Q Offers to Make You a Primarch

[Cykeisme]

If it's 20th century Terra, since Primarchs don't have the full extent of the Emperor's abilities, specifically the ability to reshape myself into a normal sized human and appear any way I want, I'd stick out like a sore thumb. So might as well go all the way, and go for Sanguinius, for reasons PainRack and Lord Relvenous have discussed at depth on this thread.

So, become Lorgar, a man blessed with great charisma and natural leadership. Since this is pre-heresy, preach a code closer to secular humanism and the scientific truth espoused by the Emperor rather than the hardline fundamentalist Crazy that actually took place. Keep an eye on both Kor Phaeron and Erebus, and quietly bushwhack one or both of them if they show signs of turning to Chaos.

At the risk of derailing the thread, didn't it turn out that one of the Emperor's few mistakes was his approach to stemming the influence of the Ruinous Powers?
Sure, the secularity promoted by the Imperial Truth would have diminished the Chaos gods of sustenance from the human masses, but as we see later, the Emperor seen as a god will receive incredible power from the worship of untold trillions.. power enough to defend mankind all four Chaos Gods. Even better, he could have carefully designed events to lead to this while he still walked, instead of having it done by priests and ecclesiarchs, centuries after his fateful battle with Horus.

The fact that the entire Imperial Cult of the Ecclesiarchy is based on the teachings written in the Lectitio Divinatus.. which was in turn written by Lorgar, who essentially initiated the Heresy and man's downfall.. is one of the most masterful ironies wrought into 40k lore, in my opinion.

We may need a new thread for this.. it's been something I've been wanting to discuss for quite a while, but never brought it up here before.

[Lord_Of_Change 9]

You retain all your memories and your personality, but you get the Primarch's memories and war-skills as well.

You can also choose whether to go into 30K or stay on RL Earth.

[Simon_Jester]

Among the historical loyalist Primarchs, who are the choices? Obvious candidates people might like here would be, oh...

Guilliman
Sanguinus
Vulkan
Dorn (?)

Can't see anyone here who would really want to be Leman Russ or Jaghatai Khan, just to pick two obvious examples.

Among that list, who would people prefer? I mean, I see a number of people who take Sanguinus over Guilliman, but I don't know their reasons for doing so.

[Black Admiral]

There's Corax, also, who (at least pre-Heresy) has no real crippling neuroses (well, apart from an intense hatred for slavers, but that can hardly be held against him), and is incidentally a spectacular badass.

[Cykeisme]

Corax has additional appeal for emo goth types, since he has very pale, almost white skin and black hair.. apparently a look all his progeny Astartes eventually take on, after they've lived long enough.

[KhorneFlakes]

Is it wrong that I misread the title as "Q Offers to Make You a Sandwich"?

I was browsing really late at night...

[Ahriman238]

I think it'd be cool to be Vulkan, so I have a Legion that isn't made up of assholes. Fulgrim would be an acceptable other option.

Even before they fell, the Emperorer's Children are consistantly portrayed as being tremendous assholes.

Oh yes, but if we're going for non-assholes the options are pretty much Vulkan or Corax, who appeals to me a great deal less for somereason. On the other hand, if I'm going to be in charge of a legion of arrogant assholes (which actually sounds kind of fun) it may as well be the ones with something to be arrogant about. One more legion on the side of the Emperor is nothing to sneeze at either.

If I were to pick a Primarch to become in the modern world, today, it would be Perturabo. Supposedly he inheirted the Emperor's instincts for technology, great powers of innovation, and the ability to "heal" machines with a touch. With detailed knowledge of Imperial tech, there's a lot I could do in the modern world.

[PainRack]

I like to point out that as Sainguiness, I essentially get to become the archangel Gabriel or the equivalent here on Earth. Think of the amount of power, wealth,adoration and pussy I'm going to get:D

Frankly, he, Vulkan and Guilleman are essentially the only Primarch who would be acceptable here on Earth without facing ostracisation. Magnus? Magic powers... WITCH!
All the rest has been protrayed to have major personality quirks which would incite resentment amongst others.

Even in the Wh30k setting, the Blood Angels is the only Primarch that's has been presented as noble, without much of the feuding other Primarchs/legions had. Certainly nothing to the extent of Lion vs Khan and etc.

Is it wrong that I misread the title as "Q Offers to Make You a Sandwich"?

I was browsing really late at night...

Oooh. Delicious bacon sandwich......

[Black Admiral]

Corax has additional appeal for emo goth types, since he has very pale, almost white skin and black hair.. apparently a look all his progeny Astartes eventually take on, after they've lived long enough.

Corax's skin isn't "almost white", it is white ("whiter than Imperial marble" to quote The First Heretic). Not just black hair, either; Corax, and most older Raven Guard, have completely black hair & eyes.

[Purple]

I like to point out that as Sainguiness, I essentially get to become the archangel Gabriel or the equivalent here on Earth. Think of the amount of power, wealth,adoration and pussy I'm going to get:D

I don't thing the last bit is going to work out. At least not unless the urinary certain parts of a primarchs body are grossly disproportionate to the rest of them.


Lame comment, I know. But I am lame so live with it.

[J Ryan]

Corax has additional appeal for emo goth types, since he has very pale, almost white skin and black hair.. apparently a look all his progeny Astartes eventually take on, after they've lived long enough.

Corax's skin isn't "almost white", it is white ("whiter than Imperial marble" to quote The First Heretic). Not just black hair, either; Corax, and most older Raven Guard, have completely black hair & eyes.

Here's Corax

[Cykeisme]

Dude needs a haircut.

[Black Admiral]

Fine, you go tell him that. For myself, I'm going to choose not to start on the petty critiques of someone who can punch out a tank (and go through scores of Word Bearers like the proverbial hot knife through butter).

[PhilosopherOfSorts]

Is it wrong that I misread the title as "Q Offers to Make You a Sandwich"?

I was browsing really late at night...

You know, that would probably be more useful to me than being a nine foot tall superman with a bunch of completely irrelavent skills. At least I could eat it.

[Lord Baal]

XoD


As long it doesn't have pastrami!

[PainRack]

I don't thing the last bit is going to work out. At least not unless the urinary certain parts of a primarchs body are grossly disproportionate to the rest of them.


Lame comment, I know. But I am lame so live with it.

I'm a Primarch, the epitome of Manhood!

[Simon_Jester]

So, become Lorgar, a man blessed with great charisma and natural leadership. Since this is pre-heresy, preach a code closer to secular humanism and the scientific truth espoused by the Emperor rather than the hardline fundamentalist Crazy that actually took place. Keep an eye on both Kor Phaeron and Erebus, and quietly bushwhack one or both of them if they show signs of turning to Chaos.

At the risk of derailing the thread, didn't it turn out that one of the Emperor's few mistakes was his approach to stemming the influence of the Ruinous Powers?
Sure, the secularity promoted by the Imperial Truth would have diminished the Chaos gods of sustenance from the human masses, but as we see later, the Emperor seen as a god will receive incredible power from the worship of untold trillions.. power enough to defend mankind all four Chaos Gods. Even better, he could have carefully designed events to lead to this while he still walked, instead of having it done by priests and ecclesiarchs, centuries after his fateful battle with Horus.

This, now that I think on it, is a big issue.

One thing to remember is the disturbing implications of trying to preach a cult of yourself as a god, something the Emperor did not do, and which reeks of megalomania.

Who in the 40k setting actively tries to get others to acknowledge them as a deity? The only ones I can think of are the Chaos gods. I've heard interesting speculations that all this Emperor-worship might ultimately create a Chaos god of mindless worship and tyranny, much as the Eldar's bizarre sadism and decadence created a Chaos god of sensuality.

It's a real hazard to keep in mind, if you ask me.

Moreover, Emperor-worship also stultifies the Imperial state, creating all sorts of excesses in the governing structure. How much of that is necessary as a defense against Chaos's mental influence, and how much of that is harmful in that it reduces the material resources available to fight it directly?

[Lord Relvenous]

I like to point out that as Sainguiness, I essentially get to become the archangel Gabriel or the equivalent here on Earth. Think of the amount of power, wealth,adoration and pussy I'm going to get:D

I don't thing the last bit is going to work out. At least not unless the urinary certain parts of a primarchs body are grossly disproportionate to the rest of them.

I know you meant this as a joke, but they very likely are grossly disproportional. Firstly, there are no muscles or bones in the penis so it wouldn't benefit from the biotech modifications on those systems. Secondly, the amount of steroids involved would stunt growth of the genitals.

Of course, this is a Primarch, so it's not as if there is a base human that was modified like a Space Maribe. So maybe he does have a Primarch sized dong. Either way, there are some women out there that could do it.

[PhilosopherOfSorts]

XoD


As long it doesn't have pastrami!

Shit, man, I like pastrami.

[Elheru Aran]

On Corax: How freakin' big do the birds come where he got that codpiece...

Ahem. Primarchs? I might take Guilliman, if only to make the Ultrasmurfs a little more interesting... Russ wouldn't be too bad either, while the Space Wolves are crazy they're still supremely dedicated and powerful warriors, and aside from Abnett's strange gimp-suit version, their culture is more enjoyable, frankly speaking. They aren't stick-up-ass dicks like the Dark Angels, that's for sure.

[Black Admiral]

On Corax: How freakin' big do the birds come where he got that codpiece...

Kiavahr's forests cater to the needs of any discerning traveller as regards trophies.

They aren't stick-up-ass dicks like the Dark Angels, that's for sure.

To be honest I think the Dark Angels tend to get a bit more flak than they deserve. It's not like they're a pile of complete asshats on the order of the Marines Malevolent (or any Astartes written by Ben Counter); sure, they can be assholes, but at least when it counts they'll usually try to do the right thing. And, yeah, they've screwed up pretty damn badly in the past, but they've also spent 10,000 years trying to put one of those screwups right.

[Elheru Aran]

They aren't stick-up-ass dicks like the Dark Angels, that's for sure.

To be honest I think the Dark Angels tend to get a bit more flak than they deserve. It's not like they're a pile of complete asshats on the order of the Marines Malevolent (or any Astartes written by Ben Counter); sure, they can be assholes, but at least when it counts they'll usually try to do the right thing. And, yeah, they've screwed up pretty damn badly in the past, but they've also spent 10,000 years trying to put one of those screwups right.

Granted; their portrayal in the Heresy books has given them somewhat of a better image, but they're still humourless as all get out for the most part. They just kind of come off as loners who're focused on their own screw-ups to the (possible) detriment of other priorities; why else would there be a special rule about them going after the Fallen in their codex? It's not for nothing they're competing for the title of Most Emo Marines EVAR with the Raven Guard You don't see the RG chasing down their own screw-ups, although granted Corax was kind enough to take care of them all before he went 'Nevermore'.

Really though, if you go all the way back to the Heresy, you can see that Caliban was one case where the Imperium really mishandled things. They screwed over the native culture and introduced major discontent into the DA's ranks from the get-go. It's no wonder after all that the Fallen, well, fell. I probably should reread those books, though, but as far as Prospero Burns goes, I'm probably going to sell that one and screw the continuity on the shelf...

[Black Admiral]

Actually, the undisputed holders of the Emo Marines title is the Doom Eagles, as you've got to be seriously depressed to get in (and they do check). If you ain't depressed enough once you've completed the trials for aspirant status (assuming you live though doing so), it sucks to be you. Big time.

[Ghanj Rho]

Guilliman. In either world.

Modern earth- go to some country, and set up the beta version of Ultramar.

Warhammer 30k- don't be a dick to Alphy. In fact, ask him for advice when I start writing the Codex. specifically regarding guerrilla tactics and stealthl. Then, when it won't seem judgmental, let him know (non-dickishly) my concerns about the state of worlds that the Alpha Legion has conquered. specifically the difficulties in integration. Work together to come up with temporarily crippling plans. through all this, treat him like a long-lost brother. It's entirely possible that he/they might not turn. Roboute was a persuasive bastard.
Then, when the Heresy comes, park my fuckhuge Legion right on Terra's doorstep.+

[Purple]

Surprisingly, I don't think many of the primarchs would stand a chance conquering modern day earth. The ones without magical powers or special gifts certainly not. You see, while Guilliman or Russ might be strong fighters they can't just walk over the planet punching all the armies of earth into submission. Someone will eventually vise up and drop a cruise missile on them. Or a tactical nuke.

As such, the only realistic choice for the kind of ambition I would have is Magnus the Red. The man has magical powers rivaled only by the emperor and in a world where there is no competition. If anyone could mind control the world leaders into submission it is him. After that, I could set out to reshape this world in my image, one giant statue of me in gold at a time.


As for 30K, the plan would be simple. Find a certain Ahriman while he is still an initiate and kill him. After that, immediately start negotiating with chaos to get the best possible price for the souls of the legion. Seriously, the thing is a convent of sorcerers in a universe where their power comes from chaos. There is no escape in the end. Ergo, the best I could do is make plans to get the most out of it. Also, be best friends with Lorgar. Hell, I would become the guy that introduced Lorgar to chaos just for good measure. Also, advise him not to try and corrupt horus but just pick up the brothers that are a sure deal and head off into the eye of terror to build an empire on our own. The IOM is saved, I am saved and all are happy.