Curbstomps you would love to see happen

[Enigma]

Right, and contentless explosion masturbation has already been covered. If there's no drama, and it's not visually interesting... where's the entertainment? Some kind of amazingly lame 'backing the winning team in a stacked fight' nonsense, that's where.

The OP doesn't ask for drama or entertainment. It is just asking for curbstomps that you'd like to see happen. That's it, that's all.

As per OP, what I'd like to see is the TW Daleks vs. the Borg Collective. Or an Abrams vs. a Mazda Miata.

[Todeswind]

H.P. Lovecraft vs. My Little Pony.

[The Romulan Republic]

Here's another curbstomp: The Q vs the Galactic Empire: the Trekkie's revenge.

[Stark]

The OP doesn't ask for drama or entertainment. It is just asking for curbstomps that you'd like to see happen. That's it, that's all.

So why would you 'like' to 'see happen' something that's boring or may not be visible at all? That's right; masturbation. We've been over this.

[qutoe]Or an Abrams vs. a Mazda Miata. [/quote]

That'd be a pretty funny race.

[The Vortex Empire]

Megadeth as they were in 1986 vs 2011 Justin Bieber in a Thunderdome-style cage match to the death. Both sides are allowed any musical instruments they play as blunt weaponry.

Televised, of course.

[Panzersharkcat]

Worf with a batleth vs Marcus the super mutant.

[VF5SS]

Gundam vs. Battletech :v

no contest

[Shroom Man 777]

Earth001 vs ChosenOne54 vs ThePerson5

Maybe having them kill the shit out of each other in this thread will prevent them from laming up the rest of OSF with their pollution. Just quantifying their amount of lame would require Batman to use copious amount of red font as he requires the extensive assistance of Alfred, and Strak might catch fire from the undiluted lame and get appendicitis if the shits from the threads ends up clogging his appendix. Strak might need his gallbladder removed if his bile coagulates and solidifies into gallstones.

[mr friendly guy]

For some reason my previous post didn't work. Generally I think the OP if not interested in drama is asking for a curbstomp for other reasons, ie you hate that character, or you may hate some of the fans who wank off on them. So without further ado

The armies of the Dragon Reborn destroying the Imperial Order

Daleks exterminating the Draka.

A Negation Lawbringer destroying all the Jedi Knights.

The Negation invading the SW galaxy, about the time of episode 4. Unlike SW vs ST where an ISD can withstand the combine Romulan fleet, one negation warship can't do that against SW. But they have plenty of ships and superbeings to throw at SW.

The Imperium of man or the SW galactic empire being trashed by the Culture. The differing political views of the combatants will ensure hilarity.

River Tam (Firefly) smashing River Song (Doctor Who) because the latter Mary Sueness is making me retch.

Oh, and the SW galactic empire destroying Marvel Earth. Because I can't stand fan whores who argue with a no numbers approach. Otherwise they might figure out that hundreds of Iron Man clones who at best can throw up megatons of damage won't do jack against a ship whose shields are in low teratons.

[Connor MacLeod]

Fanboys vs Elitists. to the death. With Chainswords.

[The Romulan Republic]

River Tam (Firefly) smashing River Song (Doctor Who) because the latter Mary Sueness is making me retch.

But that would earn River Tam the wrath of both the Doctor and the Last Centurion. Sucks to be her.

Oh, and the SW galactic empire destroying Marvel Earth. Because I can't stand fan whores who argue with a no numbers approach. Otherwise they might figure out that hundreds of Iron Man clones who at best can throw up megatons of damage won't do jack against a ship whose shields are in low teratons.

I admit I am not an expert on Marvel, but to be fair I really don't think Iron Man is anywhere near the high end of what they've got.

[Shroom Man 777]

River Tam (Firefly) smashing River Song (Doctor Who) because the latter Mary Sueness is making me retch.

But that would earn River Tam the wrath of both the Doctor and the Last Centurion. Sucks to be her.

Helps that River Tam is cuter than River Song. And it helps that her series got prematurely killed in a high note, making fans longing for more and not regretting how the series continues on while ending up at the hands of over-indulgent producers with inane self-referential plot arcs that they think are "cool". I stopped watching DW. It's lost its appeal.

Sucks less than being a series-laming Mary Sue of self-referential over-indulgent lameness.

(Gods, Doctor Destro, where art thou)

[Oni Koneko Damien]

That's because you were actually interested in drama. Apparently, there's still people interested in duking it out.

Except that, by definition, a 'curbstomp' is the exact opposite of 'duking it out'. Duking it out implies two close-to-equal sides trading blows until pain/exhaustion drops one. A curbstomp implies one side... well, stomping the other into the curb. This is just another 'List some targets to slap with the biggest fictional penis we can find!' thread.

[Shroom Man 777]

How can it be interesting in the first place? Buncha supersoldier Spess Mareens rip some Redshirts to pieces, woah interesting? Buncha uber timey wimey high-end sci-fi assholes go temporally effectorizing the primitive pew-pew lasers of some low-end sci-fi fleet, aaaaawesome! Dark Empire Palpatine force-shoves Wolverine into the sun, raaaadical!!!!

How lame. Do they honestly think it's interesting, or is it just the prospects of filling up the thread with repetitive gigatons and biggajoules against a buncha lolturdtards who have to prove compucalculations of 1970s visual effects screenshots and refute the argument or else QED concession excepted bitchasscockdouchenozzzledonkeytardowhatever?

EDIT:

Yes, the OP isn't asking for drama but for curbstomps or whatever. At least the OP has distilled the essence of lame from all of his other threads and presented it in its purest form here.

[Count Chocula]

Star Wars Empire under Palpatine vs. DS9/Section 31/TNG Star Trek. Duh.

The Last Starfighter vs. the TV show Cylons. Death Blossom ahoy!

Dr. Who vs. Mario Brothers' King Koopa. Mario Brothers annoys the shit out of me.

Harry Potter vs. Captain Jack Sparrow. Bye bye Jack!

[The Romulan Republic]

Star Wars Empire under Palpatine vs. DS9/Section 31/TNG Star Trek. Duh.

The Last Starfighter vs. the TV show Cylons. Death Blossom ahoy!

Dr. Who vs. Mario Brothers' King Koopa. Mario Brothers annoys the shit out of me.

Harry Potter vs. Captain Jack Sparrow. Bye bye Jack!

Actually Harry vs Jack is relatively fair. Harry is very unlikely to use lethal force, Jack will probably avoid a fair fight if he can, and Jack has handled plenty of magical foes who could have handed him his ass (Zombie Barbossa, Davy Jones, Blackbeard with magic powers).

[Oni Koneko Damien]

Yes, the OP isn't asking for drama but for curbstomps or whatever. At least the OP has distilled the essence of lame from all of his other threads and presented it in its purest form here.

In a one-word summary: "BALLS!"

[PainRack]

The legions of hell from Dwarf Fortress vs some random dwarven fort.
Than again, I tend to see that one on a monthly basis. Will I newer learn?

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.ph ... =84451.210

Gives me inspiration to strike the gates of hell itself as an endgame.... Just has to work through it and ignore screenshots collection.

I just worked through my 5 siege in as many season and I'm starting to wonder where all the FB are.

[Purple]

The legions of hell from Dwarf Fortress vs some random dwarven fort.
Than again, I tend to see that one on a monthly basis. Will I newer learn?

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.ph ... =84451.210

Gives me inspiration to strike the gates of hell itself as an endgame.... Just has to work through it and ignore screenshots collection.

I just worked through my 5 siege in as many season and I'm starting to wonder where all the FB are.

The FB only come from under the earth in caverns. I get them on a pretty regular basis. But they are really not that much of a challenge. The only real challenge are demons and megabeasts.

This said, here is an idea.
The Power Rangers vs a 5 year old retarded bearded kid that walks with crutches.
Little did they know little billy was not a kid but a dwarf... and he had an axe.

[Metahive]

That depends entirely on who's POTUS at the time, and far from a given at that. Saruman and Denethor were convinced they were lost. POTUS will have near certainty he or she can win effortlessly.

The king of Numenor curbstomped Sauron's armies and claimed him as prisoner. A few years later Numenor was but a sunken ruin, thanks to Sauron having talked them into starting a suicidal attack on the "gods" of Middle Earth. The POTUS would be especially vulnerable to Sauron's sweet-talking because he's got such a lot of power at his command.

[speaker-to-trolls]

You guys are being too hard on curbstomp-based fiction, many famous pieces of speculative fiction are based on curbstomping.

In Frankenstein, Dr Frankenstein's hubris is curbstomped by the nature of the creature he's created.

In The War of the Worlds, Imperial Britain and its pretentions of dominance are curbstomped by an encounter with a more advanced race, who are themselves curbstomped by their arrogance and ignorance of the place they've invaded.

In Star Maker (which is admittedly less famous) the protagonist's understanding of man and life's place in the universe is curbstomped by his final understanding of God and existence.

In 1984 Winston Smith's desire for freedom and belief in the human spirit is curbstomped by the brutal apparatus and sadistic philosophy of totalitarianism.

In The Day the Earth Stood Still cold war militarism is curbstomped by the understanding that its results will destroy the people who practice it.

Clearly one sided conflicts are a perfectly good way to tell a story

I can only think of one famous, well received work that actually focused on the details of the curbstomp from the perspective of the winners, though.

Which one was that?

[Simon_Jester]

Yes, the OP isn't asking for drama but for curbstomps or whatever. At least the OP has distilled the essence of lame from all of his other threads and presented it in its purest form here.

In a one-word summary: "BALLS!"

The striking thing about "BALLS!" in its original context was that you didn't know it was going to be a curbstomp when you read that, or at least you didn't unless you had a lot of cynical background knowledge about the author.

"Legions of Hell versus Modern World" sure sounds like it could be an interesting fight, when you think about it; it doesn't have to be an easy walkover for one side or the other. Whereas something like "Fifty armed men versus one unarmed schoolchild" is obviously going to be nothing but nasty, brutish, and short, even before you read the first line of the story.

You guys are being too hard on curbstomp-based fiction, many famous pieces of speculative fiction are based on curbstomping.

In Frankenstein... The War of the Worlds... Star Maker... 1984... The Day the Earth Stood Still...

Clearly one sided conflicts are a perfectly good way to tell a story

I can only think of one famous, well received work that actually focused on the details of the curbstomp from the perspective of the winners, though.

Which one was that?

This serves my original point:

"Why would I want to watch ludicrously one-sided fights?

The only ones that even faintly amuse me are the ones that serve some philosophical or symbolic point- where the conflict is about how one side can beat the other with the power of an idea, not just by happening to have overwhelmingly superior hardware."

All the stories you describe have a philosophical point- something like "social Darwinism really sucks to be on the receiving end of," or "This is what totalitarianism really looks like under the hood," or "it's a bad idea to blow yourselves up."

(I didn't say it was a difficult point, but in each case there is a point.)

There's no real point to "Xeelee versus Smurfs" or whatever. The only way I can see it being entertaining is if watching Xeelee poof Smurfs out of existence is inherently pleasing to you, regardless of artistic quality. I might be wrong about that, there might be a way to make it good, but I doubt it.

And it's pretty clear that the original poster, Earth001, doesn't really care about any other measure of artistic quality. The story doesn't have to be good; it just has to be a power fantasy in which the reader can watch his chosen proxies effortlessly annihilate something.

[Connor MacLeod]

Who the fuck cares about artistic quality or anything significant or thematic? If we only care about that in sci fi we start to become fucking elitists. Transformers or ID4 may not have much in the thematic way (except perhaps AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!) but they can still be entertaining and enjoyable. Or the Honorverse. Or Ringo novels. Or NuTrek...

I dont expect my Sci fi to be intelligent. But I do expect it not to insult my intelligence blatantly, condescend to me, or be boring. And explosions and space battles and rayguns never hurt.

[Shroom Man 777]

All those things you mentioned had more than curbstomps. If there was no threat at all to the hero protagonists, the explosions and space battles and rayguns would be pretty hollow. The grit, the tension, the drama - even if it's just Shia LaBeowulf going "NO NO NO NO" or Will Smith going "aw hell no this shit just got real" or "it ain't over till the fat lady sings" - makes and enriches the explosions and space battles and rayguns, enawesoming them.

Heck, LaBeowulf going "nonononono" and Will Smith going "WELCOME TO EARTH!" is artistic merit and significant and thematic - in terms of entertainment value. Compared to a lame dry meaningless curbstomp where even in entertainment, it would be found lacking in artistic quality or significant or thematic.

(Heck, Simon Peg comedies could be said to have artistic quality/significance/thematicness. Because they are entertaining and not-boring.)

[Oni Koneko Damien]

The problem with all the listed examples are that the stories aren't good stories because they are curbstomps. They're good stories because of the characters, motivations and themes involved with the curbstomp. Independence Day, War of the Worlds and Battlefield Earth? You can relate to the struggles of the curbstomped protagonists because it's humanity trying to survive in the face of massively overwhelming odds.

Frankenstein, Star Maker (I'm going by your description, as I've never heard of it), The Day the Earth Stood Still and 1984, if you really want to try and stretch the definition of 'curbstomp' to encompass them, are still an entirely separate category. In their case the 'curbstomp' is one of philosophical and moral conflict rather than military might, which I think is the main aim of this thread.

To summarize: Curbstomps in and of themselves do not make good stories. Thus if we really wanted to convince people 'X cockslapping Y' would be entertaining, we'd have to give reasons why other than, 'X cockslaps Y, lol'.

The striking thing about "BALLS!" in its original context was that you didn't know it was going to be a curbstomp when you read that, or at least you didn't unless you had a lot of cynical background knowledge about the author.

The problem is that I couldn't get more than a paragraph or three beyond "BALLS!" without knowing what was going to happen because the 'story' was too horrendously boring and poorly done to bother with otherwise. In its original context, you didn't know that "Call me Ishmael" would technically lead to a curbstomp in Moby Dick, but in general I'm not dealing with an audience who doesn't understand the context behind "BALLS!"

Edit:

Who the fuck cares about artistic quality or anything significant or thematic? If we only care about that in sci fi we start to become fucking elitists. Transformers or ID4 may not have much in the thematic way (except perhaps AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!) but they can still be entertaining and enjoyable. Or the Honorverse. Or Ringo novels. Or NuTrek...

More people care than you'd think. More people care than they even realize. The average movie-goer might not understand the processes, theories and knowledge behind creating stories, but they still reap the benefits when they watch a 'mindless' movie that still gets them to give enough of a shit about the characters and what's happening to them to enjoy it. A person doesn't have to know what's going on inside an engine or what went into an automobile's design and production to drive a car to the store, but that doesn't change the fact that that knowledge is required to produce a quality vehicle in the first place.