The Thanasiad [CKII LP] [NO 56k]

[Steve]

Most excellent. Yes, most excellent indeed.

[Iroscato]

Mein gott, that there was EPIC.

[Steve]

I wonder.... since Roman exists as a culture (due to how far back the title histories go for the Papacy and the Roman throne), has anyone ever considered trying to play with the idea of an ahistoric "Roman holdout" culture somewhere on the map? Maybe a bizarre alt-Ireland as the "Kingdom of Hibernia" with Roman culture instead of Irish? Or something like that.

[The Vortex Empire]

These Mongol savages will break upon facing Roman might like all the barbarians before them. I propose we capture this Khan and make him the new court jester.

[Purple]

I wonder.... since Roman exists as a culture (due to how far back the title histories go for the Papacy and the Roman throne), has anyone ever considered trying to play with the idea of an ahistoric "Roman holdout" culture somewhere on the map? Maybe a bizarre alt-Ireland as the "Kingdom of Hibernia" with Roman culture instead of Irish? Or something like that.

An issue with that is the fact that whilst you can chose the culture of your lord you can't make your land be of that culture. So you'd end up with a lord hated by everyone else around him for being different.

[Thanas]

I wonder.... since Roman exists as a culture (due to how far back the title histories go for the Papacy and the Roman throne), has anyone ever considered trying to play with the idea of an ahistoric "Roman holdout" culture somewhere on the map? Maybe a bizarre alt-Ireland as the "Kingdom of Hibernia" with Roman culture instead of Irish? Or something like that.

An issue with that is the fact that whilst you can chose the culture of your lord you can't make your land be of that culture. So you'd end up with a lord hated by everyone else around him for being different.

Well, if your stewardship is high enough and you hold the land for ~100 years it will convert to your ruler's culture.

As for me, Hellenic is as good as it gets for "Roman" culture, for it is the logical evolution of Roman culture. Minus the language but that is easy - just think that all the people are bilingual as most were in the eyes of the Romans.

[Steve]

I wonder.... since Roman exists as a culture (due to how far back the title histories go for the Papacy and the Roman throne), has anyone ever considered trying to play with the idea of an ahistoric "Roman holdout" culture somewhere on the map? Maybe a bizarre alt-Ireland as the "Kingdom of Hibernia" with Roman culture instead of Irish? Or something like that.

An issue with that is the fact that whilst you can chose the culture of your lord you can't make your land be of that culture. So you'd end up with a lord hated by everyone else around him for being different.

Well, I'm talking about modding the game slightly too. Thus you would alter the game's start files or an initial save to change the cultures. Or use the command console.

[Steve]

I wonder.... since Roman exists as a culture (due to how far back the title histories go for the Papacy and the Roman throne), has anyone ever considered trying to play with the idea of an ahistoric "Roman holdout" culture somewhere on the map? Maybe a bizarre alt-Ireland as the "Kingdom of Hibernia" with Roman culture instead of Irish? Or something like that.

An issue with that is the fact that whilst you can chose the culture of your lord you can't make your land be of that culture. So you'd end up with a lord hated by everyone else around him for being different.

Well, if your stewardship is high enough and you hold the land for ~100 years it will convert to your ruler's culture.

As for me, Hellenic is as good as it gets for "Roman" culture, for it is the logical evolution of Roman culture. Minus the language but that is easy - just think that all the people are bilingual as most were in the eyes of the Romans.

Is that a mod culture? Or just your way of talking about the game's Greek culture?

[Dominus Atheos]

You can use the Ruler Designer to create a ruler with the "Roman" culture and "Hellenic" pagan religion, just like the old Roman emperors had according to the history in-game.

[Dominus Atheos]

Is that a mod culture? Or just your way of talking about the game's Greek culture?

That's what the mod he's playing (the one that won't fucking shut up about hummus) has renamed greek culture into.

[Borgholio]

This has made me interested in trying CK-II for myself, but there's like a billion expansion packs and no "Complete" edition.

[Skywalker_T-65]

This has made me interested in trying CK-II for myself, but there's like a billion expansion packs and no "Complete" edition.

Yeah, that's the great issue with getting into CKII this late in its lifespan...the sheer multitude of things they've released. Granted, you can skip the cosmetic packs easily enough (I did). But if you want to play anything but Catholics...you kinda need the major ones.

I had to wait for a Christmas sale to even get the game myself. Too much money to justify otherwise, for a poor college student.

[Steve]

It goes on sale every once and a while, so I'd just keep an eye on it. Given the sale price you might as well get the Complete version that usually has all of the DLCs.

[Esquire]

There isn't one, or at least there wasn't when I last checked. Plus, all the major DLCs are $10 and up, so it's quite a significant chunk of change for somebody buying them all at once.

[Thanas]

A good place to buy it is nuveem, they have all but the latest expansions for ~60 bucks. Maybe even cheaper now.

[Steve]

Maybe I should eventually get around to posting THE SAGA OF LORD MOONBEAM. Only have it on Facebook so far.

[LaCroix]

I guess that's what they call "soft power"...

Do you need to conquer everything back to the steppes to make the Khan back down? Or just keep smashing his hordes and wait for him to die and his heirs start warring?

[Borgholio]

Do you need to conquer everything back to the steppes to make the Khan back down?

Why not do it anyways? Who says Rome should be limited to Europe? Plenty of barbarians in the Steppes who need to be civilized.

[Thanas]

I guess that's what they call "soft power"...

Do you need to conquer everything back to the steppes to make the Khan back down? Or just keep smashing his hordes and wait for him to die and his heirs start warring?

Nah the map cuts out after Persia, but has things going on off-map. So the khanate will still exist, I just have no way to get to it.

[Borgholio]

So the khanate will still exist, I just have no way to get to it.

Well that...sucks.

[Thanas]

Until EU IV, then they will all be accessible.

[LaCroix]

Well, German Romans with Pirate blood will certainly know how to hold a proper grudge with a neighbor for a couple of generations.

(Especially when said neighbor keeps attacking again and again for decades...)

[Thanas]

Aurelianus the Insane Omelette eater


This is us. Although we have an unfortunate barber, we turned out pretty good. For focus we chose scholarship again.


The empire. Growing and growing, it almost fills up the entire screen.


The Golden Horde meanwhile has nearly completed subjugating all the Russians.


If the Ilkhanate thought they'd get a reprieve, they were sorely mistaken. We claimed Fars, for it was the largest and wealthiest of all Persian provinces, holding the ancient cities of Susa and Persepolis.

The Mongols mobilized and called in the Golden Horde. But this time, we were quicker and met the Ilkhanate Army near Persepolis before they could link up with the Golden Horde.
It was only fitting that the place of the ancient Persians bore witness to the destruction of those who had conquered Persia.

This battle showed two things:
1. Due to the death of the Mongol field army under our previous ruler, the Mongols now had to rely largely on Persian levies.
2. As a result, our Anatolian and Armenian levies hold more horse archers than the Mongols - and those are nearly all Cataphracts.
The outcome was an unmitigated slaughter.

As the Khan retreated with what little remained from his army, he ran into a second column from Mesopotamia. A champion of our house (aptly named Pankratios Thanas) challenged him to single combat.

The Khan, who had vowed to conquer all of the Eastern Half of the Roman Empire and who had angered Rome with his arrogant words, choked on a Roman sword near Persepolis. His body was stripped naked and left to rot on the plains where so many invaders had perished before. He would now join their ranks, his last service being to serve as food for the vultures that feasted on Mongols this day.

To celebrate (and curry favor with our Persian subjects) we restored the great palace called Persepolis. It would now serve as an Imperial seat of power like Antioch, Alexandria and Constantinople, second only to Roma.

"...maybe it was the sight of the carnage and the Persepolis that overwhelmed the sanity of the Emperor. For when he returned, he started imagining things. Nobody knows how much of the following legend is true, but it has always ranked as one of the more curious episodes of the empire."
- From "A history of mental illness by Dr. Siegmund Freud, Vindobona 1914.




Maybe it was the hot travel in the arabian sun that caused the brain to overheat. For the Emperor soon devoted more and more time to a collection of letters that he called a book. Nobody has ever regarded it as anything but nonsense.

After the Emperor's return, he started seeing things.



Deeper and deeper he dvelved into madness


It is now widely believed the Emperor in his delusions thought a work of fiction to be fact, for the end times prophesied by him have come and passed several times over already. The last announced end of the world just happened Saturday and aside from a slight irritation to my stomach I felt nothing.

The insanity of the Emperor caused an enormous strain on the bureaucracy. However, thanks to the efforts of his predecessors, the realm was able to prosper without the guidance of a sane emperor. Many scholars today view this as the first point in Roman history where the state realized it could do without the Emperor and the modern state started.


The boy who inherited the Khanate had not learned any manners. No matter, we would teach him.

He had also not learned any strategy, for he sent half his levies into the mountains....

...where they died.

The same fate befell the southern Mongol army.

In a stroke of luck, we captured the two leading Mongol generals.
From "The Extermination of the Mongol state", by Legate Iustinianus Martellus, Paris 1509:
"What happened next did more than any battle to shatter Mongol morale. For the Romans prepared hot irons and applied them

castrating one of the two

and blinding the other. The two mutilated generals were set free and sent on their way, their hands nailed together so that the castrated was leading the blind. The arrival at the Mongol court caused a great disturbance. For once, the Mongols, Masters of terror who had burned entire cities alive just to send a message, were faced with terror themselves.

The Mongol war effort crumbled as more and more of the young horsemen refused to serve in the west, for none who did ever returned except with certain body parts missing. A whole generation of Mongols had been slaughtered and mutilated. In the end, the mongols proved themselves "soft" as the Empire took several counties without meaningful resistance.

It did not help the Mongols that their terror tactics had not endeared them to the local populace, of whom many were all too glad to be ruled over by Romans instead of steppe horsemen.


A decision had also been made with regards to Roman sweden. The Emperor sent money, settlers and architects as they transformed the poor country into a slightly richer, more civilized country. City after city and temple after temple was built. Soon, instead of raiding the mediterranean, the Vikings settled in these new holdings.

The insane emperor meanwhile was sent by the head administrator to go hunt some bandits. This hunt was the basis for one of the most endearing children stories of the Roman Empire, a story so popular it has been turned into several animated features.








...Yeah. No comment.


Meanwhile, our vassal king of Persia (our uncle) declared war on the Ilkhanate every five years.

These wars always went as follows:
Step 1. Collect the forces of Persia and some allies and march into Ilkhanate territory.

Step 2. The Ilkhanate calls in the Golden Horde

Step 3: Get smashed and call a white peace.

However, these wars had one benefit - after constant fighting, the grand Khanate Army was reduced to less than 20k men, which was less than a single kingdom of ours could put into the field.


Meanwhile....
Although our administrators did the best to keep us from actually ruling, we just had to pass a law.


Sheer lunacy, such law. I can't think of any sane state that would ever pass that.

The law was quickly forgotten but caused a bit of consternation among our vassals.

To placate them, we decided to link our northern territories in France with our southern territories.


The battle was quick and easy, our spanish light horse swept everything before them and peppered the survivors with javelins.

After that success, we once again stove the Ilkhanate's head in.

The entire Ilkhanate army was intercepted by our levies from Arabia, Persia, Armenia and Mesopotamia.


The battle ended with the total destruction of the Ilkhanate army.

The Mongol scourge was pushed back further and further. Soon all of Persia would be ours and the Mongols banished to the Steppes.

But before that could happen, our tired, insane brain finally gave out.


TL, DR:
- Insanity is fun
- Aurelianus could have been such a great ruler had he not been utterly insane. As it stands, the Mongols got a reprieve.

[Iroscato]

Ah, about time we had a lunatic in charge. They're always fun.
Btw Thanas, I love the historical excerpts you write in between events. Gives it a much more realistic feel

[Steve]

The Cessation of Violence Act is at least not making his horse a Senator.