You get a Dalek in a Jar (RAR!)

[Borgholio]

As in, can I give it a hug

If it begins to strangle you, how will anybody tell if you're turning purple? It'll blend right in with the rest of you...

[Forgothrax]

I know a professor of biology at my alma mater. I give her a chance to look at it, then tell her that this is the discovery of the century for biological studies. I then tell her that if she wants to study it and pay me a few hundred grand a year (out of the millions of dollars in grants or corporate funds) that's fine, I just want some control over what's done with it (So nothing stupid is done in studying it). If nothing else, there would be immense interest in studying an alien creature, let alone what governments or unscrupulous corps might pay for the opportunity to torture some tech secrets out of it. I do feel some remorse at the thought of torturing a sapient creature, but on the other hand, it's a damn Dalek that would happily exterminate Terra and all its inhabitants in an instant. And if Q actually did this, this proves to me that there is a being out there that will do whatever it wants with us to amuse it, and that there are Daleks out there somewhere. A little torture for the opportunity to learn means to defend ourselves, or to galvanize various governments to defend against them, might be very much worth it.

[FaxModem1]

We have to consider, when free in their octopus form they can swallow a human up their ass in order to form a human-Dalek hybrid. A Dalek is still dangerous outside of its pepper pot tank.

[Purple]

Good point. I would have to increase the vodka rations to "horse tranquilizer" level.

[Ralin]

Aren't Dalek's meant to be extremely intelligent? I get it to do stock brokering or somesuch for me with the 'promise' that when I'm rich I'll free it.

If they're as intelligent as we're told they are it can presumably create worldwide havoc with even limited access to financial markets.

[Crossroads Inc.]

We have to consider, when free in their octopus form they can swallow a human up their ass in order to form a human-Dalek hybrid. A Dalek is still dangerous outside of its pepper pot tank.

I don't think so, That was ONLY Dalek Sec, and ONLY after a long process of Genetic Manipulation and alteration.

[PREDATOR490]

Other than killing it outright, the best thing to do is to try and interrogate the thing for technology.

As an interesting test: setup a TV and then make it watch Doctor Who
Or...
Get lots of Dalek stuff like the lifesize models or the 18'' Voice Controlled Dalek and watch the thing freak out.

Of course, if you really want to fuck with the situation and make Q kill it.
Make the Dalek watch Star Trek and then tell it the Q sent it here.

[Zixinus]

I am amused that so far the best solution people have figured out is to get it drunk. The shopkeeper is going to think that you are either running an illegal bar or that you are the most healthy alcoholic possible.

Here's a question though: how do you know that alcohol isn't a poison? Or that it won't make it more violent and insane? Do you really want to risk making a creature breed for fatalistic hate to be more insane?

Also, yes, the squid-thing of the Dalek was able to kill a soldier in Resurrection of the Daleks (according to Tardis wiki), although only as a last measure once it lost its mobility device. So keeping it in a locked, mostly empty room may help you sleep immensely.

[Grumman]

Here's a question though: how do you know that alcohol isn't a poison? Or that it won't make it more violent and insane? Do you really want to risk making a creature breed for fatalistic hate to be more insane?

Unless vodka gives it superpowers, where's the risk? "Oh no, the thing that will do anything in its power to kill me now will do anything in its power to kill me!"

Me, I'd just kill the thing and be done with it. Interrogating it for scientific knowledge has promise, but you'd have to be careful not to be tricked into doing anything stupid.

[Borgholio]

Interrogating it for scientific knowledge has promise, but you'd have to be careful not to be tricked into doing anything stupid.

Now that you've followed my instructions and created this highly compact nuclear fusion power unit with tremendous energy output, just put tab A into slot B and you'll be done. muwahahahaha™

[Tribble]

I am amused that so far the best solution people have figured out is to get it drunk. The shopkeeper is going to think that you are either running an illegal bar or that you are the most healthy alcoholic possible.

Here's a question though: how do you know that alcohol isn't a poison? Or that it won't make it more violent and insane? Do you really want to risk making a creature breed for fatalistic hate to be more insane?.

Alcohol is a poison. Or do you mean that Daleks could be more susceptible to its effects than humans? And yep, I'd say chance of having the best drinking buddy ever more than outweighs the risk. I guess if you wanted to play it safe you can always feed it some weed brownies or roll it a joint.

Besides all the excellent things Purple listed, I have the perfect idea for my Dalek - teach it karaoke!

[Purple]

Tribble, I like how you think.

Seriously, as all the others have already said and the series has amply demonstrated a Dalek is simply too dangerous to trust. Even if you manage to get anything useful out of it other than through an autopsy it will still only be playing into it's plot to exterminate you and everyone you love. So the only thing to do is keep it neutered through alcohol, drugs, care and general cartoonish humiliation and enjoy the ride while it lasts. Doubly so since doing that would likely amuse Q enough to make him want to keep you alive for more.

And who knows, in the long and distant void that is the alcohol fueled existence there might even be a place for a Dalek to learn something new about friendship and love. Even if it only happens due to permanent abuse induced brain damage.

[Tribble]

I agree with your thoughts 100% Purple... wait, getting it to take the joint or eat the brownies might be tricky, and I'm lazy as hell. I suppose I'll just temporarily drain the liquids out of the tank and turn it into a bong. Who wants to smoke a Dalek? Best. Bong. Ever!

[Purple]

I agree with your thoughts 100% Purple... wait, getting it to take the joint or eat the brownies might be tricky, and I'm lazy as hell. I suppose I'll just temporarily drain the liquids out of the tank and turn it into a bong. Who wants to smoke a Dalek? Best. Bong. Ever!

Why not just poor some vodka into the tank, stir it up a bit and take a straw to it?

[Eternal_Freedom]

You want to smoke a joint with a creature that, if it got half the chance, would throw open the gates of Hell and send you all inside with a cheery wave.

Kill it. Kill it with fire. Immediately.

[Tribble]

Nothing says we can't try both, so long as we keep it reasonably drunk/stoned. I'm tempted to see what would happen if I drained half the liquid out, threw some vodka in it, and turn the top half into a bong. Then you can do both at the same time! Though that might be too much if I did it to my Dalek (and me) right off the bat- guess that I'm gonna have to build up our tolerance first.

[Purple]

You want to smoke a joint with a creature that, if it got half the chance, would throw open the gates of Hell and send you all inside with a cheery wave.

Kill it. Kill it with fire. Immediately.

So how exactly are you any better than it than?

Nothing says we can't try both, so long as we keep it reasonably drunk/stoned. I'm tempted to see what would happen if I drained half the liquid out, threw some vodka in it, and turn the top half into a bong. Then you can do both at the same time! Though that might be too much if I did it to my Dalek (and me) right off the bat- guess that I'm gonna have to build up our tolerance first.

I'd take things slow initially as well. Better safe than sorry and all that. You newer know what can happen if a stoned Dalek decides to let some juices out into your drink...

[Napoleon the Clown]

I have a better idea: Make it watch Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. If that doesn't reform it into a kind, loving, sympathetic creature nothing will.

[Purple]

I have a better idea: Make it watch Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. If that doesn't reform it into a kind, loving, sympathetic creature nothing will.

What's that?

[FaxModem1]

The kindest, gentlest man in the universe's show.

[Eternal_Freedom]

You want to smoke a joint with a creature that, if it got half the chance, would throw open the gates of Hell and send you all inside with a cheery wave.

Kill it. Kill it with fire. Immediately.

So how exactly are you any better than it than?

I'm only destroying one species...one that richly deserves it and is far too dangerous to live. It on the other hand would happily kill anything that isn't exactly the same as it.

Also, you're really trying the "you're no better than it is" line? It's a fucking Dalek. A collection of creatures that literally don't understand pity or compassion because it was programmed out of them. A race that has terrorized and destroyed millions of worlds. I cannot possible consider myself a good person if I allow it even the slightest chance to go on killing and destroying.

[Purple]

That video looked positively creepy. As in, "a pedophile calling your 7 year old child in for candy" style creepy.

I'm only destroying one species...one that richly deserves it and is far too dangerous to live. It on the other hand would happily kill anything that isn't exactly the same as it.

And who are you to say that it deserves to die? Who are you to say that it is not all the other species who are wrong? Who are you to make that judgment call? By what measure can we objectively compare the lives of one species against those of another?

Also, you're really trying the "you're no better than it is" line?

Yes. I always wanted to do that.

It's a fucking Dalek. A collection of creatures that literally don't understand pity or compassion because it was programmed out of them. A race that has terrorized and destroyed millions of worlds. I cannot possible consider myself a good person if I allow it even the slightest chance to go on killing and destroying.

Is it? Or is it just a creature created by Q for its amusement along the template of a fictional race that fictionally did all which you describe? Surely yes, said acts are within its nature. And surely yes, said acts are what it desires every time its single eye looks angrily into yours. But who are you to judge and proclaim guilty a living being solely on the count that evil is all that it knows?

It's one thing to punish, and another to preempt.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I'm only destroying one species...one that richly deserves it and is far too dangerous to live. It on the other hand would happily kill anything that isn't exactly the same as it.

And who are you to say that it deserves to die? Who are you to say that it is not all the other species who are wrong? Who are you to make that judgment call? By what measure can we objectively compare the lives of one species against those of another?

I think we can objectively agree that a species that annihilates other species for not being like themselves is evil. Are all those other species wrong? All the species that are now ash clouds and dust and memories? Yes, surely they could have been wrong about the species descending from the sky screaming "EXTERMINATE" and pledging to destroy all non-Dalek life.

As for who I am? Despite my avatar I am someone who does not want that kind of hatred and destruction spread on Earth.

It's a fucking Dalek. A collection of creatures that literally don't understand pity or compassion because it was programmed out of them. A race that has terrorized and destroyed millions of worlds. I cannot possible consider myself a good person if I allow it even the slightest chance to go on killing and destroying.

Is it? Or is it just a creature created by Q for its amusement along the template of a fictional race that fictionally did all which you describe? Surely yes, said acts are within its nature. And surely yes, said acts are what it desires every time its single eye looks angrily into yours. But who are you to judge and proclaim guilty a living being solely on the count that evil is all that it knows?

It's one thing to punish, and another to preempt.[/quote]

It might be. It might not be. If, however, it i]is[/i] a Dalek, then it cannot be allowed to live and have even a chance of continuing it's holocaust. If it is not, then it is a creature created by the whim of a bastard, which is condemned to a short, painful existence as a blob of flesh in a tank. Not able to walk, or breath, or eat, or live or even talk without help. Death is preferable to that sort of existence I think.

As for the "who are you to judge and proclaim guilty a living being solely on the count that evil is all that it knows" part, bullshit. If evil is all it knows, then it is dangerous. With a Dalek's intelligence, it's very dangerous. It comes down to it, or me and a lot of others. I choose me and all those others over it any day.

[Tribble]

Fine, if you want a "serious" response, I wouldn't kill it, but rather turn it over to the authorities. I will not kill a sentient being that does not pose an immediate risk to my life or the lives of others (for the purposes of this scenario I presume that the Dalek is fully trapped and cannot break out of the container by itself). If the government decides that it must die so be it, but I will not be the judge, jury and executioner.

[Purple]

I think we can objectively agree that a species that annihilates other species for not being like themselves is evil. Are all those other species wrong? All the species that are now ash clouds and dust and memories? Yes, surely they could have been wrong about the species descending from the sky screaming "EXTERMINATE" and pledging to destroy all non-Dalek life.

Don't all species do that on a more or less daily basis? After all, do we not commit a controlled and slow genocide of farm animals in death camps? And do our cities not perform routine genocide on rats and other things we call pests? Do we not butcher dolphins and eat pigs, who by all counts are very smart? With its intelligence and age a Dalek might well be as much beyond us as we are beyond that pig or rat. So how can it be any more wrong in its actions than we are in ours? If they are, who are we to say? And if they are not, who are we to say that we aren't both right? Or that we do not deserve what is coming to us.

As for who I am? Despite my avatar I am someone who does not want that kind of hatred and destruction spread on Earth.

So is this about morality? Or is it about your love for the earth? You have to abandon the notion of human specialty if you are to function within the broader cosmos.

It might be. It might not be. If, however, it is a Dalek, then it cannot be allowed to live and have even a chance of continuing it's holocaust.

But how can it continue anything now that it's bound and helpless? I take it you are a proponent of the death penalty.

If it is not, then it is a creature created by the whim of a bastard, which is condemned to a short, painful existence as a blob of flesh in a tank. Not able to walk, or breath, or eat, or live or even talk without help. Death is preferable to that sort of existence I think.

Perhaps it is. And perhaps it is not. But who are you to make that choice for it?

As for the "who are you to judge and proclaim guilty a living being solely on the count that evil is all that it knows" part, bullshit. If evil is all it knows, then it is dangerous. With a Dalek's intelligence, it's very dangerous. It comes down to it, or me and a lot of others. I choose me and all those others over it any day.

And yet we do not imprison or execute people who are dangerous. Only those who can be proven to have committed a crime.

Edit: removed bad quote tag.