Let's play: Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space

[Simon_Jester]

Since you Murcans are planning to rely heavily on strap-ons to get your moon program going, I don't think you have a good place to stand while criticizing us.

[OmegaChief]

Yes but that would only be as hilarious if the Muricans had female astronaughts.

[ChaserGrey]

*Wonders if Comrade Surnamenovna can get away with punching a Commissar in the head.*

Possibly, but she would have to be very very fast.

[Simon_Jester]

Yes but that would only be as hilarious if the Muricans had female astronaughts.

Comrade Commissar, I think it's still hilarious, even assuming all Murcan astronauts are male. Perhaps especially assuming all Murcan astronauts are male.

[PeZook]

Any additional astronaut/cosmonaut candidates have until tomorrow to make their entires, at which point I'm closing the rolls and moving on.

[FaxModem1]

Fax Modem was on the hunt for Boris Badenov, but he had a drive to go on.
----

Rex Modem looked at the ballot box for the name of the ship. He got a wicked grin on his face.


Von Braun later found five hundred entries for the U.S.S. FUCKASS in the ballot box.

[PeZook]

So...I've set everything up, and then I noticed the good director Von Braun forgot to declare what he does with the planned lunar flyby

From his plan it seems he wants to scrub it, but I need confirmation.l

[Eternal_Freedom]

IF we have the hardware already, go ahead with the lunar flyby, may as well get some recon done.

If we have to buy the hardware, scrub it.

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 8: WOW! THE MOON! AND VENUS! AND MARS! WOW!
Time is: Fall 1967





MURCA
TEDDY SPACE CENTER

The TV was booming with bombastic announcements about...a visit. Of all things, of all the awesome things MASA has accomplished, the fucking newsies were talking about the Vice President walking around a rocket facility.

Occasionally, the image was interrupted, replaced by white noise. Ghastly messages from beyond the grave would then play through the speakers - a phenomenon that most people who worked at THE CAPE were thoroughly used to by now.

The new guys, not so much.

"Jawohl...zey have been sedated, aber their terrified screams made a poor impression on the veterans, ja.", Wehrner von Shapp was giving his report on astronaut issues, "I have receive notifications from herren Rex Modem and Borman sayin zat they are retiring from the program."

"Any good news?", the Director asked in an irritated tone of voice

"Vell...with herr Barn Est released from the hospital and the new guys, we still come out ahead in the warm body count! And the Haggistani, ja, he plays some mean buttpipe. You should've heard him when he's jazzing with Loopy and Suitcase and Rocket..."

"Wait wait wait...buttpipe? You mean bagpipe?"

"Nein, it is buttpipe. You see, to make ze instrument, you take a smoked horse's anus, and then..."

Von Braun raised his hand, "I don't want to know. I really don't. Please, let's move on to the XMS-2? We need a better name for it..."

Without warning, the aides began slamming huge cardboard flashcards on the director's desk. Now that was something better.

Code: Select all

Current funds: 20 megabucks

Astronauts in training:
MAY - CAP 3, LM 1, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 2
LOOPY - CAP 4, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 3, END 1
ROCKET - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 2, END 2
SUITCASE - CAP 3, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 4, END 1
HAISE - CAP 3, LM 3, EVA 0, DOCK 0, END 1
CHAFFEE - CAP 0, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 2
EISELE - CAP 0, LM 0, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 3
CUNNINGHAM - CAP 1, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 2
MCCANDLESS - CAP 1, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 2, END 1
SWIGERT - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 1
ANDERS - CAP 0, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 2, END 1
WILLIAMS - CAP 1, LM 2, EVA 1, DOCK 1, END 1
COLLINS - CAP 0, LM 1, EVA 3, DOCK 1, END 1
GORDON - CAP 0, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 1

Unassigned astronauts:

BARNESTI - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 4 ; MOOD: 45
REXMODEM - CAP 4, LM 3, EVA 3, DOCK 1, END 0 ; MOOD: 18 - will retire next year
RAVENSBURG - CAP 3, LM 3, EVA 0, DOCK 0, END 4 ; MOOD: 38
CONRAD - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 1, END 3 ; MOOD: 46
BROWN - CAP 4, LM 2, EVA 2, DOCK 1, END 2 ; MOOD: 48
BORMAN - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 1, END 3 ; MOOD: 56 - will retire next year
OLDS - CAP 3, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 3 ; MOOD: 56

Other astronauts:
KNIGHT - retired fall 1967
FLASHHEART - retired fall 1967
MODEMJR - retired spring 1965
CUNTSER - retired fall 1965
KELLY - retired spring 1965
MCCAIN - retired fall 1963
HARDBEEF -  retired spring 1963
OHJESUS - DECEASED, MERCURY IX
JOHNSON - DECEASED, MERCURY XVI

Programs running: Explorer, Ranger, Mighty Strapons, Atlas, Titan, Mercury, XMS-2, EVA Suits

Launch pads: 3

Scheduled missions: 
Launch Pad A, DESTROYED BY EXPLOSION, 20MB TO FIX
Launch Pad B, none
Launch Pad C, none

ZENOBIA
BAIKONUREK

"Dr. Vanko, while I appreciate your enthusiasm, I must question the ability of even mighty Zenobians industries to make this concept a reality..."

"But comrade Chief Designer! The added capability would be a great boon for combatting capitalist Murcan encroachment of space!"



"Yes...", Syrgy Pavylyvych held up a concept drawing. A concept drawing with a disturbing amount of detail on it, "...I can see that. But our immediate goals are merely landing on the Moon. Perhaps for the next leap in exploration?"

"Da!", dr. Vanko nodded enthusiastically, "Just do not forget, comrade!"

"Of course..."

Syrgy sighed when the door closed behind Vanko. Such zeal for his work, yet the Chief Designer couldn't escape the feeling that something was slightly off about this man.

He got back to the paperwork...another transfer request, from Yebanov this time...well, the man had every reason to be apprehensive about any mission he flew...and one of the new cosmonauts failed his physical test regimen. Syrgy wasn't about to question decisions of the medical staff - he's seen how demanding spaceflight tasks are on astronauts with comrade Bodrov, who almost lost consciousness while working in orbit.

There was one other thing there. Syrgy liked to pull it out from time to time while working. It calmed his nerves, somehow.



Mars.

But then he had to get back to his reports.

Code: Select all

Current funds: 80 megarubloids

Cosmonauts in Voskhod program:

KARZANOVSKI - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 0, END 3  (CREW II/PILOT) ; MOOD: 55
YEBANOV - CAP 3, LM 2, EVA 4, DOCK 0, END 1 (CREW II/SPECIALIST)  ; MOOD: 55 - will retire next season

PETROV - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 2 (CREW IV/PILOT) ; MOOD: 34
BEREGOVOY - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 3, END 0 (CREW IV/SPECIALIST) ; MOOD: 50

Cosmonauts not assigned to programs:
BORISOV - CAP 3, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 1, END 1  ; MOOD: 63
MAMETOV - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 2, END 2  ; MOOD: 64
FAAABIO  - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 3 ; MOOD: 25
BRZECZYSZCZ - CAP 3, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 3  ; MOOD: 30

Cosmonauts in training:
FILLYERESKI - CAP 1, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 2, END 1 
SMIRNOFF - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 1, DOCK 1, END 1 
NEFARTNYI - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 2 
YEBANOVY - CAP 1, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 2 
RUKAVISHNIKOV - CAP 1, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 2, END 2 
KLIMUK - CAP 4, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 1, END 2 
GRECHKO - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 3, END 1 
IVANCHENKOV - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 3 
KOVALYANOK - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 3, DOCK 0, END 4 
ZHOLOBOV - CAP 1, LM 2, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 3 
LEBEDEV - CAP 1, LM 1, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 3 
LAZAREV - CAP 1, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 0, END 1 
MAKAROV - CAP 0, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 2, END 2 

Other cosmonauts:
ALEXANDROV - washed out in training, fall 1967
DIGADITCH - left to join the Red Army, spring 1967
NIKOV - retired Fall 1966
DOSTAROVASKI - Forcibly retired, Fall 1964
TITOV - Retired Spring 1964
IVANOVICH - Grounded due to lung cancer
VLADIMIRENSKY  - Deceased, training accident
IVANOV - Deceased, VOSTOK VII

Programs running: Sputnik, Cosmos satellite, A-Series, Proton, Booster stage, Voskhod, EVA Suits, Docking module

Launch pads: 3

Scheduled missions: 
Launch pad A, Unmanned orbital docking Voskhod/Boosted A-Series
Launch pad B, Lunar Flyby Cosmos/Proton
Launch pad B, None

GM Notes:

Man, those new Murcan guys are such total weenies. They will needs lots of morning runs and plenty of lube and BodyOil before they meet expectations!

However, Murcan limp-dicked science majors have made great strides this season, and the XMS-2 is a whoopin' 18% closer to flight status. Congratulations to the eggheads and may they dicks become hard and rigid again!

(Don't count on it, they'd have to work in the military-industrial complex for that to happen!)

Also, I've only just realized who Ivan Vanko is

My screenies also got slightly screwed up, but I didn't feel like retaking them. So there!

[OmegaChief]

Ha ha! The Red Planet is claimed for the glory of Comminism!

[PeZook]

There is a Murcan probe stalking on its orbit as well, though.

[OmegaChief]

Did we equip our probe with the missiles to shoot down the Murican probe? No? Well lets add them to the design for the future!

[Simon_Jester]

PeZook, my Dr. Anton Vanko is the father of Ivan Vanko, as referenced here. After his horrible disappointment on an international research collaboration with Dr. Howard Strak, he was transferred to revamp the Extravehicular Excursion Lab, as mentioned here.

But da, we will look into the super-suit later.

Also, NYET! Comrade Yebanov! I was hoping he would be first to walk on the moon...

[Scottish Ninja]

Anatoliy was somewhat proud of himself, sitting in the hospital bed. He'd managed to crash a flight simulator. Not a virtual crash inside the simulator; he'd actually managed to fly the entire simulator out of a third-story window.

It had ended his hopeful cosmonaut career - but it had been worth it. Oh, the stories that would be told in the squadron bars...

[PeZook]

PeZook, my Dr. Anton Vanko is the father of Ivan Vanko, as referenced here. After his horrible disappointment on an international research collaboration with Dr. Howard Strak, he was transferred to revamp the Extravehicular Excursion Lab, as mentioned here.

True, I forgot the guy's name was Anton, and I totally didn't get that reference the first time round. I watched Iron Man 2 only recently, though

Also, NYET! Comrade Yebanov! I was hoping he would be first to walk on the moon...

Fear not, for comrade Yebanovy, a completely unrelated yet also spectacularly unlucky fellow, is currently in training

[fnord]

Bugger, compared to Nikov and Digaditch, Captain Fillyereski's a bit of a dud.

[Simon_Jester]

Training will make some of these Group III cosmonauts more worthwhile. In a pinch I'll put a few of them through advanced capsule training to make good pilots of 'em.

PeZook, my Dr. Anton Vanko is the father of Ivan Vanko, as referenced here. After his horrible disappointment on an international research collaboration with Dr. Howard Strak, he was transferred to revamp the Extravehicular Excursion Lab, as mentioned here.

True, I forgot the guy's name was Anton, and I totally didn't get that reference the first time round. I watched Iron Man 2 only recently, though

Well, go back over his scenes in Nein Nein Nein Percent Reliability and elsewhere. You will see them in a whole new light.

[Eternal_Freedom]

OK PeZook, the plan for this season.

-2 teams on XMS-2 (14 MB
-2 teams on Strap-ons (4 MB)

Transfer ALL unassigned astronauts to the XMS-2 program. Especially Ravensburg, he seems very depressed.

[PeZook]

Any missions to plan?

[FaxModem1]

Huh, well. Guess I had a good run. All the Modems are gone now.

[PeZook]

There might always appear a...non Modem character?

[FaxModem1]

A very young and very bishonen looking officer in a Anglian uniform came to the office.



"Lieutenant Bob Roberts reporting for duty, sir" came from a very high voice.

EDIT: Anglian, not British

[OmegaChief]

Hey PeZook, could we get some more 1960s graphs? I'm curious as to the current ratings for the Zenobians/Muricans as it's been a little while since we've seen them.

[PeZook]

Hey PeZook, could we get some more 1960s graphs? I'm curious as to the current ratings for the Zenobians/Muricans as it's been a little while since we've seen them.

I don't have the game handy right now, but sure thing, I'll snap some in a couple of hours.

[OmegaChief]

Thanks 'Zook, after all what's a game about ballistic missiles spacecraft in the sixties without graphs?