Don't think IP patents are out of control? See this!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-04 07:31pm

I patent chemical reactions. You can take the air into your lungs but you can't use it without paying me

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2003-03-04 07:31pm

How do you collect money from atoms, eh?

I patent living cells. Everyone must now pay me for each living cell they have. MUAHAHAHA!!!

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-03-04 07:35pm

Shinova wrote:How do you collect money from atoms, eh?

I'd bet you atoms have their own little society, and their currency is worth like 700X as much as hours. So, i'd just collect $1 from each atom in theUNIVERSE, and then I'd be rich.

And human and atom currency is compatable!

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-03-04 07:46pm

Darth Wong wrote:I patent chemical reactions. You can take the air into your lungs but you can't use it without paying me

That infringes on my copyright as reactions utilize energy

Post by **Beowulf** » 2003-03-04 08:02pm

I'll patent sub-atomic particles...

Try to exist without them....

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2003-03-04 08:58pm

What a-holes. One day, I when I am the defacto ruler of the world I'll put an end to this.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-03-04 11:23pm

Hhmmm, patents...

How about I patent money-shots and "settle" out of court...

phongn · Post by **phongn** » 2003-03-05 12:28am

Beowulf wrote:I'll patent sub-atomic particles...

Try to exist without them....

Too late, the strings are mine!

Post by **Beowulf** » 2003-03-05 12:35am

phongn wrote:
Beowulf wrote:I'll patent sub-atomic particles...

Try to exist without them....
Too late, the strings are mine!

Lets see you try to prove that without math!

*patents math*

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-03-05 12:43am

*Files and receives retroactive patent for mass*

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-03-05 12:46am

*patents the process of filing a patent for an existing thing. Takes the money of everyone who filed a patent in this thread. Buys Congress, forces patent and lawsuit reform. Has Dubya dressed in a clown suit and dropped into Iraq*

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-03-05 01:06am

SirNitram wrote:*patents the process of filing a patent for an existing thing. Takes the money of everyone who filed a patent in this thread. Buys Congress, forces patent and lawsuit reform. Has Dubya dressed in a clown suit and dropped into Iraq*

*Sues and wins with SirNitram being sentenced to level mount Everest with a shovel, as preexisting mass/energy patents where infringed by his actions.*

Sebastin · Post by **Sebastin** » 2003-03-05 05:48am

But all your patents have to be accepted first, I have you all beat.

I own an already accepted and legaly completely nailed down patent for artificial shit. Now all I have to do is to establish that these lawsuits fall under this category and I will be the richest man in the world.

I think the patent is limited to germany though, have to check that.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-03-05 06:03am

Dammit, I patent entropy. Don't you dare become more chaotic or organised without sending me a cheque!

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2003-03-05 06:20am

Good, then I patent electrons, protons and neutrons.

Lord of the Farce · Post by **Lord of the Farce** » 2003-03-05 07:06am

Well then, I shall claim the patents for "death" and "tax"! Oh, and while I'm at it, I'll run a claim for "time" as well!

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2003-03-05 12:16pm

I'll patent patents. Everytime a patent is created, or used to get money in any way, or consulted in the net, I must be paid.

Jaded Masses · Post by **Jaded Masses** » 2003-03-05 08:52pm

http://www.theonion.com/onion3311/microsoftpatents.html

You know, sometimes I wonder if The Onion really is a satire, or if its been reporting the real news all along

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-03-05 08:57pm

Slartibartfast wrote:I'll patent patents. Everytime a patent is created, or used to get money in any way, or consulted in the net, I must be paid.

But a patent uses mass/energy, which I have already patented.