounds. Now he had three decoration for comrade Boris Bonkov, Baikonurek's janitor.

After some thought, Omeganski decided he'd throw in another one. After all, the man did obediently deliver suspicious items found in the toilets.

By the time the good comissar lurched out of his office, Syrgy was already at the Unmanned Exploration Building, reviewing the first pictures of Venus - so far, blurry and unfocused, but still...




And aide used this opportunity to deliver some urgent paperwork. He was nearly lynched after he dumped it right on top of the light table where Cosmos II's pictures were being displayed.







In all this excitement, comrade Nikov's resignation (the document comissar Omeganski brought inside his envolope) remained forgotten.

Code: Select all

Current funds: 115 megarubloids

Cosmonauts in Voshkhod program:
NIKOV - CAP 4, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 2 (CREW I/PILOT) ; MOOD: 33 - will retire next season
MAMETOV - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 2 (CREW I/SPECIALIST) ; MOOD: 81

KARZANOVSKI - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 0, END 3  (CREW II/PILOT) ; MOOD: 65
YEBANOV - CAP 3, LM 2, EVA 4, DOCK 0, END 1 (CREW II/SPECIALIST)  ; MOOD: 65

DIGADITCH - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 3  (CREW III/PILOT); MOOD: 48
BORISOV - CAP 3, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 1, END 1 (CREW III/SPECIALIST)  ; MOOD: 57

PETROV - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 2 (CREW IV/PILOT) ; MOOD: 47
BEREGOVOY - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 3, END 0 (CREW IV/SPECIALIST) ; MOOD: 58

Cosmonauts not assigned to programs:
FAAABIO  - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 3 ; MOOD: 42
BRZECZYSZCZ - CAP 3, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 3  ; MOOD: 47

Other cosmonauts:
DOSTAROVASKI - Forcibly retired, Fall 1964
TITOV - Retired Spring 1964
IVANOVICH - Grounded due to lung cancer
VLADIMIRENSKY  - Deceased, training accident
IVANOV - Deceased, VOSTOK VII

Programs running: Sputnik, Cosmos satellite, A-Series, Proton, Booster stage, Voshkhod, EVA Suits

Launch pads: 2

Scheduled missions: 
Launch pad A, Unmanned orbital docking, Voskhod/Boosted A-Series
Launch pad B, Unmanned orbital docking, Voskhod/Boosted A-Series

GM Notes:

Luck seems to have turned, as it was. Now it's Murca's turn to suffer setback and inexplicably exploderizing rocketries

On the other hand, note how astronaut moods drop as the program loses prestige. Zenobian cosmonauts lost an average of 1 mood points this season, while Murcan moods are plummeting.

On docking: remember that because of Game Rules, unmanned orbital dockings need to launch a new docking module EVERY TIME.

[fnord]

OOC - How the hell did Nikov manage to get slung out the ass-end of Siberia?

[FaxModem1]

A warehouse near the coast



There were bombs as far as Agent Squirrel could see. Through exhaustive research, and dancing in his costume at a place called the 'Furry Corral', Fax was able to get an address of where the previous Agent Squirrel had last been seen. Inside, he had found this. Bombs, laid out by the hundreds. The Fuel containers wasn't the end of it, Badenov clearly had much bigger plans. Squirrel moved quietly, using his bushy tail training to look inconspicuous as he entered the office area of the warehouse, where he overheard a conversation.

"Oh Boris, repeat the plan one more time. I just want to hear it."

"Da, Natasha, it is done. The trucks will be here in the morning, and by Tuesday, the supplies of Murcan astronaut Lubricant will go BOOM!"

Fax peeked around the office hallway, seeing a mustached man in black wearing a fedora with a woman in a purple dress listening to his every word.



"And it wouldn't have been possible without you. Comrade Moose."

From the corner emerged a man in a moose costume. His antlers alone were the stuff of nightmares. The new Agent Squirrel had been briefed on who this man was, ever since the First Salvation War, there had been an Agent Moose to fight Thanasians, and other fascist threats. During the Second Salvation War, Murca had teamed up Agent Moose with Agent Squirrel, having them run missions in Anglia, Stenchia, Zenobia, and Thanasia. But what was he doing with the communists?

There was dark laughter from the costume, it was a deep laughter, a loud laughter, the kind that would bring fear and nightmares to Fax's soul. Agent Moose, was now Comrade Moose.



Fax stayed quiet, hoping to hear more. Fortunate for him, Boris kept talking.

"To think, that the Squirrel trusted you." Boris said as he slapped the Moose on the back. There was a turn in the head and the antlers were pointed towards the hatted man, and Boris flinched, looking as if he regretted touching the figure.

"And thanks to the information he freely gave you, we have destroyed their ability to do anything, and now we will crush their morale."

There was laughter heard all around the room, that's when Fax decided to move. He threw stink grenades, courtesy of Skunk, into the room. There was gas everywhere. With a whack of his tail, the woman in a purple dress was down. Boris, he fought, but the man was of Zenobian steel, and could counter the squirrel techniques Fax was trained in. There were spins as he brought his tail up against the man, plus bites of teeth, and scratches with his claws, but he was met with club beatings with TNT, beating him back.

Boris, rolled a bomb at him, the fuse in it live. Sooner than Squirrel knew what was happening. Boris was running away, clearly sweating as he did so.

That left him with Moose, whose dead eyes bore on him, and the nightmares within.

"WHY DID YOU DO IT?" Fax shouted. The man was a legend, why did he betray his country?

A Thanasian accent escaped from the helmet of the moose costume.

"You wouldn't understand." The antlers lowered, Comrade Moose was going to charge at Agent Squirrel.

With the leap of someone trained in the arts of flying squirrel, escape was possible, but only if one was a level five master. Fax was a level four, so his legs were impacted by the sharp horns, and he screamed in agony. But he was trained, and he bit down into the helmet, finding flesh. There was a punch, and Fax fell to the ground, unconscious.

Moose left the building, lighting a fuse on one of the bombs, making sure it was a long enough one so that he could escape. Fax awoke, seeing the unconscious woman next to him. He went to pick her up, hoping that this trip wouldn't be completely worthless, and received a kick in the gut for his trouble.

He looked up, to see the woman up and fully conscious, smiling and waving at him.



Fax chased her through the warehouse as she ran, not noticing the fuse. Finally, he tackled her. Behind him, the warehouse blew up, sending shrapnel everywhere. Fax had captured a Zenobian agent, but not the one he had wanted. And he had stopped further sabotage, at least of the lubricant. But for how long?

[PeZook]

OOC - How the hell did Nikov manage to get slung out the ass-end of Siberia?

Well, he was growing really dissatisfied with the program, so he probably made the wrong comment at the wrong time and whoops

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

I seem to be continuing the trend of wherever my characters go, explosions shortly follow.

[Mayabird]

Let's not go overboard with the Fax Modem antics again, please.

Somewhere in Zenobia


Comrade Svetmaya Surnameova suddenly had a powerful urge to punch a man in the face. Who and why, she had no idea. Maybe it had something to do with the decadent capitalist game of 'golf' that she had heard of. Maybe it was finding out about the other Gorga that wasn't the Zenobian people's republic. Maybe it was because there had been whispers and rumors for a long time about women becoming cosmonauts, but nothing ever coming of it.

But she was a professional, so she landed her helicopter first before slugging the first male she saw, which happened to be her co-pilot. Svetmaya didn't have a good angle in the cramped cockpit so it didn't hurt him much, just confused him a moment. They had seemed to be working together just fine and she hadn't given any hints or indications that anything was wrong. Her co-pilot thought about the strange behavior from the woman who held many ballooning and parachuting records, then thought that it was, perhaps, a sign of affection!

He decided to test it by dressing up and asking her if she wanted to go listen to some speeches with him.