HOW TO SURVIVE A LOVECRAFT STORY

[weemadando]

Subj: DG: How to Survive in a Lovecraft Story
Date: 98-04-27 13:29:22 EDT
From: oaktree@nocturne.org (Chris Womack)
Sender: owner-deltagreen@nocturne.org
Reply-to: deltagreen@nocturne.org (Delta Green List)
To: deltagreen@nocturne.org

I wrote this a while back, and while I originally had Lovecraft's original
20's-era fiction in mind, a good many of these suggestions might prove of
benefit to DG agents today...

Note: these are tips for survival should one find oneself in a piece of
Lovecraftian fiction. Attempts to apply them to a CoC game campaign
should be undertaken only with extreme caution.

1: If you find yourself in a position to acquire your ancestral estate
(castle, manor house, etc.), *don't*. Especially if it's built on a cliff
or overlooking a bog. Just trust that your ancestors moved away from
there for a *reason*, and steer clear of the place yourself. Don't even go
there on holiday.

2: Never read *anything* whose author was reputed to be mad.

3: If, while dreaming, you find your dream-self going down a long flight
of steps toward a gate, *turn around*. *Go back up.* Settle for a nice
wet dream featuring a supermodel of your choice instead.

4: *Don't drink the water*. 'Nuff said.

5: Any electronic equipment you may bring along for the purpose of
artificially enhancing your sensitivity to unknown phenomena, or for
recording such phenomena, will only increase the likelihood of you going
insane and/or getting eaten. Just stick with a flashlight (if you really
*must* be able to see where you're going; even that is often ill-advised)
and a really good pair of running shoes.

6: Buy a gun, but use it *only* in the following situations: if
somebody you know comes to you claiming to have been dispossessed of
his/her body, which is then subsequently inhabited by an alien
intelligence, *shoot that person*. You're doing him/her a favor.
Likewise, if you ever suspect that your own mind has been has been
displaced by another, just go ahead and shoot yourself. Avoid the stress
and aggravation.

7: In all other situations, *leave the gun at home.* You'll only drop
it in your mad flight to safety anyway.

8: Avoid fog, mist, shadows, darkness, and anything or any place that
smells bad. Avoid primeval forests, caves, cemeteries, charnel houses,
abandoned buildings, and the sea.

9: Break off friendships with anybody who tends to capitalize the
following words in their writing: "Old," "Elder," "Ancient," "Chaos,"
"Evil," "Dweller," "Lurker," "and "Horror," especially if any of these
words are used in combination with one another or with the word "God(s)".

10: Break off friendships with artists. Especially weird ones. The same
goes for college professors. These people quite simply know too much for
their own good. Or yours.

11: Never travel to the following destinations, particularly for
exploratory purposes: rural England; rural New England; any town or city
in America that can justly be described as "centuries old"; India; Africa;
Australia; Asia; Antarctica; or any place above or below the ocean's
surface that might ever have been part of the lost continent of Lemuria.
If you live in any of these places, *move away immediately*.

12: Don't keep a diary, journal, or travelogue. The only people who
write down things that happen to them are the people to whom bad things
happen.

13: If a stone artifact ever comes into your possession that is clearly
artifical in shape, and just as clearly not the work of human beings, *get
rid of it*. And the box it came in, just to be on the safe side. Then go
and wash your hands.



Kudos to http://www.delta-green.com

[Ghost Rider]

LMAO....those are some good rules in many cases of weird strange things

[Captain tycho]

And so the weirdness continues...

[neoolong]

So, I shouldn't have read that stone tablet translated by that eccentric college professor who lived on that old mansion on the hill by the bog?

Uh oh.

[weemadando]

Date: Sat, 30 Jan 1999 18:03:49 -0500
From: Keith Potter
Reply-To: Delta Green List
To: "'deltagreen@nocturne.org'"
Subject: DG: Random Tables: SWAT Team Name Generator

QRT, ESU, GSS, HRT, ETC, etc etc--it seems like every police department
in the US wants their own special operations team, and in the
euphemistically-driven spirit of the times nobody wants to call it a SWAT
team anymore. To that end, I offer the following to those Keepers who find
their PC's in a strange city and suddenly forced to call forth police
assistance in the face of some Mythos threat... Why have the plain old SWAT
team show up when you can, with just a few rolls of the dice, bring out a
new and excitingly-named unit such as the Rapid Entry Group, the Emergency
Tasking Division, or the Situational Equipment Squad!

Simply roll 1D10 on each of the following tables... For easy variations,
simply juggle the word order, or roll more than once (or not at all) on any
of the tables:

First Word:

1. Special
2. Emergency
3. Crisis
4. Quick
5. Rapid
6. Standby
7. Incident(al)
8. Department(al)
9. Situation(al)
10. Tactic(al)


Second Word:

1. Equipment
2. Management
3. Response
4. Reaction
5. Tasking
6. Support
7. Services
8. Entry
9. Duty
10. Rescue


Third Word:

1. Team
2. Unit
3. Squad
4. Troop
5. Division
6. Column
7. Crew
8. Force
9. Group
10. Posse


Gotta go now... The Tactical Rescue Posse just took the front door off
its hinges...

[Rob Wilson]

14. Just go insane now and save yourself a lot of time and trouble.

[Ghost Rider]

So, I shouldn't have read that stone tablet translated by that eccentric college professor who lived on that old mansion on the hill by the bog?

Uh oh.

Pfft...now if you have any strange dreams and weirdo thoughts...then you should be worrying

[Captain tycho]

Uh oh.
I think I read one of my own tax articles....and I happen to be insane...
You know what that means....
Insanity loop.

[weemadando]

Date: Mon, 1 Feb 1999 17:42:00 -0800
From: "Mark McFadden@warnerbros.com"
Reply-To: Delta Green List
To: deltagreen@nocturne.org
Subject: DG: Who needs SWAT?

> Let's never disregard my favorite law enforcement euphemism,
>"Dynamic Entry."
> Here in Birmingham, that's what it's called when the officers expect
>trouble. It usually works something like this, in the course of
>about, oh, three seconds:
>
> KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. "POLICE OPEN UP!" *CRASH*
> (Once the door has been obliterated, much cussing and confusion and
> handcuffing follows.)
>
>>Or at least that's what they testify to...
>>instead of *CRASH*...cussing, confusion, handcuffing..."By the way,
>>we have this warrant"...:)

This is why I recommend killing two birds with one stone.

1) Rhinos don't mate in captivity
2) The whole "warrant" and "probable cause" hassle.

So:
Since rhinos can smell water literally miles away and such, it's safe
to assume they have a great sense of smell. Using confiscated
evidence, get them hooked on cocaine. Let them loose.
Soon, we have jittery. ill-tempered rhinos with delusions of bugs
under their skins wandering the streets of a modern metropolis.
Inevitably, they smell coke. They charge. No crackhouse can withstand
the assault of a crazed rhino who's jones is comin' down. And when a
rhino smashes through your door, flushing evidence down the toilet is
one of the last things on your mind.
The police, who've been following the rhino from a safe distance
(hey, this is an Animal Control problem), get to enter the scene
without a warrant because they were in hot pursuit. Probable cause?
"Hey, we were trying to stop a rampaging rhino, the drugs were a
bonus."

As for mating in captivity: Give coke to females. Wait. Suddenly,
captivity isn't such a problem.
Also, a willing female rhino out in the trailer might be the only way
to entice a belligerent male out of a wrecked crackhouse.

Mark McFadden

"Bad boys bad boys
Watcha gonna do
Watcha gonna do when AAAAAAAIIIIII!!!! Jesus Christ, it's a f*****g
rhinocerous! RUN!!! (stomp gore impale)"

[Rob Wilson]

First Word:
5. Rapid

Second Word:
8. Entry

Third Word:
6. Column

Now there's a Porn Nickname if ever there was one.

[Ghost Rider]

Uh oh.
I think I read one of my own tax articles....and I happen to be insane...
You know what that means....
Insanity loop.

You did...WHAT?!

Only us trained profess....ummm go wash your eyes out now!!!!

Gods man, you're only supposed to mindlessly stare at that garbage(it serves no useful purpose other than to confuse)

[Patrick Degan]

Do not go anywhere within a hundred miles of Arkham, MA.

Do not accept a scholarship offer from Miskatonic University. Under any circumstances.

[Rathark]

2: Never read *anything* whose author was reputed to be mad.

There goes my publishing contract ...

[Datana]

Anyone else played Silent Hill? At a glance, all of these rules are broken (6 and 8 are violated in spades). Of course, the game seemed to be trying to recreate a Lovecraftian environment, so these might have been intentional.

[The Yosemite Bear]

You forgot: If the Cat does not like the place don't go there/stay there. As unlike dogs, Cats in Lovecraft stories know whats going on, Hiss and stand their ground when facing Great Old Ones, and in Dreamlands they can gang up and kick Narlytopeth's ass.

[NecronLord]

Note: these are tips for survival should one find oneself in a piece of
Lovecraftian fiction. Attempts to apply them to a CoC game campaign
should be undertaken only with extreme caution.

interesting... would this be the d20 version?

[Admiral Valdemar]

ROFL!

On a related note, the university elections at Lancaster are off to a great campaign start as I see more "VOTE FOR CTHULHU: WHY VOTE FOR A LESSER EVIL?" posters around than proper candidates.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

Hmm, I see people in New Orleans *CONSTANTLY* breaking all of these rules ALL AT ONCE every day. Hell, the whole CITY breaks all of these rules all at once every day. In fact, it's physically impossible NOT to break all of em in New Orleans.

New Orleans! Home of Mardi Gras, KILLER Gumbo, and the Elder Gods Cthulhu, Shub-Niggurath, and Nyarlathotep!

[Peregrin Toker]

2: Never read *anything* whose author was reputed to be mad.

Does that include Lovecraft himself??

[SyntaxVorlon]

Uh oh.
I think I read one of my own tax articles....and I happen to be insane...
You know what that means....
Insanity loop.

Everybody knows there ain't no sanity clause!

And no Lovecraft wasn't nuts he was just weird.

Wow that's a helpful list of suggestions, though of course it seems you're mostly safe in the city. But it's incomplete...
15. Upon first contact with an alien species, any extraterrestrial species, tell it to fuck off, if it refuses immediately destroy their entire space fleet.

16. Should you survive a Lovecraft novel, move to California, you'll blend in faster than you'll register.

[Peregrin Toker]

And no Lovecraft wasn't nuts he was just weird.

There's gotta be something wrong with a man who not only has an irrational fear of the sea, but also thinks that Postum (coffee imitation) is just as good as real coffee.

[Darth Gojira]

I prefer Warcraft myself (rimshot)

[weemadando]

Note: these are tips for survival should one find oneself in a piece of
Lovecraftian fiction. Attempts to apply them to a CoC game campaign
should be undertaken only with extreme caution.

interesting... would this be the d20 version?

Hiiiiissssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

Never speak of that abomination around me again!

The classic editions... Not the re-animated monstrosities of WotC!

[Andrew J.]

15. If you can't pronounce it, it's bad.

[Peregrin Toker]

16. If something vaguely resembles a well-known marine creature but still looks strange, then stay away from it.