The Thanasiad [CKII LP] [NO 56k]

[Iroscato]

This LP is awesome. The conquest of Spain was delightful, it was like Carthage all over again

[LaCroix]

It was to be expected. After all, the first thing the original Thanas did was to marry a German. By doing so, the "ruthlessly effective" trait is to stay with the dynasty, forever. New german blood will only increase the efficiency of further generation of Thanassians...

[Thanas]

A question: How shall we treat the mongols? Because I gather they will arrive pretty soon.
- Fight them at every opportunity. There is only one great Emperor and he isn't some upstart from the steppes. Rome crushed Attila, it will crush Ogedai as well.
- Only fight them if the bother us.

I would argue the first is more interesting, for it gives me an RP reason to stop conquering the west for some time. Besides, the question of Roman vs Mongols need to be answered unless future generations of historians will be asked to answer that versus scenario time and time again.

[LaCroix]

Definitely go for the mongols - they are an enemy that is challenging, and it gives the rest of Europe a breather allowing them to club each other's heads until someone emerges who will be able to challenge Rome in EUIV. Unless you see to keep the western units trained and employed- after all, as the Romans say - an idle soldier is an overpaid soldier.

[Thanas]

This will be a quick update on a somewhat short reign - please answer the question above and read the reconquest of Hispania if you missed that one before.

Julius II, the unremarkable

This is us. We chose the intrigue focus (only one we haven't tried yet besides this one is the pure church one, which will be next)
We are very old, mainly due to the long reign of our predecessor. What's worse, we haven't got a son borne in the purple.



This is our realm. Our mauretanian vassals are busy securing new slave-producing regions in the Maghreb bringing civilization to the southern tribes.

The hummus production in Kalliopolis recovered from the earlier disaster.


Meanwhile, we quickly needed to produce an heir. Our Varangian guardsmen finally found a suitable candidate.

Well, she wasn't a beauty like all the other empresses and concubines before her, but she was nice, strong and a genius.

As a first deed of ours, we finished the reconquest of Dacia.


Doesn't it look much nicer?
(Our holy order was granted a county to hunt down the mysterious legends about fanged beasts in the carpathian mountains.)

We also went to war to conquer even more of the trade posts and desert cities, to further control the desert and silk road routes through it.

(Nevermind the strategic advantage of holding these oasis)

But our main target was in the west - the land route from Croatia to Italy, the Iron Gate, which would finally allow us to forego the treacherous adriatic sea route. (There is a reason why this region is called the graveyard in mariner speak and why the Roman Empire historically never moved huge armies across this strait by sea).

Before we could do anything about that, we had a VERY IMPORTANT judicial dispute to settle:

"I am the emperor of Rome. Why do you bother me with a single cow?"
"Because he is your courtier, Imperial Majesty."
"IT IS A GODDAMN COW. PAY UP AND BE DONE WITH IT."

(nothing serves justice like the implied threat of castration).


Arles was finally reconquered, returning another great city to Roman control. We quickly ordered that the great mills of Arles be rebuilt to further prosperity in the region.

With a new grain supply for our western towns and forces secured, we moved against Istrien and Kärnten, as the germanic settlers there now called it.

Though the war was successful, it gained us only a single county. Ah well, we could afford to take the long road to success now.

The intrigue focus was somewhat useless:


So our wife wants to assassinate some courtier in Norway. OK. Who cares. Let her do it.

The trouble with the intrigue focus is that it seems more suited to lower rank people like Counts and Dukes instead of Emperors. The intrigue focus allows you to imprison people, fabricate reasons to imprison them, abduct people and free people from prisons. But if you are the Emperor, you don't want to imprison vassals (because kings are hard to catch and will always rebel if you try) and you can't use it against others. It would be cool if for example in war you could lead a commando force to capture the enemy general or ruler, but as it stands, I felt the intrigue focus was a waste of time. Maybe I wasn't using it right though, has anybody else used it?

To get over this disappointment, we captured more of Arabia.

The arabians lost most of their forces due to attrition while trying to march through the desert controlled by us and were easy pickings.


With the caliphate weakened, our younger brother, the duke of Arabia, declared a holy war and conquered the birthplace of Islam.

Mecca and Medina were now Roman towns.

We celebrated this by building more universities...

...and more monastic schools.

Our goal was to enhance the literacy of our populace, to get as much literacy as in the Roman times of old. We needed to have a functioning, well-read citizenry, for the cities (and especially the merchant republics) are the backbone of our Empire.

Speaking of important cities...

Aquileia, a huge Roman city in the past known as the Gate to Noricum and besides Ravenna the base of the Adriatic fleet, was reconquered. We had almost succeded in conquering the land route again.


Our vassals were happy with our reign.

To further push back the muslims, we decided to take the region of Azerbaijan.

This was rather desolate country, but held important mountain fortresses.

We quickly mobilized our forces from Armenia and Mesopotamia.

...and marched right into a trap.

For the Persians had concentrated their whole army (I wonder how they got there so quickly. Maybe the mountains slowed us down more than they? After all, we are the attackers).

The battle of Marageh in the county of Tabriz was a desperate one. Outnumber 4-3, the Romans held the advantage of terrain. However, the Persians had focused their army on heavy horse archers mainly recruited from their northern steppes. These proved to be the undoing of our Armenian and Mesopotamian armies, who fielded camel cavalry which died an inglorious death in the mountains.

In the end, despite our Arabian levies reinforcing us, the battle had one bitter conclusion:


Yet this could be called a pyrhhic victory for the Persians. For while our armies from Hayk, Armenia, Mesopotamia, Arabia and Celonia were shattered, we still had the second wave - armies from Jerusalem, Antiochia, Iconium and Egypt. The severely depleted Persians did not try to challenge this second wave and two years of sieges later, the Persians had to capitulate.


To celebrate, we built a huge cathedral in Rome.


Soon thereafter, we were visited by a caravan.


"Hindustan, eh? Maybe a good place to add to the empire..."

More eunuchs....hmmm. Maybe we rather not let strangers into our household. Still, we accepted the gift.

We contracted fever while leading our armies through Persia.


Our joy at this proved to be short-lived, for soon after we suffered a relapse.

Oh shit. A Regency.

TL, DR:
- not that great of an update, but not every Ruler can be a Ioulianos.
- Though we added some land to the empire, none of it is that great except for Aquileia and Mecca.
- On the positive side, rebellions among nobles have ceased to exist. We didn't have to fight off any great rebellion since our last rulers. This is probably due to the Augustus title we now have, which gives a +15 vassal opinion. And i have to say, I am enjoying the game much more without having to put down my nobles every 20 years or so.

[The Vortex Empire]

I can't imagine conquering Mecca and Medina will go over well with what Muslim powers remain, but meh, none of them can challenge Roman might at this point. Perhaps we can secure all of Alexander's conquests out to India to fulfill our Greek heritage as well.

[Flagg]

I'd start building castles on my northeastern border and if the Mongols come, well... Any chance they'd want some mercenary work in western Europe?

[Esquire]

Why build castles when the same gold could be used for mercenaries to wipe out the horde when it comes? The Mongols are a threat to the Empire and they need to be exterminated, to show that the new Rome is stronger than the old.

[Borgholio]

Castles would be impervious against an attack by horsemen who aren't likely to have any siege equipment with them. However, the Horde could simply bypass your castles and ravage the lands around them, forcing you to leave the safety of the walls anyways.

[Flagg]

Yes, they could do that, essentially ravaging and destroying those on the Empires border until they find a way to attack it. Of course you would amass your armies in that exact spot since they would likely go around castles. After you obliterate them, you can then march upon the ravaged counties on your border to "restore order".

[Thanas]

I'd start building castles on my northeastern border and if the Mongols come, well... Any chance they'd want some mercenary work in western Europe?

No chance of hiring them as they want to be rulers, not soldiers.

And building castles doesn't do much, at best delays them. The game cannot model them as being bad at sieges or so. Which is good for otherwise they would not be a challenge.

[FaxModem1]

Well, since you're having the problem of no genuine heir. I think it's time for some tough decisions by the regent. Make every unpopular but necessary decision you need to make. Thorn in your side vassal? Eliminate them. Neighboring kingdom? Invade them. Somebody's land you want in the empire? kill them.

Next, focus on securing more of Europe. The Roman Empire of old expanded all the way to Britain, it should do so again.

[Purple]

Take Iceland.

[Thanas]

Well, since you're having the problem of no genuine heir. I think it's time for some tough decisions by the regent. Make every unpopular but necessary decision you need to make. Thorn in your side vassal? Eliminate them. Neighboring kingdom? Invade them. Somebody's land you want in the empire? kill them.

I....I don't think you know how regency works in CKII. The Ai does every decision for you.

[Tribble]

If you have the time, I'd hold off conquering more of the East, and focus on taking control of France. The last thing you want to have to deal with is the French stabbing you in the back while your trying to hold off the Mongol hordes. Plus the extra manpower could come in handy. I don't think you need to go so far as conquering the split up factions of the Holy Roman Empire as I highly doubt they'll be in any position to challenge you in the near future (not to mention they may act as a useful shock absorber should the mongols arrive), and conquering England isn't worth the effort.

[Flagg]

Yeah, the Conquest of the entire British Isles (because fuck Hadrian, that's why. ) can probably wait another hundred years if not just holding off until EUIV.

[FaxModem1]

Well, since you're having the problem of no genuine heir. I think it's time for some tough decisions by the regent. Make every unpopular but necessary decision you need to make. Thorn in your side vassal? Eliminate them. Neighboring kingdom? Invade them. Somebody's land you want in the empire? kill them.

I....I don't think you know how regency works in CKII. The Ai does every decision for you.

Oh, well expect the entire Empire to crumble into dust then.

[Iroscato]

And it was all going so well...

[Bernkastel]

Well, since you're having the problem of no genuine heir. I think it's time for some tough decisions by the regent. Make every unpopular but necessary decision you need to make. Thorn in your side vassal? Eliminate them. Neighboring kingdom? Invade them. Somebody's land you want in the empire? kill them.

I....I don't think you know how regency works in CKII. The Ai does every decision for you.

Oh, well expect the entire Empire to crumble into dust then.

*sighs* Yes, this is very bad news. Thanas, what are our options, if there are any?

[Thanas]

None except to ride it out.

[Tribble]

How old is the little bastard Emperor of the Known World anyways?

[Bedlam]

Sad but just think of it as a challenge to put things back together again once you get your powers back.

Who is the regent? Julius's wife?

[Thanas]

Wooah, this might be the largest update Yet. Three parts in all.


Traianus II Part I: The death of Islam


This is us. We have to survive two years with a regency.

Thankfully the regent changed from our mother to the despot of Epirus, who
a) had educated us before
b) wasn't a Thanas so had no impulse to murder us and place his cadet branch on the throne.


We survived a measles outbreak. PHEW.

So it were an uneventful two years until:


We chose the church focus this time.


For a wife we chose a very very distant relative, a bastard of our uncle ten times removed.



In keeping with the church theme, our puppet in Al-Andalus was doing his best to convert his subjects by crushing all rebellions.

Both catholicism and Islam was heavily declining.

But the largest blow to Islam came in Mecca, when the province was converted to Orthodoxy.

The most sacred site of Islam was now a christian church dedicated to our great-grandfather, the great Roman St. Manuel who had ended the schism.

We further crushed the Muslims when declaring war on Persia.

This time, we were quicker and arrived at the mountain passes first.

The Persian army died and the war was won.


The Priests love me.


Our vassals conquered the remainder of Illyrium (Istrien and Kärnten), thereby ensuring the land route was finally established. A Roman road now ran from Constantinople to Rome and from Rome to Portugal. Our archivists started dusting off the tabula peutingeriana and planned for the rebuilding of the cursus publicus.



To celebrate this, we went on a pilgrimage on the new road to Constantinople



Clearly the new road is not yet flood-proof unlike the great roads of our venerable ancestors. Further improvements are needed.

And our ancestors did not need to sleep at campfires either.

(ooc: I like how they show the Hagia Sophia without the minarets.)



Yes yes, great book and all that.

As a reaction to our conversion of Mecca, the Caliph declared a holy war against us.

From "The Muslim wars" by Julius Chrysostomos, Metropolitan of Alexandria:

"....this war has always been called the last gasp of Islam. For whereas the old muslim armies mustered in the hundreds of thousands, this time the Muslims managed to muster barely 12k of ill-equipped and ill-trained rabble. The empire did not even have to mobilize more than two provincial armies in response. The armies of Mesopotamia and Arabia combined in Bahrain and met the Muslim army in the desert."


"....It was on this day that Islam died. For the caliph and his entire army perished on the hot desert plains from where they had one come to spread destruction by fire and sword. Now, destruction had come and claimed them."

With the failure of this holy war, nothing was left to stop us from taking Jemen.

After three years of infighting, the muslim states finally managed to elect a new caliph.

He rose to the throne just to see us immediately annexing all that was left of the former caliphate.

From "The Muslim wars" by Julius Chrysostomos, Metropolitan of Alexandria:
"...many scholars have seen the reign of Traianus II the end of the muslim wars....


Nothing can describe the utter destruction of Islam better than the conversion of the populace of Medina. The place where the first muslim community was formed by the Prophet Mohammed was now a Christian bishopric as the populace abandoned the false religion and converted to the true faith.


The province of Arabia was now elevated to a kingdom, encompassing nearly all Arabia except for a small strip of land in Oman held by the Persians.


We proved to be sympathetic to Islam. I wonder - can one be sympathetic to religions one is in the process of wiping out? I guess we don't actively discriminate against them or convert them with violence.


To celebrate and account for our control of the spice routes to India we improved the trade centers of the Empire. Many of them would now be of truly gargantuan size, especially those in Rome and Constantinople. Rome had now grown to the point that like Constantinople, its seven entities could be considered one city.

Meanwhile, in Sweden:

"Your emperor, your swedish vassals sent their tribute."
"What swedish vassals?"
"Well, you see..."
(Long story short: My swedish commander of the Varangian Guard was a descendent of the ruling dynasty of Sweden. The last Swedish king died without heir. So now a large chunk of that territory is Roman now. I am not sure what I should do with it - I can't grant him independence as that would also mean the Varangian Guard would transfer from my realm to his.)


True civilization is always measured by the quality of their hummus.


Preposterous. There is only one King of Kings. Us.
What could they do anyway?

(to be continued below)

[Thanas]

Traianus II Part II: The scourge


Meh. The remains of Islam should be able to deal with a few horsemen, right? Let's take a look at the commander of this "horde"...

Whait what, 100k troops?
.....
Yeah, ok.

In barely three months, they overran Khiva - and then started crossing into Persia.



Like any opportunist, we took this opportunity to conquer the remainder of Arabia.

Meanwhile, thanks to the magic of Gavelkind succession, our vassal, the King of Navarra, had inherited upper Aquitania.


We upgraded more trade centers.


Why, you ask? Because if you got fully upgraded holdings in, say, Constantinople, a single tithe can generate enormous amounts of money:

QED. I mean, holy crap, at the start of the game we though 50 gold was a huge sum. Now a single city can generate 20 times as much. I guess reestablishing trade across the mediterranean world is a huge boon to the empire.

However, a large part of the riches was from our gold and silver mines, for which we needed slaves. Most of our slaves came from the maghreb. Some of the slaves suddenly had the nerve to think that they were people and not property of the Emperor and revolted.


There will NOT be a reborn Spartacus.


Meanwhile, the Ilkhanate had crushed Persia completely. A muslim revolt erupted but they dealt with it in a few months.
And suddenly the two easternmost countries of Persia became properties of vassals of mine.
I think, but do not know, that they might have been ruled by part of one of the dynasties I subjugated and converted - and whose eastern counterparts where then wiped out by the Ilkhanate in the war, thus transferring those titles to our vassals.

EDIT: So I went through the history and apparently they have been ruled by Roman vassals ever since the conquest of Syria. Huh. Let's just disregard them as unimportant anyway.


"Why don't people respect my love for the holy books?"


"Your Imperial Majesty, the Ilkhanate has declared war on us."
"ASSEMBLE THE LEGIONS"
"well, Sire...."

The Ilkhanate had declared war on the eastern counties. Soon, 100k of horsemen were sweeping across the plains and taking the cities. We could do nothing, for we would have to march through all of Persia. This was a clear no-go, for attrition would wreck any armer larger than 12k, whereas the Ilkhanate (due to the Mongol trait) did not suffer attrition at all.

Thus, we had no choice but to surrender, ceding the disputed territory to the Mongols.


And the Khan had to add insult to injury:


From "The Extermination of the Mongol state", by Legate Iustinianus Martellus, Paris 1509:
"Had the Khan merely kept the current borders and be satisfied with the gains made, the Emperor might have chosen to accept the loss of those counties. The Empire already was busy investing treasure into the settlement of the Persians, who fled in hundreds of thousands from the Mongol Scourge, preferring live under Roman rule to certain enslavement and death.

Yet when the reply of the Khan was read in the restored Imperial Palace on Palatine Hill, everybody knew that there would be no peace. For the arrogance of the steppe people knew no bounds. While nobody knew if they called the Emperor a woman or gay, the insult of him being "vile" and "soft" was clear. Especially the latter one was hard to swallow for the sons of Mars.

The Emperor's face betrayed no emotion. He thanked the mongol delegates for their note, then ordered them to be thrown into the river Tiber. After this had been done, he walked to the Forum of his namesake Trajan. Here, before the grand statues of Ancient Romans, he invoked the example of Carthage and swore by all the ancestors that there would never be any peace between the Mongols and the Romans except one of total and utter submission.

The mongol wars, which would occupy the empire for most of the following centuries, had started."

(to be continued below)

[Thanas]

Traianus II Part III: "Soft"

It was now clear that war was now a question of "when", not "if".


The Emperor opened his coffers. Messengers were sent to the steppe people, offering gold in exchange for their services. The Cumans, Rus, Maygars, Pechenegs and Alans answered the call.

A great host of almost 20k steppe cavalry was assembled and trained. Overall command over this special force was given to the Alan chieftain Aslan.

A few months after this had been done, the Ilkhanate declared war again.

This time, their goal was to grab all of the Eastern Roman Empire.

But this time, the Empire was prepared.

The special Steppe force was combined with the Armenian and Bulgarian levies to form the first of cour Columns. It was ordered to meet and delay the first thrust of the Ilkhanate.
The Armies from Syria, Egypt and Antioch were to assemble near Mosul to form the second column.

For the third column, the Empire called upon the forces of Iconium, Cilicia and Trepizond. These were the elite troops of the Empire, seldom raised. Now they marched eastwards once more.

The fourth column consisted of the Forces of Egypt/Jerusalem, Mesopotamia and Arabia. It was ordered to link up near Baghdad.


The Ilkhanate assembled its most elite forces and met our first column.


Unfortunately, our Bulgarians and Armenians proved ill-prepared for the heavy volley tactic of the Mongolian horse archers. Only the right flank, where we had stationed our steppe allies, proved well-suited to adapt to their tactics.

Unfortunately, it could not hold up to 2vs1 odds.

Though we lost this battle, it should be noted that our steppe archers gave as good as they got, inflicting as many casualties on the Mongols as they took. Sadly, our levies suffered too much for it to make a meaningful difference.

From "The Extermination of the Mongol state", by Legate Iustinianus Martellus, Paris 1509:
"The battle of Dehloran had provided the impression among the Mongols that the Roman Army was no different than any of their previous foes - ill-trained forces that would be easily broken by a few volleys and a massed charge. This caused them to recklessly pursue the shattered first column and blunder head-first into the combined first and second column."


"However, this time they were up against the Iconian Army, an army whose units could recall a history that reached back to the days of Julius Caesar. Under the eagle of the Legio V Macedonia, they awaited the enemy attack calmly and in good order, knowing they had defeated similar hordes at Chalons nearly 600 years before."



This however proved to be off little use, for the cataphracts of Constantinople proved to be impervious to their arrows while answering with deadly individual shots. Meanwhile, the Roman infantry used the same tactic as at Chalon - using the large shields of the infantry in testudo formation to shield archers while the archers and crossbowmen reloaded. On a command, the testudo opened and the legionnaires knelt to allow the archers to shoot volley after volley at the mongol centre.

Eventually, the Mongols broke and fled, being pursued by Roman light cavalry.

The Roman Army pursued and caught up with the enemy at Hezar Dar. The battle was short and merciless, the Romans not giving the exhausted steppe ponies any rest.

The victory at Hezar Dar completed the destruction of the Mongol main army.

Only the Eastern Mongol Army, a force of around 12k, remained to oppose the Romans. It was met by the fourth column (the armies of Arabia, Mesopotamia, Egypt and the Persian territories) which had made landfall at Basra.

Having stitched the word "Soft" on their banners, the Arabian forces gave no quarter.

The armies of the Ilkhanate Horde ceased to exist.

In exchange for a ceasefire, the Khan surrendered a large part of his treasury. Now he was the one to beg for peace.

Only a few months after this ceasefire, the Roman Emperor declared war. Now Rome would go on the offensive.

The shattered Ilkhanate Army did not even dare to challenge Rome as the Iconian legions took the territories.

From "The Extermination of the Mongol state", by Legate Iustinianus Martellus, Paris 1509:
"...The atmosphere at the Palatine Hill was much different this time as the Mongol delegates begged for peace. Uncertainty and fear had replaced arrogance as they, like so many others before, had been brought low by the force of Roman Legions. They procrastinated themselves before the Augustus and addressed him:

The Emperor was gracious and granted the Mongols a few years of peace before he would proceed with the extermination of their horde.


A triumph was held to commemorate our great victories against the Mongols.

Our vassals commended us for the defence of the realm.

There were a few hours of peace before business demanded our attention again. But this time it was real delightful business:

We of course exhibited this beautiful statue in the Palatine Palace.


All of Arabia was now orthodox.

As was all of Hispania.


Heaven surely favours us, right? No way it could be anything else.

Oh.
I guess the Khagan did not take kindly to seeing his soldiers being slaughtered on the Persian plains.


Already the Golden Horde started attacking Vladimir.

Before we could take preparatory measures, we felt an odd sensation - a hacking cough...



TL, DR:
Mongols are tough enemies. Still, we managed to hold them off and gain a little territory. Also, we got a new main enemy.