Let's Play: Das Thanasboot!

[fnord]

OOC: Not my Schnapps bottle... hmm... will the .. um... coffee... melt a hole in the deck?

IC: Nikoff sighed and picked up Leutnant Zwingen on another run aft. As one of the few aboard that drank neither alcohol nor what the Koch called... um.. coffee..., Nikoff was definitely in a minority.

After having a quiet bork with der Koch about who drank what onboard, Nikoff headed back forwards.

[Thanas]

Some people later would say that at the view of his crew getting rid of the evidence, unholy smoke started being emitted from Der Kommandant's ears. With one determined step forward, he grabbed Zwingen by the ear and pulled him into the Kommandant's room.

"Now, Herr Zwingen. You appear to have stumbled upon an empty medicine bottle. And it better be a medicine bottle considering the alternative is for me to head back to port and court-martial half of the veteran enlistened. Veterans, who are a lot harder to replace than an overeager young Klugscheisser fresh from the academy who wet himself at the thought of the first WABO attack. Am I beeing clear here?"

Without waiting for an answer, Der Kommandant put his head out of the half-enclosed cabinet that served as his room.

"FUNKMAAT VON DOkKEN. It seems we have unregulated medicine on board. I require all of that to be delivered to me immediately and no questions will be asked. You are in charge of that. See it done."

[Force Lord]

Some people later would say that at the view of his crew getting rid of the evidence, unholy smoke started being emitted from Der Kommandant's ears. With one determined step forward, he grabbed Zwingen by the ear and pulled him into the Kommandant's room.

"Now, Herr Zwingen. You appear to have stumbled upon an empty medicine bottle. And it better be a medicine bottle considering the alternative is for me to head back to port and court-martial half of the veteran enlistened. Veterans, who are a lot harder to replace than an overeager young Klugscheisser fresh from the academy who wet himself at the thought of the first WABO attack. Am I beeing clear here?"

Without waiting for an answer, Der Kommandant put his head out of the half-enclosed cabinet that served as his room.

"FUNKMAAT VON DOkKEN. It seems we have unregulated medicine on board. I require all of that to be delivered to me immediately and no questions will be asked. You are in charge of that. See it done."

Leutnant Zwingen was trembling in fear by the time the Kommandant finished barking his order.

"C-Clear, Kommandant Thanas. That was not Schapps... it was a medicine bottle... ja, a medicine bottle...."

Zwingen was still trembling when he escaped the Kommandant's lair.

[Simon_Jester]

OOC: Not my Schnapps bottle... hmm... will the .. um... coffee... melt a hole in the deck?

Nope. The deck is not mere mortal glassware, it is made auf THANASIEN STEEL, and is therefore not attacked by Swedish Aryan Chef's coffee, you see?

Now, if the deck were made of glass, we'd be in trouble. But then, we'd be in trouble anyway, from that depth charging that Captain Ahabowicz gave us.

[fnord]

OOC: Does a steward with five years' sea time and, despite that, still doesn't drink, count as "veteran" ? Does anyone still want/need the black, corrosive brew up forward?

[Thanas]

Five year service?

You were considered a veteran if you survived 2-3 patrols.

[fnord]

OOC: Sweet!

Besides, I figure his luck's going to run out, along with the rest of the crew's, this patrol, anyway.

[Chardok]

"Jawohl, Mein Kommandant!" Bellowed the normally-quiet radioman

"Herr Ritterbachen, if zhoo vood, please assemble zee unterofizieren und Matrose in zee galley? Ve half zomesing to discuss."

"Ja, sehr gut." replied his companion in listenings. "Bitte sehr." von Dokken said quietly, "Bitte sehr."

the Matrose and the unteroffizieren quietly shuffled into the galley, 1 by one, squeezing into every available inch of space. Von Dokken paced in front of the assembled crew. "Mein fellows. Eet has come zu das attention von der Kommandant....zat some ov you have been indulging in a certain....zpirit...vich no doubt vas smuggled on board zis vessel. Zee kommandant does not approve und has requested I kollect all examples ov such spirit posthaste. You all know zat I am a fair mann, unt anyvon who vishes to step forward und turn in zis devil drink vill not be punished and shall in fact be relieved from latrine cleaning duty for one veek."

A few men stepped forward, pulling small flasks from their pockets, some from under their hats and set them upon the table in front of the strange sonarman.

"Sehr gut." He said "As for zee rest ov you, I vill be doing a full bunk shakedown unt if I vind any more ov zis....I vill personally be sending you to spend zome quality time vis..." He choked back a knot in his throat, "cook." He glanced nervously over his shoulder at the smirking....thing in the kitchen. those cold, dead eyes locking with his. It was difficult to break the gaze and even more difficult to keep his composure in front of the men.

"Herr Von Dokken?" one of the young Matrose squeaked.

"Yeah, Scheinenkartoffel, vas is it?" he said, his voice cracking a bit.

"Cook, sir; cook made it."

Von Dokken's pupils constricted to the size of needlepoints, his blood icy. Sweat began to glisten on his forehead as he could feel the cook's steely gaze and that...dead....smile boring into his head from behind. He turned around, only to see that the kitchen was empty, save for one pot of steaming, roiling water. His gaze transfixed on the large kettle he replied "Sehr gut....Matrose Scheinenkartoffle, danke. You are all....dismissed."

von Dokken heard the men shuffle out but he could not break his gaze from the boiling pot. when the last of the men were gone, he finally found the will to turn his attention to the small pile of schnapps glasses and bottles on the table. When he turned around, there he was. That horrible man-thing, wiping down a table, his eyes firmly fixed upon the Stabsbootsman with that...smile...that knowing...awful smile. Did it even have teeth? Von Dokken didn't know, he barely had time to complete the thought when he heard a single, terrifying word over the pounding of the diesels, the hiss of steam and clattering of various equipment within the submarine. It echoed into the very deepest subconciousness. "Bork." the man-thing said.

Von Dokken may have evacuated his bowels a tad upon hearing it, but he had to get back to the Kommandant. Gathering up the Clattering piles of glass, he hurried out of the galley, all the while aware of that gaze, that smile.

"Herr Kommandant! I have gazered all of zee...medicine!"

"Are you quite certain, Von Dokken?" the Kommandant replied

"Ja...vell no...Kommandant, you see..."

"You seem uneasy, Von Dokken. Did you find out who brought this on board without my knowledge?"

"Vell, Mein Kommandant," The stabsbootsman said, his voice quavering, with one nervous glance back in the direction of the galley "Nein...No ser, I didn't...whoever did vas...flawless in covered zehr tracks Mein herr. Zey moost have zertainly tossed zee evidence overboard by now."


The Kommandant could sense something was amiss but decided not to pursue the issue further, seeing he would get nowhere with his sonarman in this condition "Very vell, von Dokken. You are dismissed. Oh, and Von Dokken?"

"Ja, Mein Herr," von dokken said, glancing occasionally back towards the galley"

"Leutnant von Shapp has you on constant watch, I hear. Why don't you go get some rest. You look like you need it. When was the last time you slept?"

"Sleep, Kommandant?" His mind drifted back to that smile, that horrible, cold, knowing smile. Those orbs of blackness staring at him from deep-sunken brows, "I find, Herr Kommandant, zat sleep is quite...unnecessary?"

"Was that a question Stabsbootsman?"

"Nein! Nein, Mein Herr!" Replied the sonarman, snapping back to reality once more "Zees is simply...vell, eet ees good to be on duty und not sleep. Cook's coffee ees quite enough to keep me sharpe, sir!"

"Ja. well, back to your post, then, Stabsbootsman, that is all."

"Jawohl!" Von Dokken snapped to attention and, with a quick salute, hurried back to his compartment. His compartment far away from the man-thing. his safe, close area. His happy place. He returned to his beloved whale songs.

[FaxModem1]

Der Arisch Koch watched as the young men handed over the 'medicine'. They preferred it to the turkey head stew, so he made sure to fill bottles whenever wanted. As the officer collected bottles mentioned galley volunteers, he smiled. The officer looked at him, and then returned to addressing the men.

Der Arisch Koch could use the extra help, or the extra ingredients. Or as they said in his homeland:

"Vhet's guud fur zee peegs is guud fur zee mee. Bork Bork Bork!"

[FaxModem1]

OOC: I found an English to Swedish Chef translator, so Swedish Chef can actually talk now.

[The Yosemite Bear]

did anyone make sure that there's no cyanide capsuls linked to radiation detectors in the sub's vennilation system... or would we be un obsereved and immortal/undead?

[Simon_Jester]

did anyone make sure that there's no cyanide capsuls linked to radiation detectors in the sub's vennilation system... or would we be un obsereved and immortal/undead?

MILDLY DERANGED PROTO-PHYSICIST MATHEMATICALLY ADEPT PETTY OFFICER shakes his head. "We are having no Geiger counters in the first place. And I hope we are unobserved."

[PeZook]

A U-Boot is a very Schrodingerian thing, being either unobserved or dead

Although it is only dead if observed by SOME observers, which is a very interesting problem of quantum physics, jawohl!

[PeZook]

Because, despite my best efforts, people still don't seem to have an appreciation of just how cramped a Type VII Uboat is, I will have to post these random comments about life and work aboard

The galley was a tiny, tiny room located aft of the rear mess/living quarters and right in front of the dieselraum (hence why food would often taste of diesel exhaust). Fitting two men there was a success, gathering the entire crew was a physical and mathematical impossibility, much less pacing in front of them.

Meals aboard a boot were eaten in the crew quarters, of which there were two: aft of the command room were the "officer's" bunks (I used parentheses since these were actually often shared with the petty officers, too), paneled in fake wood and all nice like that. About a metre or so of space separated both rows, and inside this meter all foot traffic moved even when the bunks were occupied. When a meal was served, the designated cook's assistant (in your cake, Nikoff, since nobody else can speak with Der Koch ) would deliver it there, and it was eaten in hand or on teeny tiny folding tables, which blocked the footpath between bunks.

Privacy was impossible. There was literally NOWHERE you could have a private conversation, unless you cleared a compartment and locked the hatch. The only rooms big enough to house the entire crew even briefly would be either the control spaces or the forward compartment (or the deck, obviously). The forward compartment, which as mentioned previously, contained the torpedo tubes AND the majority of the bunks for the enlisted men, and that's where most of the crew's social life happened.Conditions were even worse, but at least people wouldn't constantly move up and down the boat, and it was decently far from the diesels.

Now, the captain was the only one who could enjoy the slightest sliver of privacy, but even then it was hard to call his quarters a "room". It was a simple bunk with some private lockers located in a small compartment directly forward of the command room ; On one side of this compartment were the enigma/radio/radar room and the sonar station ; On the other the captain's bunk. It was equipped with a curtain though. While this was an unspeakable luxury, it still meant anything that went on aboard the boot was clealry audible to the captain and vice versa.



Here's a picture of the captain's quarters. That's literally it.When you turned around you'd be staring in the faces of the funksmaaten at their radio and sonar stations

You could stand in there, just barely, but Der Kommandant's berating of his officers would be clearly audible to everyone in the compartment and possibly the command spaces and forward crew quarters, too

---

Note that this isn't a critique: the whole Schnaps tangent was hilarious, and I hope for more in the future ; It's just something to keep in mind when describing internal spaces of dein Thanasboot

[FaxModem1]

OOC: Well, your image of the galley already disappeared, so it had to be left to the imagination. But I'll certainly keep that in mind for future posts.

[PeZook]

Here's another:



That's the galley from U-505 ; The Type VIIs had a similar one, though even smaller for obvious reasons (the U-505 is a Type IX, which was significantly larger)

[fnord]

I'm surprised the Schnapps tangent went as far as it did.

[FaxModem1]

I'm surprised the Schnapps tangent went as far as it did.

Really? You don't know this group as well as you should.

[fnord]

What with being the third ever LP I've participated in, after XCOM: Enemy Unknown and BARIS, yeah.

[The Yosemite Bear]

should we make everyone watch Wolfgang Peterson's Das Boot?

[Scottish Ninja]

I'm working on it, but I don't have a copy yet. (Amazon has the Director's Cut blu-ray for $7 though.)

I don't think I can ever truly appreciate the crampitude of a Type VII; my experience with WWII-era submarines extends to U-505 (which I haven't seen in a while - but I think I'm going to do that extended tour), which is the aforementioned larger Type IX; and USS Silversides, aboard which I spent a night as a Boy Scout - and the decadence of the American boats is pretty well known. (Pretty sure I had more space than that in a junior officer's cabin, though I did have to share.) I seem to recall the galley came with an actual enlisted mess. Most enlisted still had to sleep in the torpedo rooms but that was probably still more luxurious than what a lot of German officers got... "There was almost a mutiny - the ice cream machine only had four flavors!"

It seems though that U-995, the last surviving Type VII, is open to the public for tours at the Laboe Naval Memorial. Next time I'm near Kiel... (and unfortunately that may take a while.)

[PeZook]

Yes, American boats had an actual mess, a freezer for foodstuffs (none of THAT on a Type VII, either!), a shower ( DER GASP!), cabins for officers and air conditioning...

Real Thanasian submariners are encouraged to scoff with derision at the limp-wristed girlymen of the Murcan Navy, naturally.

But better facilities on US Boats were a side effect of the fact their boats were aimed at Pacific patrols, which regularly lasted two or three months in tropical conditions, while originally Type VIIs were expected to operate at sea for two-three weeks tops.

They ended up doing longer patrols though, I think the longest was 80 fucking days. On a single change of underwear.

Think about this for a second there

[Spoonist]

So
Mondays > like normal
Tuesdays > backwards
Wednesdays > backwards, inside out
thursday > just regular inside out
friday-sunday > who wears underwear on the weekend anyway?

At least they are not marching in them old undies...

[Skywalker_T-65]

(OOC): You know...I prefer not to think about that. I feel sorry for my guy (again). Oh well...sucks to be him.

Man...glad I don't drink...I would hate to be stuck with the Koch... Skywalker thought, wiping his brow...and watching as Von Dokken went back to his station...obviously terrified of something.

(OOC: I would hope I don't drink...I'm only 18! )

[PeZook]

18 is drinking age in Europe, bro! We're decadent!