Darwin Awards: March Issue

[Exonerate]

DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER – 10 March 2003

The Darwin Awards honor those who improve our gene pool
by removing themselves from it. We commemorate men and women
who gave their all in an effort to improve the human species.
Of necessity, the honor is usually bestowed posthumously.

2002 DARWIN AWARDS: THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT APPROACHES!
On April 1st, the 2002 Darwin Award Winners will be decided.
This newsletter contains synopses of nine more contenders.
Enjoy the abbreviated versions below, or visit the website
to read the full text and record your votes.
-Webmaster Wendy

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FAULTY AIM FATAL
Colorado | When Gerald was pulled over for erratic driving, he
decided to flee on foot, and fire a gun wildly over his shoulder
at the police pursuit. His aim was no better than his driving.
He shot himself in the head with his own weapon, bringing the
chase -- and his life -- to a sudden conclusion.

RETURN TO TREES FAILS
Hawaii | Millennia after an evolving human species descended
from the trees, 30-year-old Joshua reversed the process and
removed himself from the gene pool while perched in a tree,
stealing a branch from an expensive hardwood. To his credit,
he didn’t make the mistake of cutting the branch supporting
him. Instead, he cut the branch directly above his head....

SNEAKERS
Pennsylvania | An employee of a camp for juvenile delinquents
was trying to remove sneakers dangling from the electric lines,
when his tool -- a pocket knife taped to a fourteen-foot copper
tube -- slipped and pierced the insulation. His death came as
a shock to no one but himself.

TIROL CHAINSAW SCAM
Italy | A poorly planned insurance scam ended in the death
of a man who had persuaded his cousin to sever his leg with
a chainsaw, in order to collect half a million dollars for
permanent disability.

HUMAN CATAPULT
England | A member of the Human Catapult Club climbed into
the bucket of a medieval trebuchet, and catapulted himself
out of existence when he missed the all-important safety
net 50 feet away.

TRUCK STOP
Bangladesh | Six highway robbers who sought victims by
blocking a bypass with their car at midnight, were crushed
by a truck that was unable to stop in time. Five dacoits
died, and a sixth was critically wounded. A cow was also
killed in the accident.

JET TAXI
Brazil | A 64-year-old taxi driver who sped onto the runway
after dropping off his passenger at the airport, was treated
to the blast of a 737 preparing for take-off. The man’s tip
for the fare was a broken skull and thorax.

DAREDEVIL
United Kingdom | A man inspired by the urban building-jumping
craze misjudged a 20-foot jump between car parks, and fell
forty feet to land on solid concrete. A friend who was with
him at the time said, "We just did stupid stuff when we were
bored, like finding gaps to jump." The result was inevitable...

THE SMOKING GUN
Wisconsin | Two drunks were goofing around when one
challenged the other to shoot him with cigarette butts
to see how it felt. The target died of two cigarette butts
to the head and one to the heart.

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3 NEW DARWIN AWARDS on the website!

DAREDEVIL
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2002-38.html
THE SMOKING GUN
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2002-37.html
ROCKET TESTER
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2002-36.html


4 NEW HONORABLE MENTIONS on the website!

SHED PROTECTION
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/stupid/stupid2002-08.html
CHILD PANDERING
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/stupid/stupid2002-07.html
WET'N'DRY SHOP VAC
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/stupid/stupid2002-06.html
BEER CHASER
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/stupid/stupid2002-05.html


6 NEW PERSONAL ACCOUNTS on the website!

REPEAT OFFENDER
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/personal/pe ... 02-33.html
CURE FOR LICE
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/personal/pe ... 02-32.html
CHRISTMAS FIREWORKS
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/personal/pe ... 02-31.html
BLASTING EXPERTISE
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/personal/pe ... 02-30.html
FLASHY CHEF
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/personal/pe ... 02-13.html
PAIN IN THE NECK
http://www.DarwinAwards.com/personal/pe ... 02-06.html

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[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

These aren't as dumb as the last ones, but I'd say the guy who drove his taxi onto the runway was pretty stupid.

[neoolong]

The guy shooting himself in the head is just hilarious.

[Xenophobe3691]

Dead of two cigarette butts? What. The. Fuck.

[Hotfoot]

Dead of two cigarette butts? What. The. Fuck.

Bullets were used to propel the butts from the gun.

[God Emperor]

How did shoes end up dangling from electric line?

[Hotfoot]

How did shoes end up dangling from electric line?

Tie the shoestrings together, throw shoes in the air, so they get tangled. It's a common enough prank.