Roma Universalis [EU IV LP] [No 56k]

[Eternal_Freedom]

Hold on, did the USA fight for independence from Eastsaxe and then ally with them against you, after you'd helped them? That's impressively silly.

Surprised?

Only slightly. I had hoped that game-US might be a tad more logical than real-US, since it runs on programming rather than politicians.

[Thanas]

They did that because they wanted to expand into North America and my colonial nation of Roman North America did the same. It is still silly, but that is why the AI decided to do that.

[Steve]

At this rate Victoria will provide no entertainment to you with a conversion.

[Flameblade]

At this rate Victoria will provide no entertainment to you with a conversion.

Perhaps as an economic optimization game? Thanas has taken the world, now let us see if he can hold it?

[Thanas]

This is a short update, look for another one tomorrow, maybe even later today.

Once more unto the breach


We now turned our focus on the African nations. First was Songhay, our neighbour for more than 400 years.

They were filthy animalists, though they also had more than 400 years to learn our ways of fighting. This would be a hard fight.


But at first, everything went according to plan. Our legions caught one of their armies in the coastal provinces.

Look at how much better our drill infantry is.

In the North, we marched on their capital at Goa. Songhay tried to prevent this....


...but was beaten in two battles.

They soon assembled a large army and attaked us again at Goa.


But Roman discipline prevailed, the deciding blow being struck when the fresh I Italica arrived and smashed their flank.


In the east, we suffered some temporary setbacks...

But nothing could stop our advance in the west.

We soon had all of Songhay overrun, a task made much easier because most of their inner forts were just level 1 or 2.

Note that we were careful not to overextend here.

Still, such large provinces added to the empire is always a good thing, even if most of them are desert. But more importantly, we got control of all the trade ports of the Coast, allowing us to control 98% of the slave trade (2% being Kongo).

Songhay, much diminished, was waiting for its end.

In Suez, we got some bad news:

GRRR....why do they trade with the local farmers anyway? UGH.


Tech increases. Completely useless, as revolutions are bad, mmmkay.

As if there was anybody able to challenge our mighty fleet.

Finally, a useful tech upgrade.

Time to put the rifles to the test. We couldn't expand in Africa or Asia due to possible overextension, but I just know a nation which loves rifles.


DID ANYBODY SAY 2ND AMENDMENT, HURR DURR?

Well yes, Rome will take your weapons from your cold dead hands. Thank you for that kind offer.

What's that? You want to surrender? Home of the brave my ass. Now more like home of the slave.

While we were doing cleanup, we decided to take Peru instead.

Step 1: Land a few legions
Step 2: Assualt all the towns.
Step 3: Annex them.
Step 4: Profit.

All of the Americas belong to us, with the exception of those natives in the North (who will largely be our protectorates).

Meanwhile, in Africa:

One nation was openly Muslim, the only one left. It was also blocking land access to our southern African colonies. And it was rich in slaves, spices, ivory and grain.

Only one thing to do then.

In what was later known as the march to the south, the legions simply marched down the Zanzibar coast, crushing all resistance on the way.

Yeah....I would run.

An easy victory.


Wait...we finished it already? Huh. Well, I guess if you got an empire that could easily put 3 or 4 million workers on it things get done fast.
In any case, the trade must flow.

So: Asia conquered - check
Asia integrated - check
South America conquered - check
North America conquered - check
Africa conquered - all but Kongo and Songhay
Is there no challenge left?



Oh right. Hindustan.

(End of this update)

[The Vortex Empire]

Just a few battles left, and an eternal Pax Romana will be humanity's reward for all this conflict.

[OmegaChief]

Oh no, when we're done with Earth, the Roman Empire must go to the stars! The work is not finished until the entire universe knows the Pax Romana

[Steve]

Time to put the rifles to the test. We couldn't expand in Africa or Asia due to possible overextension, but I just know a nation which loves rifles.


DID ANYBODY SAY 2ND AMENDMENT, HURR DURR?

Well yes, Rome will take your weapons from your cold dead hands. Thank you for that kind offer.

What's that? You want to surrender? Home of the brave my ass. Now more like home of the slave.

Well, it is the South. Although bragging about having slavery does stick in my craw. Rome should begin considering empire-wide emancipation.

And this is so begging for someone to play a game to reverse this just to spite you.

[Thanas]

Well, it is the South. Although bragging about having slavery does stick in my craw. Rome should begin considering empire-wide emancipation.

"Slave to Rome", not slavery per se. See the modern Italian anthem - schiava di Roma.

[Iroscato]

Let's hope Hindustan have spent all those centuries busily fortifying themselves for the inevitable, or this is gonna be one last cakewalk in the conquest of Asia/Europe/the world/all of time and space/all known and unknown dimensions

[Gerald Tarrant]

This is a short update, look for another one tomorrow, maybe even later today.

They were filthy animalists, though they also had more than 400 years to learn our ways of fighting. This would be a hard fight.

Did you mean animists?

[Thanas]

Boy am I fucking glad that I finished the playthrough before the new patch hit, because this shitty auto-update system completely wrecked all conversions and previous saves. Hooray. Fuck paradox for not being able to do patches that don't wreck game progress of several hundred hours. But thankfully, I completed the playthrough. 2 updates to go and then this AAR will be finished.

[Borgholio]

Been playing the last couple weeks as Native Americans trying to re-write history and prevent being overrun by those evil European colonists. Sadly...went about right as far as history was concerned. Nice sized empire going in the Pacific Northwest. British came by and told me, "Nice land. We'll take it."

Wouldn't have been so bad if North American nations didn't have a fucking 250% penalty on new technologies. Maybe I'll have better luck just being a benevolent European power trying to shield the natives from the others...

[Thanas]

Been playing the last couple weeks as Native Americans trying to re-write history and prevent being overrun by those evil European colonists. Sadly...went about right as far as history was concerned. Nice sized empire going in the Pacific Northwest. British came by and told me, "Nice land. We'll take it."

Wouldn't have been so bad if North American nations didn't have a fucking 250% penalty on new technologies. Maybe I'll have better luck just being a benevolent European power trying to shield the natives from the others...

It is easy to do so by just taking all the coastal provinces. Problem is your colonial nations will start to expand and attack natives.

The way to prevent that is to turn the natives into protectorates (as I have done). Problem with that is you better be a huge empire because you can only have so many diplomatic relations, so if you protect all natives you won't have any European allies.

[Borgholio]

It is easy to do so by just taking all the coastal provinces.

That's actually one strategy I've read on how to fend off the Europeans. Start as North American, take the coastal provinces so you can expand over the whole continent, then give one territory away to a small Western nation so you can Westernize and catch up tech-wise.

[Thanas]

You will never make it as a Native, too many provinces. But as a strong European nation you can do so.

[Gandalf]

Yeah, that new patch nuked my Scandinavian Empire, and now the game just refuses to work on my Macbook. Apparently the only way to make it suck less is to get the new expansion.

[Thanas]

Yeah, that new patch nuked my Scandinavian Empire, and now the game just refuses to work on my Macbook. Apparently the only way to make it suck less is to get the new expansion.

It is fucking stupid the way paradox goes about it. Let's say this happened in the middle of this AAR - everything would be over. FFS. I can't even fucking load a save to retake some screenshots or so. You'd think Paradox would announce this in an email or message before putting this shit on the auto-update.

[Skywalker_T-65]

Game breaking patches do suck. I was in the middle of a game myself.

Luckily if you play on Steam you can use the beta tab to roll back to last patch and play the save that way. Kinda sucks since you have to update again when you're done though.

[Steve]

I've lost all of my CK2 playthroughs that way as well.....

[Iroscato]

So...does that mean this LP is dead?

[Thanas]

No, I finished the game beforehand. I am just lazy in writing the last updates.

[Iroscato]

No, I finished the game beforehand. I am just lazy in writing the last updates.

Oh good, that would've been a shame after so much pillaging

[Thanas]

Crouching tiger, screaming eagle


While travelling to Alexandria to take a look at the Suez Canal, our wise Emperor died and was succeeded by his nitwit of a son.

Thankfully, his heir was at least of medium intelligence and quickly ordered to take charge of the armies. He set sail with the Imperial guard from Rome.

Before his death, Leon VI Thanas had ordered a massive campaign to be prepared. It was now time to act on those plans.

Hindustan. The last Empire worth anything. A massive realm, with a huge population and very rich through spice and silk production. Hindustani cotton was dominating the market.


To subjugate this massive empire, 46 legions on land and 4 on sea had been drawn up, two thirds of the total Roman military. 1.400.000 men and women were standing by, having been drilled extensively for all their life. This was to be the culmination of Imperial glory.


War was declared. The Hindustanis were not surprised at this.


The aim of the campaign was to take over large swathes of the north before the enemy could mobilize. At the same time, a massive column would invade and deal with the Bengali before moving on to block reinforcements coming from the south.


The Bengali Army surrendered after a quick skirmish, inflicting little more than 700 casualties in return for the loss of their entire army.


In the west, the first Hindustani Army tried to delay our legions swarming like locusts over the north.

They intercepted two legions under the command of our greatest General - who has the fitting name of Trajan Valens.

Unlike the original Valens, this one was not in the business of getting slaughtered by Barbarians.

Instead, the Hindustanis, even with the assistance of the terrain - defending a river crossing - proved unable to resist our drill infantry and retreated, suffering heavy losses in the Process.

In the North, the Northern Hindustani Army was found by cavalry scouts early in the campaign and was quickly engaged by three legions.

The Hindustanis made the error of stationing an army in the flat north with only 3000 screening cavalry. And our general, Carus Probus, was a great Cavalry General, using his 24k cavalry to his advantage.

There was not a single survivor as the cavalrymen littered the plain with dead bodies.


An attempt by the Hindustanis to relieve the capital of their allies Bhangala was unsuccessful. The Romans laughed about the behavior of the 68k strong army to the east, which took one look at the strong Roman column and then departed, not assisting the 42k Hindustani troops which were easily beaten back.


The remainder of those 42k troops were caught near Dhundar by the Army of Carus Probus.

Again, few cavalry against the greatest Cavalry general of the Roman Army?

The results were predictable. A massive lancer charge broke through the Hindustani lines and the remainder were sabered and speared.

After one year of maneuvering, the picture was this:

Everything's coming up Roman.

...

...or was it?

From "An account of the campaigns in India", by Traianus Valens Hindustanicus. With assistance by Carus Probus Hindustanicus and Raphail Constanticus Hindustanicus. Roma 1822.

"The Hindustanis had been pushed back and most of the Roman legions had broken up in seperate siege detachements, with three main columns of about the size of two legions (~50k men) remaining as covering forces. The Hindustanis exploited this development by - not caring about attrition or the fate of the besieged cities - assembling a massive army of 250k men. They showed strategical aptitude in sending 60k forward to engage the Roman column. Legate Constanticus accepted this battle. He could not know that ~200.000 Hindustanis were just awaiting for the order to march.

When the full weight of the enemy appeared on the battlefield, it became clear that retreat was no longer an option. For it would have exposed the siege forces to the enemy, who would have been easily wiped out. The alternative was to hold the enemy - a grim task when being outnumbered four-to-one.

Thankfully, the second column under the command of Legate Probus arrived just in time to stabilize the lines. Yet the Hindustanis enjoyed still a 2:1 adavantage and were determined to break the Romans, sending wave after wave of soldiers on Bayonet attacks.

At this point, eight full legions were engaged, making the Battle of Velenadu the largest battle ever fought on this planet.
The slaughter of our men was enormous, but so were the casualties inflicted on the enemy. Still, the enemy had the advantage and pressed it, forcing more and more cohorts - often having been reduced to little more than a dozen men - out of the line of battle. Over fourteen cohorts died where they stood, having no survivors at all.

Most dreadful were the casualties due to the enemy massed artillery, which pounded our lines with little remorse. Meanwhile, over 60k of cavalry forces clashed in the greatest cavalry battle known to men. Hindustani Sabre and pistol clashed against Roman lance and cuirass, with none being the clear victor.

Three legions who had been detached to siege northern towns had formed up again and arrived to stabilize the lines.

However, the slaughter was still ongoing, with nobody the clear victor. Words would not do it justice.

The front lines of the Roman Army were heavily depleted by the enemy infantry and it looked like it would be time to order the artillerymen to their rifles.

And then, a three tone salute announced the arrival of a Member of the Imperial Family on the Battlefield.

The Imperial Guard, composed of the Varangians, the Imperial Scholae and the Praetorians, had sailed all the way from Rome through the Suez canal and made landfall behind this slaughter. In a quick march they arrived at the lines and on the thirtieth day of the battle, they had taken up battle formation. 6000 Varangians, every one of them at least 2m tall, armed with their characteristic axes in addition to rifles, stood ready. The 6k strong Praetorians, carrying the best rifles in the Empire, were arrayed to the left of them. To the Right of them stood the 12k of the German Guard and the Spanish Tercios in their colorful uniforms, eschewing muskets in favor of their traditional pikes and rapiers. On their flanks, the four regiments of the Scholae, 6000 Heavy cavalry, clad in full armor and with huge lances, were ready. To the Romans, it looked very much as if in this hour of need, their ancestors had arrived on the battlefield.

It has often been said that these forces are ceremonial in nature, and that is true, with most of them wearing outdated weapons and armor as they guard Rome in their daily life. But every men and women amongst their ranks is a battle-hardened veteran, and they could - and did - easily switch to modern weaponry if it was demanded of them. And nobody equipped with a bayonet, after having run out of bullets, wants to engage somebody with a pike, or face a northern giant screaming berserker language and hitting people with a giant ax. In the same vein, there is not a single cavalrymen alive who wishes to engage a fully-armored soldier on an iron-clad horse while being only armed with a sabre.

The remains of the V Macedonia and II Parthica quickly gathered at the flanks of this new line, as they had done for centuries now. While the cannons thundered and the legions and Hindustanis continued to clash, orders were quickly given along the line.
"FIX BAYONETS."
"READY PIKES."
"PREPARE TO CHARGE"
"DRAW AXES"

Once this was executed, a general order was sounded along the entire Roman line.
"Eaglebearers to the front. Ready...march. CHARGE."

The lines clashed with terrible ferocity, neither side willing to give ground. But the Imperial guard opened a hole, which the axmen quickly exploited. Modern rifles were almost forgotten as the battleline devolved into a scene of medieval horror - and the Romans were master of this horror.


With the Hindustanis pushed back, the soldiers got back to besieging the towns of the enemy.

Bengal was soon fully conquered and annexed.

With the troops freed up from there, a general offensive was ordered.


Not wanting to give more ground, the Hindustanis reinforced their one army with all their troops, leaving the other, smaller army to die.

The battle of Rayalaseema has often been called a controversial one. But it is the opinion of these generals, who fought this battle - and the press did not - that it was a logical next step. The Hindustanis wanted to defend the province. We were ordered to take it. Everything else did not matter.

And so, the legions marched into the killing grounds.

Many a writer has criticized the casualties taken by our forces. But they do not matter. What mattered was that Rome had the superior will and the superior men. This battle is not supposed to be seen as a pyrrhic victory. It should be rightfully known as the battle that pushed the Hindustani army south, ever crushing the will of their allies, who now knew that their homelands would never be free again. The Historical events support this truth, for soon after....


The entire North fell and the Hindustani allies surrendered.

Only one Hindustani army remained in fighting shape.

A massive pincer movement was ordered to encircle and to crush it.

Again, the Hindustanis had the advantage of terrain. We had the advantage of Roman discipline.

After four weeks of battle, the Hindustani lines broke. Their army fled southwards....

...only to find the Legio XIV Gemina blocking their path. In what became known as the great surrender - and prominently depicted at the recently completed Indica column in the Forum Thanasium - 60.000 demoralized Hindustanis surrendered to a much depleted legion.


An Emperor's ransom was demanded of Hindustan, which lost all their territory in the north, though they held on to the more wealthier and more populous south - for now.

The eagle had triumphed over the tiger."

Thoughts:
- Goddamn, the massed enemy artillery is deadly. I feared the Roman Armies would actually break at one point. I never had to mircromanage so much. This was hard.
- Things would have gone much easier had I used all my legions and manpower but I wanted a challenge and this delivered.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Bloody hell. Even Ming didn't give you this much trouble at once.