Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[LaCroix]

Kanastrous? I'd like preorder your autobio...

[Raw Shark]

[Last Call on a Friday]

Douchebag: Hey, can you take me to Santa Fe and Oxford?

Your Driver: Sure, get in.

DB: [gets in; waits half a block] And don't try to fuck me over by taking me the long way!

YD: [stops the taxi] ...aaand we're done.

DB: What!? But it took me half an hour to get a cab!

YD: Well, maybe you'll think about that before you run your mouth next time.

DB: [desperate] Oh yeah? Well, I hope you don't get any more-

Drunk Girl: [running up, cutting him off] Hey, will you take me to Arizona and Cherry?

YD: Sure, get in.

[Kanastrous]

^ HA!

[Spekio]

A client of mine got summoned to testify about a petty theft. Thing is: the victim says he chased the thief and pinned him down untill the police arrived. He says he doesn't remember doing so, and, to avoid giving evidence to a potential lawsuit for excessive force, or avoid lying if the events did occur, this conversation occurs.

ME: So, as a witness, you can't lie but if you don't recall anything, you can say so.

CLIENT: Ok.
....
POLICEWOMAN: So, you don't recall the events, but do you think they might have happened?

CLIENT, before I can say anything: Yes.

ME: *mental facepalm*

[Kanastrous]

So some members here have been wonderfully generous in hooking me up with photographs detailing Russian Navy Kirov class battlecruisers, which are useful for the purposes of this tv series we're designing. And now the producers seem to think I have some kind of espionage-type connections, in having gotten them (something I'm content to allow them to believe...)

"These are fucking awesome! How did you get -hold- of these?!"

(Solemnly) "Many Bothans died, to bring us this information."

[Panzersharkcat]

Last week, I was given the task of peeling off "Made in China" stickers off battery chargers. During my lunch break on Friday, kind of annoyed by how pointless this was, I talked to the warehouse manager about it.
"Why do we even have to remove these stickers?"
"Because [company name] didn't want them there."
"..."
"It seems like a totally hyper-anal thing, doesn't it?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, you want to make money, you have to please the customer."
"..."
"The next question you have is why they even have them there in the first place."
"Yeah."
"Because the Chinese made them put them on there."
Then I walk away throwing my hands up in the air. I ended up having to do that for about a week, peeling off thousands of "Made in China" stickers. Hurray for pointless tasks. At least I get paid for it.

[madd0ct0r]

The wife works as a discrimination caseworker, advising or representing people who've been discrimated against.

Guy rings up. "Hello, I need to speak to a racial discrimination advisor."
Wife, "Sure, I'm [welsh sounding name], how can I help you?"
Guy "No, I want to speak to a black person."

[Raw Shark]

Last Night of Great American Beer Fest:

Bloody Mess: Hey can you take us to Wheat Ridge?

Your Driver: Sure, but let me put down some paper towels first...

Her Sister: We're not ghetto, I swear.

[time passes]

BM: So then I saw that bitch that hit me with the bottle come out of the bathroom, so I took my heels off and ran up on her. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! I got that bitch right in the head! I got a right to defend myself.

YD: I'm not a lawyer, but I'm not sure that's how that law works exactly...

HS: We're not ghetto, I swear.

BM: Uh, Sir?

YD: [mental dialogue: "Oh fuck, this little hooligan is Sirring me? Shit just went pear-shaped..."]

BM: I thought I had money that didn't have blood on it for you, but all I've got is money with blood on it, or half a gram of coke. Which would you prefer..?

YD: [turns and stares at Her Sister Expectantly]

HS: [looks out the window, silent]

[Borgholio]

You know, the coke might have been worth more...

[Raw Shark]

You know, the coke might have been worth more...

Half a gram isn't worth that much...

[Borgholio]

You know, the coke might have been worth more...

Half a gram isn't worth that much...

Sorry, I wouldn't know.

[Lagmonster]

So some members here have been wonderfully generous in hooking me up with photographs detailing Russian Navy Kirov class battlecruisers, which are useful for the purposes of this tv series we're designing. And now the producers seem to think I have some kind of espionage-type connections, in having gotten them (something I'm content to allow them to believe...)

"These are fucking awesome! How did you get -hold- of these?!"

(Solemnly) "Many Bothans died, to bring us this information."

You, sir, are the greatest citizen of this board.

[Zaune]

Raw Shark, you should either start a blog or write a book. Hell, do both.

[Borgholio]

Call into tech support:

Caller - "Hello, my software is not working"
Me - "Ok let's take a look." *remotely logs into computer to have a look around*
Caller - "I'm not sure why it stopped working."
Me - "Well sir, it's not even installed."
Caller - "Does it need to be?"
Me - ...

[LadyTevar]

@Rawshark

"We're not ghetto, I *swear*!"
Honey, you gotta be ghetto, cause a Redneck wouldn't have a gram of coke.

[Block]

@Rawshark

"We're not ghetto, I *swear*!"
Honey, you gotta be ghetto, cause a Redneck wouldn't have a gram of coke.

Neither would ghetto folks. Pure coke tends to be an upper class white people drug.

[Raw Shark]

@Rawshark

"We're not ghetto, I *swear*!"
Honey, you gotta be ghetto, cause a Redneck wouldn't have a gram of coke.

Neither would ghetto folks. Pure coke tends to be an upper class white people drug.

I'm not vouching for the purity of this girl's coke.

[Broomstick]

@Rawshark

"We're not ghetto, I *swear*!"
Honey, you gotta be ghetto, cause a Redneck wouldn't have a gram of coke.

Naw, rednecks would have a bag of meth.

Meanwhile, back at the shoe shop today...

Had not one but two people try to leave with their shoes without paying.

Had a lady call and ask how much her repair were so she'd have enough money, wanting to know the price on each item, which I told her over the phone along with a total that, as I said "includes tax" because she wants to be sure she has enough money. She shows up 10 minutes later and hands over the amount for each item but NOT tax. I said the total is $$$. But-but-but-! she says. I said there is tax. She said no you didn't. I said I'm sorry, but there is sales tax on this. Now, I cut a little slack for the little old Greek lady with poor English skills, and the Mexicans with that ID the consulate gives out instead of local IDs, and the UK tourist we had a few weeks ago because I know not everyone else does things the way we do, but this was a lady who was clearly US Midwest in her 40's. I am POSITIVE she's encountered US style sales taxes before. She then looks at her money, then looks in her wallet, then says she doesn't have enough cash. She then asks if we will take a personnel check or charge. I am not inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt at this point and simply state we take Mastercard and Visa.

And finally, we have the woman who came in with the heel caps (that bottom rubber part) off the bottoms of her boots completely missing. Long rambling story about she only wore them once and we have to replace them at no charge and yada yada yada... I inquire if she had the missing pieces. She said no, they were useless, they started coming loose and she ripped them off and threw them away. I look at the heels. It looks to me as if she had been walking on them despite the missing pieces. I said that was a shame because it would have been helpful to know what had been on there, the thickness, the tread... Well, she said, it was just this thin little piece, surely they're all alike? Nope, we have at least seven different thicknesses of heel but we'll do our best... What sort of tread did she have? What, what did I mean by that? What sort of pattern on the bottom of the heels. Oh, it wasn't a real heavy tread (hmm... in other words, didn't match the rest of the boot...) just these thin lines... OK, how long did the work last, when was it done? Two months ago she said but she only wore them once, maybe twice, and the heels started coming loose and she just RIPPED them off and threw them away. I said OK, let me check the computer and see if we wrote down what we used last time and... huh, this says you were here in August.... Yes! Yes! she cries that was it! I look at the black boots. I look at the computer. It said "red purse". I convey this information. Well, maybe it was six months ago she brought the boots in. Uh-huh... well, we've had this computer system about 2 years now and there's no other record of her being here. But we did the work! And it didn't last! And we need to replace it no charge!

I told her that if she had come in when the problem first started, just after the repairs, we might have been able to do that but after so many months I'm afraid I have to charge you for the repairs. But we're going to give her a discount, right? Right? No.

:::moment of silence:::

But her brother was in an accident! He was hurt real bad! He'll never walk again, she had other things on her mind than her boots!

I told her I was sorry about her brother but new heels for her boots would be $17.99 (due to size and having to fix the problems caused by walking on them without heel caps).

This was almost as much fun as the lady who, upon being told what the total was for replacing the straps on her two purses was, declared she had to get more money out of the car and RAN out of the shop. And never came back.

It's been a little strange this week. We usually don't get so many like this.

[madd0ct0r]

done my taxes.

and looks like our savings have been wiped out. nuts.

[LaCroix]

done my taxes.

and looks like our savings have been wiped out. nuts.

Makes me glad to live in a european tax system. Our taxes are deducted by our emplyee at each paycheck. We also do our tax reports once a year, but it almost always results in getting a bit of money back. (usually 1-200€, mostly because of rounding differences when you chalculate the whole year's sum at once) We can even decide to not file the report if it results in having to pay something. (Could happen if we get a very steep pay rise or bonus.)

Maybe that's why taxes are such an issue for you - I would hate to have to save up all year for my taxes. We do see the amount deducted on our monthly wage report, but what we get is ours to keep...

[Terralthra]

done my taxes.

and looks like our savings have been wiped out. nuts.

Makes me glad to live in a european tax system. Our taxes are deducted by our emplyee at each paycheck. We also do our tax reports once a year, but it almost always results in getting a bit of money back. (usually 1-200€, mostly because of rounding differences when you chalculate the whole year's sum at once) We can even decide to not file the report if it results in having to pay something. (Could happen if we get a very steep pay rise or bonus.)

Maybe that's why taxes are such an issue for you - I would hate to have to save up all year for my taxes. We do see the amount deducted on our monthly wage report, but what we get is ours to keep...

Ours are, too. The amount deducted (without any adjustment on the wage-earner's part) tends to be a bit high for lower wage earners and a bit low for higher wage earners. You can adjust withholding amounts freely to attempt to equalize the amounts so that the pay-in/pay-out at tax time is minimized, maximized, or what-have-you. A smart woman I know once told me that you should actually try to get your withholding set so that it ends up that you owe a little bit of money at tax time; to set it up so that you are owed money essentially means you've given the government an interest-free loan over the course of the year.

[kilopi505]

done my taxes.

and looks like our savings have been wiped out. nuts.

Which country's tax system is this?

[Dalton]

Guys, take the tax conversation elsewhere - this is not the thread.

[madd0ct0r]

feck sorry. must have had the venting thread open on another tab.

[Dalton]

Director: "Look at the graphics I sent you. It's obvious what doesn't look correct, no?"
There are at least three glaring problems with the graphic, none of which are what he's referring to