SWPIGWANG wrote:I didn't say I'm going to do it tomorrow or anything, but I was just considering my options..........after something painful hit me
and living doesn't look like a good one.........
Death is not an option, it is the end of all options. It is the total lack of options.
I wonder what is the point when all there is in life is pain. I have no desire to die, but i have no desire to live a life of pain, but that is what I have ahead of me.
If that is what you believe, that is all you will ever get. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It is not because my life is rough, but i am oversensitive and would suffer strongly for the smallest things. In this sistuation, environmental changes sort of utopia would not help. Given who I am, things can't really get better anyway. So I have free money, freedom, parents to bail me and all that and everything is still screwed up. If that is inadquate, nothing isn't.
It might seem like that now, while you're in the middle of all of this, but once you enter into a new environment, things can and do change. Oddly enough, boarding school can really help in situations like this, as can moving away to college. You'd be amazed what a simple change of scenery can do for people.
There is no fundamental value to life or anything else, and 3 die second. I will not be missed if I die reguardless of what people say, and my death don't really matter. If like is pain and artifical sortening of lifespan does nothing, why live?
Life is not pain, but pain is a part of life, just as joy and happiness are a part of life. If you die, you will never get to meet anyone else, and nobody else will get to meet you. All of your ideas, thoughts, your very personality will be gone, and whatever you have left behind will forever be tainted by the fact that you took your own life.
This makes me remember the sad logic of life. People easily get more attention by dying then they would otherwise get in a life time. Death is worth more than life. No one cares about the living, but everyone jump in when people dies, especially if explosives are involved.
Death is given more attention than life because it is tragic. It is the loss of a human being. Life is taken for granted, and most people still don't know how to come to terms with death. But the idea that death will get people's attention is worthless. What good is that attention? You will be dead. You can't bask in the glow of attention when you are dead. You can't take it with you. Whatever satisfaction you get must come from your life.
As for death being worth more than life, I can frankly say that is completely false. But then I've seen my mother work for hours attempting to resuscitate a stillborn puppy, then see that same puppy grow up to be the healthiest of the litter. I've also watched my mother put loved pets to sleep in front of their owners. I've lost a Grandmother and a Grandfather from different sides of the family, and had to come to the realization that I'll never be able to speak to either of them again. I'll never be able to talk to them about their lives. They'll never be able to contribute to my life ever again.
It is inlogical for me to live if I think about the results........
no justification
Can you honestly say that you've never had a good day in your life? That you've never experienced joy or happiness?
Move. Change schools.
No economic resources, though changing to a less esteem punishing program might help, but it is defeat in itself.
Even public schools have different districts. If you're taking courses and doing activities that are running you ragged, there is no shame in scaling back your workload. If you're doing too much, you'll burn out. That's not defeat, and it's certainly nowhere NEAR suicide. I dropped out of honors chemistry because the teacher was a fucking asshole and a terrible teacher. He taught the regular chem class like they were total morons, and he taught the honors and AP classes like they already knew everything. So I made it up in summer school later that year. In comparison, my sister was valedictorian of her High School.
There's a huge difference in taking only what you can handle and completely cracking down into a bundle of nerves by taking on too much. If you're doing a hectic workload for college admissions, don't. Most colleges would rather see that you have the ability to know what your limits are so that you don't burn out partway through and drop out or commit suicide.
Get a new job.
ha, sorry I'm incapable of any productive work anyway.
Who said it needed to be productive work? Shelve books at the library, run the register at the local supermarket, hell, get a job being a camp counselor for the summer. Just do something.
Meet new people, try to make new friends, friends who you can connect with and who geniunely care about you.
Not an realistic option as no one wants to connect to a whiny, depressed negative person that would like to vent endless at the person closest. Or maybe I can find a co-dependent, but they'd just use me anyway.
That's another self-fulfilling prophecy. If nothing else, look for some professional help. There's a balance you have to find, between all-out-venting and letting the pressure out before it needs to be vented or blow. No, nobody is going to appreciate being on the receiving end of depressed venting all the time, especially because that's such a one-way street. However, if you don't talk about your problems and share them with someone, it's only going to get worse.
and a loveless person can not receive love, for he can not believe it.
You want to believe it though, don't you?
Remove whatever it is that is causing you pain from your life as best you can.
which would be life. As Stalin say, "death solves all problems, no man, no problem"
Stalin also said, "One death is a tragedy. One hundred thousand deaths is a statistic." That clearly invalidates your idea that death is more valuable than life, but then any hostage situation should have taught you that. In any case, Stalin was a mass-murdering psychopath. Do you really think that he's a good source for basing a major life decision?
Life is not causing you pain. You're over-generalizing the problem and not thinking about it rationally. This is why I'm saying you need to get some distance. You feel beset on all sides by whatever it is that's bothering you, and it feels as if everything is against you. It's like you've got on a blindfold and are walking in a thunderstorm. All you can feel, hear, and sense is that it's raining, loud, and wet. Keep walking around like that and you'll imagine that the storm is all there is to the world. Finally, you decide to give up, never knowing that just five more feet in front of you there was an open door leading to a nice, warm fire.
In other words, right now you aren't seeing the forest for the trees.
