Unrealistic Movie/TV Happenings

[Montcalm]

1:car jumping through the box of a truck.
2:guy shooting the bad guys while walking to rescue somebody using a 9mm and not picking the automatic rifle on the floor.
3:running at a slow pace while being chase by a faster animal or a car,thats dumb.
4:horror movies where the girl run to hide in the closet or a room "go outside dumbass"
5:girl kick the guy in the ball and run away"finish him off dammit"

[Admiral Valdemar]

Gun guys haven't mentioned some of the most basic things about guns, firstly, recoil. I'm fed up with the Rambo syndrome and general soldiers uber alles who carry M-60s with one hand and a 50 round at most chain that lasts forever yet his arm doesn't break after firing it for two bursts.

Then there is the fact that BULLETS DO NO SPARK. EVER! Bullets are made of lead, lead does not spark even if hitting another metal, the only exception is incendiary rounds. Also, the stupid ricochet sound effects from the '60s and '70s were soon annoying and cut out.

Other such nitpicks of films, bare in mind that a lot of what we're complaining about would also kill off the plot to many films.

-Bullet casings never appearing.

-Guns never getting cocked.

-Rockets looking like obvious fireworks on wires.

-Military equipment looking nothing like it was meant to be.

-Buying drinks for people who never take one sip of them before they leave.

-Although a good atmosphere setter, the whole thunderstorm and thunderclap denoting evil. Lightning also occurs the same time as thunder.

-Computers having totally unrealistic interfaces, Jurassic Park was brilliant for this.

-No one uses the spacebar when typing on films and even if they do, they type far too fast to do so coherently.

-Not enough damage behind gunshots or too much e.g. shotgun grazing a guys arm or blowing his whole torso in half even at several metres.

-Lasers being perfectly visible beams in a vacuum, atmosphere, okay, if powerful enough. Space? No way. Also, you will never see the beams of them propogate, even .5c particle beams will not be seen as a bolt.

-Every future weapon is a laser.

-A big and single weapon that is obviously not practical is used in some overly elaborate plot.

-Good guy in hostage situation psychoanalyses the baddie and gets him riled up so he releases said hostage and gets taken out.

-The "dumb guard syndrome". The exception being Titan A.E. "An intelligent guard, didn't see that one coming."

-Explosives being firecrackers or nukes, proportions generally fucked up. Also explosions have to be a quick gust of dirt, bang and a fireball going all of 2m/s.

-Petrol or gas tanks explode after being hit with a bullet that SPARKS.

-Cars jump, fly and generally defy the laws of physics when a tire goes or they get rammed or hit by a bullet or something.

-Trains can ram through limos and not get derailed.

-There is always a bigger brother or little sister stereotypical brat.

-Teen flicks in general piss me off now.

-Really immature sexual innunendo or overuse of a word, Blair Witch anyone?

-CGI monsters are meant to be scary, the fact that no amount of CGI will make an animal or robot scary because we KNOW it is CGI means nothing. Psychology, people!

-The guy who totally defies any group or rule almost certainly becomes the victim of said group or rule.

-Killer viri are amazing bunk.

-Computer viri are amazing bunk.

-TVs or CRT monitors explode when hit with a bullet or powersurge.

-Guns that are obviously not that powerful still send people flying despite the user suffering no major recoil.

-Overly elaborate deaths used to take out a hero or villain when a simpler and better way is at hand.

-Nukes mean the end of the world.

-The guy no one listened to and mocked at the start of the film is no doubt the unloved saviour in the end.

-No matter how superior, an enemy army will be defeated at all costs. No matter how inferior, an enemy army will always be touted as the best.

-Fighter aircraft constantly fly with afterburners on despite the limited resource known as fuel.

-Fighter aircraft pull moves that would make the pilot a fine jam paste on the seat.

-Airliners are easily overtaken by often Arab terrorists. They can also perform moves that can make aerospace engineers vomit in disgust.

-Sharks have to kill people, or any ferocious animal no matter how ludicrous the idea of a human hunting predator is.

-Oil deposits or pools are easily set alight despite the ability to drop a match in crude oil without so much as a possibility of fire.

-Action heroes can jump through windows (usually to avoid the grenade that does no da,mage or too much) and survive. In reality, jumping through even single pane glass would leave you a very tattered corpse.

-Action heroes can jump down from high places like 20 metres and suffer no ill effects like bones breaking or death.

-Scaling; use of nukes or dangerous chemicals can make giant animals like lizards or squids that engulf entire cities.

-Silenced sniper rifles make no real sound, the sonic boom of a rifle round going supersonic will be noticed, it is actually fucking loud. Silencers are simply used on most guns so as to limit muzzle flare and allow team mates if any to communicate with one another easier.

-All aliens are either totally xenophobic or so peace loving it hurts the Teletubbies.

-A piston engine plane will be unusually susceptible to engine failure.

-Good guys can reach out and grab a snake and kill it with ease, bad guys are easily bitten.

-Dogs have instinctive senses for bad guys.

-The last message on the answerphone is often important.

-All comets and 'roids are nice and grey, in reality even the scientifically well done Deep Impact got it wrong, the comet wouldbe pitch black, the darkest object known to man other than a black hole, but for artistic licence they had to have it so we could see what was going on.

-A bar has to have a barroom brawl.

-Anyone with glasses will no doubt get them smashed and mistake someone for someone else or wail about them so that a plot device can attack them/rape them/eat them/bore them.

-Bombs have handy dandy LED counters or watches on them to tell you how long until you die.

-The bomb always blows after the countdown has ended with a beep or "Oh shi..."

-There is ALWAYS a taxi when you need one.

-Every carchase needs an old woman/woman with pram or kids/school kids crossing in it so as to add to suspense of whether they will be hit or not.

-Erratic movement of the steering wheel, even on a narrow straight, is always a sign of actual driving.

-Tampered brakes in a car always crop up on an incline or busy road, the hand brake is used last minute if ever as dramatic effect. The idea of letting off the accelerator is never thought up.

-A car has to explode after falling off a cliff.

-Shock after a car crash or any crash is not a problem for heroes.

-Safety belts are for wusses or good guys who intend to brake suddenly to get a bad guy in the back seat.

-People can speak normally when driving down a road at 80mph in a convertible.

-The guy waxing or has just washed his car will have a bird shite on it or some other mishap.

-Typos are not present when someone on celluloid types.

-After a few last minutes attempts, even the most powerful computer security system can be overcome. This is sometimes by some whizzkid kid.

-Computer screens are really projectors that allow the image to be projected on the users face.

-Dining is no problem for heroes since even the busiest of restaurants will have a table for them.

-The last clue to find the killer is always found when it is bloody obvious who the killer is.

-The Moon is always a full moon.

-A knife or sowrdfight will have to have some sort of injury occur to the good or bad guy that will make them fight harder but not actually bleed or feel pain.

-If a hero is alone and against a group of bad guys, they will fight him one-on-one just to give him a chance.

-If you want to knock a guy out then even the most feeble of hits with any object will suffice.

-Most movie breakfasts are the same usual fry up.

-Helicopters and their pilots don't understand the idea of autorotation if the tailrotor is lost.

-The official Hollywood helicopter is the Bell 206 Jet ranger. Piston copters will also start using gas turbine sounds.

-One shot will show a character going someone on one plane from stock footage while arriving in a completely different plane.

-Pulling back on the cyclick makes the helicopter pull up a la fighter jet style. Pity it would actually fly backwards. The collective is also absent.

-Psychological or emotional or social problems are easily rectified by the end of the film.

-Mental asylums are inherently evil or always the same look; a rundown and typically unfriendly hospital.

-A drunk or high character will become totally sober at the sound of an alarm or listening to something shocking off a mate.

-Kids > adults when it comes to smartarseness.

-English is the universal language, even for aliens unless explicitly stated.

-Lightbulbs burn out at the most inappropriate moments or can be found just in time for a surprise. They also autofix when tapped.

-A firstaid box will contain just what you need to save someone bar the plot element.

-Men have to be shown urinating and having deep conversation with strangers.

-Men and women and even kids in the mediaeval times will be totally scruffy and unsanitary.

-Going to a phonebooth to call for help usually is a bad idea.

-Nightmares make people spring awake as if electrocuted.

-When a phone dies it is customary to tap the receiver, repeat "hello?" a few times and then tap the plunger button repeatedly. Phone convos also occur very fast and the listener on our end can understand the entire situation of the film or problem with just 2 seconds of speech after "hello".

-Prisons have, by law, one bad guard and despotic warden.

Er... it's 4am, I think I need sleep now.

[paladin]

Cops ALWAYS die 3 days before retirement.

Call it protecting the pension fund.

[Sea Skimmer]

Then there is the fact that BULLETS DO NO SPARK. EVER! Bullets are made of lead, lead does not spark even if hitting another metal, the only exception is incendiary rounds.

YES THEY DO MORON

Modern bullets have lead CORES. They are jacketed in STEEL, unless you have a hollow point in which case the jacket has a hole at the tip, with the rest remaining steel. STEEL CREATES SPARKS. Bullets have not been solid chunks of lead for over 100 years when the Hague treaty banned them.

-Silenced sniper rifles make no real sound, the sonic boom of a rifle round going supersonic will be noticed, it is actually fucking loud. Silencers are simply used on most guns so as to limit muzzle flare and allow team mates if any to communicate with one another easier.

Wrong again, many silenced sniper rifles and other weapons have subsonic rounds issued for usage with a silencer

[Frank Hipper]

Every diving airplane is equiped with a Stuka's siren.
Every bomb is equiped with German bomb whistles.

[Montcalm]

A few movies where the Russian jet fighter is not even Russian lik Top Gun or Iron Eagle:they take a F-5 and say its a Mig-29 hello Hollywood research aviation before making movies

[Admiral Valdemar]

Then there is the fact that BULLETS DO NO SPARK. EVER! Bullets are made of lead, lead does not spark even if hitting another metal, the only exception is incendiary rounds.

YES THEY DO MORON

Modern bullets have lead CORES. They are jacketed in STEEL, unless you have a hollow point in which case the jacket has a hole at the tip, with the rest remaining steel. STEEL CREATES SPARKS. Bullets have not been solid chunks of lead for over 100 years when the Hague treaty banned them.

So these bullets wear down to the steel cores everytime they hit anything, even a glancing blow? I don't think so. I was referring of course to lead bullets here but most modern bullets are copper cad lead and I even pointed out there are exceptions with some ammo. If you're seriously saying that bullets spark as much as they do in cinema then you're the one that's the moron.

[Sea Skimmer]

So these bullets wear down to the steel cores everytime they hit anything, even a glancing blow? I don't think so. I was referring of course to lead bullets here but most modern bullets are copper cad lead and I even pointed out there are exceptions with some ammo. If you're seriously saying that bullets spark as much as they do in cinema then you're the one that's the moron.

Read my damn post. THE LEAD IS THE CORE, AND IS SURROUNDED BY STEEL. Copper cad lead? What the fuck are you talking about? No bullet uses that, it would melt in the barrel. Modern FMJ bullets have lead cores for mass, surrounded by steel to prevent the lead from expanding on impact. JHP rounds leave a small hole in the steel at the tip, which allows the lead to expand forward, causing a much greater damage path.

I see now you've changed your absolute "bullets never spark" to "they don't start that much"

[Admiral Valdemar]

So these bullets wear down to the steel cores everytime they hit anything, even a glancing blow? I don't think so. I was referring of course to lead bullets here but most modern bullets are copper cad lead and I even pointed out there are exceptions with some ammo. If you're seriously saying that bullets spark as much as they do in cinema then you're the one that's the moron.

Read my damn post. THE LEAD IS THE CORE, AND IS SURROUNDED BY STEEL. Copper cad lead? What the fuck are you talking about? No bullet uses that, it would melt in the barrel. Modern FMJ bullets have lead cores for mass, surrounded by steel to prevent the lead from expanding on impact. JHP rounds leave a small hole in the steel at the tip, which allows the lead to expand forward, causing a much greater damage path.

I see now you've changed your absolute "bullets never spark" to "they don't start that much"

Well take it up with him if it's oh so important with you that yu have to flame me over such a trivial matter, I am merely regurgitating what I know, politness mean anything?

http://www.intuitor.com/moviephysics/mpmain.html

And subsonic rounds still make a considerable sound unless at very long range when the bullet required would be better as supersonic, suppressors are meant mainly to keep the sound down for the actual shooter.

[Ghost Rider]

Too many...but I'll just list what's on my mind

- Kick and punches that that push the person off their feet...through the wall.

- people taking a gun wound like the black knight syndrome(oh hey I got shot...gotta fist fight)

- taking multiple shot to the chest and still firing away at the enemy

- genius crooks dominating near country level armies foiled by the most asinine of reasons.

- genius crooks

- 1000's of terroist troops in any sort of secret organization...

There are others...but too brain drained to think of more...heck most has been said.

[Sea Skimmer]

Well take it up with him if it's oh so important with you that yu have to flame me over such a trivial matter, I am merely regurgitating what I know, politness mean anything?

http://www.intuitor.com/moviephysics/mpmain.html

And subsonic rounds still make a considerable sound unless at very long range when the bullet required would be better as supersonic, suppressors are meant mainly to keep the sound down for the actual shooter.

I'm in a poor mood, and anyone believing modern bullets are copper or solid lead is incredible idiocy. That's a pitiful site. Attacking the credibility of movies with a load of utter bullshit, great premise.

Next time open a book on firearms written since 1899

[Admiral Valdemar]

Well take it up with him if it's oh so important with you that yu have to flame me over such a trivial matter, I am merely regurgitating what I know, politness mean anything?

http://www.intuitor.com/moviephysics/mpmain.html

And subsonic rounds still make a considerable sound unless at very long range when the bullet required would be better as supersonic, suppressors are meant mainly to keep the sound down for the actual shooter.

I'm in a poor mood, and anyone believing modern bullets are copper or solid lead is incredible idiocy. That's a pitiful site. Attacking the credibility of movies with a load of utter bullshit, great premise.

Next time open a book on firearms written since 1899

Well since the last post I have found:

-Bullets can come in copper coating and lead ones still exist.
-Certain Chinese and Russian rounds are prohibited from public usage because of their material manufacture or something.
-Sparks, though faint, can be seen from certain rounds in twilight, but it isn't anywhere near as bad as Hollywood shows it.
-A lot of people are undecided on the topic, some say sparking is rare and others say they see it a lot.

Bare in mind it's 0458 hours as I type and I've not had sleep for the last 20 hours at least so my mind isn't really in the learning mood.

[phongn]

-Rockets looking like obvious fireworks on wires.

I was once watching a show on USA (cable network full of teh cheezy) and this one Generic Bad Guy Leader lifted up this triple bazooka thingie and shot it at the building the Good Guy Trio were standing nearby...and the entire ranch house blew up as if it were stuffed with C4!

Oh yes, and the SuperRocketLauncher had multiple rounds inside, as he proceeded to demolish the entire area.

Computers having totally unrealistic interfaces, Jurassic Park was brilliant for this.

If you're referring to that 3D interface thing, it actually exists. Now, I have no idea why they actually would use it.

After a few last minutes attempts, even the most powerful computer security system can be overcome. This is sometimes by some whizzkid kid.

You also forget that it will have this wonderfully nice GUI that proclaims "Access Granted" in bold type.

Or if they're trying to disable a virus, it will actually say "Virus Disabled."

Computer screens are really projectors that allow the image to be projected on the users face.

The text onscreen is invariably in 32pt text as well, and you can see the individual pixels.

[Pablo Sanchez]

And subsonic rounds still make a considerable sound unless at very long range when the bullet required would be better as supersonic, suppressors are meant mainly to keep the sound down for the actual shooter.

???

Bullets traveling at subsonic speeds make a whizzing noise which is only audible if it passes quite close to you. You see, about 90% of the noise issued by an average bullet is the sonic boom. If this wasn't the case, what would be the goddam point in issuing subsonic rounds?

[Pablo Sanchez]

Why would that be unlikely? If you carry an auto, it's the most common thing in the world to chamber a round and load up a full clip. If someone does that in peacetime, why is it hard to believe that they would do it in war?

Because it's against military regulations, and also because it's dangerous--particularly with WWII era weaponry. War model 1911 didn't have the fancy new firing pins and safety mechanisms that guns have today.

[TrailerParkJawa]

A few movies where the Russian jet fighter is not even Russian lik Top Gun or Iron Eagle:they take a F-5 and say its a Mig-29 hello Hollywood research aviation before making movies

I hate bad editing, ever since Sea Skimmer pointed it out, Ive noticed the History Channel is really bad at this. There was a recent show where they mention a flyover by a P-61 and the film clip shows a P-38.

As for Top Gun, I know what you mean, but to be fair, that was still during the Cold War and Mig's were hard to come by. At least they painted them a different color. I remember one episode of Magnum PI where a F-4 intercepts a Russian Mig which was another F-4 with a red star.

[Tsyroc]

As for Top Gun, I know what you mean, but to be fair, that was still during the Cold War and Mig's were hard to come by. At least they painted them a different color. I remember one episode of Magnum PI where a F-4 intercepts a Russian Mig which was another F-4 with a red star.

At least Top Gun called them by an non-existant name, Mig 28. Iron Eagle two painted up some F-4s and said they were Mig 29s.

[Admiral Valdemar]

And subsonic rounds still make a considerable sound unless at very long range when the bullet required would be better as supersonic, suppressors are meant mainly to keep the sound down for the actual shooter.

???

Bullets traveling at subsonic speeds make a whizzing noise which is only audible if it passes quite close to you. You see, about 90% of the noise issued by an average bullet is the sonic boom. If this wasn't the case, what would be the goddam point in issuing subsonic rounds?

Only saying what I hear, I know the sonic boom is the main part of the sound signature, but apparently they still make a bit of sound, I'll ask Rob anyway, he'll know.

Looking over my last posts I can't remember what the hell I was thinking at that time, damn I was tired.

[Lord Pounder]

One movie that really bothered me was a really bad Bruce Willis movie called Last Man Standing. How many bullets fit in a pistol for fuck sake.

My second pet hate is Computers in movie. See Maxim Magazines take on Computers in movies

Computers In Movies
Irritated by the portrayal of computer use in your favourite movies? Yeah - us too. Below are a few examples of the sort of thing we mean - quite why most movie directors insist on annoying us ['us' meaning everyday computer users - Ed] in this manner we'll never know.

1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. Actors never have to use the space bar when typing long sentences.

3. All monitors display inch-high letters (see the god-damn awful 'Jumping Jack Flash' for a graphic example).

4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, always seem to have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.

5. Those computers that don't have these made-up GUIs (Graphic User Interface) will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing 'ACCESS ALL SECRET FILES' on any keyboard.

7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing 'UPLOAD VIRUS.' (See Stuart Gordon's 'Fortress').

8. All computers are interconnected. Onscreen heroes can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

9. Powerful computers 'beep' whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down output on the screen, so that it doesn't go any faster than you can read. The really advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer, for some unknown reason.

10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, and a shower of sparks. Sometimes we're treated to a proper explosion, that throws the actors across a room melodramatically.

11. Actors typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world, and guess the secret password in two tries.

13. Any 'PERMISSION DENIED' statement has an OVERRIDE function. (See the interminable 'Demolition Man', and countless others)

14. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems transmit data at, roughly, a speed of two gigabytes per second.

15. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode - ultimately leading to the complete destruction of the entire building.

16. When a disk has got encrypted files, actors are automatically asked for a password when they try to access it. Why?!

17. No matter what kind of computer disk the actors use in a movie, it will be readable by any system they put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

18. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has
(see 'Aliens'). However, the buttons are invariably not even labelled.

19. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photorealistic animated graphics capability (see the ludicrous scene in 'Jurassic Park' when the young girl overrides the door locking system). Like - what?!

20. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Y-MP.

[RadiO]

As for Top Gun, I know what you mean, but to be fair, that was still during the Cold War and Mig's were hard to come by. At least they painted them a different color. I remember one episode of Magnum PI where a F-4 intercepts a Russian Mig which was another F-4 with a red star.

At least Top Gun called them by an non-existant name, Mig 28. Iron Eagle two painted up some F-4s and said they were Mig 29s.

What really surprises me about Iron Eagle I and II is that, though all the aircraft in the movie are active IDF/AF fighters and transports (they seem to have just "borrowed" an Israeli airbase for a few weeks) they substituted the Phantom for the MiG-29 when they could have got some F-15s in. Maybe the Israelis couldn't be bothered flying them to the base in question and surrendering them to the movie people for a while, when there were F-4s already there (possibly).

[Perinquus]

Why would that be unlikely? If you carry an auto, it's the most common thing in the world to chamber a round and load up a full clip. If someone does that in peacetime, why is it hard to believe that they would do it in war?

Because it's against military regulations, and also because it's dangerous--particularly with WWII era weaponry. War model 1911 didn't have the fancy new firing pins and safety mechanisms that guns have today.

It's against military regulations, but it's not, in fact, particularly dangerous (no more than usual for any gun I should say) if you are a competent pistolero and follow safe gun handling practices. I carry a Series 70 government model off duty (no firing pin lock) cocked and locked, and people have been doing this safely for decades. John Browning designed the gun to be carried in this fashion.

[Sam Or I]

How about some skinny model type female being able to fight equally with with a muscular male. Her punches are just as hard ect...ect... Woman are rarely equal to men in strength, when they are, they are not tooth picks.

[Perinquus]

I can't stand seeing the good guy martial artist (Steven Seagal, Chick Norris, take your pick) walk into a bar and and take out a whole barful of assholes without working up a sweat. It always seems to work because they have bad guys considerate enough to attack them one at a time in sequence, instead of all piling on at once the way they'd do in real life.

[Companion Cube]

My pet peeves (see Steven Spielberg's Taken) are: Small children who I find intensly irritating yet everyone on the cast seems to love, soldiers who stand in clumps watching a foreign object (in this case a crashed UFO), with no worries as to whether the large, glowing aperture they are facing is a weapon, and protagonists with infuriating characteristics, ie they constantly repeat phrases ("that's my baby down there!").

[Tsyroc]

How about some skinny model type female being able to fight equally with with a muscular male. Her punches are just as hard ect...ect... Woman are rarely equal to men in strength, when they are, they are not tooth picks.

Tomb Raider is a good movie to use as an example of that, especially the last fight.