Childhood exposure to violence

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-16 12:11am

OK, time for a personal anecdote.

My son, like all boys of his age in our society, plays violent videogames. I couldn't control this if I wanted to; his whole peer group plays Halo and Goldeneye and all sorts of first-person shooters on their X-boxes and Playstations, and even though we don't own a console gamebox, he is a console gameplayer.

With that in mind, I figured I might as well let him play violent games on his home computer, since he was being left out (for a while, we insisted that he play only driving/racing games, but that policy is history), because he would feel left-out otherwise and he would just play them on his friends' consoles anyway (and no, using our parental power to ostracize him from his friends is not a fucking option).

But at the same time, I was somewhat concerned that he is very young, and may not be able to comprehend the magnitude of what war and violence is all about. One of his friends has already mentioned that when he grows up, he wants to be a soldier, and these kids are 7 years old. So I took an unusual step.

I let him watch Blackhawk Down. Uncensored.

He was frightened during some of the parts, and excited during others. And then we discussed it. I asked if he wanted to be a soldier when he grew up. He said no. I asked him why. He said "because you can get killed really easily."

Lesson learned. Violence is a scary thing. I'm comfortable with what I did (although some idiot like Darkstar will probably try to quote parts of this post out of context to prove I'm a monster), and I think that if anything, the problem with kids and violence is not so much that they see it, but that they see it without any context of discussion and awareness of what it is and what it means.

Comments?

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-03-16 12:16am

perfect. the society we have today seeks to find the most obvious and easiest to attack cause while often ignoring the roots of the problem. You summed it up perfectley.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-03-16 12:24am

Smart way to handle it. The context is everything. The problem isn't the video games but the context. The messed up kids that play it don't realize what violence really means. That's where responsible parents like yourself have to step in.

Sektor31 · Post by **Sektor31** » 2003-03-16 12:25am

WELL DONE SIR! YOU ACTUALLY SHOWED A VIOLENT MOVIE TO SOLVE VIOLENCE!

God damn, I can already see those anti-graphic violence and ratings campaigners weeping in despair.

Better get out your gun Wong, they'll be marching to your house en masse in a few days.

Seriously though, you did something that most parents are too cowardly to do. Playing it safe is something that cannot be done all the time.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-03-16 12:27am

Darth Wong wrote:Comments?

I'm not a parent, so my critique is of somewhat limited value.

That is exactly what I would have done in the given situation. Violence is a part of life, and people should know what it really is. Video games and action movies are watered down violence, making it seem as if it's all fun and games. Something like Black Hawk Down or Saving Private Ryan is the real deal. When your son becomes an adult and has to decide on the courses on which he will take his life, he will not do so blindly.

UltraViolence83 · Post by **UltraViolence83** » 2003-03-16 12:29am

Heh. What little kid didn't want to be a soldier at one time? I wanted to be a fighter pilot...

You did the right thing. Hiding your kid from violence is only going to sensitize him to it when he does become exposed to violent games/B movies, and screw him up. And talking to your kid about it is a very smart thing to do. Not enough parents talk to their kids these days.

...Though I wouldn't want him to watch Faces of Death...

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-03-16 12:35am

Sounds like you handled it perfectly. When my kids were younger, we would only allow them to watch so-called violent kids TV if it was in cartoon format. Even at that age, it was easy to explain to them that the violence on say, EEEEK the Cat was not real. You could see my kids trying to imitate Wilde Coyote and not succeding because it was not real.

We did not allow them to watch the RL shows like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers because they were real people (as in actors not cartoons) doing the violence. While it was not real, it was harder to explain the concept of SFX to them than it was with cartoons.

We also allow them to watch movies like Pear Harbour and Private Ryan as well as Black Hawk Down. While they are in means exacting nor highly acurate, they do have the virtue of showing both good guys and bad guys as well as people just standing there, dying. This shows the consquences to war and violence and is important for them to learn that the good guys don't come back alive with health packs or from a save option. I think you did the right thing.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-03-16 12:36am

I think the way you handled it was good because of the amount of interaction you had with your kid. You took the time to question your kid about violence and have him work it through himself. Oh, and from my experience kids that age want to be soldiers or cops or knights or Jedi or whatever. It's fun until they learn that getting killed sucks.

Oh, and I hope you just rented Black Hawk Down because there's going to be a really good special edition later this year.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-03-16 12:36am

I probably would have taken a similar approach. Talking to your kids and making sure they understand what you want them to is essential to good parenting.

My own parents never really worried about violent videogames with me, though. In retrospect, they respected my independence from a very early age. Hell, they stopped making sure I did my homework once I got into high school. If I ever came home with bad grades, I knew exactly who was at fault.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-03-16 12:38am

Knife wrote:We also allow them to watch movies like Pear Harbour and Private Ryan as well as Black Hawk Down. While they are in means exacting nor highly acurate, they do have the virtue of showing both good guys and bad guys as well as people just standing there, dying. This shows the consquences to war and violence and is important for them to learn that the good guys don't come back alive with health packs or from a save option.

Isn't that exactly what happened to Ben Afleck in Pearl Harbor though?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-16 12:46am

Knife wrote:We also allow them to watch movies like Pear Harbour and Private Ryan as well as Black Hawk Down.

SPR and BHD are one thing, but Pearl Harbour? How could you subject your kids to such awful melodrama?

Seriously though, it's good to hear I'm not the only one who looks at the situation this way, although I can't help but wonder what kind of response it would have gotten on a fundie board ...

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-03-16 12:52am

I would say that Pearl Harbor isn't a good movie to show kids to teach them about violence.

I would want to use something that isn't too gory so I don't traumatize the kid, but something realistic so he gets the message. Black Hawk Down would be a choice.

In my opinion of course.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-03-16 12:55am

I mentioned PH more for the 30 or so minutes of the recreation of the attack and not for the worthless love triangle. Still, the fact that it shows massive amounts of people dying while fighting, shows that the there is no free pass when real violence occurs.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-03-16 12:56am

Not an easy decision to make. When I was a kid I wanted to be a soldier. I think no matter what you show to kids they tend to feel "immortal" to an extent. This lasts to some degree until the early 20's or so. However, a young person can benefit, IMO, from seeing a more realistic portrayal of war.

Im watching "Big Red One" on History Channel. Not only is it the old style movie where the main characters dont die, but the action is pretty hokey. The point being the movie does not portray the physical and emotional toll war takes.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-03-16 01:25am

Since I first heard the arguement Ive been saying that videogames dont cause violence but shoddy parenting does. If you dont teach your kid violence hurts, and that its bad to hurt people, THATS why the kid goes out and shoots people because of a videogame.

What mike did was what all parents should do, he showed his kid that violence isnt just fun and games, that its real and it isnt something you get up and walk away from.

We need more parents showing their first and second graders Black Hawk Down. Perhaps make it mandatory in schools. Lets just not pussify the nation in the process

Alferd Packer · Post by **Alferd Packer** » 2003-03-16 01:54am

That's a pretty good approach. I'm gonna tuck that one away in the ol' hindbrain for if I ever run across this situation with my kid.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2003-03-16 02:02am

Yay! A small victory for the campaign for proper teaching techniques of the reality of violence for children!

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-03-16 02:50am

Sektor31 wrote:WELL DONE SIR! YOU ACTUALLY SHOWED A VIOLENT MOVIE TO SOLVE VIOLENCE!

It's not that different from the way Nazi propaganda films occassionally are shown in history classes with the purpose of teaching ABOUT Nazism and why it got so many supporters.

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2003-03-16 04:29am

Darth Wong wrote:OK, time for a personal anecdote.

snip
Comments?

Education is a powerfull tool. Extensive reading of history cured me of any desire to go to war.

desertjedi · Post by **desertjedi** » 2003-03-16 05:36am

That was an excellent way to show the realities of violence, whether it be crime or in your case... war is not so great. I had to learn my lessons concerning violence from my father, who was an officer. A friend and fellow officer of my dad's was killed in the line of duty. I was about 7 too and remembered how his kids (that were my friends) had to cope with it. I definitely learned my lesson from that... and gave me my respect for officers and law and order.

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2003-03-16 10:21am

I to have to agree that Mike used a well thought out approach. Movies like Saving Private Ryan, Blackhawk Down, and We Were Soldiers can show a child what war and combat is really like. They learn that you aren't immortal and that you can die. They also learn to detach themselves from the games they are playing rather then treat them as real.

Sektor31 · Post by **Sektor31** » 2003-03-16 10:27am

Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Sektor31 wrote:WELL DONE SIR! YOU ACTUALLY SHOWED A VIOLENT MOVIE TO SOLVE VIOLENCE!
It's not that different from the way Nazi propaganda films occassionally are shown in history classes with the purpose of warning against Nazism.

My history teacher's showin' Black Hawk Down in my class, so it really depends on the teacher you have.

Rubberanvil · Post by **Rubberanvil** » 2003-03-16 01:06pm

Sektor31 wrote:My history teacher's showin' Black Hawk Down in my class, so it really depends on the teacher you have.

It aslo depends on the school and school district, as they're the ones with the authority.

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-03-16 01:26pm

I agree with your approach Mike. You know there is no way to avoid your child seeing violence in action in certain games and movies so you showed him a movie where you see the actual consequences of violent actions as they happen in real life. Real life isn't Quake or Half Life you get shot you most likely die. You don't suddenly find a med kit and repair instantly.

Kuroneko · Post by **Kuroneko** » 2003-03-16 01:55pm

A commendable solution, Mr. Wong.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Childhood exposure to violence

Childhood exposure to violence

Re: Childhood exposure to violence

Re: Childhood exposure to violence