its beautiful! -sniff-

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-03-15 11:36pm

Imagine this happening to you.
One Sunday morning during church service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns.
One of the men shouted, "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are"!
Immediately, the choir fled, the deacons fled, and most of the congregation fled. Out of the 2,000, there only remained around 20.
The man who had spoken took off his hood, looked at the preacher and said "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites. Now you may begin your service. Have a nice day!" And the two men turned and walked out
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God... and then wonder why the world's going to hell!
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says.
Funny? Or is it scary?
Funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, ! also "believes"in God).
Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.
Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and work place.
Funny, isn't it? Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of t! he week
Are you lau! ghing?
Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
Are you thinking?
Will you share this with people you care about? Or not?
I picked you~
My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Please pass this to people that you want to bless.

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-03-15 11:47pm

Amen(whoa did i say that)

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-03-15 11:52pm

I've seen this garbage before.

Funny how Christians can never seem to keep their religion out of everyone else's nose.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-03-15 11:54pm

I agree. I personally don't belive but if you're gonna belive, it's a put up or shut up scenario. If you wanna do somthing like beliveing don't do it half assed.

Edit*Oops I forgot the wink. Silly me.*

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-16 12:00am

Enforcer Talen wrote:Imagine this happening to you.
One Sunday morning during church service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns.
One of the men shouted, "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are"!
Immediately, the choir fled, the deacons fled, and most of the congregation fled. Out of the 2,000, there only remained around 20.
The man who had spoken took off his hood, looked at the preacher and said "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites. Now you may begin your service. Have a nice day!" And the two men turned and walked out

They should be arrested on weapons charges and nearly two thousand counts of uttering death threats.

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God... and then wonder why the world's going to hell!

Apparently it didn't occur to the writers of this chain letter that fanatical competing beliefs in God are the fucking reason the world's going to Hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

The newspapers are wrong some of the time. The Bible is wrong most of the time.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says.

Why is that funny? Murdering your children for swearing at you (Exodus 21:17 and Leviticus 20:9), murdering witches (Exodus 22:18 and Leviticus 20:27), and murdering all those of other religions (Exodus 22:20), murdering adulterers (Leviticus 20:10), and burning prostitites at the stake (Leviticus 21:9) are not the sort of activities that should be rewarded.

Funny? Or is it scary?
Funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, ! also "believes" in God).

Satan wasn't such a bad fellow. When I look at the blame column next to atrocities such as the massacres at Sodom and Gomorrah, the ethnic cleansing and genocide of Canaan, the Midianites, etc., and the global genocide of the "Great" Flood, I see God's name, not Satan's name.

Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Good jokes do not preach at you. Nobody likes being preached at.

Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and work place.

Funny how the author of this message thinks that's a double standard. Is he saying that the "lewd, crude, vulgar, and obscene" are not suppressed in the school and workplace? I like the way he uses the freedom of cyberspace and the restriction of "the school and the workplace" as evidence of a double standard, even though differing standards for those locales are perfectly understandable.

Funny, isn't it? Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week
Are you laughing?

Hmmm, should I be? Luckily, I don't have to worry about being accused of this hypocrisy, since I am not a Christian on any day of the week.

Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Funny how this person tries to guilt-trip Christians into harassing those of other faiths (or no faith at all) with hatemongering bullshit, such as its earlier assertion that to follow the Bible is automatically equated with goodness even though the Bible explicitly instructs its followers to murder those of other religions.

Are you thinking?

Much more than whoever wrote that chain letter.

Will you share this with people you care about? Or not?
I picked you~
My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Please pass this to people that you want to bless.

I'd love to be able to send feedback to the idiot who wrote this.

Arrow · Post by **Arrow** » 2003-03-16 08:04am

Maybe Talen should send back Wong's reply.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-03-16 12:20pm

yes perhaps he should

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-03-16 12:27pm

I got it from a friend of mine in chat - he hasnt told me the email yet to foward it to.

-continues to poke-

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-03-16 10:18pm

A similar list was preached at my church. But I understood that it made little sense, and fell back asleep. Mike went over the errors in it.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2003-03-16 10:23pm

One Sunday morning during church service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns.
One of the men shouted, "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are"!
Immediately, the choir fled, the deacons fled, and most of the congregation fled. Out of the 2,000, there only remained around 20.

I think Chick did a cartoon with this theme. Except there, the non-believers got shot.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Sriad · Post by **Sriad** » 2003-03-17 09:18pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Enforcer Talen wrote:Imagine this happening to you.
One Sunday morning during church service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns.
One of the men shouted, "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are"!
Immediately, the choir fled, the deacons fled, and most of the congregation fled. Out of the 2,000, there only remained around 20.
The man who had spoken took off his hood, looked at the preacher and said "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites. Now you may begin your service. Have a nice day!" And the two men turned and walked out
They should be arrested on weapons charges and nearly two thousand counts of uttering death threats.

I'd ask back "so what kind of stupid bastard would rather die than leave?" but then I remembered -the kind who think they're going to get 72 virgin donkeys in heven for martyring themselves or something. I may have my fundies crossed somewhere.
To be totally honest I don't know if 2000 death threats would stick. They didn't actually SAY there were going to kill the people, just implied... there would probably be some lesser charge like felony assault or disturbing the peace or something.
But good fucking luck finding a church in the United States with two thousand people anyway.

Enforcer Talen wrote:Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Yea, funny how we tend to believe people who we can hold accountable for lying, written by people trained to seek the impirical truth more than we trust a fourth hand collection of disjointed myths written down a thousand years after they were told in the first place. Look at me laugh:

:lol:
Not that I -absolutly- believe newspapers anyway...

Funny, isn't it? Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week
Are you laughing?

...Actually, yes I am. Not ROFLMFAO or even LOL laughing, but an amused titter here and there.

Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Oh, isn't my hypocracy tragic and...wait, I'm not sending this to ANYONE! Ho-ho, gotcha there, fuck-nose!:P

Will you share this with people you care about? Or not?
I picked you~
My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Please pass this to people that you want to bless.

The second one, definatly.
Talen, my day has been enriched.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-03-17 09:22pm

glad to help.

as it happened, I used to go to a church with 15,000 people. willow creek, illonois. massive fecking thing.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-03-17 09:24pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:glad to help.

as it happened, I used to go to a church with 15,000 people. willow creek, illonois. massive fecking thing.

Willow Creek is fake Christianity. It's nowhere near depressing or boring enough, and you get almost no guilt.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-03-17 09:28pm

ah. well, I was in 3rd grade at the time, so I just remember the kids movies.

nice gyms tho. bigger then my school.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-03-17 09:42pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:ah. well, I was in 3rd grade at the time, so I just remember the kids movies.

nice gyms tho. bigger then my school.

One of my managers at CompUSA went there and always got really riled up when employees would say "Jesus Christ!" when doing something on the floor after the store had closed. He'd always say, "You can say 'fuck' or 'shit,' but not His name."

Then we talked to the GM and got that little matter straightened out.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-03-17 09:47pm

for the longest time, I never said his name either. then started getting annoyed at god in general.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-03-17 09:51pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:for the longest time, I never said his name either. then started getting annoyed at god in general.

You suppose that "Jesus Ass-Fucking Christ" is taking his name in vain? I mean, Jesus' middle name wasn't "Ass-Fucking" after all.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-03-17 09:52pm

hey, you never know ^_^

Sriad · Post by **Sriad** » 2003-03-17 10:20pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:glad to help.

as it happened, I used to go to a church with 15,000 people. willow creek, illonois. massive fecking thing.

Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick that's huge. Like 15,000 people who were members, or experienced a weekly attendance of 15,000?

My parents always told me "Ass-fucking" was Moldovian for Highest Holy or something like that, and Jesus liked being called it. I now feel I may have been...duped?

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-03-17 11:35pm

weekly attendence. 4 stories, had it's own gym (3 feilds) its own university size library, classrooms for hundreds of kids, resturants, and a sanctuary that feels like imax. except bigger.

the parking lot was bigger then some towns Ive lived in.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-03-18 12:13am

All that means is that Willow Creek had more rich, gullible folks living near it.

Rathark · Post by **Rathark** » 2003-03-18 08:33am

Enforcer Talen wrote:One Sunday morning during church service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns.
One of the men shouted, "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are"!
Immediately, the choir fled, the deacons fled, and most of the congregation fled. Out of the 2,000, there only remained around 20.
The man who had spoken took off his hood, looked at the preacher and said "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites. Now you may begin your service. Have a nice day!" And the two men turned and walked out.

This is the most fucked up thing I've heard of since I was twelve, and had great ambitions to produce a 5 hour stage musical starring Gary Coleman and a large male elephant seal.

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-03-18 09:17am

Its funny how f---ed up this message is, even for Christian garbage.

So, if someone walks up to you and says "care to die for God?"... a Christian is supposed to say "Yes, please!" That's just messed up from an athiest OR Christian perspective.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-18 09:19am

Zoink wrote:Its funny how f---ed up this message is, even for Christian garbage.

So, if someone walks up to you and says "care to die for God?"... a Christian is supposed to say "Yes, please!" That's just messed up from an athiest OR Christian perspective.

It's here to remind us all that the distinction between Islamic fundies who belittle the value of human life and Christian fundies who ... belittle the value of human life is a lot smaller than some would have you believe.

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-03-18 09:42am

Enforcer Talen wrote:*SNIP*

I've heard variations of that story from a few pastors. The ones I've heard take place in Central or South America, in countries where levels of violence are high and unchecked (new presidents-for-life every other week and such).

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

its beautiful! -sniff-

its beautiful! -sniff-

Re: its beautiful! -sniff-

Re: its beautiful! -sniff-

Re: its beautiful! -sniff-

Re: its beautiful! -sniff-