Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[Wicked Pilot]

So, I finished training with my airline a few weeks ago, and now everyone else has either also finished or left the company for some reason or another.

Of the ten of us who started class on Feb 3rd, only five of us have made it through.

My sim partner, who I though was an OK guy but most others didn't like, washed out. He failed his first checkride (checkride = final exam) in the sim, got some more training, failed his second, and was terminated. He was a Blackhawk pilot in the Army, with some King Air experience doing DV lift out in Europe, so he was qualified but just didn't make it.

Two other guys, both of which were well liked, failed their first checkrides, were then given extra training, but then suddenly resigned before going to their second checkride. That really pissed off the company, as the sim normally runs at $1000 per hour. Both had King Air and Queen Air backgrounds, but probably not doing anything too strenuous. I have no respect for these people anymore. Fucking grow a pair.

My roommate, aka Bumbleclott, a total peice of crap that most couldn't stand, fled in the middle of the night when it was discovered that he basically fabricated half his flight time. You need 1500 hours to do this job, he had less than 800, everything else he made up. Before coming to St Louis to start training, he was running his mouth back at his Minneapolis flying club about how he got an airline job. Well, he's not even instructor qualified, and obviously not rich enough to to just buy that much flying time. So the pilots there called bullshit, then called the Minneapolis FSDO (ie the feds). Well the Minneapolis feds called the feds in St Louis, and one day during training a bunch of FAA G-Men and the company chief pilot meet Bumbleclott at the sim, seize his logbook and start making copies. Flying clubs keep good records, they can tell if plane X was flying on such and such day and by who. Bumbleclott runs back to the hotel, hands over his badge, charts and tablet to another student, and literally runs away. Oh, and since he not just lied to the company, but lied on some official FAA paperwork, there is talk of him doing jail time over it. Like, Federal Pound Me in the Ass jail time. That would be awesome, fuck that piece of shit!

Last guy, who I though was a really weak candidate to begin with, just resigned this weekend. He made it barely through the sim, but just struggled mightily with the airplane. He was from Belize and had never flown in the US before. Not that flying in Central America is easy and the U.S. is hard, but both have different sets of challenges. O'Hare and LaGuardia are tough places, if you can't bring it strong then you don't need to be here. Besides his having trouble flying the jet, he had personal issues he kept asking to have time off to go take care of. The company got fed up and told him to resign or be terminated There are regulations about someone having to fly a certain number of hours in a certain number of time after starting with an airline, so the company doesn't have a lot of leeway in this matter.

So, back in February, the company lost 15 pilots (went to major airlines, corporate jobs, got out of the industry), hired 10 of us, and now only 5 of us are flying. Yay pilot shortage! In March they lost 11, hired 6. They need to keep this in mind during our current contract negotiations. You don't pay us shit, this is what you're going to get.

[Broomstick]

Good on the Minneapolis flight club for calling bullshit on Mr. Inflated Flight Time. That sort of shit pisses me off. If I'm locked in a tin can five miles up I only want honest, qualified people at the controls.

Also, good luck on the rest of your career.

[Borgholio]

Look at the bright side, since you're one of the few *honest* and *qualified* pilots for the company, it means your job is fairly well secure.

[The Grim Squeaker]

So, A while ago my lab-head was describing a huge multinational project she's active in, called ELIXIR:

Her: "So, it's a very extensive consortium of member countries, focused on biological research. Each country contributes by its national specialties.
France for example has the best medical records of any country, bar none. (Going back some 2 centuries). - {Very useful for genetics research and health, linking phenotypes, and so on'}. Germany has.. I don't remember , possibly technical infrastructure. England has a strong biotech and biopharmeceuticals research infrastructure, especially thanks to London, Cambridge/Oxford and the Wellcome Trust, etc'.

Me: So, what Does Israel contribute in all this?

Her: Well... We have the most genetically inbred population of any participating nation. {The Bedouin are perhaps the most inbred population in the world} {But also lots of Jews of course, particularly from various ethnicities and origins}.
Me: ... Go Israel?

[Wicked Pilot]

Look at the bright side, since you're one of the few *honest* and *qualified* pilots for the company, it means your job is fairly well secure.

I wouldn't say I'm one of the few, most of the pilots and flight attendents I've run into so far have been pretty awesome. But that pool of people to recruit from pilot wise has dried up. Who now a days is going to spend $100k on getting the qualifications necessary to do this job and then get paid $20k a year to do it? I'm an outlier, I've got three years worth of saved up combat pay that I can live on, and with my experience hopefully Delta or United will hire me out of here soon and pay me something more appropiate. There aren't many like me out there.

In the past they could hire someone with 250 hours, and with such a larger pool they could pay shit wages as the cost of entering the industry. The rules changed not too long ago and that pool of the now required 1500 hour pilots is too small. Every month the company has a net pilot loss, same with pretty much every other regional, eventually they're going to have reduce flying. Or pay us more. Or better yet, Delta and United could buy some more 737s and A320s and bring us on board. There's no reason a CRJ should be flying between Chicago and Denver or Chicago and New York.

[Spekio]

Three different forms? How is that even... snorting it, smoking it, and they had needle tracks? At that point, you might as well just put your head in a feedbag of the shit...

On the other hand, he'd fit right in with the DPD Precinct 6 night crew. Holy fuck, did I see a lot of crazy-ass cop shenanigans involving violence inflicted on persons and/or stupid driving last night.

I'm kind of being unethical here, but it's hard to be found out and it is a matter of public record anyway. So this guy comes into my office wanting to join the police force, but was barred from trying out due to his age. I sucessfuly get an injuction to get him in. Fine.

He gets a notification 90 days prior that there would be a drug test.

5 days before the test would have taken place, he crosses the border to Bolivia and snorts, drinks tea made of, smokes, chews the leaves of coke. He then proceeds to take the test.

Before the results come in, he expects me, for free, mind you, to get another injuction for him. Hence why I was pissed.

[Broomstick]

That four types of coke by my count...

[Spekio]

That four types of coke by my count...

It is commomplace in Bolivia, at least in the border. Still, it's not legal here, and remarkably stupid of him.


Also, had he offered to pay me, I believe I could have gotten him in. Those tests are illegal, in my professional opinion, due to having no law that determines one has to be taken to enter public service.

[Raw Shark]

That four types of coke by my count...

Weeeeelll, chewing the leaves doesn't really have the same effect and is viewed about as casually as tobacco use in some parts of the world, but yeah, epic facepalm here.

[Broomstick]

I was getting cashier training today when a customer shows up who is a dead ringer for Billy Connolly, accent and all. Except the customer was a woman. A woman that looked and sounded like Billy Connolly (well, no beard). Apparently, she's a regular according to the cashier.

I had a hard time keeping a straight face and not acting weirded out.

[madd0ct0r]

Nah Billy keeps his beard when he's in drag: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ym7IEBntjuY
(Also he's an old man with quite bad parkinson's now)

"I was taking drugs to control the Parkinson's, but I'm not on them any more. The doctor said the side-effects were stronger than the effects. I never noticed any side-effects, but he told me they could include a deep interest in sex and gambling.

Fuck, I drink coffee becuase I'm tired, and then I can't sleep so I stay tired. Must break cycle...

[Lagmonster]

Coffee is shit as a regular cure for exhaustion, because your body gets used to it very quickly and you end up catching up with the withdrawal symptoms rather than feeling the buzz unless you up the intake. Your best bet is to drink coffee much more infrequently overall, then when you really need to stay alert, drink a cup of joe and then catch a quick ten-minute half-nap while it kicks in. You'll feel like a t-rex on coke.

[Kanastrous]

"You'll feel like a t-rex on coke."

Teeny useless little arms jittering frantically.

[madd0ct0r]

i was thinking of asking how many types of coke, and if I'd be elgiible for the Bolivian police force, but I guess tiny little arms would fail the physical

[Kanastrous]

All would be well until it came time for the mandatory push-ups part of the physical...

[Spekio]

i was thinking of asking how many types of coke, and if I'd be elgiible for the Bolivian police force, but I guess tiny little arms would fail the physical

From my second hand knowledge of bolivia, as long it is locally produced.

[Broomstick]

I had to spend some time with some real honest-to-god douches at work tonight, but then, it was my turn to clean up and restock the feminine hygiene products aisle...

[Tsyroc]

I had to spend some time with some real honest-to-god douches at work tonight, but then, it was my turn to clean up and restock the feminine hygiene products aisle...

That's always fun, but I think it's more entertaining to restock the birth control aisle. Most guys run for the hills if someone is around to catch them looking at condoms. I never did see anyone looking at lube, but then it wasn't as available when I was stocking drug store shelves as it is now.

[Broomstick]

Actually, I had a young guy, late teens/early 20's asked me where the rubbers are. Which, in fact, are also in the "feminine hygiene aisle", although that section is labeled "family planning". It actually makes some sense, really.

I am rather amazed at the variety of lubes/rubbers/etc. now available. I'm old enough to remember when all that was kept behind the counter and you had to ask an actual live human pharmacist for it. Ditto for everything else along those lines.

[Raw Shark]

Actually, I had a young guy, late teens/early 20's asked me where the rubbers are. Which, in fact, are also in the "feminine hygiene aisle", although that section is labeled "family planning". It actually makes some sense, really.

Yeah, they probably can't call it the, "Stuff For Your Genitals," aisle, which would IMHO be the best description...

Most guys run for the hills if someone is around to catch them looking at condoms.

WTF? Why would any guy be ashamed of a public proclamation that he is willing to put money on the odds that he will get laid? The first time I bought condoms, I was seventeen years old, I had a girl in the car who wanted to fuck me ASAP, and I probably couldn't keep the rapturous joy off my face as I walked up to the counter (not quite as seasoned as Broom, but that's where they were) and requested them loudly from a hot girl I went to high school with, who looked astonished. Probably in my top three greatest childhood moments.

[Spoonist]

WTF? Why would any guy be ashamed of a public proclamation that he is willing to put money on the odds that he will get laid?

Very common.

In school/uni, since I wasn't embarassed about such things, I was asked by others to buy condoms for them, mostly for the boys but also for some girls. For a while I was quite the regular condom buyer/distributor.

Lots of sex-stuff-shops have issues if their employees are too hot and female, it scares the men away instead of the more intuitive reaction.
Had a friend who had to dress down and have plainish makeup to be more plain while selling porn, dildos and condoms because otherwise it would hurt business.

etc

Considering the dialog I've had with americans I can only think that it would be worse over there - sex and protection etc seems to be not as open a topic if we put it mildly.



****

And the business quote of the day (in front of management no less).
"So instead of crapping on the customers we just fart in their face? While, I consider that to be an improvement I wouldn't say that it is good for business..."

[Raw Shark]

Lots of sex-stuff-shops have issues if their employees are too hot and female, it scares the men away instead of the more intuitive reaction. Had a friend who had to dress down and have plainish makeup to be more plain while selling porn, dildos and condoms because otherwise it would hurt business.

Huh. This may be why I got that job at the sex shop so easily.

Considering the dialog I've had with americans I can only think that it would be worse over there - sex and protection etc seems to be not as open a topic if we put it mildly.

Ironically, sex is still kind of a weird forbidden zone, but protection is something we've completely shoved in kids' faces since AIDS happened, so kind of both. The message I got as a kid in the 80s was more-or-less: "Sex should never ever happen but if it does, here's what you need to do to not die..."

[White Haven]

Me: <Computer Shop>, can I help you?

[...long pause...]

Me: Hello?

[clicking sound]

Asshole: Is <mostly-fictional owner who exists to decoy telemarketers> available?

Me (Tired of this shit to the point that I'm barely even pretending to be civil. Because that long-pause-click-is-the-owner-there is a dead giveaway): No. Can I ask who's calling?

Asshole: <Name>

[Short pause while I wait him to volunteer more than some random hatfucker's first name]

Me: Can I ask who you're calling from?

Asshole: Are you authorized to make financial decisions for the company?

Me: Can I ask who you're calling from?

[Click]

[Raw Shark]

That's just good cold-calling strategy. You recognize that you're not dealing with a total fucking idiot who will put you through ASAP and keep hunting. Congratulations on not being a total fucking idiot? ;]

[Spekio]

Working late on a satuday night. On one hand, thank ROB some stupid dim-wit state lawyer(?) tried to discriminate pregnant women. On the other hand, she could have decided to get an injuction during the week.