Which superhero could the world really use?

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2003-03-09 07:37pm

Robert Treder wrote:IIRC, Buddha was an ascetic for much of his life, and was quite thin and jesus-ish. The overweight portrayal is for some weird symbolic reason.

Actually, it's quite accurate. After discovering 'enlightenment' Buddha's weight skyrocketed, and he in fact is thought to have died of heart problems sprining from overeating. He was a chubby fellow by the end of his life.

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2003-03-09 07:37pm

The Daily Show did a report on how to use the government to give you money if you use religion. It had their top reporter founding his own faith.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-03-09 07:37pm

How do you get fat by eating rice and fish?

Lonestar · Post by **Lonestar** » 2003-03-09 07:42pm

Superman wrote:How do you get fat by eating rice and fish?

Rice will fill ya up quick.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-03-09 07:48pm

Maybe he fried all of his food.

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2003-03-09 07:49pm

Superman wrote:How do you get fat by eating rice and fish?

Simple.

Step One: Found a major religion.
Step Two: Get thousands of loyal followers who are willing to give up all their possessions.
Step Three: Stop eating rice, and start eating pork.
Step Four: Hey, look. You're fat.

It worked for L. Ron Hubbard.

Lonestar · Post by **Lonestar** » 2003-03-09 08:07pm

Don't get me started on HUbbard... (see sig)

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-09 08:53pm

OK, so let's run down the list of religious superhero candidates, shall we?

Jesus: widely revered by his followers, and equipped with many neat tricks, such as turning water into wine or multiplying loaves of bread. However, none of this changes the fact that he'll get his ass kicked in any kind of fight, and a bunch of Romans were able to kill him.
Buddha: also very philosophical. However, grossly overweight and useless in a fight.
Judeo-Christian-Muslim God: disqualified for committing acts of genocide and mass-murder in the past. May qualify for super-villain list, however.
Samson: killed a thousand men in hand to hand combat. Extremely strong. However, has well-known vulnerabilities to sluts and scissors.
Hercules: monstrously strong, probably stronger than Samson. However, also has well-known vulnerabilities to sluts, although hair isn't a problem.
Thor: also monstrously strong, and equipped with Mjolnir, his ass-kicking war hammer, and the power to command thunder and lightning.

I'd say Thor takes this one. However, I reiterate my earlier stance that we'd be better off with a technology-powered superhero because his technology could be a huge boon to mankind, while the superpowers of a demigod are pretty much limited to him.

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2003-03-09 09:02pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Jesus: widely revered by his followers, and equipped with many neat tricks, such as turning water into wine or multiplying loaves of bread. However, none of this changes the fact that he'll get his ass kicked in any kind of fight, and a bunch of Romans were able to kill him.

Conceeded, particularly considering that he appears to be a pacifist.

[*]Buddha: also very philosophical. However, grossly overweight and useless in a fight.

Yup. And he doesn't even have the advantage of parlor tricks.

[*]Judeo-Christian-Muslim God: disqualified for committing acts of genocide and mass-murder in the past. May qualify for super-villain list, however.

Like Galactus, except less interesting and more mean.

Of the rest of the list, I like Samson, because he'd probably be the most amusing to watch in action.

Lonestar · Post by **Lonestar** » 2003-03-09 09:08pm

I dunno...seems to more Samson would have the "Steven Seagal Syndrome"

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2003-03-09 09:12pm

How could you forget Mars and Apollo?!

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2003-03-09 09:12pm

Lonestar wrote:I dunno...seems to more Samson would have the "Steven Seagal Syndrome"

But it would be amusing to see him do something totally anachronistic and idiotic, like singlehandedly invading Turkey and defeating an entire army, armed with nothing more than a tire iron.

On the off topic, I dont think we see enough such amusing superheroes in comics. I may have to write a little fanfiction about a team of these religious superheroes

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2003-03-09 09:15pm

Superboy is kinda funny.

Dark Hellion · Post by **Dark Hellion** » 2003-03-09 10:49pm

Living Tribunal

He's better than God.

And he'd clean up all crime on earth... or blow up the universe. Either way the number of muggings would drop dramatically.

Robert Treder · Post by **Robert Treder** » 2003-03-10 04:53am

Living Tribunal isn't a superhero, per se.

And Samson's already a superhero, but he isn't very interesting:

I have to agree that the best superhero to choose would be a tech-based one, like Iron Man. Or, really, any of Marvel's "supergeniuses" (Richards, Banner, Stark, or Pym). They could seriously help mankind technologically.

Or Doom. I have a problem with Superman because he's an alien, and doesn't need any help. Doom is just a normal guy with a whole lot of willpower. I would gladly serve Doom.

Sriad · Post by **Sriad** » 2003-03-10 08:44am

Admiral Johnason wrote:How could you forget Mars and Apollo?!

Mars is the Rhino of Greco-Roman myth, fuckin' jobs to everyone. Apollow wouldn't be too bad, I guess he could, uh... go to snowed in towns and melt all the snow. Or something.

On the topic of religious heros, I'll nominate Baldar. The first thing he's going to do is ask the holly to please not kill him.

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2003-03-10 07:45pm

Dark Hellion wrote:Living Tribunal

He's better than God.

And he'd clean up all crime on earth... or blow up the universe. Either way the number of muggings would drop dramatically.

The Spectre could kick his ass. He works for the Big Guy.

Robert Treder · Post by **Robert Treder** » 2003-03-10 07:53pm

Admiral Johnason wrote:
Dark Hellion wrote:Living Tribunal

He's better than God.

And he'd clean up all crime on earth... or blow up the universe. Either way the number of muggings would drop dramatically.
The Spectre could kick his ass. He works for the Big Guy.

The Spectre isn't more powerful than the Living Tribunal, "employee of god" or no. The Living Tribunal can turn stars into supernovae with a single force bolt.

Robert Treder · Post by **Robert Treder** » 2003-03-10 07:59pm

And besides, "god" (or the Big Guy) doesn't exist in the Marvel Universe, so Spectre's boss has little meaning to the Living Tribunal.

Now that I think about it...Marvel's "multiverse" is supposed to consist of all possible universes, right? So wouldn't the DC universe(s) be a part of that? Hm. I wonder if a Marvel character could end up in DC through the use of the Siege Perilous, or if the Siege Perilous can only access certain universes.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-03-10 08:02pm

Robert Treder wrote:And besides, "god" (or the Big Guy) doesn't exist in the Marvel Universe, so Spectre's boss has little meaning to the Living Tribunal.

Now that I think about it...Marvel's "multiverse" is supposed to consist of all possible universes, right? So wouldn't the DC universe(s) be a part of that? Hm. I wonder if a Marvel character could end up in DC through the use of the Siege Perilous, or if the Siege Perilous can only access certain universes.

Actually they both now have *shudder* multiverse.

One is just accepted by cosmic, the other is called Hypertime.

As for God...he actually is technically the ruler of everything(they did a JSA where a guy was killing God...and killed somewhat aspects of God in each universe, by destroying universes...this is not to be confused with Crisis on Infinite Earths)

As to Tribunal vs Spectre...neither would be able to beat the other given the source(or consideration) of their powers.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-03-10 08:03pm

As for Doom...at least he's for the betterment of people through the elimanation of Freewill(then again he seems to be far more canny and intelligent then any current leader)

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2003-03-10 10:23pm

Darth Wong wrote:Hercules: monstrously strong, probably stronger than Samson. However, also has well-known vulnerabilities to sluts, although hair isn't a problem.

He had vulnerabilities to sluts just like his father, who was reported to have fucked every half decent woman who had a hubby off at war, but that's not important. Hercules (or herakles, depending on who you ask) was cool because he simply was. He ocasionaly used his head (such as when he fought the hydra) but other times did stuff on sheer strength. Liek the time he ran down a stag. Spent 30 days, IIRC, doing it. Name another being that can run for 30, that isn't the Flash.

I mean, even his death was spectacular. He was given a cursed vest, that he could take off, and was either strangling him, or was poisoned (don't remember). So what does he do? He makes his own funeral pyre, jumps on it, and lits it up! Even goes out in style

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2003-03-10 10:47pm

Singular Quartet:

You appear to have a problem with double posts. This is the third or fourth time in the past couple of weeks that I've deleted one of yours, and I'd like to just remind you that you should click the posting button ONCE, and only once.

Lonestar · Post by **Lonestar** » 2003-03-11 01:17pm

Right, back on subject.....

I'm all for being ruled by Dr. Doom. But I still think Captain Marvel would be better, overall. He could defend us from Alien invasions. He also appears to be quite bright, as fixing Dr. Dooms Time Machine was a "simple task" for him.

I don't know how he fixed it, it's a freaking piece of glass.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-03-11 01:23pm

Lonestar wrote:Right, back on subject.....

I'm all for being ruled by Dr. Doom. But I still think Captain Marvel would be better, overall. He could defend us from Alien invasions. He also appears to be quite bright, as fixing Dr. Dooms Time Machine was a "simple task" for him.

I don't know how he fixed it, it's a freaking piece of glass.

Nah too easy to go nuts...and has WAAAAAAY too many father issues.

Plus fixing Doom's time machine shouldn't have been much given the object itself is probably well known enough and he seems to use his oddball cosmic awareness to incorporate picking up intelligence.