MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[Raw Shark]

GENERAL SAFETY TIP: When dealing with somebody who either is and/or is trying to act like a tough guy, establish common ground, and if possible a common enemy, right fucking now. First thing. Number one priority, besides situational awareness. I'm not fucking you over, insanely dangerous-looking man! We both got fucked by the same company / entity / douche / whatever. Let's just chill and bitch about it like rational people who are only mildly annoyed, yeah?

[Venator]

HULKING SKINHEAD W/ TEARDROP TATTOO: [launches into a long monologue promoting Donald Trump, and the importance of exercising your democratic franchise if you're not a convicted felon, because you have to for all of us]

I'm just imagining a bald wheelman with awkwardseal.jpg for a face...

---

We have a usual system; sales rep finds a lead, assessor from my team does the assessment, sales rep pitches the numbers we come up with, we sign a contract. I go in to make sure the assessor got the numbers right. Then our Project Management Group (PMG) is businesslike and efficient like Mal from Firefly - "I do the job, and then I get paid".

This one...

The client gave numbers to the sales rep. He put together the assessment analysis himself. We signed the deal. I went in. Turns out, the clients numbers were a bit low. Then the quote the sales rep put together was WAY lower than that. So the actual project is way more expensive than expected.

The sales rep disavowed wrongdoing, and more problematically, the client refused to believe there was ANY variance. Sales rep went behind my back to PMG to say that I had done the re-assessment wrong. Back-and-forth went on for weeks. Eventually, we decided to do the work based on the client's numbers and track changes as we went.

Friday before the install started (on Monday)...

SALES REP: (By email, summarized) "I did the pre-install walk with the client, Venator's numbers were right. Sorry."

ME: *reads email* *walks over to the PMGs office* *finds head of PMG with his head in his hands*

ME: "In the interest of inter-department cooperation, I'm going to avoid replying-all with simply "I FUCKING TOLD YOU!"."

PMG BOSS: *fistbumps me*

PMG ADMIN: *looks at something on his computer* "AUUUUGGHGGGHGGGGGHH!"

ME & PMG BOSS: "[Client], right?"

[Raw Shark]

CUTE BUT DUMB: Thanks for the ride!

YOUR DRIVER: No, thank you. I really needed that.

CUTE BUT DUMB: I really enjoyed it! You have a nice cock. It felt great in my mouth.

YOUR DRIVER: You do this all the time, huh?

CUTE BUT DUMB: Yeah, it makes me feel like a bad girl, and I like that... How was it?

YOUR DRIVER: I'd call your technique solidly adequate.

CUTE BUT DUMB: Thanks!

[Venator]

Either "cute but dumb" is really on the head (har har har), or the degree on natural charisma you have for someone to thank you for calling their sex "adequate" is astonishing.

[Raw Shark]

I'm pretty sure that she just expected a compliment and had no idea what I meant there. I'm kind of charming, not the Purple Man.

[Zeropoint]

So, on average, how many times a day does an attractive woman get it on with you in your cab? Three? Five?

[Broomstick]

So, we told this guy, the PetFoodGuy (that's his main area of responsibility), not to stack the skid of vacuum cleaners so high, and questioned how tightly shrink wrapped it was. I told him. The manager told him. One of our fellow Inventory Analysts (that's one of our official titles) also told him that.

He got the thing up on the rack and assured everyone it wouldn't be a problem

Well, yesterday, I had to get that sucker down, and I no sooner started to move the skid than the box on the top of the pile fell off. Fortunately, it fell backward, onto the rack, and only dropped about 2 meters, instead of falling forward and falling 8 to 9 meters and possibly hitting someone.

I said something very unladylike.

Of course the party responsible had the day off.

Well, I pulled what I needed off the skid, which helped reduce the size of it, and restacked it better, which helped reduce the size of it. Then tracked down a sufficiently large ladder and pulled the fucking wandering vacuum off the rack and put it back on the stack, and wrapped everything very, very thoroughly.

As we were getting ready for an inventory we really didn't need that time-sucker. Not to mention the whole safety thing.

[Raw Shark]

So, on average, how many times a day does an attractive woman get it on with you in your cab? Three? Five?

Ha, I wish. This was the first time in 32 days, not counting the evil little bitch a couple weeks ago who got me about 3/4 of the way through a blowjob and then tried to extort a $40 ride out of it from me, after I already did the sexual part of the job for her. (For the record, she did not get a free ride and was told where she could buy her pencils in the morning. She also had the nerve to flip me off as she got out, because I totally deserved that after performing expert cunnilingus for nothing)

[Crazedwraith]

You know like once a month is still massively jealously inducing right?

[Raw Shark]

You know like once a month is still massively jealously inducing right?

For some, perhaps. Reach for the stars, my brethren.

[Lagmonster]

You know like once a month is still massively jealously inducing right?

Or you could get married. I get laid as often as Adventure Man up there, and when I get flipped off, I always know I earned it.

[Borgholio]

You know like once a month is still massively jealously inducing right?

Or you could get married. I get laid as often as Adventure Man up there, and when I get flipped off, I always know I earned it.

Being married is not a guarantee of constant sex. I wish it were. :-/

[Elheru Aran]

Constant? No. Regular? Yeah. My wife and I can pretty much depend on getting lucky at least once a weekend. We would love for more frequent sex, but we have a.) a 3-year-old and b.) work schedules conflict.

[Raw Shark]

Yeah, this was pretty much my problem with Ex-Gf:

EX-GF: I want a baby right now!

ME: I feel like this idea would seriously interfere with our sex life.

EX-GF: Of course it would! But great idea, because having a baby would be the best thing ever!

ME: Uh. No. Not great idea, because no sex.

EX-GF: There'd still be sex. Y'know, once in a while.

ME: Totally not okay with that scenario. Kind of scaring me and not having same priorities.

[further discussion and break-up then happened]

[NecronLord]

Speaking of exes and pregnancy...

I have finally got a new job (more money, yay) and no longer work for the government after six years of working for the unemployment bureau and then as an child support caseworker. I cannot adequately express the joy I feel at no longer having to do that job folks. Soul destroying stuff.

I've been watching these threads for ages but as the UK Civil Service code of practice forbade any real discussion of work to a truly draconian degree, or otherwise bringing the Department of Work and Pensions into disrepute. However, now I am am no longer bound by that (well, not the disrepute bit I am not going to be posting any personal information obviously for both legal and moral reasons) I can finally tell what I used to call them my Troglodyte Tales; not to say that everyone or even most people were ever troglodytes. But the more amusing or cringe-inducing ones were.

As I recall these, I will post some in here for people's amusement/horror.

Perhaps the best piece of what the fuck I ever beheld was in child support the time one of the non-resident fathers sent me umpteen pages of e-mails between himself and the child's mother (trying to prove some technical issue) featuring, "Also you should tell $4_year_old_kid that he's the reason I left because he is so rude."

The next reply from the mother...

"He was very upset and cried when I told him this."

(And yes, cases like this happened often enough that it's not specific to that one case either)

Fuck people man. More awful bullshit as I remember it or until people tell me to stop.

[Purple]

Why did she actually tell the child that? I mean that is beyond cruel. It takes one sort of bastard to write that sort of thing. But frankly a worse kind to actually reveal it to the child.

[Raw Shark]

Yeah, well. My mother said some very cruel things to me, too, after I said I wasn't into Jesus. We all had a Mom, but they aren't always nice.

[Zaune]

Why did she actually tell the child that? I mean that is beyond cruel. It takes one sort of bastard to write that sort of thing. But frankly a worse kind to actually reveal it to the child.

Because she's as dumb as a bag of hammers?

[Raw Shark]

Why did she actually tell the child that? I mean that is beyond cruel. It takes one sort of bastard to write that sort of thing. But frankly a worse kind to actually reveal it to the child.

Because she's as dumb as a bag of hammers?

Sadly, no, or at least not only. It was a very calculated chess move to attempt to turn the kid against the Dad, at the expense of its own emotional well-being. She cared more about keeping the kid on-side than its feelings.

[Iroscato]

Why did she actually tell the child that? I mean that is beyond cruel. It takes one sort of bastard to write that sort of thing. But frankly a worse kind to actually reveal it to the child.

Because she's as dumb as a bag of hammers?

Sadly, no, or at least not only. It was a very calculated chess move to attempt to turn the kid against the Dad, at the expense of its own emotional well-being. She cared more about keeping the kid on-side than its feelings.

Huh, that sounds awfully familiar. Man, at least I got one decent parent - that poor kid's got a rough deal

[NecronLord]

Sadly, no, or at least not only. It was a very calculated chess move to attempt to turn the kid against the Dad, at the expense of its own emotional well-being. She cared more about keeping the kid on-side than its feelings.

That was my supposition too. Hence soul-destroying.

[InsaneTD]

Wouldn't that be evidence of emotional abuse by both parents? Bloody hell. Some people really don't deserve kids.

[Raw Shark]

OPENING DAY 2016:

DRUNK ROCKIES FANGIRL: Your dispatchers are totally rude! I mean, sure I said "fuck" on the phone, but it wasn't directed at her, and the bitch hung up on me!

YOUR DRIVER: Sorry that happened. They're assholes to me, too.

DRUNK ROCKIES FANGIRL: Yeah, well, you should do something about that!

YOUR DRIVER: There's really not anything I can do besides bitch them out. We're not in the same chain of command at all.

DRUNK ROCKIES FANGIRL: That's bullshit! I'm never calling a cab again! I would've used Uber anyway, except that my phone died and I had to use the bar's landline.

YOUR DRIVER: Y'know, you're really not safe riding with those guys. They're completely sketchy for a number of-

DRUNK ROCKIES FANGIRL: Save the propaganda, Uber is better and I know it. You're going to be obsolete by next year because you guys are assholes.

YOUR DRIVER: I was not an asshole to you, I passed by several people trying to flag me down to pick you up at last call on Opening Day.

DRUNK ROCKIES FANGIRL: And you all hate taking credit cards. Every cab driver in the world gives me shit when I pull out my card.

YOUR DRIVER: I will gladly take your card. Would you like to add a tip?

DRUNK ROCKIES FANGIRL: Here's a tip: Work for Uber!

YOUR DRIVER: Here's a tip for you: Go fuck yourself.

[Arthur_Tuxedo]

I know it's a sore spot, but she does have a point. Dispatchers are almost uniformly rude and unhelpful, you end up twiddling your thumbs waiting for a cab that often never shows up, and almost every cab driver I've ridden with has been an idiot or a nut job and they've all pitched a fit about credit card payments. Their payment terminals also blare ads. If I could be sure to get someone like you as my driver I'd use cabs every time but the average experience with Lyft/Über is orders of magnitudes better than the average cab ride.

[Ace Pace]

I know it's a sore spot, but she does have a point. Dispatchers are almost uniformly rude and unhelpful, you end up twiddling your thumbs waiting for a cab that often never shows up, and almost every cab driver I've ridden with has been an idiot or a nut job and they've all pitched a fit about credit card payments. Their payment terminals also blare ads. If I could be sure to get someone like you as my driver I'd use cabs every time but the average experience with Lyft/Über is orders of magnitudes better than the average cab ride.

I'm not sure why, except for idiotic reasons, taxi drivers don't move onmass to something like GetTaxi. It's incredibly popular here and it just works. I order a cab, I see where it is, I see the drivers rating, I can give him directions beforehand. And I still have the same legal garuntees as a regular taxi ride, just without dispatch. It's honestly made me use taxi's far more than beforehand where I had to pick up a phone.