Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[GuppyShark]

The lady who said 'I love you too' out of the blue as I passed. That was... odd.

Hopefully she was on the phone.

[Raw Shark]

Somebody up in dispatch is either very new, very intoxicated, or both this weekend. Highlights:

DISPATCH: GOOD EVENING DRIVERS!!!!!

DISPATCH: [at 1:45am aka Last Call] C'mon guys let's get these suburb trips picked up why is everybody downtown?

DISPATCH: Customer Amanda Lastname Address 2101 Market St Phone 000-000-0000 Please Call Out Immiditly

DISPATCH: C'mon guys we have many open calls in [the cluster of hotels about $8 away from the airport]!!! Airport trips = Big $$$!!!

And my personal favorite, which came with no follow-up:

DISPATCH: PLEASE A

[Borgholio]

DISPATCH: C'mon guys we have many open calls in [the cluster of hotels about $8 away from the airport]!!! Airport trips = Big $$$!!!

Must be an inside joke - I didn't quite get this one. In my experience as a taxi passenger, it DOES seem that airport rates are higher than normal rates and thus should be more profitable, yes?

[Raw Shark]

DISPATCH: C'mon guys we have many open calls in [the cluster of hotels about $8 away from the airport]!!! Airport trips = Big $$$!!!

Must be an inside joke - I didn't quite get this one. In my experience as a taxi passenger, it DOES seem that airport rates are higher than normal rates and thus should be more profitable, yes?

Not when the calls are coming from the cluster of hotels that are about $8 away from the airport, which is out in east bumfuck nowhere. The dispatcher had no idea that the zone she was talking about skirts airport property, she just assumed anybody who says they're going to the airport means BIG BUCKS NO WHAMMIES (unless she knew better and was just trying to sucker some noobs into driving a very long distance for $8).

[Zaune]

It also potentially means tourists who won't know any better if you take the long way around.

[Oskuro]

Sad that, just before International Women's Day, I had a colleague spout, in relation to gender discrimination issues "I'm pretty comfortable being a man, so I don't care".

[Raw Shark]

It also potentially means tourists who won't know any better if you take the long way around.

There really isn't a plausible "long way around" from the hotels that are within eyesight of the airport, presuming that I would be so dishonest as to rip off tourists in the first place. We're talking about a request to drive ~30 miles to do a ~1.5 mile ride here. The comedy derives from the fact that any takers would have to be mentally-disabled, and Multiple Exclamation Point Girl did her damnedest to make it sound like the opportunity of the night.

[Broomstick]

I'm still laughing about her not understanding why cabbies are at downtown bars just before last call instead of in the 'burbs.

[Borgholio]

It also potentially means tourists who won't know any better if you take the long way around.

There really isn't a plausible "long way around" from the hotels that are within eyesight of the airport, presuming that I would be so dishonest as to rip off tourists in the first place. We're talking about a request to drive ~30 miles to do a ~1.5 mile ride here. The comedy derives from the fact that any takers would have to be mentally-disabled, and Multiple Exclamation Point Girl did her damnedest to make it sound like the opportunity of the night.

From your perspective in the industry, how many dishonest cabbies are there? I mean everybody talks about "That one asshole cab driver who I knew was taking me the long way to charge me more."....but how often do you actually know of it happening? Is it just one of those "things" that people "know"?

[Raw Shark]

From your perspective in the industry, how many dishonest cabbies are there? I mean everybody talks about "That one asshole cab driver who I knew was taking me the long way to charge me more."....but how often do you actually know of it happening? Is it just one of those "things" that people "know"?

Hard to say; I'm only riding around in one taxi and it's a very common anecdote.

What I can say with certainty is that I once picked up a girl and drove her 17 blocks straight as an arrow up the same street before we got to her destination, where she yelled, "What the fuck, why did you take me the long way!?" Just sayin'.

[Kanastrous]

"Do you have any scale figures that aren't naked...?"

[Borgholio]

What I can say with certainty is that I once picked up a girl and drove her 17 blocks straight as an arrow up the same street before we got to her destination, where she yelled, "What the fuck, why did you take me the long way!?" Just sayin'.

Welcome to the shallow end of the gene pool...

[Edi]

Sometime early last year or late 2012 at work (major ISP, tech support):

Boss: Would you mind calling this customer and dealing with their complaint? They are really unsatisfied with the repair of their ADSL problem.
Me: Sure thing, forward me the complaint and I'll see what I can do.

So I check the complaint, bog standard consumer level 20 Mbps ADSL line, but paid for by some small company. Response time on the fault has been bang on time, though there are really strange entries by the contractor that does field calls. Time to call the customer.

Customer: Hello! [Name] speaking.
Me: Hello! This is Edi from [major ISP], calling about the complaint you made regarding the ADSL fault at [address].
Customer: About time! Is [second largest city in Finland] such an unimportant customer to [major ISP] that you have no interest in fixing reported problems? We have 15 people sitting in that office doing nothing because the call center lines don't work.
Me: *speechless, all sorts of alarms going off along with the realization that this is a Very Important Case and the brown stuff has just hit the fan*

NOTE: I had never before heard of anyone running any sort of call center with more than two people over such a dinky internet connection, even if they did get the full 20 Mbps. It's not the speed, it's the reliability and response times for that kind of contract.

Me: Erm, no sir. We try to repair reported problems as quickly as possible, but in this instance there were some strange irregularities with the issue and I needed to talk to you about that to get to the bottom of the matter.
Customer: Oh? Well, you'd better get something done and soon! I'm a four term city councilman and I'm certainly going to raise this issue with the IT department at contract renewal time! *he also gives me some background on the company, which is owned by that city and doing some kind of work for them*
Me: Yes sir! I'll get right on it and make some calls after I get the clarifications I was looking for. You said the problems started after the building opposite the office was demolished?
Customer: Yes. The city owns that building as well and it was slated for demolition to make way for new construction, but now none of the connections from the other building work.
*more questions related to the issue*
Me: Thank you! I will make some calls to dig into this from our end and I will get back to you within the next hour and a half.

*cue series of calls to field contractors and a couple of other departments*
*at the end of the last one*
Me: You have got to be fucking kidding me!
Guy from other department: No, it seems they really did that. It happens sometimes. We'll need to do something...
Me: Yeah. I'll talk to the customer, then kick this up through channels here.

*next call to customer*
Customer: Hello!
Me: Hi, this is Edi from [ISP], I made some calls and I have some new information for you.
Customer: And you actually got them? About time.
Me: Yes sir. You see, that building the city demolished...
Customer: Yes?
Me: ...the phone exchange that services the problem office building was in the basement of that other building, which was why our technician could not get on site to fix the problem.
Customer: ??!?
Me: We have telephone exchanges in various buildings all over the city and the facilities are usually under a lease. The contracts have a one year notice period so that we can have time to relocate them when necessary. We have not received any notice about this facility.
Customer: I...see...
Me: It is precisely to prevent this kind of problems. May I suggest that you inquire of the [city real estate management department] how this happened.
Customer: Indeed. I certainly will! Meanwhile, is there any way to fix the problem?
Me: Yes, but it requires more time and resources. I'll pass it up to the proper people here and they will put the wheels in motion. We'll try to fix it as soon as possible, but it will take a while. I will give your contact information so that they can keep you posted.
Customer: Good. Thank you, you have been most helpful.
Me: Thank you sir. I'll get started now, so thank you for your time and goodbye.

After that, at around 4:30 PM, it became a frantic rush to write a summary report and kick it up to the boss of the Faults and Repairs department, who fortunately had not managed to leave office yet, so he had to stay late and dig up all the people from other departments he needed to get everything in gear so that we could construct a new phone exchange to replace the one buried in the rubble of the demolished basement.

The nice thing about this one was that it looked like a bog standard complaint that had zero merit in it, from a small time customer, when the party truly behind it is a really major customer. Absolutely zero warning about that. The guy I talked to was ready to chew iron and spit nails at first, but he was not an asshole about it, just angry. When he realized the reason for the problem in the first place, he calmed down instantly, though I expect that there was an epic shitstorm at the city real estate department later.

Fortunately, I don't get these very often...

[Raw Shark]

Your Driver: So, that'll be eleven bucks...

Very Drunk Girl: I already paid you!

YD: What? No, you didn't.

VDG: You're Über! Über charges your phone as soon as you call! You're trying to rip me off!

YD: Look, maybe you called Über, but you got into a [company] taxi, and you need to pay me for this ride.

VDG: But Über already charged me $30 for this ride!

YD: Well, it sounds like Über is a complete fucking rip-off, but you still need to give me eleven dollars.

VDG: But YOU'RE Über!

YD: Look, lady, step outside and read what it says on the vehicle you got into...

~~~~~

Fuck Saint Patrick's Day.

[Kanastrous]

So the Supervising Art Director walks in with research depicting this sort of organic flowing 3-D sculptural tesselation of triangular glass-and-steel panels, which has to be reinterpreted for our purposes and turned into docs that will guide a 3D sculpt for a vacuform buck or maybe CNC production or we're-not-really-sure-yet. For use on location, in France. Where their guys are having piglets trying to figure out how to proceed.

Sup. A.D. "The French are completely bumfoozled by this."

Me "So you brought it to an Austrian, to solve for them."

[Dalton]

-The lady who said 'I love you too' out of the blue as I passed. That was... odd.

Bluetooth headset?

[PainRack]

There are just....... some things you don't EVER want to hear the doctor say.

There's this funky drug the cardiologists give so as to restore a patient abnormal heart rhythm. How it works is that it essentially does a CTRL-ALT-DEL reboot of your heart, the doctor gives it via IV while another doctor and nurse stare at you and the ECG strip anxiously, waiting for your heart to restart(hopefully, in a normal heart rhythm).


So........


"Crap, his heart stopped, start CPR!"
PR leaps onto the bed and starts to crush the guy chest.
"No wait! Wait! His heart restart."
Massive adrenaline rush, my own heart begins pumping rapidly as I'm crouching high on the bed.
"You know, maybe I shouldn't had given him double the dose to start with........."




P.S There probably was reasons to up the dose on the first go, instead of having to jab him multiple times and have shit happen worse, but my heart felt like it received its own double whammy right there and then:D


Who ever said nursing isn't an exciting career?

[Crayz9000]

So I'm now doing business software development at a medium sized company, and I get this email:

Department manager:
We have a situation. Will please you call me to explain what is it that we need?

Me:
Explain what you need, I cannot. Perhaps Yoda you seek, hmm?


The manager later called me up laughing.

[HMS Sophia]

-The lady who said 'I love you too' out of the blue as I passed. That was... odd.

Bluetooth headset?

See, I'd hoped, but when I turned (looking quizzical, of course) she looked me dead in the eye and repeated herself. Needless to say, I got in the lift and left rapidly.

[Borgholio]

Funny thing about Bluetooth is that we see so many more people walking down the street "talking to themselves", and we rarely give it a second thought. Even as little as 15 years ago, those people would be considered loonies and be given a wide berth.

[Raw Shark]

YOUR DRIVER: So the best way to do this from here is probably to follow 32nd to Stout and then hook a left, what do you think?

DRUNK GIRL: No, just keep going straight there.

[time passes]

DG: WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DIDN'T YOU GO LEFT ON STOUT!?

[Raw Shark]

DUMBASS FRATBOY: Well, just because it's made by Coors doesn't mean Blue Moon isn't a craft beer. They make Guinness, after all!

YOUR DRIVER: No, you're thinking of Killian's Irish-In-Name-Only Red, which is made by Coors. Guinness is actually Irish; it's made in the UK by Diageo, the people who make Smirnoff, Hennessy, and like twelve other huge brands.

DF: I'm pretty sure about this, bro.

~~~~~

CUTE REDHEAD STRIPPER: Tonight was so bad, I'm going to have to apologize to my cats for not making enough to buy new kitty litter!

YOUR DRIVER: What do these cat apologies of yours sound like, typically?

CRS: [high-pitched falsetto] I'm sorry, babies! Mommy's sorry! Mommy just didn't strip hard enough tonight!

[Thanas]

Man, I don't post often enough to show my appreciation to you Raw Shark for those posts.

[Raw Shark]

Man, I don't post often enough to show my appreciation to you Raw Shark for those posts.

Thanks! People tell me I should write a book, but I feel like HBO already outdid me by combining funny taxi stories with porn.

[LaCroix]

I'd buy your bio...

And let me guess - asking a passenger out is a no-no at your new job, right? That girl was a keeper...