Curbstomps you would love to see happen

[Gurgeh]

Above and beyond the daft things people have said in this thread, the complete lack of ability for DirtNumbers to respond to anything or even discuss his own random ideas is amazing.

I honestly don't think he understands that people are mocking him - and yet those 'joke' suggestions generally contain more information than his posts!

I am ignoring the insult responces. Also I am trying to ignore you.

[Shroom Man 777]

They're generally good advices though. Your threads are horrible. In fact, the only discussion of merit in this thread isn't actually in the discussions of lame curbstomps as stipulated in your OP, but in the discussion of art and drama as a response to people's agreement on the lameness and boringness and stupidity of these curbstomps - and by extension, you.

In short, there's been more insightful discussion from people who think you, and your curbstomps, are lame, than there has been from people actually talking about curbstomps they would love to see happen.

Too bad, ChosenDirtNumbersPerson5.

[Count Chocula]

Inspector Gadget vs. the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Why not, the OT is ridiculous anyway.

BTW, a real Berkeley Stomp doesn't kill the victim, it breaks their face and teeth. Nasty, vicious and disfiguring but not fatal. See American History X for an overblown curbstomp as mentioned already.

[Vendetta]

Inspector Gadget vs. the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

Gadget would still screw up and the whole thing eventually have to be resolved by Brain.

[StarSword]

Sean Connery's James Bond versus Don Adams's Maxwell Smart.

[Enigma]

Sean Connery's James Bond versus Don Adams's Maxwell Smart.

Poor, poor Bond.

[VF5SS]

The cast of Achewood vs. the son of a bitch who invented comic sans.

[KhorneFlakes]

They're generally good advices though. Your threads are horrible. In fact, the only discussion of merit in this thread isn't actually in the discussions of lame curbstomps as stipulated in your OP, but in the discussion of art and drama as a response to people's agreement on the lameness and boringness and stupidity of these curbstomps - and by extension, you.

In short, there's been more insightful discussion from people who think you, and your curbstomps, are lame, than there has been from people actually talking about curbstomps they would love to see happen.

Too bad, ChosenDirtNumbersPerson5.

I believe there should actually be a petition to change ChosenOne, Earth001 and the Person5's name to Lameboy 1 and so forth

That way new users will understand that they are avatars of lameness.

[Alerik the Fortunate]

I would say that aside from being boring, most of the stories I've read where the main purpose or focus of the story is on the effortless crushing of one force by another is that there is a horrible sense of smugness that pervades the story. This is the sort of thing you see in... that series we don't talk about anymore, and in countless Star Wars/Star Trek crossovers, and, in my opinion, in Singularity Sky, as well as Missile Gap and a few of Stross's other stories where he seems to delight in having advanced transhuman forces blow up silly conventional science fiction.

I think in Stross' case, part of the plot was pitting different kinds of smugness against each other. The reader knows the New Republic doesn't stand a chance against the forces they're up against, but they march on with insufferable arrogance because God is with them and their blessed Emperor and all that. I do admit that it was overplayed a bit. However, there were elements, such as the captain, who suspected that all the trash talk about transhumanist societies being weak and decadent was off the mark, and they might be facing an opponent to competent to handle, but dared not speak out against the establishment. And as Simon Jester pointed out, the extropian revolutionaries were overly smug in thinking they were prepared to take advantage of the new technological opportunities. I enjoyed the novel a lot, almost entirely for other reasons than the curbstomping, but I felt it contributed to the humor.

Along the same lines (I've read a slew of Stross books recently, so it's on my mind) Accelerando, which is a slightly less tongue-in-cheek look at the Singularity, has the humans realize that they're going to be annihilated (more by economics than by military might, but with largely the same result) by the post-singularity intelligences emerging in the solar system, and having to find a way to escape being turned into food or currency by whatever entity has succeeded humanity. Since direct conflict is actually avoided, I think this is more of an Outside Context Problem type of story than a curbstomp. I admit to being a sucker for OCP storylines, provided the author has put enough thought into the problem to not make it easily resolvable by conventional thinking (the main fault I have with Star Trek: The Motion Picture).

In any event, the main point that everyone is making, is what purpose does a curbstop serve and how much does it add to the story. There are several mentioned so far to add perspective, humor, or to raise the stakes. Another is to make a conflict a purely moral question rather than a practical one. If group A can easily annihilate group B if they resist group A's wishes, the degree to which A intervenes depends entirely on the prevailing ethics within group A and on internal politics. That can make an interesting story, though no concrete examples come to mind immediately.

[StarSword]

Sean Connery's James Bond versus Don Adams's Maxwell Smart.

Poor, poor Bond.

As long as I'm doing spy versus spy, James Bond versus Michael Westen.

[Batman]

Which iteration of Bond? Standard backed by the british government with access to the Batcave Q's lab and numerous allies Bond or rogue working on his own Bond?

[StarSword]

This might end up getting split into another topic.

Which iteration of Bond? Standard backed by the british government with access to the Batcave Q's lab and numerous allies Bond or rogue working on his own Bond?

For the sake of argument, let's assume they're both blacklisted. (If Westen's burned, having Britain at Bond's back unbalances things. If Westen isn't burned, there's likely no reason they'd be going head-to-head because the US and the UK are allies.)

Both are deadly fighters, whether hand-to-hand or with guns. However, Westen is smarter. He prepares carefully before committing to a fight, and is much better at infiltration and improvisation*. Also, he understands the value of teamwork. Bond tends to be a lone wolf, fast on the trigger (literally and figuratively), and his tactics seem limited to confrontation and provocation. (The last part is almost a direct quote from Frost's assessment of him in Die Another Day.)

Consider the bank robbery in "Bad Breaks" (Burn Notice 2x13). Bond probably wouldn't team up with Bly and would likely try and fight his way out. Barring plot-induced stupidity on the part of Prescott's gang, my bet is he'd get himself and/or some or all of the hostages killed.

Also, Westen doesn't have Bond's near-obsession with fast cars and equally fast women. (His dad's beat-up but functional '73 Dodge Charger instead of an Aston Martin DB5 or Vanquish**, and a single, relatively stable love interest rather than a string of one-night stands.)

* For the latter, witness the myriad warranty-voiding uses to which he puts cell phones and duct tape.

I'll take a hardware store over a gun any day. Guns make you stupid. Better to fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart.

** That's gotta be the most unrealistic thing about Bond: how in the heck does MI-6 justify spending hundreds of thousands of pounds per vehicle on Bond's transportation before Q starts fiddling with it? Particularly when you consider their life expectancy: just off the top of my head, Connery crashed one into a wall in Goldfinger, and Craig totaled one in Casino Royale and got another filled with lead in Quantum of Solace.

[xthetenth]

Moderately concussed, not a full reply. However, Bond does know his trade quite well, and it's relatively rare for Westen to go against enemies with the sheer viciousness and willingness to play on a large scale of Bond's usual foes. The best candidate I can think of is Brennan, and he was a recurring villain for three seasons. Bond's are rather more quickly dealt with. Bond's villains are generally at least on the scale of Westen's recurring villains, with the resilience to Westen's usual trickery that implies.

Consider the bank robbery in "Bad Breaks" (Burn Notice 2x13). Bond probably wouldn't team up with Bly and would likely try and fight his way out. Barring plot-induced stupidity on the part of Prescott's gang, my bet is he'd get himself and/or some or all of the hostages killed.

Either he's Bond with Q, where he's got exactly the right gadgets, or he's Bond without Q, in which case he's pretty resourceful and might team up with Bly or might work out something on his own. Solo Bond isn't something where many examples exist.

Also, Westen doesn't have Bond's near-obsession with fast cars and equally fast women. (His dad's beat-up but functional '73 Dodge Charger instead of an Aston Martin DB5 or Vanquish**, and a single, relatively stable love interest rather than a string of one-night stands.)

And actual relationships are sources of leverage. The thing about fast cars and fast women is that they're replaceable.

** That's gotta be the most unrealistic thing about Bond: how in the heck does MI-6 justify spending hundreds of thousands of pounds per vehicle on Bond's transportation before Q starts fiddling with it? Particularly when you consider their life expectancy: just off the top of my head, Connery crashed one into a wall in Goldfinger, and Craig totaled one in Casino Royale and got another filled with lead in Quantum of Solace.

How much will the threats Bond's going up against cost Britain? Gee, that was easy.


I was tempted to say Fallout vs. Elder Scrolls. Then I realized I wasn't sure who's on the curb. This saddens me.

[Starglider]

H.P. Lovecraft vs. My Little Pony.

I agree that MLP versus the Cthullu Mythos would be a curbstomp, MLP would win of course and and the result would be something like this.

[Vendetta]

Fhtagn

[StarSword]

Fhtagn

The only phrase I know of that accurately describes that image is "whiskey tango foxtrot".

As long as we're doing plain silly curbstomps, Emperor Palpatine versus the hamsters in that stupid Kia Soul ad. (Yes, I want them to die horribly.)

[SpaceMarine93]

Manifold's Downstreamers Vs a Culture-Timelord alliance?

[Eternal_Freedom]

Time Lords vs. The Roman Empire?

[Omeganian]

Foundation Federation (FY 500) vs UFP.

[speaker-to-trolls]

I think in Stross' case, part of the plot was pitting different kinds of smugness against each other. The reader knows the New Republic doesn't stand a chance against the forces they're up against, but they march on with insufferable arrogance because God is with them and their blessed Emperor and all that. I do admit that it was overplayed a bit. However, there were elements, such as the captain, who suspected that all the trash talk about transhumanist societies being weak and decadent was off the mark, and they might be facing an opponent to competent to handle, but dared not speak out against the establishment.

I just ended up feeling sorry for the New Republic because the narrative was so dead set against them, with even the omniscient narrator going into detail about their incompetence and the admiral being a senile old man and the flag officer being an overzealous idiot, and all their plans easily being foiled by either the Festival or the Terran agents in the fleet. Honestly there was so much smugness from the good guys and from the narrative itself for me to feel any satisfaction with the silly fascists getting their comeuppence.

Having said that I do remember some of the bits with New Republic crewmembers who didn't buy their own nation's smugness. I think there's one scene where two crewmen are talking about how much trouble they'll be in if they break the AI god's No Temporal Meddling rule, when an officer walks in and they have to start shouting about the captain's personal honour to maintain appearances. That I thought was funny.

Another (purpose to a hugely unequal conflict) is to make a conflict a purely moral question rather than a practical one. If group A can easily annihilate group B if they resist group A's wishes, the degree to which A intervenes depends entirely on the prevailing ethics within group A and on internal politics. That can make an interesting story, though no concrete examples come to mind immediately.

That would indeed make an interesting story potentially, and though I can think of a few examples where this must have happened in the background, I can't think of any where the whole story has been about this. Avatar is actually kind of close, although in the end the guy on the curb ends up tripping the stomper up and delivering a vicious face stamping of his own, so to speak, so I'm not sure if that would count.

An example of it happening in the story but not as the main plot is in Last and First Men, by the author of Star Maker and in the same continuity, where one of the races descended from humanity has to escape from Earth and decides to wipe out the native ecology of Venus so they can survive, reasoning that theirs is a more advanced and durable civilisation.

Oh, and Michael Moorecock's The Eternal Champion, but that's fantasy

Above and beyond the daft things people have said in this thread, the complete lack of ability for DirtNumbers to respond to anything or even discuss his own random ideas is amazing.
I honestly don't think he understands that people are mocking him - and yet those 'joke' suggestions generally contain more information than his posts!

I am ignoring the insult responces. Also I am trying to ignore you.

It looks as if you're ignoring all the responses. Seriously man this is your thread and all you've offered is this plus two suggestions for fights which are hardly 'curbstomps'.
To clarify, you suggested The Ori vs the Green Lantern Corps, that is; a transgalactic empire ruled by superbeings of terrific power vs a transgalactic army made up of superbeings of terrific power, and the Systems Commonwealth vs the Galactic Empire, two vast galactic civilisations with huge fleets of ultrapowerful warships. Neither of these are exactly foregone conclusions.

PS. I don't care if it is obvious to someone who has read all the ICS books and watched all of Andromeda and seen Stargate at the point where the Ori appear and read a Green Lantern comic who would win these fights. Because I haven't and don't plan to