Rep. Akin doubles down on conservative pseudoscience

[Terralthra]

Missouri U.S. senate candidate Todd Akin has stoked more outrage today by claiming that male homosexuality is a disease and that the medical establishment has found the cure.

The Republican congressman, already under fire for his controversial comments regarding rape, told a reporter for Cape Giradeau's KBSI 23 News that "female breastmilk - when fed directly to an adult homosexual male daily for at least four weeks - has a 94% chance of permanently curing homosexual perversions."


Akin made the scientifically dubious statement during an interview that was supposed to mark the "rebirth" of his campaign to defeat incumbant U.S. senator Claire McCaskill.

Akin was leading in the polls until August 19th when he told a local radio host that victims of "legitimate rape" could not become pregnant because "the female body has ways of shutting that whole thing down." In the wake of the ensuing controversey his 11 point lead in the polls has turned into a 10 point deficit, and obeservers have written off his chances at winning the seat.

No Means No

Facing certain defeat, all major figures in the Republican Party have called for Akin to stand aside and allow another candidate to run. The Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee and several important outside groups have also pulled funding for his bid.

Despite the heavy pressure, Akin has refused to step aside saying he is in the race to win.
In the interview Akin explained that he will never back down from his beliefs and he is excited to bring his unique brand of conservatism to the U.S. Senate.

Ducking questions about his viability he proceeded to educate reporter Jeff Raskin on several issues very close to his heart including the global conspiracy to falsify the fossil record in the name of "radical Darwinism", and the plot to turn Michigan into the capital of a new Islamic States of America.

Spray the Gay Away

But the congressman really hit his stride when discussing homosexuality.

"This may surprise you Jeff, but I don't think homosexuality is a choice. We evangelicals, we know that it's a disease. But the good news is - we have the cure."

Akin then explained, "The National Institutes of Health has treated hundreds of young men through clinical trials at their headquarters in Maryland. They don't want the public to know because the secular liberal elites have succeeded in brainwashing the public into believing that homosexuality is a positive thing."

"We now know how to purge men of sin and put them on a path towards god. Why can't every gay man in America have that knowledge? Just 4 weeks of live breastfeeding can cure them of their terrible suffering. Why aren't we talking about this?"

Somewhat dumbfounded by the brazenness of Akin's pronouncement, the reporter then asked if this supposed treatment only worked on men.

"Lesbians can be cured by drinking something else," Akin replied "I'll leave that one to your imagination."

Claire McCaskill has issued a statement denouncing Akin's latest gaffe as "an outrageous and offensive pseudoscientific slander" and called on national Republicans to "respect the choice of Missourians" and allow Akin to continue his campaign.

Am I being Poed here? Is this guy for real?

[Raw Shark]

The Global Satirical Newspaper of Record

Am I being Poed here? Is this guy for real?

Yes.

[Terralthra]

The Global Satirical Newspaper of Record

Am I being Poed here? Is this guy for real?

Yes.

Oh, good. I was suspecting it all throughout, but didn't investigate because it's 3 AM and I have class to teach in the morning. I really ought to be asleep.

[Raw Shark]

Oh, good. I was suspecting it all throughout, but didn't investigate because it's 3 AM and I have class to teach in the morning. I really ought to be asleep.

Don't feel bad - I've never heard of this paper, and they had me fooled until they used the blowjob joke I was going to make almost word-for-word.

[Grumman]

The Republican congressman, already under fire for his controversial comments regarding rape, told a reporter for Cape Giradeau's KBSI 23 News that "female breastmilk - when fed directly to an adult homosexual male daily for at least four weeks - has a 94% chance of permanently curing homosexual perversions."

"...unfortunately the treatment also has a 60% chance of causing heterosexual perversions."

[General Zod]

I was hoping this was a legitimate news source too. Oh well, Poe's law strikes again.

[mr friendly guy]

From the same source

http://dailycurrant.com/2012/08/29/kirk ... reastmilk/

Politics
Kirk Cameron Ready to Start Curing Gays With Breastmilk
August 29th, 2012

Former child television star and flaming heterosexual Kirk Cameron announced today that he has created a clinic dedicated to curing homosexuality though the so-called "breastfeeding method".
The technique, first described by Missouri Congressman Todd Akin, involves breastfeeding adult male homosexuals for at least four weeks in hopes the constant attachment to a female sex organ reorients their sexuality.
In an interview with Christian radio station KKLA , the former Growing Pains star [not Leonardo DiCaprio, the other one] says that as soon as he heard about the controversial procedure he knew he had to get involved.
"I remember exactly where I was when I first heard we had a cure, Cameron explains, "I had just landed at LAX from a trip to Key West. I refreshed my Twitter and saw Akin's interview."
"I was dumbfounded. I immediately called Pedro, my personal masseuse and science adviser, and I asked him 'is this for real?' He said 'as real as it'll ever be.' And that was enough for me. I was in."
Sugar Daddies, Bitter Mommies
Cameron says he's lined up donations from Christian mega donors and is currently looking for real estate in the Castro neighborhood of San Francisco and the West Hollywood area of Los Angeles, where he plans to set up his first two clinics.
"Guys like Foster Friess and the Chick-Fil-A corporation have been very generous," he says, "We don't have to worry about money."
However, despite its large, ample and growing bank account the project - tentatively named Nectar-of-Life Ministries - is not without its difficulties.
"It turns out its very hard to find lactating women willing to allow a gay man feed from their breasts. I was kinda surprised by that. Don't women realize what's at stake here? I mean we have a cure! Come on ladies line up and do your part!"
He says that without an influx of volunteers he may have to resort to hiring wet nurses from the Philippines.
"We'd rather do this the American way, but if good American women won't step up and serve their country, we might sadly have to outsource the live breastfeeding part."
Gay rights organizations have expressed growing concern at the "spray-the-gay away" movement, which has took the evangelical world by storm in recent days.
Susanne Salkind. managing director for the Human Rights Campaign tells The Daily Currant:
"That guy from Growing Pains is clearly bitter because his little brother on the show went on to become Leonardo DiCaprio and he become nothing. There is no evidence that homosexuality is a disease that needs to be cured."
"Maybe Curt or whatever his name is should focus on finding a new agent rather than finding new ways to prove to himself he"s not gay."

These lines just says it all really (which kind of gives the game away).

In an interview with Christian radio station KKLA , the former Growing Pains star [not Leonardo DiCaprio, the other one] says that as soon as he heard about the controversial procedure he knew he had to get involved.

"I was dumbfounded. I immediately called Pedro, my personal masseuse and science adviser, and I asked him 'is this for real?' He said 'as real as it'll ever be.' And that was enough for me. I was in."

Man, a science adviser moonlights as a masseuse, or a masseuse being relied upon to provide scientific advise. You decide.

[Purple]

Man, a science adviser moonlights as a masseuse, or a masseuse being relied upon to provide scientific advise. You decide.

Either way thou his advice is surprisingly sound on this one. (At least the phrase: "as real as it will ever be")