Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

SF: discuss futuristic sci-fi series, ideas, and crossovers.

Moderator: NecronLord

User avatar
Connor MacLeod
Sith Apprentice
Posts: 14065
Joined: 2002-08-01 05:03pm
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Connor MacLeod »

Gunhead wrote:How much of an advantage depends the exact nature how and where they're fighting. It's an advantage, not necessarily a war winning or even a major one. Long endurance wasn't what I was going for but how consistently can you supply your troops and what can you do to simplify it. But if you can get by with say fuel, blaster gas, artillery shells, missiles (of all types) and lets throw in some other energy pack for the blasters too. That's five types of stuff you need to haul to your troops. This is logistically better than, lasgun packs, fuel, Heavy Stubber shells, Bolt rounds (of any type), artillery shells, mortar shells, plasma canisters, autocannon rounds (of different types), tank shells, quite possibly vehicular bombard and mortar rounds, missiles (of all types). Simpler logistics = better, and SW in it's own universe can build a far more reliable logistics train because their speed is fast and above all else it's reliable which is a big point when you design logistics and they have a reliable and fast way of communicating which means they can divert their resources very quickly to where they're needed.
I think your point is greater standardization is a better asset, rather than "simpler logistics" (After all you can simplify logistics just by not equipping your troops with grenade or rocket launchers or autocannons too and running your tanks on bark.. -but I take your meaning.) Speed matters too, but speed is going to depend on context (EG SW hyperdrive speeds aren't fixed any more than 40K is. SW has arguably MORE reliable and consistent FTL, and has a potential speed advantage, but the point to which they exploit it is one of those "depends on" things. Likewise, 40K warp travel will "depend on" various situations - least of which being the condition of the warp. This can be especially true in an offensive sense - is the Warp in STar Wars as turbulent as 40K? Likewise, how does Star Wars deal with navigating in the 40K galaxy? What about other groups like Eldar, Necrons, etc? It's quite possible the Imperium can cooperate with them if SW represents a serious enough threat. They have before. up to and including sharing webway access during the Gothic war.)

It's better to say "the potential is there" but that's true of alot of things WRT Star Wars - "the potential is there." I mean fuck, they can "simplify logistics" just by spamming a massive droid and starship army equipped entirely with energy weapons. Or just sending droid tanks and droid battleships to crush the enemy. They don't even need to worry about resupply if they make them deliberately expendable, do they? Or dont' even bother with warships. Pull a Galaxy gun (hyperdrive equipped doom missiles spammed over every systme in the galaxy.) What its basically coming down to is "how intelligently does one think SW is capable of fighting at, and/or how long it takes them to figure this out" vs "how intelligently will 40K fight, and how likely are they to figure it out.)
I'm not saying every IG army has all the above mentioned stuff in their inventory, it's just each inventory item the IG has means someone somewhere has to figure out how to supply them or swap their weapons / equipment to something else. This complicates logistics. Yes I know IG vehicles can run on variety of fuels, but basically the big issue is the drop in performance so no sane commander would plan on using anything other than munitorum approved fuel for his vehicles for his operations. The other thing would be the probable increase in breakdowns and maintenance which again would put more demands on the logistics.
You may actually be over-estimating the standardization. Who knows if there is a "munitorum approved" fuel, or if it's even consistent from sector to sector? It can get that much muddled. What about nutritional requirement sof Gaurdsmen? It's been stated in the Munitorum manual, for xample, that if dietary and ration requirements aren't carfully watched, you can hurt or even kill guardsmen by giving them the wrong food IIRC. Hell Promethium runs the gamut from "fossil fuel with a fancy name" analogue to "implied to be hydrogen like stuff" in other sources, to "Promethium fusion reactors" - yes some sources actually have indicated promethium is a starship fuel source.) I don't think that's arguing they have "nuclear powereD" tanks as a rule (but who knows, there's like thousands of sectors out there) but fuel cell or battery powered vehicles isn't impossible (a good example of the latter is the Tauros Venator, and I know fuel cells have been mentioned for tanks before somewhere, but the source eludes me.)

The closest to a consistent logisitcs line is perhaps from the HH novels and the Great Crusade, when you had Mars basically shouldering the burden for much (although its implied in some source to be ALL) the supply and outfitting of the Expedtionary fleets (including building the starships and presumably food.)
Offensively, yes I can see this being a problem, depending on how they organize or deploy the forces (EG from where, etc.) Defensively.. less so. Especially for garrison regiments (which I suspect, are most of them. At least for the tithed regiments from the PDF. Conscripts are another story.)
How often attrition warfare happens? I don't really assume anything about the frequency, just noting that these grind matches are very often depicted in IG fluff. You just shouldn't try it against a foe that has the luxury to fight closer to his supply lines than you and can outmatch you materially and manpower wise which shouldn't really be hard for a world with a significant population base and manufacturing capability to match. Basically anytime IG invades a major population center it can be drawn into a war of attrition and this is a bad idea since your supply even from a nearby world can be disrupted by conditions beyond your control in addition to any enemy activity that can halt your supply. On planet resources in your control are closer and you can do a lot to protect those.
Well what I had in mind when I said that was something along these lines: There are probably 3 categories when it comes to attrition warfare: Probably works, might work, and never works.

The first category are those its most likely to work against. I consider these to be isolated Imperial worlds mainly, or worlds under assault by rebels or Chaos bands. Basically the Evil version of the Imperium - they may be trained soldiers or cultists/madmen. They may also be normal humans not mutated much by Chaos (but worshipping it) or they could be flat out mutant superhuman loons (or not just superhuman, they may be so crazy that pain/injury matters not a whit to them, and they'll kill themselves to take the enemy down.) I say "probably" works, because I suspect that if your enemy is as trained as you are (EG traitor guardsmen or blood pact) then trying to grind them down is likely to be very bloody and costly (compared to taking down untrained terrorists.) We might throw Genestealer cults into this category and random xenos-inspired/controlled rebels as well.

The "never work" category is pretty simple: Basically it includes the Nids and the Orks. I set them apart because the Imperium has to know that they are both outnumbered by both species, but by the fact that both orks and 'nids can basically outbreed them (it takes far less time to create a new 'nid or Ork, whereas a human takes a decade or two to grow to maturity.) Attrition *might* work against Orks in the short term, but the WAAAGH effect is quite likely to just draw more forces there sooner or later to start up, assuming feral orks don't start trouble on their own (Armageddon being a good example here.) and the 'Nids can never be out-attritioned by conventional warfare, period. "limitless might" in context of these races is both propoganda and a joke.

The "might work" category includes basically everyone else: The Eldar, the Tau, the Necrons. As of the recent codex, the 'Crons have some millions of tomb worlds, with potentially trillions of troops, each of which is superior to a Guardsmen. And who can self-repair. I'm actually inclined to say they can't be out-attritioned by the self-repair capability and durability alone, but its not impossible to defeat them (although Krieg tried attrition in Dead Men Walking - I dont think it worked too well there as I recall.) The Eldar and tau in theory *could* be out attritioned, but I suspect that the Tau and Eldar way of fighting make that exceedingly bloody to do. Moreso against Eldar than against Tau (they tried it in Path of the Eldar series against Altaioc., it isn't going too well so far..). The Tau might be more vulnerable if it came down to an assault on Sept Worlds, but the Imperium has never been able to bring enough troops ever to bear. The largest assaults I know of were both tAros and Damocles gulf, which involved fewer than 100 starships and tens of thousands of troops. Not exactly major incursions. Also the Tau have gotten into the habit of throwing their (human) auxiliaries at IG troops to "fight fire with fire" as Deathwatch Achilus assault puts it in Jericho reach, which is pretty messy...
Now this is something I am assuming and it's IG most often fights another IG army or something very close to it. If asked I'd say you could put an army on transports and keep them going for 30 days at a time. Anything above that and I say it's stupid.
If its chaos or someone rebelling? I think you have a point. However, I think it's quite as likely, if not more, that they face some random xenos threat. There's thousands, perhaps millions of smaller, "local" (to a sector or subsector) xenos threats that crop up constantly - from the Saruthi in Eisenhorn to any of the threats mentioned in the FFG materials, to groups like the Tau. That can be a huge problem to cope with from the intel/preparation standpoint (something mentioned in John Scalzi's "OLd Man's War" series I always thought was interesting.)
To summarize, all what I've said here means that when IG goes to war against another planet it foremost tries to haul with it a significant portion of the supplies it projects it needs to complete the job at hand which should guarantee they have enough to wait for additional supplies to arrive and aims first to occupy on planet resources that can be used to guarantee the continuation of the campaign if it gets protracted and that IG should not seek to start a war of attrition when attacking as a general rule and on defence only if they feel confident they have enough resources to make it work. Well thats what I think anyway.

-Gunhead
If we're talking a major crusade, then yeah, some of this happens. Although it's also mentioned at some point they expect the Crusade to make inroads and conquests and start to rely more on "local" forces providing resources and supplies (EG places like Verghast in the Sabbat World's Crusade or places in the Jericho Reach crusade.) rather than relying on the Imperium itself to do so.) Drawing resources from within a sector of space can simplify logistics greatly in those cases, if it can be pulled off. Again though this is a "depends on variables" type situation.. I'm not sure how much you can really generalize about that, beyond "Star Wars has potentially faster and more standardized logistics than 40K does." Though to be fair I can think of some interesting logistical issues on the Empire side. The Imperial Sourcebook, for example, mentions that they have something like 1.5 million troops per sector, yet they havne't been able to fully outfit squads with a light repeating blaster (SW equivalent of a LMG/SAW, I guess) - every sector has at least some squads outfitted, but they havne't been completely outfitted in those same sectors (less than half of squads in a given sector, IIRC.) From other sources I recall, army units also tend to have something of a lotto match when it comes to body armor, long rifles (something other than an E-11) camo, and support weapons like rocket/missile launchers. They did come with grenades, NVG/anti flash protection, and comlink sin the helmets though, which gives them some advantages ove rthe Guard (esp in the NVG department.)
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

PainRack wrote: I'm sorry, but this simply doesn't fly. You're suggesting that the Jedi won't be surprised that the Clones have more accurate intelligence on the scale of the droid armies they're facing than the Jedi do. Remember, Mace Windu himself was caught off guard by the number of droid opposition.
Why wouldn't the Jedi take notice?
Maybe the Jedi missed it when looking over at the list of things that surprised the hell out of them, like:

Mysterious Clone Army popping up at the last seconds before the beginning of the war, so conveniently, on a previously unknown (erased) planet.
Mysterious Clone Army also having a shitload of mysterious Clone Star Destroyers and Clone AT-TEs and Clone Starfighters and stuff, apparently provided mysteriously by Republic military-industrial complex without anyone noticing (UNLESS those Kaminoan Spaarti clone cylinders also clone starships :P)
Huge droid army popping up at the last second on an unexpected Seperatist world right before the beginning of the war.
A whole buncha new Sith Lords dicking about, like Count Dooku.
Etc.

Or maybe the Jedi aren't the sole intelligence agency of the Republic, and if (big if), the Clone Army had the (secret?) backing of other large Republic appratuses - partially explaining why this mysterious clone army appearing at the last minute ALSO ended up having a mysterious fleet of warships and armies of war machines crewed by clones also appearing at the last minute - then maybe they could've gotten their more accurate intelligences from the other Republic intelligence agencies.

Seeing as they got a shitload of weapons for their arsenals from other Republic corporations, without anyone noticing, I don't think this is far fetched.

The answer would be: The Jedi won't be surprised because, shit, there's already a lot of things that surprised them and so another surprise won't be surprising because at that point, when someone goes "hey, why didn't you know XYZ was gonna happen?", the Jedi themselves would probably answer with "because we suck, that's why."

I mean, shit, their best and brightest Jedi guy, when investigating, had to consult some four-armed owner of some run down Coruscanti diner to get more accurate information than those in the Jedi library.

That's like Jack Ryan having to go to Riverdale and ask Pop Tate's for information on Soviet bases, because the CIA archive is apparently less accurate than some guy owning a malt shop in the Archie's comics. Tom Clancy's Archie Meets the Sum of All Fears! Jughead Jones teams up with John Clark versus the NKVD. Moose having a boxing match versus Ivan Drago in the Politburo! I will break you!

Lost a planet Master Obi Wan has, how humiliating, indeed. :P

Or alternatively, the Jedi are just a teensy weensy bit of a huge ass galaxy, and a bunch of robed shmucks who visit Tattooine every few years aren't the center of the universe, and lots of big things happen around them sometimes without their knowing it, or their involvement, either.



Hey Connor, I was wondering. Now that we know Hoth had hordes of mutated radioactive yetis, and that the stormtroopers had to fight them, assuming some form of equivalence between blaster rifle and lasgun weapons yields, how much megajoules would it take to kill these mutated radioactive yetis? Assuming they are spherical masses of frozen water? :)
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

"You're suggesting that the Jedi won't be surprised that the Clones have more accurate intelligence on the scale of the droid armies they're facing than the Jedi do."

Four armed horrible CGI alien Pop Tates running a diner in downtown Coruscant knows more about secret planetary clone bases than the Jedi organization.

Imagine, if some shmuck who owns a diner in downtown NY knows more about secret Soviet sub bases than the CIA with all their UAVs and spy satellites and billion-dollar intelligence programs.

Yet Obi-Wan isn't surprised that some shmuck has more accurate intelligence.

Maybe this is because the Jedi aren't the CIA of the Republic, and there may be other intelligence agencies, and a bunch of warrior monks who get into laser swordfights aren't the end all be all of the Republic's intelligence apparatus, and the Jedi themselves probably know this as well, and they're just another fish in the Byzantine sea of Republic politics encompassing all sorts of government agencies, special interest groups, planetary factions, systems-owning megacorporations, and whatnot?

So, why should Obi-Wan or the Jedi be surprised that some vast secret clone army with enough armaments and warships to wage galactic war - made in secret, and obviously backed by resourceful factions in the Republic - have more accurate intelligence than them?

Heck, the fact that they've got big honking warships that can slag whole worlds ought to be more surprising than some bunch of Clones with some more accurate maps on Geonosis. :P
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
Simon_Jester
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 30165
Joined: 2009-05-23 07:29pm

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Simon_Jester »

I agree on all this. Like I said, what concerns me is the political risk created by giving the clones such accurate information on the Separatist side. The proto-CIS had a certain amount of contact with Kamino, via Jango Fett at the very least. What would have happened if the separatists had found out there was an army being bred specifically to attack one of their great industrial centers?
This space dedicated to Vasily Arkhipov
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

What would have happened if the Seperatists had found out that the Republic had a huge secret army (conveniently in a planet ripe for preemptive striking) made obviously to fight the inevitable conflict between the Republic and the CIS, period? Such information, even if not put to use in an attack, would still greatly aid the Seperatists in the formulation of their warplans.

"Hey guys, the Republic has this huge ass secret army about to attack this specific planet about to wage galactic war on all your asses" isn't much better.

Also, while Jango was training his clones in combat tactics, how much credentials would he have in teaching his clone progeny things like, I dunno, planetary invasion strategies, combine arms tactics involving mechanized infantry working in conjunction with heavy armor and aerospacecraft and orbital fire support, and planning entire planetary campaigns and such? While you can hire individual mercenaries to teach your troops to shoot straight, would a bounty hunter really be the wisest choice for a planner for Operation Spaceraqi Freedom? I'd imagine for the bigger shits, there would be other people aside from Jango's bunch of slimey bounty hunters educating the clones.

You could simply train the clones in "Operation Attack Hypothetical Mysterious Enemy Forge World Stronghold" and not mention precisely that the planet was Geonosis, and unless Jango - whose job is normally just shooting people in the face - also happens to have extensive and detailed files on the layout of Geonosis' military defenses (I dunno, maybe Nute Gunray likes sharing such sensitive information to some random dodgy hired guns and goons), he might not really recognize the clone drills and exercises as targeting specifically Geonosis.

I am saying this without knowledge of any experience Jango might have in the Expended Universe's interesting backstories as a Mangdalore leading some sweeping campaign of Mangdalorian warfare against some mutated yetis on the planet Nintendu 64 in the years before he got his head lopped off like a punk. Maybe there is a JRPG source book of this published by Square-Enix, where Jango's jetpack sprouts one wing and Mandalorians are actually a race of androgynous pretty boy albinos spouting bad poetry, and the Jedi have ridiculously huge (laser) swords and ride giant motorcycles, and they can summon monsters up to and including hordes of frostibitten cavern-dwelling mutant yetis.

If this actually happened, then this means that the EU is awesome. Galaxy Far Far Away Fantasy 7: Advent Clonetroopers


We could handwave this all away as bad writing. I mean, normally, Star Wars writing is usually so awesome and unbeatable that it can Force choke the blood vessels in people's brains and give them strokes. While on different starships, and through a holoscreen. So, why is this particular writing so shitty? Well, maybe it's because... uhh.... of the Shroud of the Dark Side! Yes. That's it. So this is totally an unusual example of shitty writing that can't be taken as normal, because normally the writing would defeat any other writing it was versusing.
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
User avatar
Connor MacLeod
Sith Apprentice
Posts: 14065
Joined: 2002-08-01 05:03pm
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Connor MacLeod »

Shroom Man 777 wrote:Hey Connor, I was wondering. Now that we know Hoth had hordes of mutated radioactive yetis, and that the stormtroopers had to fight them, assuming some form of equivalence between blaster rifle and lasgun weapons yields, how much megajoules would it take to kill these mutated radioactive yetis? Assuming they are spherical masses of frozen water? :)
Depends on whether you are just severely burning the frozen water (third or fourth degree burns, or are we talking flash burns to flay the skin off the body?) melting, vaporizing, or cremation. After all we can't take vaporize literally!

It also depends on what a metre means in Star Wars.
Simon_Jester
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 30165
Joined: 2009-05-23 07:29pm

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Simon_Jester »

Shroom Man 777 wrote:What would have happened if the Seperatists had found out that the Republic had a huge secret army (conveniently in a planet ripe for preemptive striking) made obviously to fight the inevitable conflict between the Republic and the CIS, period? Such information, even if not put to use in an attack, would still greatly aid the Seperatists in the formulation of their warplans.

"Hey guys, the Republic has this huge ass secret army about to attack this specific planet about to wage galactic war on all your asses" isn't much better.
Actually, you have a point. True. Maybe Jango knew or suspected things like "oh yeah, someone's training a jillion clones of me to come kick your ass," but was being paid a big pile of hush money by Dooku to not talk about it. And it's Dooku who hired him- the rest of the Separatists might not know him, or know of him, except possibly as Dooku's bodyguard or something.

That said, having any line of contact between Kamino and Geonosis was a bug in Palpatine's plan, if you ask me, not a feature. It doesn't make a lot of sense for Palpatine or Dooku to want anyone on Geonosis to know about what was happening on Kamino, or vice versa. If you're secretly assembling two big armies to fight each other on different planets, it's probably a bad idea to tip off the guys on one planet that the other planet even exists.

Which suggests that Palpatine and Dooku were not planning ahead of time for an immediate clone invasion of Kamino. The clones might be somewhat prepared for "assault on rocky forge world" or the like, but for there to have been specific plans to attack Geonosis, Palpatine would need to predict the screwy chain of events that made the Jedi want to attack Geonosis, and need the clone army to do it, in the first place.

I don't think that's very likely. Because it involved all these weird things happening, like the details of how the assassination attempt on Padme at the start of the movie went down. And Obi-Wan having some random friend who runs a diner and just happens to be able to identify exotic weapons that even the big Jedi library doesn't know about. And all this just happening to take place at such a time that Obi-Wan can go to Kamino in time to run into Jango Fett, who isn't always there, and when Jango is about to leave for Geonosis, which isn't the only place he travels to. And so on, and so on.

With so many weird coincidences required, I don't really think it would make sense for Palpatine to expect it to happen the way it did. If his ability to see the future was that good, he would never have gone for the whole "kill Luke in front of his father" idea in Return of the Jedi, for crying out loud. And without the plan going exactly as expected, giving the clones a big pile of detailed information and plans on how to attack Geonosis weeks ahead of time would be kind of a waste.
Also, while Jango was training his clones in combat tactics, how much credentials would he have in teaching his clone progeny things like, I dunno, planetary invasion strategies, combine arms tactics involving mechanized infantry working in conjunction with heavy armor and aerospacecraft and orbital fire support, and planning entire planetary campaigns and such? While you can hire individual mercenaries to teach your troops to shoot straight, would a bounty hunter really be the wisest choice for a planner for Operation Spaceraqi Freedom? I'd imagine for the bigger shits, there would be other people aside from Jango's bunch of slimey bounty hunters educating the clones.
Da, da.
This space dedicated to Vasily Arkhipov
User avatar
Connor MacLeod
Sith Apprentice
Posts: 14065
Joined: 2002-08-01 05:03pm
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Connor MacLeod »

Jango wasn't the sole person providing input as I recall - he had alot of input regarding the equipment and training, and he brought in some of his Mandalorian buddies to help as I recall (at least from Traviss' own stuff) but i'm also rpetty sure there was some non-Mandolorian stuff as well, especially once Spaarti cloning became prevalent. If anything, I'd say the clones probably had a surfeit of knowledge/information available and they probably had the hell cross-trained out of them (at least in the beginning) - given that you had a decade to be training them in (and even then it still took a year or more with growth acceleration and other techniques.)

This leads to some interesting questions (like how much of things was up to Jedi having to learn to be commanders and generals, and how much was how well/poorly the clones were taught, and how consistent the training was across the board?) Also how diversified was the training? There was that whole ten year long timeframe at the start of the series, what did they spend all that time on training-wise?
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Simon_Jester wrote:That said, having any line of contact between Kamino and Geonosis was a bug in Palpatine's plan, if you ask me, not a feature.
It's a way smaller bug than having the risk of getting one's self exploderized in some lame Xanatos Gambit involving giant metal balls said Mon Mothra. Like, that bug is practically like Spanky's giant birthday mantis.


If you want to be really cool about it, there WAS no line of contact between Kamino and Geonosis. Why? Because Jango's direct employer was Count Dooku, right? So, Count Dooku is a badass Sith with all sorts of sorceries and mental powers. I was thinking it'd be really cool if - since Jango, this Mangdalorian shmuck who has only his pew-pew lazors and rocketpack going for him, is all pivotal to not just one, not just two, but three of the evil Sith schemes (assassinating Padme, breeding a clone army, and chillaxing out in the secret Seperatist stronghold Geonosis with all the other head honchos of the CIS) - he used his Sith trickeries to ensure that there would be no way Jango could be compromised. I shall expound on this in the later paragraphs.*

I mean, come on, this guy has important details on Clones and on Seperatists, and they send him out on a high risk assassination drive by mission to off Padme, a high-ranking politician with Jedi protection and surrounded by Republic security apparatus in the middle of Coruscant? Weren't they worried that he might, uh, get captured and the Jedi Bendu Warriors with their Goat-Staring powers might compromise him and reveal all the juicy secrets in his head?

This is, like, if the CIA sent the man who helped design the F-22 or something into the middle of Teheran to kill some Ayatollah shmucks, without worrying that, he might get caught and reveal all sorts infoes.

This is, like, bad writing. Again, normally SW writing is powerful enough to Force choke the arteries in your brain from interstellar distances from a different starship through a holoscreen. This diminished state of writing with plot holes is, like, totally because of the Shroud of the Dork Side. :lol:



*So, enough beating around the bush. Here is what I think. The Incredible Crock Sections of my Extroverted Universe's interesting backstory.

Count Dooku used his powers of mental intrusion to induce a state of Force-initiated controlled schizophrenia in Jango Fett's brain. He militarized Jango's subconscious and partitioned it into three separate, identical yet isolated personalities, to preserve the security and mission integrity of the three extremely sensitive operations Jango was tasked with.

The Jango Fett doing the assassination on Coruscant is literally a different Jango Fett than the Jango Fett in Kamino, and when Jango Fett arrived in Geonosis, he literally won't have any recollection at all of his time training the Republic's anti-CIS clone army. This is why Obi-Wan couldn't get anything out of Jango when he was interrogating Jango in Kamino. Jango's subconsciousness is militarized, and there was a biosynaptic barrier preventing further mentallic intrusion on part of the Jedi.

Jango himself might feel some strangeness, some unaccounted for time, missing hours of his life, he might notice this while he's hanging around the Kaminoans - tall, slender, grey-skinned black-eyed aliens. But the subtle programming Dooku implanted totally makes him forget about this entirely. Or he knows that he's been programmed to forget certain parts of his life, but this is part of the job that he willingly took, and he knows unexplained memory losses and gaps are part of the job. Like that Ben Affleck movie, Paycheck.

What is the most resilient parasite? A Centi eel? The Krytos virus? A Centaurian brain slug? An idea.

Hell, Jango might even welcome the ability to forget the messy aspects of his job. He's an old soldier, torn inside with regrets. Fallen comrades, friends ripped to pieces by blaster fire, their screams echoing in the recesses of his minds. Blaster fire, sirens and screams, those were his lullabies.

How could he ever raise his child, his only begotten son, when he himself suffers from these afflictions? He wanted to forget these things, all of these, so that he could make a new life together with Boba - away from all the violence and suffering. That was the payment Dooku promised him. Not a binillion trillion million credits, not gold, not treasure, not hearts full of neutrality. But salvation.

You're waiting for a starship. A starship that will take you far away. You know where you hope this ship will take you; but you don't know for sure. But it doesn't matter. How can it not matter to you where that ship will take you?

Because you'll be together.



But this all came to a sordid end when Samuel L. Jackson lopped his head off with a lightsaber.

But did it?

Unbeknown to anyone who watched the movie, the Attack of the Clones JRPG Sourcebook states that the Mangdalorians developed awesome cryogenic stasis technology after they fought the mutated yetis on the frostbitten planet. This cryogenic stasis thing was thus implanted in all of their advanced Mangdalorian armor. So, for example, if a Mangdalorian fought a Jedi and got his arm sliced off, the armor around the arm would preserve that severed limb via localized cryogenesis. So a Mangdalorian could search for his lost limb hours, or days, after the fact and still be able to reattach it to his body.

This is what happened to Jango's head, in his helmet. It was preserved. This is why Boba, young Boba, braved the dangers of the battlefield to retrieve his father's decaffeinated head.

But reattaching a head to a body isn't as simple as that. Jango's body got trampled into pulp by the mutated yeti hippos rampaging the Geonosis asylum. See, in the Attack of the Clones JRPG Sourcebook, it stated that the Geonosians released from their underground catacombs a stampeding herd of one million mutated rhinohippopotamuses, which the Clones had to fight. This wasn't in the movie though, so you are forgiven for not knowing this.

Anyway, Boba saved his father's head. Now, Boba wishing to avenge his father's death, and also missing his lost father and wanting some closure, needed to see his dad one more time. To inherit the legacy of the true Mangdalore. To learn the ways of combat. To say goodbye to his father.

So he injected nanomachines into the severed head, to reactivate the frozen synapses of Jango's dead brain, and preserve their memories and their functions.

And then, with the help of whoever, Boba went inside the recesses of his deceased father's mind. That mind partitioned by Count Dooku, that mind with the militarized subconsciousness. That mind that had been split into three.

A Jango in a Jango in a Jango.

We have to go deeper.


It was an ordeal into the heart of darkness, against the tortured subconsciousness of his father, in the midst of all the horrifying memories that Jango sought to forget, monsters of the Id made manifest in blank-armored soulless armies in the same likeness as himself, ghosts of his conscience, the haunting spirits of all the men, women and children he's killed. They haunted him in his dreams, and now they haunt Boba as he dives inside the mental remains of his father.

The dreamscape is in the likeness of Coruscant. The delusional architecture is fairly unique. And inhabited by projections, trained in the arts of Mangdalorian warfare. The most heavily militarized subconsciousness in the galaxy.

This is Boba's trial by fire. This is where he will prove himself to be the greatest Mangdalorian warrior in history. Against the unending hordes of his father's deepest, darkest nightmares. The things that kept Jango awake at night, now come to put Boba in an eternal sleep.

But Boba has to find the safe. Yes, the safe containing... the gold. Or the treasure.

It is located on an icefortress mountain, there is a fortress there, Shadow Moses.

Image

And it's guarded by...

Mutated yetis.

There is an epic gunfight as Boba takes on these projections. Snowspeeder chases, AT-ATs in the snow falling off giant mountain avalanches. He storms Shadow Moses and finds the treasure he seeks.

It is not a fortress. It is a hospital. There, in that vault, is the head of his father connected to life support mechanisms.

Jango says his final words.

Disa... disap... disappointed

I know, Dad. I know you were disappointed I couldn't be you.

No. No, no. I was disappointed... that you tried.


Boba is torn by remorse and vindication. He opens the safe. There is a paper mache Slave 1.

And then Princess Leia rappels down from the window and shoots Boba.

Greedo screams and shoots Leia back. Greedo, now desperate, goes to the dying Boba. If Boba dies this deep inside Jango, a Jango in a Jango in a Jango, he will go into limbo.

They have to go deeper.

Greedo goes inside to save his friend, the son of his father.

Now he is in a Boba in a Jango in a Jango in a Jango.

They arrive once more at the Coruscanti cityscape, but now it is different. The buildings are crumbling. The oceans are rising and consuming the megapolis.

Greedo must face his arch nemesis. There, holding Boba hostage in Jabba's sail barge is none other than the specter that haunts all their nightmares.

Han Solo.

Han Solo's skin is blistered and frostbitten and peeling off after one thousand years frozen in carbonite. He has gouged out his eyes, for they don't need eyes where they are going.

Greedo fights him. Han shoots first, Greedo is now bleeding but still he endures. He tells Han that he is the one he wants, not Boba, not the son of his friend Jango. In blind rage Han swings his stick around and strikes Boba.

The dreamscape is collapsing now. The heavens have turned into a great abyss, a back hole rimmed with fangs and tentacles.

The Sky-Saarlac.

Boba is thrown into this great maw. He receives his kick. IG-88, on the outer levels of the dream, begins to play music to signal them that their dream time is up. That song is the Imperial March, echoing slowly and yet resonantly through the multi-layered dream.

Boba, IG-88, and all of their friends wake up to find themselves safe and alive. Except for Greedo, who sleeps still.

He washes up on the sands of Tattooine and is brought by guards to another fortress. There he meets a morbidly obese and decrepit Hutt.

Don't you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old slug, filled with regret, waiting to die alone.

No. I'll come back. And we'll be young slugs together again.



THE END
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
Simon_Jester
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 30165
Joined: 2009-05-23 07:29pm

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Simon_Jester »

Shroom Man 777 wrote:It's a way smaller bug than having the risk of getting one's self exploderized in some lame Xanatos Gambit involving giant metal balls said Mon Mothra. Like, that bug is practically like Spanky's giant birthday mantis.
Possibly.

I mean, plainly Palpatine and Dooku's plan DID have links between Kamino and Geonosis (or seemed to, noting what you say later). And this is not the biggest mistake Palpatine ever made (that would involve him getting exploderized).

My point is simply that the plan does not involve strong ties between Kamino and Geonosis (a few guys shuttling back and forth, and that's about it). They did things to conceal the very existence of Kamino from the Jedi (by hacking their library databases). So Palpatine and Dooku would be foolish to assume that the Jedi would stumble upon this link when it's so hard to find in the first place.

So whatever their plan was, it probably did not involve the Jedi catching on, grabbing the clone army on Kamino, and then marching right on to Geonosis. Maybe they were planning to reveal the clones later or something, we'll never know. But I doubt there was this elaborate plan by Palpatine or Dooku that involved luring Obi-Wan or some other Jedi Knight into a complicated detective chase scene that would ultimately lead to a Jedi getting trapped on Geonosis and the rest of the Jedi grabbing the clone army to rescue him.

If you want to be really cool about it, there WAS no line of contact between Kamino and Geonosis. Why? Because Jango's direct employer was Count Dooku, right? So, Count Dooku is a badass Sith with all sorts of sorceries and mental powers. I was thinking it'd be really cool if - since Jango, this Mangdalorian shmuck who has only his pew-pew lazors and rocketpack going for him, is all pivotal to not just one, not just two, but three of the evil Sith schemes (assassinating Padme, breeding a clone army, and chillaxing out in the secret Seperatist stronghold Geonosis with all the other head honchos of the CIS) - he used his Sith trickeries to ensure that there would be no way Jango could be compromised. I shall expound on this in the later paragraphs.*
[reads idea]

That would be very cool. Very cool and wacky. Possibly too cool to be true, but I like it. I hope you're not just parodying to mess with my head, mang.

I mean, come on, this guy has important details on Clones and on Seperatists, and they send him out on a high risk assassination drive by mission to off Padme, a high-ranking politician with Jedi protection and surrounded by Republic security apparatus in the middle of Coruscant? Weren't they worried that he might, uh, get captured and the Jedi Bendu Warriors with their Goat-Staring powers might compromise him and reveal all the juicy secrets in his head?

This is, like, if the CIA sent the man who helped design the F-22 or something into the middle of Teheran to kill some Ayatollah shmucks, without worrying that, he might get caught and reveal all sorts infoes...

This is, like, bad writing. Again, normally SW writing is powerful enough to Force choke the arteries in your brain from interstellar distances from a different starship through a holoscreen. This diminished state of writing with plot holes is, like, totally because of the Shroud of the Dork Side. :lol:
Heh. I think in this case, because it's the villains doing something retarded, that it must be...

The Shroud of the Light Side! Like, light-hearted, "you must be joking."

If Palpatine can screw up the Jedi with his shrouding, it stands to reason that having all those Jedi around is screwing with Palpatine too, making him do dumb things that threaten his plans. Like randomly throwing Darth Maul at people for no obvious reason, or doing unnecessary and complicated manipulations, or sending people who Know Too Much to do dangerous things that might get them captured.

Wow. I don't even know if I'm joking or not... My god, this must be what Shroom feels like all the time, give or take a few fart jokes.

...But this all came to a sordid end when Samuel L. Jackson lopped his head off with a lightsaber.

But did it?...

[glourious lunacy ensues]
You have surpassed yourself!
This space dedicated to Vasily Arkhipov
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Simon_Jester wrote:Which suggests that Palpatine and Dooku were not planning ahead of time for an immediate clone invasion of Kamino. The clones might be somewhat prepared for "assault on rocky forge world" or the like, but for there to have been specific plans to attack Geonosis, Palpatine would need to predict the screwy chain of events that made the Jedi want to attack Geonosis, and need the clone army to do it, in the first place.

I don't think that's very likely. Because it involved all these weird things happening
Fair enough. So the Clones got to Geonosis very fast because, well, they've got starships that can travel the galaxy in hours and aerospacecraft that can go from orbit to surface within minutes.

But the really quick SEAD could've been due to the unpreparedness of the Seperatist defenders, and maybe the battle could've been not as clean as PainRack tries to make it out to be.

I mean, you've got two relatively big armies, but composed of dumb droids and green clonetroopers, both of whom barely had hours or minutes of prep time, both led by incompetent chuds who've never really done any big war campaigning (TF dolts like Nute Gunray, and Jedi Generals who lead lightsaber charges with their clonetroopers*). It would look like, I dunno, the tactico-strategic version of the Comic Book Guy from Simpsons versus Human Bender (from that what-if Futurama episode where Bender got turned into human and became morbidly obese), flailing at each other in a sumo ring. Or like, Christopher Reeves and Stephen Hawkings on a wheelchair demolition derby match.

I'd imagine that the quickness of Geonosis was due to the large numbers and overwhelming firepower of the clones and the fact that the CIS decided to GTFO immediately, but upon closer inspection there would probably be a shitload of terrible mistakes and tactical clusterfucks and whatnot (like clones running towards crashing sphere-ships and whatnot, artillery commanders needing instructions from green muppets to concentrate their fire to blow up sphere-ships, etc.).


*At least 40k Commissars have the decency to ride tanks when they go "get closer I want to hit them with my sword", whereas Jedi have to charge hordes of armed enemies on foot and bring their clonetroopers to the line of fire too, to get mowed down, rather than take cover and shits.



Maybe the Clones weren't training specifically for Geonosis. But in the years they were on Kamino, they probably ran a lot of training drills like "Invading Muunilist the Mysterious Enemy's Capital Planet #1", "Invading Cato Nemoidia Slimy Enemy's Capital Planet #2" and "Invading Geonosis Mysterious Enemy's Rocky Forge World #3".
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Simon_Jester wrote: That would be very cool. Very cool and wacky. Possibly too cool to be true, but I like it. I hope you're not just parodying to mess with my head, mang.
It's way cooler than lame people going on about "uuurgh Force choke brain arteries from another planet through holoscreen in starship uuurgh!". Like, there are so many awesome ways for folks to use psychic powers, and all these lame unimaginative folks can do best is do some lightning spewing and some woo-woo spirit forms and throw rocks? Oh, and some future-dreams? Mang.
Heh. I think in this case, because it's the villains doing something retarded, that it must be...

The Shroud of the Light Side! Like, light-hearted, "you must be joking."

If Palpatine can screw up the Jedi with his shrouding, it stands to reason that having all those Jedi around is screwing with Palpatine too, making him do dumb things that threaten his plans. Like randomly throwing Darth Maul at people for no obvious reason, or doing unnecessary and complicated manipulations, or sending people who Know Too Much to do dangerous things that might get them captured.
Yet his plans got dumber when the Jedis got deader. Maybe that's why Qui Gon and Yoda and Obi were all into the whole disappearing when dying act. It was an act of spite against Palpatine. By transubstantiating themselves into the astral plane, they could even fuck with Palpatine worsely than they could when they were all physical and corporeal and crude matter not are we and whatnot. The Jedi were able to fuck with him more when they were even more dead.
Wow. I don't even know if I'm joking or not... My god, this must be what Shroom feels like all the time, give or take a few fart jokes.
Well, you know. If people are throwing around multi-kilometer waves of mutant yetis, we might as well make up all sorts of things to make the setting much more fun.

Fettception is totally awesomer than most of these "urgh precog force choke brain stroke I win" conception of Force powers.

Using Force powers to do all sorts of gnarly real mindfuck stuff is way cooler.
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
User avatar
Connor MacLeod
Sith Apprentice
Posts: 14065
Joined: 2002-08-01 05:03pm
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Connor MacLeod »

I was thinking hyperdrive-equipped mutant yetis. With implanted lightsabers (there was actually a bionically/genetically enginered super-dark jedi that had that. He had lighstabers implanted in weird areas. Palms. Elbows. Kneecaps. Feet.

Think of Protoss Zealots crossed with a Porcupine. In Yeti form.

Edit: Dear God, there's actually an image to convey this idea:

Image

SABERS SABERS EVERYWHERE.
Last edited by Connor MacLeod on 2011-11-14 01:17am, edited 2 times in total.
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

That idea is so awesome, I might have to construct additional pylons. In my balls.

It's kind of sad that that idea won't really be out of place in the EU. It can be a boss battle in the JRPG Sourcebook. It inflicts such high damage that your Jedi needs to use ten bactacuragas to heal himself against it, and even the limit break force choke brain artery attack can only slightly damage the Hyperspace Yeti, even with critical damage.

The Hyperspace Lightsaber Yeti's most devastating attack is when it levitates itself and spins around really fast and throws itself at FTL at you like some flying furry frostbitten lightsaber buzzsaw swastika.

God, what an awesome interesting backstory. I bet you, you could mention this in any SW debate elsewhere with a straight face and say that it was from this XYZ piece of obscure EU thing, and nobody would question you. Put in some kilocalorie weapons yield, and wham, concession accepted turdbreaths, etc. :P
Edit: Dear God, there's actually an image to convey this idea:

http://images.wikia.com/starwars/images ... d_Nyax.jpg

SABERS SABERS EVERYWHERE.
Oh sweet god. :lol:
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
User avatar
Connor MacLeod
Sith Apprentice
Posts: 14065
Joined: 2002-08-01 05:03pm
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Connor MacLeod »

I bet if I looked hard enough on the wiki I could find a force-sensitive wampa or something. I'm pretty sure there were force snesitive mynocks or something too.

edit: AND BEHOLD I WAS RIGHT!

I give you Ku-Kak, the force sensitive wampa!

double Edit: and Plan B Sith Zombies
User avatar
Raxmei
Rabid Monkey
Posts: 2846
Joined: 2002-07-28 04:34pm
Location: Davis, CA
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Raxmei »

Connor MacLeod wrote:SABERS SABERS EVERYWHERE.
They missed the lightsaber nipples and codpiece. His torso looks so bare. And from this angle you can't see if he has an ass sabre.
I prepared Explosive Runes today.
User avatar
Connor MacLeod
Sith Apprentice
Posts: 14065
Joined: 2002-08-01 05:03pm
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Connor MacLeod »

Raxmei wrote:
Connor MacLeod wrote:SABERS SABERS EVERYWHERE.
They missed the lightsaber nipples and codpiece. His torso looks so bare. And from this angle you can't see if he has an ass sabre.
His ass is actually an ion cannon that fires ion turds. Or at least thats how I imagine the Shroom vision of things would go.
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Connor MacLeod wrote:I bet if I looked hard enough on the wiki I could find a force-sensitive wampa or something. I'm pretty sure there were force snesitive mynocks or something too.

edit: AND BEHOLD I WAS RIGHT!

I give you Ku-Kak, the force sensitive wampa!
Oh god. Maybe that was the interesting backstory to Hoth. The Rebels didn't release those yetis, the yetis were actually living in an underground Sith Yeti ice fortress and were like escaping to once more rule the galaxy. The Imperial stormtroopers and rebel troops fighting in the ice catacombs got trapped when the AT-AT KILLOTON-level weapons fire caused a massive earthquake to collapse the escape routes, and so the Imps and the Rebels had to put aside their differences and work together to stop the evil Sith Yetis from taking over the galaxy. One of these veteran stormtroopers was actually a Jango clone, and thus had Mangdalorian heritage, and so with his awesomeness and martial heritage and innate Mangdalorian Force-resistance, he was able to beat the ass of the yetis and some hot Rebel chick falls in love with him, and like the battle to stop the yetis is a week-long ordeal and by the time the heroes win, the Rebels have escaped and the Imperials have left the planet to pursue them, so the survivors put aside their differences and decide to settle on Hoth to stand guard over the Sith Yeti Temple to make sure the threat to the galaxy never threatens the galaxy again, oh and they make an ice cream factory* which becomes a sensation to the galaxy because no one ever had any ice cream before.

The ice cream machine is actually an ancient relic they discovered in the Sith Yeti Temple and its origin is determined to be extra-galactic, from another world in another galaxy entirely, a planet that - unlike all the worlds of the SW galaxy - has ice cream.

DUN-DUN-DUN
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Connor MacLeod wrote:
Raxmei wrote:
Connor MacLeod wrote:SABERS SABERS EVERYWHERE.
They missed the lightsaber nipples and codpiece. His torso looks so bare. And from this angle you can't see if he has an ass sabre.
His ass is actually an ion cannon that fires ion turds. Or at least thats how I imagine the Shroom vision of things would go.
Proton TURDPEDOES. The reason why they can execute such high-G maneuvers in EXHAUST VENTS is because they already normally do that along the curvatures of YOUR COLON.
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
User avatar
Connor MacLeod
Sith Apprentice
Posts: 14065
Joined: 2002-08-01 05:03pm
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Connor MacLeod »

Because this idea needs further development and because it has a connection to Hoth, I give you human replica Droids

I think it was a Sith Wampa trick to set up a top secret space fembot brothel stocked with Guri replicas and such. They would steal the information from vital politicians, military industiral types and so on through robot sex and then feed it back to the Sith Wampas, who would unleash their armies of hyperdrive-equipped Protoss Porcupine to slaughter the opposition and WIN THE WAR!!!

Shroom Man 777 wrote: Proton TURDPEDOES. The reason why they can execute such high-G maneuvers in EXHAUST VENTS is because they already normally do that along the curvatures of YOUR COLON.
not onyl is it an offesnive arsetillery weapon, but it also doubles as a jet pack at maximum power for maximum mobility. Plus you can do a rocket-assisted sextubple lightsaber groinstab attack.

****

Okay more serious note, despite the fact this thread has some pretty absurd parts to it since the beginning. I actually don't think the massive casualties and ineptitude is neccesarily a bad thing for the Empire or the republic. It actually makes some sense. considering their technology (speed of hyperdrive, availability of droid armies, insane production potential) you wouldn't waste time with starships or warships. If you were going to invade a planet you'd just shoot hypedrive-equipped drop pods full of droid super-warriors (or just combat vheicles operated by droids) at your target and wait for victory. IF you wanted to destroy an enemy you'd shoot space nukes on your hyperdrive equipped pods, or viral weapons, or whatever. In short, "practical" warfare in Star Wars would be messy, destructive, and disruptive to galactic society. So like with Dune, there are cultural, political, and ecomomic pressures that can dictate inefficient means of fighting. It's a good way to make money for corporations (only organics need to buy the best or most sophisticated gear, and organics wear out and need to be replaced periodically, as does the gear. Besides only organics have moeny, and droids are an acessory. And I bet the soldier's guilds have a strong lobby as well.), it keeps down the collateral damage (as long as you keep the gigatons and teratons out of local hands as much as possible), and it gives an outlet for those sorts of disruptive behaviours.

More to the point, there's never been any need to learn. Only when the Vong came around did SW have a significant external threat (and the Vong onl loosely apply), so it was all internal, and none of it ever really significantly disrupted society (trade, etc.)

To that you can add that prior to the Clone Wars and the Empire, there was a long time without serious conflicts. That can be a long time for a galactic government to learn warfare - how long did humans take to perfect our means of fighting? A few years or decades won't be enough to overturn millenia of relative peace, so fucking up (like the Jedi do, or the clones do, or even the Imperial forces do) can be forgivable.
Last edited by Connor MacLeod on 2011-11-14 01:49am, edited 1 time in total.
Simon_Jester
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 30165
Joined: 2009-05-23 07:29pm

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Simon_Jester »

Shroom Man 777 wrote:
Simon_Jester wrote: That would be very cool. Very cool and wacky. Possibly too cool to be true, but I like it. I hope you're not just parodying to mess with my head, mang.
It's way cooler than lame people going on about "uuurgh Force choke brain arteries from another planet through holoscreen in starship uuurgh!". Like, there are so many awesome ways for folks to use psychic powers, and all these lame unimaginative folks can do best is do some lightning spewing and some woo-woo spirit forms and throw rocks? Oh, and some future-dreams? Mang.
Well, I like all that stuff because it is classic. But some wacky mindbending might be interesting I guess.
Yet his plans got dumber when the Jedis got deader. Maybe that's why Qui Gon and Yoda and Obi were all into the whole disappearing when dying act. It was an act of spite against Palpatine. By transubstantiating themselves into the astral plane, they could even fuck with Palpatine worsely than they could when they were all physical and corporeal and crude matter not are we and whatnot. The Jedi were able to fuck with him more when they were even more dead.
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine... because I will be messing with your brain and stopping you from imagining the amount of power required to do all the brain-messing I'll be doing!"
This space dedicated to Vasily Arkhipov
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

That is why Palpatine was dumbest just when the last Jedi were also deadest.

God, Connor, I think we've come up with prime A material for an awesome EU novel. All thanks to this great thread. :D

EDIT:

Soldier's guilds? Clones won't be unionized, so you can imagine all these displaced and unemployed unionized soldiers protesting and actually siding with the CIS. Cool. Or going on strike! Yes. Forcing the Republic to make even more clones to replace lazy striking soldiers. Clones don't need benefits and are thus cheaper!

EDIT 2:

Oh yeah. Back on the Jango thing again. Okay, so Dooku contracted him to kill Padme. Dooku also contracted him to bear the seed of his grotesque progeny on Kamino. But... what the hell was he doing on Geonosis? I mean, aside from being a cheap plot device so Obi-Wan could find the Seperatist stronghold, why did Jango have to go to Geonosis and see his employer also meeting with Seperatist head honchos?

Was Dooku deliberately turning Jango into a huge ass loose end, so that if he got captured in his assassination missions, he'd not only reveal the Sith plans to kill Padme and Sith plans to make a clone army, but also Sith plans with the Seperatists?

The dangerous link between Kamino and Geonosis wouldn't exist if Jango didn't go to Geonosis for no reason!
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
User avatar
Connor MacLeod
Sith Apprentice
Posts: 14065
Joined: 2002-08-01 05:03pm
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Connor MacLeod »

Shroom Man 777 wrote:That is why Palpatine was dumbest just when the last Jedi were also deadest.

God, Connor, I think we've come up with prime A material for an awesome EU novel. All thanks to this great thread. :D
Does that mean we have to give credit to allthe other people in this thread too?

Soldier's guilds? Clones won't be unionized, so you can imagine all these displaced and unemployed unionized soldiers protesting and actually siding with the CIS. Cool. Or going on strike! Yes. Forcing the Republic to make even more clones to replace lazy striking soldiers. Clones don't need benefits and are thus cheaper!
So Clones would become the GE's version of Illegal Immigrants? Makes sense.

Droids though woudl be unionized or protected, cuz there's a Droid's Right movement No wonder the GRA went for clones, they work cheaper.

Also, if we go with the recent Clone Wars Epsiode, they can be ordered out into an assault against enemy that is tossing 100 megaton yield warheads at your infantry charge. And no, I'm not kiding about that. It happened. (but before you ask, no they didnt look like 100 megaton nuclear detonations.)
User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 21222
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

The dangerous link between Kamino and Geonosis wouldn't exist if Jango didn't go to Geonosis for no reason!
God, AOTC had such shit writing. Fuck. What happened to the whole need to know basis thing? Jango didn't need to know that his boss was buttfucking some slimy amphibious Nemoidian. Dooku didn't need to parade Jango - the progenitor of the huge ass fuckoff anti-CIS clone army - in front of the very leadership of the CIS. Dooku also didn't need to send Jango on dangerous missions against Jedi-guarded politicians when Jango had mission-critical information inside his skull.

Fuck it. Dorky balding Nicholas Cage in The Rock knew more about the need for secrecy and information security, with the whole "you're on a need to know basis and you don't need to know" shit he said to Sean Connery with the whole grunge thing, than the super-evilest scheming Sith Lords of Star Wars.
Connor MacLeod wrote:Does that mean we have to give credit to allthe other people in this thread too?
I think we owe PainRack an apology should be thanked by PainRack for ruining his thread enawesomeing his thread.
So Clones would become the GE's version of Illegal Immigrants? Makes sense.

Droids though woudl be unionized or protected, cuz there's a Droid's Right movement No wonder the GRA went for clones, they work cheaper.
Man, imagine after the Clone War you'd have demobilized clones trying to live civilian lifestyles, but people would hate them for making normal non-clone soldiers obsolete and unemployed.

You have John Jango going back to town but getting arrested by a cop, who was a former non-clone soldier before getting laid off, and that cop would have a grudge and he'd abuse John Jango and like hose him down. John Jango will have flashbacks to the horrible Geonosis campaign and he'll snap, escape the jail and run into the Endor wilderness and set up traps and stab people with his huge ass fuckoff knife and exploding arrows, and these cops will be all pissed, and John Jango's commanding officer - Darth Vader - will be called in he'll tell the cops to bring a lot of body bags.

John Jango will be their worst nightmare.

JANGO: FIRST BLOOD

Company leader to identify Clone Team - Jango, Messner, Lars, Coletta, Jurgensen, Darklighter, Krakauer confirm! This is Darth Vader.

They're all gone Sir.

Not Darklighter, he made it.

Darklighter's gone too Sir. Got himself killed in 'Cato, didn't even know it. Cancer ate him down to the bone.

I'm sorry, I didn't know.

I'm the last one Sir.


Clonetroopers did get spat on in the face. I know it, I saw it. I WAS THERE.
Also, if we go with the recent Clone Wars Epsiode, they can be ordered out into an assault against enemy that is tossing 100 megaton yield warheads at your infantry charge. And no, I'm not kiding about that. It happened. (but before you ask, no they didnt look like 100 megaton nuclear detonations.)
They didn't look like 100 megaton nuclear detonations because the blast waves got jammed by neutrino heatsink radiators and so to your untrained eyes they looked like WW2 explosions dogfighting with each other.
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
User avatar
Connor MacLeod
Sith Apprentice
Posts: 14065
Joined: 2002-08-01 05:03pm
Contact:

Re: Imperial Guard superior to SW armies?

Post by Connor MacLeod »

Shroom Man 777 wrote: I think we owe PainRack an apology should be thanked by PainRack for ruining his thread enawesomeing his thread.
And we should go evangelizing on the forums that prevously said 40K would kick SW ass by pointing out the gamewinning awesomeness of the Pimpdaddy Hyperdrive-equipped clone Yeti saberporcupines. There's no way they can top that without invoking Chaos, and that would be an instalose for the Imperium. Except maybe by adding skulls to it.
Man, imagine after the Clone War you'd have demobilized clones trying to live civilian lifestyles, but people would hate them for making normal non-clone soldiers obsolete and unemployed.

You have John Jango going back to town but getting arrested by a cop, who was a former non-clone soldier before getting laid off, and that cop would have a grudge and he'd abuse John Jango and like hose him down. John Jango will have flashbacks to the horrible Geonosis campaign and he'll snap, escape the jail and run into the Endor wilderness and set up traps and stab people with his huge ass fuckoff knife and exploding arrows, and these cops will be all pissed, and John Jango's commanding officer - Darth Vader - will be called in he'll tell the cops to bring a lot of body bags.

John Jango will be their worst nightmare.

JANGO: FIRST BLOOD

Company leader to identify Clone Team - Jango, Messner, Lars, Coletta, Jurgensen, Darklighter, Krakauer confirm! This is Darth Vader.

They're all gone Sir.

Not Darklighter, he made it.

Darklighter's gone too Sir. Got himself killed in 'Cato, didn't even know it. Cancer ate him down to the bone.

I'm sorry, I didn't know.

I'm the last one Sir.
you forget. After the Clone Wars the Empire arose, they're going to need cheap army labor somehow. Space Illegal Immigrants probably can be cloned for a pittance, and then the originals hired as well for even more of a pittance (because they have to show up better than their clones, or something.) That would be more SpaceAmerican I'd think, and it would explain alot about Stormtrooper accuracy, given SpaceAmerican training methods (at least in a corporate mindset, which probably would be more accurate the Galactic Emp-err SpaceAmerica)

They didn't look like 100 megaton nuclear detonations because the blast waves got jammed by neutrino heatsink radiators and so to your untrained eyes they looked like WW2 explosions dogfighting with each other.
I actually figured the solid globes of wampa ice got in the way and all melted. That would have muffled the nuclear effets.

Alternately they were giant Thermal detonators and the Yield was programmed to stop at a fixed distance from ground zero. Star Wars radiation is trained to obey its corporate masters. Unlike the cloned Space Illegal Immigrants.

(and yes I had a semi serious argument crammed in there. I was arguing it might have been thermal detonators. Just because a specific energy yield is stated doesn't tell us in what way that energy is released into the enviroment. And SW has enough magical ways to do that in canon and EU to excuse it.) Plan B was seismic charges. 100 megatonages of seismic flatulence.
Post Reply