Let's Play: BERF CERTIFICATING IT UP

[Force Lord]

PUERTORRICAN STUDENT is DRENCHED in SPRINKLER WATER, SIGHS. He begins to GRUMBLE some things about SPACESHIPS and SEEDY DEALS.

[Eternal_Freedom]

ENGLISH STUDENT is hit by RECOLLECTIONS after INHALING the SMOKE and VARIOUS FUMES.

He is JERKED OUT of these by STAINED-APRON STUDENT'S DECLARATION.

ENGLISH STUDENT shouts: "YES! I know this! You bunch of bastards! You..."

He is CUT OFF in his RANTING by a RAPID COLD SHOWER fromt he SPRINKLER SYSTEM. This has the EFFECT of TURNING his VIVID RANT into COLD and MISPLACED FURY.

"THAT FUCKING JANITOR!!! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!"

SEARCHES BAG, hoping to FIND a BIG MOTHERFUCKING GUN from the RECOLLECTIONS. FINDS only a LARGE HUNTING KNIFE.

"This'll do....WHERE IS THAT FUCKWIT?" MORE MEMORIES SURFACE
"Wait....wasn't there some cultist fuckhead? Ah sod it, I'll get him later!"

[Force Lord]

Upon hearing the word CULTIST, PUERTORRICAN STUDENT'S eyes begin to TWITCH.

[KhorneFlakes]

Hearing the word CULTIST, POTENTIALLY PSYCHOTIC AUSTRALIAN wakes up and goes into a PSYCHOTIC RAGE. Now PSYCHOTIC AUSTRALIAN, in a feat of SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH, he throws HOT BABE through the ROOF and into the TURBINE of a OVERPASSING JET. HOT BABE is reduced to MEATY CHUNKS.

EATING the PHYSICS TEXTBOOK, PSYCHOTIC AUSTRALIAN jumps through the ROOF, creating YET ANOTHER HOLE. On the roof of the building, PSYCHOTIC AUSTRALIAN begins searching for anything ELDER GOD-related, madly twitching as he does so.

[Force Lord]

PUERTORRICAN STUDENT feels that someone has SPIKED the WATER with HALLUCIGENS.

[PeZook]

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT cannot EXPLAIN nor UNDERSTAND the sudden HALLUCINATION. He BLAMES the JANITOR anyways and plots REVENGE.

His REVENGE is going to be OVERCOMPLICATED. Also TERRIBLE.

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT rapidly LEAVES the CAMPUS in an ATTEMPT to SAVE his MANY ELECTRONIC DEVICES. Without those, his NERDDOM is in QUESTION. It is VITALLY IMPORTANT they WORK, especially if REVENGE is to be PROPERLY PLANNED so that the AUTHORITIES can find NEATLY ARRANGED EVIDENCE of his INVOLVEMENT.

[Shroom Man 777]

FEELIPINO JANITOR OVERHEARS THEM ALL

FEELIPINO JANITOR rushes to the BATHROOM

he LOCKS HIMSELF in a STALL

PULLS DOWN his PANTS

and begins to CLENCH

There is a wet "ploop"

He PULLS a SPYPHONE from the TOILET BOWL and DIALS some NUMBERS

He CONNECTS with the OTHER SIDE

"THEY KNOW" FEELIPINO JANITOR says into the SPYPHONE. "THEY KNOW EVERYTHING."

DUN DUN DUN

[Eternal_Freedom]

ENGLISH STUDENT has NOTICED the JANITOR'S ABSENCE. KNOWINg his PROCLIVITY for LITERALLY pulling USEFUL STUFF out of his ASS, ENGLISH STUDENT LURKs near BATHROOM with LARGE HUNTING KNIFE, MUTTERING to HIMSELF.

"That fucker won't get away this time. Not after what he did to my beautiful Ravenstar!"

[Zixinus]

LEAVE ROOM and URGE others to do the same.

Find SAFE PLACE. Consdier MEN'S ROOM to be safe.

Carefully consider as to why I have memories of getting WEAPONS and CLOTHES in LIBERTARIAN RUSSIA.

OVERHEAR a very DISTURBING conversation.

[MKSheppard]

You are inside a NONDESCRIPT COLLEGE CLASSROOM.

There is a BURNING PIECE OF PAPER under PUERTO RICAN STUDENT'S DESK.

STUDENT WEARING STAINED APRON stands up and REMEMBERS almost EVERYTHING. (janitor, large irritable dog, russians, etc etc)

"Oh god," he shouts. "How is this possible? I'm not supposed to be a delivery guy until I finish college and master cooking in the kitchen!"

ENGLISH STUDENT also REMEMBERS almost EVERYTHING.

"YES! I know this!" he shouted. "You bunch of bastards! You..."

Before he can RAMBLE INCOHERENTLY SOME MORE, HUNGARIAN STUDENT MALICIOUSLY PULLS the FIRE ALARM.

ENGLISH STUDENT'S VIVID RANT turns into COLD FURY.

"THAT FUCKING JANITOR!!! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!"

He SEARCHES BAG, hoping to FIND a BIG MOTHERFUCKING GUN, but FINDS only a LARGE HUNTING KNIFE.

"This'll do....WHERE IS THAT FUCKWIT?"

He LEAVES the ROOM, LARGE KNIFE IN HAND.

Meanwhile, the COLD DRIZZLE wakes up POTENTIALLY PSYCHOTIC AUSTRALIAN. He is clearly suffering a SCHIZOID BREAK. He PUNCHES HOT BABE in the FACE.

HOT BABE SHRIEKS and pulls out a TASER, She USES IT on POTENTIALLY PSYCHOTIC AUSTRALIAN; who quickly becomes ONCE AGAIN UNCONSCIOUS AUSTRALIAN.

POLISH STUDENT feels an IRRATIONAL HATE for JANITOR. He leaves the campus in an ATTEMPT to keep his NERD CREDENTIALS from SHORTING OUT in the SPRINKLER RAIN.

ENGLISH STUDENT is now LURKING NEAR MEN'S ROOM WITH LARGE HUNTING KNIFE IN HAND.

* * *



You are HUNGARIAN STUDENT. You are HIDING inside a NONDESCRIPT MEN'S ROOM, trying to avoid all the INSANITY. You REMEMBER getting WEAPONS from LIBERTARIAN RUSSIA.

From the stall NEXT TO YOU, you hear a MAN GRUNTING. The GRUNTING is VERY DISTURBING.

A wet PLOP is heard, followed by JANITOR'S VOICE.

"They know. THEY KNOW EVERYTHING."

[What do you do now?]

[FaxModem1]

STAINED APRON STUDENT asks PHYSICIST what they should do. This is APRON STUDENT's LAST SHOT at following authority before joining ENGLISH STUDENT in the hunt for JANITOR.

[Force Lord]

PUERTORRICAN STUDENT feels URGE to go to MEN'S BATHROOM, leaves CLASSROOM. Entering BATHROOM, he goes on to enter a STALL, PISS and TAKE A SHIT. He then OVERHEARS the FILIPINO JANITOR'S OVERLY CONSPIRATORIAL VOICE. PUERTORRICAN fills TOILET PAPER with PISS and SHIT, then throws it over to the JANITOR'S STALL.

[Shroom Man 777]

JANITOR CONTINUES ANIMATED CONVERSATION

GESTICULATES WILDLY

Without thought, BATS TOILET PAPER AWAY while GESTICULATING WILDLY

TOILET PAPER FLIES BACK to PUERTORRICAN STUDENT

[Force Lord]

PUERTORRICAN STUDENT cleans up, GROWLS, and BUSTS DOWN the STALL WALL separating him from the JANITOR. WALL falls over the JANITOR. PUERTORRICAN shouts, "Know what!? Know what?!"

[Shroom Man 777]

"KNOW WHAT? KNOW WHAT?" the FEELIPINO JANITOR SHRIEKS in FEAR at the DERANGED PUERTORRICAN, FEIGNING IGNORANCE. "YOU'RE INSANE! YOU'RE ALL INSANE!"

[Force Lord]

"YOU'RE THE CRAZY ONE!", ANGRY PUERTO RICAN STUDENT SCREAMS. "I'M GONNA PILEDRIVE YOU TO THE GROUND!"

[FaxModem1]

Tired of PHYSICIST giving blank looks, STAINED APRON STUDENT follows ENGLISH STUDENT as he seems to have a PLAN.

"Hey, want one of these?"

STAINED APRON STUDENT offers ENGLISH STUDENT a NICKEL PLATED PISTOL.

[Shroom Man 777]

FEELIPEENO JANITOR REACHES DESPERATELY to the FLUSH LEVER and PULLS IT

THE TOILET BOWL EXPLODES in a BLINDING DETONATION of SHIT AND WATER

THE PUERTO RICAN STUDENT - because he was standing up - GETS THE BRUNT OF THE BLAST

FEELIPINO JANITOR, on the FLOOR, AVOIDS THE WORST

CRAWLS OUT while PUERTO RICAN FLAILS BLINDLY AND SHRIEKS AS HIS EYES BURN

FEELIPEENO MAKES HIS ESCAPE

[FaxModem1]

FEELIPENO JANITOR finds himself staring at the barrel of TWO NICKEL PLATED PISTOLS.

"No, I remember you. And I remember what a literal asshole you were."

APRON WEARING STUDENT fires.

[Force Lord]

PUERTO RICAN STUDENT quickly washes EYES on HANDWASHER, can barely see BLOOD on the FLOOR.

"Someone died?"

[Shroom Man 777]

"No, I remember you. And I remember what a literal asshole you were."

IN THE CHAOS of the SPRINKLER RAIN and TOILET EXPLOSIONS, a SHIT-COVERED BYSTANDING BATHROOM-GOER runs out of the BATHROOM and gets SHOT IN THE FACE

HEARING the GUNFIRE, FEELIPINO JANITOR ASSUMES HIS SECRET PERSONA

FEELIPINO JANITOR is now known as SHITSCHACH



HE WEARS a SHIT-STAINED MASK and PULLS OUT A CAN OF LYSOL and a WATERPROOF LIGHTER

APRON WEARING STUDENT is set on fire

[Shroom Man 777]

A STUDENT with a BURNING APRON COLLIDES with the PUERTO RICAN STUDENT, ANSWERING his QUESTION

[Force Lord]

PUERTORICAN STUDENT recovers his EYESIGHT, sees SHITSCHACH making a MAKESHIFT FLAMETHROWER. CHARGES SHITSCHARCH and TOPPLES him to the ground, catching FIRE from the APRON-WEARING STUDENT and BEATING THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM, BURNING his FACE.

[Shroom Man 777]

FOOL, FEELIPINO-GRADE LYSOL - the only substance certified to CLEANSE BALUT-SMELLING FEELIPINO POO - is so potent that it is rated to BURN UNDERWATER

The FEELIPINO-GRADE LYSOL has the STRANGE yet FAMILIAR odor of ROCKET FUEL

WHICH SOME OF THOSE HERE may have HUFFED in their PREVIOUS LIVES

[Force Lord]

OOC- Edited previous post.