Alyrium Denryle wrote:God damn it. Raw Shark has inspired me. I know have to spill the beans on University Life. [snip]
Which meant when we went into town for pie, he tried valiantly to eat said pie with no movable digits. He failed horribly, and we had to assist him. By which I mean we got good sadistic laughs at his expense, as we hand fed him apple pie, complete with zooming airplane sounds, and thus completely emasculated him in public.
We also had to help him drink the large quantities of beer he required to help him forget his pain.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
So back during grad school's early years, when I was still under the mad delusion that I wanted to work with vertebrates rather than insects (2 years of my life wasted), I was in AZ with a psychotic (in the good way) buddy of mine looking for snakes. Now, for those of you who have never done this, the best way to find snakes is to go out in early evening on deserted back roads, and drive slowly with your brights on. Snakes like to warm up on the road surface.
So we go from phoenix out about an hour west near a shitty little town called Wickenburg, and about half an hour into our search... my car locks up, rapidly overheats, and breaks down.
So we do what one ought to do when confronted with such a problem and completely lack any and all mechanical skills. We called AAA. We knew our location down to 10 meters. GPS coordinates and detailed instructions from the main freeway.
It took 3 hours to find us.
So while we waited out in the middle of the Sonoran Desert, watching the Solfugids (what you people might know as camel spiders) trundle around being evil/adorbs, a trucker or something must have noticed our plight and two cop cars show up. Maricopa County Sheriff Deputies in point of fact. Now, this is Maricopa County, the fief of his despotic and racist lordship Joe Arpaio. Thankfully, both of us are white so that was not an issue. But one of them was mechanically inclined, so we pop the hood open.
AC compressor locked up, leading to failure in the AC belt. However, thanks to the wonder of engineering that is the 1998 Mazda Protege, when the belt that drives AC fails, you ONLY lose power steering and AC. There are two belts running off the drive shaft (I know this now, because it is a part I have frequently had to replace thanks to the climates I live in), and the other one runs the alternator etc.
So he lets us know that if we just want to cut the belt, we can get back to Civilization (and actual water supplies). The officer decides to give us some routing advice and pulls out a map. He orients the map properly using a compass and pulls out a red pen. Marks our location on it.
Cop: "Here is where we are." he then proceeds to draw a big circle between us and Wickenburg
Cop: "See this area here?"
Us: "Yeah"
Cop: "Have you seen the movie The Hills Have Eyes?"
Us: *nervous glance* "Yes...."
Cop: "Its like that. Nothing but cousin-fucking tweakers out that way. Avoid that area At All Costs"
GALE Force Biological Agent/
BOTM/Great Dolphin Conspiracy/ Entomology and Evolutionary Biology Subdirector:SD.net Dept. of Biological Sciences
There is Grandeur in the View of Life; it fills me with a Deep Wonder, and Intense Cynicism.
Alyrium Denryle wrote:Cop: "Have you seen the movie The Hills Have Eyes?"
Us: *nervous glance* "Yes...."
Cop: "Its like that. Nothing but cousin-fucking tweakers out that way. Avoid that area At All Costs"
Wasn't that area exactly where you guys were heading for, to hike around, looking for snakes? Good call...
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay
Alyrium Denryle wrote:Cop: "Have you seen the movie The Hills Have Eyes?"
Us: *nervous glance* "Yes...."
Cop: "Its like that. Nothing but cousin-fucking tweakers out that way. Avoid that area At All Costs"
Wasn't that area exactly where you guys were heading for, to hike around, looking for snakes? Good call...
No, we were on a set of roads that ran parallel to said Horrid Town. We were not getting any closer, but one of the non-freeway routes back to Phoenix runs through said no-go zone.
GALE Force Biological Agent/
BOTM/Great Dolphin Conspiracy/ Entomology and Evolutionary Biology Subdirector:SD.net Dept. of Biological Sciences
There is Grandeur in the View of Life; it fills me with a Deep Wonder, and Intense Cynicism.
^ These are the kind of directions that I try to give. "No, that may be the shortest way according to your smartphone, but you seriously don't want to do that because [reason for death]," is a regular response at my job.
~~~~~~~~~
YOUR DRIVER: What did you throw at my cab?
DRUNK BITCH: Can I get a ride!?
YOUR DRIVER: Answer the question.
DRUNK BITCH: What question?
YOUR DRIVER: [murder in his eyes] What. The fuck. Did you throw. At my cab.
DRUNK BITCH: Just some peanuts! Can I get a ride!?
YOUR DRIVER: Yes, except because you threw food at my cab, no.
DRUNK BITCH: I can't get a ride!? FUCK YOU, FAGGOT!!! [slams fist into taxi]
YOUR DRIVER: [hits the gas] I hope you broke your hand!
DRUNK BITCH: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Last edited by Raw Shark on 2015-01-12 11:50am, edited 1 time in total.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Let me ask a question. Don't take it the wrong way because I personally find it funny as hell, but you seem to swear a lot to your customers. Most jobs you'd get fired for that. Is being a cab driver a bit more...lenient...than a job in a retail outlet, for instance in how easy it is to tell off a customer who deserves it?
Borgholio wrote:Let me ask a question. Don't take it the wrong way because I personally find it funny as hell, but you seem to swear a lot to your customers. Most jobs you'd get fired for that. Is being a cab driver a bit more...lenient...than a job in a retail outlet, for instance in how easy it is to tell off a customer who deserves it?
More than a bit. People are often shocked at my ability to tell them exactly what I think or just straight throw them out of the cab a very cold and lonely walk from anywhere if they piss me off enough, particularly people who are accustomed to treating the service industry like shit as a habit. Cab drivers are where the buck very firmly stops in the, "abusing the service industry," department.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Cab drivers are where the buck very firmly stops in the, "abusing the service industry," department.
I'd file that under a perk for your job description.
I couldn't agree more.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
I used to do something similar where we would take customers home in their own cars, but if for some reason we felt the need, we were told we could pull over, get out the car and leave them there. Had to be polite about it though since it was a more, upper class, service. Luckily, if they threw up, It was their car and their problem.
Alyrium Denryle wrote:God damn it. Raw Shark has inspired me. I know have to spill the beans on University Life. Some of these are from the undergraduate years, some are from grad work/teaching.
......................
Rick's Ant Colony Adventure.
Location: Southern California
Time Period: 2007
So, it was the fourth of July, 2007. You know what happens on the fourth of july weekend every year? Why, Pogonomyrmex californicus breeds in a massive swarm like clockwork every year. Window of opportunity is 4 days long. So, guess where myself, Peter, Rick, and Dolezal (Rick and Dolezal's names are not changed) were on that weekend? You guessed it. In the middle of nowhere in southern california, about an hour away from a little town locally famous for its Pie.
And what were we doing? Kidnapping ant queens. Now, kidnapping ant queens can come in two different methodologies. One can collect them on the ground right after they mate, put them in a falcon tube and they will keep long enough to get them back to the lab. The other method is to dig up entire colonies that can be several meters deep and collect the virgin queens who have yet to mate.
We had two experiments we had to run, both methods were required. And Rick was tasked to do the digging (short straw).
There is absolutely no way to do this without getting your Everywhere stung by ants. Their venom is actually specialized for deterring mammalian nest predators, and is a neurotoxin that is not only more lethal drop for drop than cobra venom (thankfully, they dont carry very much), but causes excruciating pain. Take a red-hot needle. Stab it into your knuckle and wiggle it around like you are trying to strike oil. That is what Every Individual Sting is like.
You can see where this is going.
Jesus christ, but i'm glad my work with neurotoxins is computational .
Photography Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.
To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.
Aly's kind of field work involve raw horrors that make me happy that I'm in a bureaucratic role that doesn't require going into nature unless it's been slathered in pesticides, converted into a near monoculture, fenced in, and staffed with pre-approved mammals.
Aly, do you guys do this cast aluminium anthill thing, too?
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay
LaCroix wrote:Aly, do you guys do this cast aluminium anthill thing, too?
I dont, one of my current lab mates does. I work with dragonfly nymphs, which you should be really happy are the size of your thumb (...now)
Aly's kind of field work involve raw horrors that make me happy that I'm in a bureaucratic role that doesn't require going into nature unless it's been slathered in pesticides, converted into a near monoculture, fenced in, and staffed with pre-approved mammals.
Yep. There is a line regarding Marburg virus in The Hot Zone that is worth repeating
"It[Marburg] displays a sort of obscenity that can exist only in Nature"
I love that obscenity.
GALE Force Biological Agent/
BOTM/Great Dolphin Conspiracy/ Entomology and Evolutionary Biology Subdirector:SD.net Dept. of Biological Sciences
There is Grandeur in the View of Life; it fills me with a Deep Wonder, and Intense Cynicism.
Had a conversation with a person on Sunday that Raw Shark reminded me of.
I'm driving back to the office, it's around 12:35 AM, driving through a part of Sacramento that's got a bar, a strip club, lot of industrial zoned area, lot of transients, drunks, drug users, stuff like that. It's also a business district that contracts with my company so we're the patrol service for that area, PD loves it since we deal with most of the issues and only call them if it's an arrest or something serious. I'm getting ready to end my shift, and as I'm driving...
Me, on my radio: Control, P##(my identifier), show me out on XXX Street with a flag down, WMA, jeans, black jacket, looks intoxicated, standing in the middle of the street.
Now, it's a four lane street, two lanes going either direction, super foggy night. So, I flip on my Traffic Advisors to make sure people can see my cruiser in the fog.
Guy comes up to my car and I roll down the window a bit, ready to slam the gas in case this turns south.
Drunk guy: Hey, I'm glad you stopped, I've been trying to get a taxi for hours. (Even from several feet away, I can smell the booze)
Me: Sorry man, I'm not a taxi, but I need you to get out of the road or you're gonna get hit.
DG: Nah, come on man, don't lie, I know you're a taxi.
Me: No, I'm really not, it does not say taxi anywhere on my vehicle, now get out of the road.
Guy continues to insist I'm a taxi, I finally manage to convince him to stand on the sidewalk and I pull over to deal with this guy.
After a few minutes of this guy trying to tug open the door to the cage portion of my cruiser, I'm fed up and about to call PD when I see a PD black and white rolling towards me on the street. I flag him down and he pulls up behind me. It's an officer I work alot with in my area, and I've helped him out with a few things lately, like finding a missing person for him so he didn't have to write a report on it, or getting to alarm calls before him so he can just say in his report that security had already covered it.
Officer: Hey Mikey, how's it going, what's up?
DG: OFFICER! I wanna file a complaint, this taxi won't give me a ride!
Officer: Oh, is that so? Do me a favor sir, stand right there, now, follow this pen without moving your head.
Officer get's about 20 seconds into doing a field sobriety test before giving up and telling the guy...
Officer: Well sir, I'm sorry this taxi won't take you, how about I give you a ride?
DG: Thanks man, you guys are awesome. *turns to me* Fuck you, cabbie!
YOUR DRIVER: So, let me get this straight: you want to pay me to come up to your apartment, fuck some girl, and give you the used condom? Why?
CREEPY RICH GUY: You're not willing to let me blow you, and I want to drink your cum. At that point you're not using it anymore, so what does it matter? Look, I'll make it $1,000.
YOUR DRIVER: Wow. Y'know, when it was $100, I was thinking, "Okay, this is a weird sex thing, whatever." At $500, it was more like, "My bare ass is going to end up on the internet if I do this." But at $1,000, it just crosses the line straight into the scary fucking Twilight Zone. Like I'm picturing myself in an Aliens 4 scenario where I have to kill dozens of mutated clones of myself with a flamethrower right now. I'll probably have nightmares about this for days.
CREEPY RICH GUY: Does it help if she's blonde?
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
Ah, what the hell, someone's got to ask. Did you take the money?
There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)
Replace "ginger" with "n*gger," and suddenly it become a lot less funny, doesn't it?
-- fgalkin
Lagmonster wrote:You have no faith at all in the earnest lunacy of rich perverts.
Oh, I do, but I enjoy the banter. I went to art school, after all.
Zaune wrote:Ah, what the hell, someone's got to ask. Did you take the money?
Nope.
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
One thing I never get about US police - why bother with all the walk-in-a-straight-line, follow-the-pen bullshit? Easier and quicker to just whip out the breathalyser and open with that, is it not?
Yeah, I've always taken the subtext of the Birther movement to be, "The rules don't count here! This is different! HE'S BLACK! BLACK, I SAY! ARE YOU ALL BLIND!?
- Raw Shark
Destiny and fate are for those too weak to forge their own futures. Where we are 'supposed' to be is irrelevent.
One thing I never get about US police - why bother with all the walk-in-a-straight-line, follow-the-pen bullshit? Easier and quicker to just whip out the breathalyser and open with that, is it not?
IIRC there have been lawsuits about the breathalyser or something. Part of the reason is that people handle alcohol fairly differently due to so many variables. The sobriety test is basically two things in one: it demonstrates fairly effectively whether a person is too drunk to control fine movements of their body necessary for personal safety, and it's a measure of public humiliation. Also, it obviates wear and tear on the breathalyser, which costs money, which means that even now some departments don't have portable ones in every vehicle, IIRC...
A perfect example would be if you literally 5 minutes before just had a shot of whiskey. The breathalyzer would go apeshit over that. But a single shot for a 200 pound man won't do anything, your blood alcohol level would still be far below the legal limit even though your mouth is drenched in it.
There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)
Replace "ginger" with "n*gger," and suddenly it become a lot less funny, doesn't it?
-- fgalkin
Zaune wrote:Besides, breathalyser test kits are expensive.
And police departments would rather use the money to buy more cars to cart their fat asses around, and guns for the cops, and laptops for them to play Solitaire on... if they fail the field test, they can just bring them to the lock-up, where there's probably a larger and more accurate unit anyway.
Elheru and Zaune have got it right. The breathalyzer can be fooled by recent drinks. That's why when you go to jail for DUI or public intoxication, they usually have a phlebotomists to do blood draws and get an accurate account of your blood alcohol level. Also, Passive Alcohol Sensors (PAS devices) aka breathalyzers are expensive, so usually only sergeants or DUI units keep one with them.
Elheru, more like trying to buy up every spare part for a Crown Vic they can find, since Ford stopped producing them a couple years ago.
