Canada-wide arrest warrant for Jesus!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-25 09:33pm

Yessir, the Messiah has returned and is wanted for murder!

The Toronto Star wrote:Man arrested in slaying of Lisa Posluns
Real estate broker killed in building where she worked

NICHOLAS KEUNG
STAFF REPORTER

Police have arrested a suspect in the slaying of real estate broker Lisa Posluns, who was killed in a Yorkville office building last November.

Nelson Jesus, 33, was arrested late last night on Euclid Ave., north of Queen St. W.

Earlier yesterday, police had publicly identified Jesus in a Canada-wide arrest warrant for the Nov. 2, 2002 slaying of the 38-year-old Toronto woman.

The warrant said he was being sought for first-degree murder

"He (Jesus) has served a significant sentence for sexual assaults with a weapon and forcible confinement," in another case, homicide Detective Graham Hanlon told reporters at a news conference in police headquarters.

Posluns' body was found on the ground floor of her Yorkville office building at 94 Cumberland St. the morning of Nov. 3, 2002.

She had been stabbed repeatedly.

Yesterday, police also revealed for the first time that Posluns was sexually assaulted.

Hanlon would not comment if Posluns was targeted or attacked randomly.

He also refused to say whether the suspect and the victim were known to each other or whether Jesus worked in Posluns' building.

Jesus was charged with sexual assault in 1995 and was later sentenced to two years in jail. A 17-year-old girl had been forced into a house where she was handcuffed and sexually assaulted at gunpoint.

"The examination of the scene and the information we received from members of the public has assisted us to identify Nelson Jesus. I can also tell you that science will play a role in the court proceeding," the detective noted, adding that the OPP's behavioural science unit played a key role in breaking the case.

Police had heightened their alert in the areas where Jesus was known to frequent.

Anyone with information should call the homicide squad at 416-808-7408 or Crime Stoppers at 416-222-TIPS.

Mitth`raw`nuruodo · Post by **Mitth`raw`nuruodo** » 2003-03-25 09:34pm

Didn't someone try to sue God once?

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-03-25 09:34pm

LMAO...and even better happened on my birthday.

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2003-03-25 09:36pm

When Jesus goes to jail will he turn to, err, Jesus?

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-03-25 09:40pm

Next of Kin wrote:When Jesus goes to jail will he turn to, err, Jesus?

More like Bubba.

Straha · Post by **Straha** » 2003-03-25 09:41pm

Mitth'raw'nuruodo wrote:Didn't someone try to sue God once?

Yeah, and won by Defaukt because he failed to show up. However payment is still lacking.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-03-25 09:41pm

And some people worship this guy?

It's just as good as the headline involving the store owner named "Jesus".

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-03-25 09:46pm

Mitth'raw'nuruodo wrote:Didn't someone try to sue God once?

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0268437

Funny movie...

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-03-25 09:48pm

Shit that is just too funny.
How much would you bet that an American newspaper wouldn't publish that?

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-03-25 10:13pm

Darth Garden Gnome wrote:
Next of Kin wrote:When Jesus goes to jail will he turn to, err, Jesus?
More like Bubba.

Hm, is that thunder I hear...?

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-03-25 10:35pm

I've not got these stupid mental images of this guy kneeling the pray, then racing to the podium to answer himself, then back over and over again much like the "lawyer cross examining himself" gag.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-03-26 01:11pm

Durandal wrote:Shit that is just too funny.
How much would you bet that an American newspaper wouldn't publish that?

I believe a US paper published a similar incident, which said "Jesus Faces Criminal Charges".

As for the topic, we now know that not only is he risen, he's been here since 1995, and the Fundies didn't know! They weren't expecting him for another 5 years!

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-03-26 01:39pm

Hmm, wasn't Jesus 33 when he was killed (?) ... this guy is 33... could this be the second coming?

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-03-26 02:55pm

"Jesus" is actually a popular Hispanic name, although it is generally used for first names and is pronounced, "Hey-Soos"

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-03-26 02:57pm

Zoink wrote:Hmm, wasn't Jesus 33 when he was killed (?) ... this guy is 33... could this be the second coming?

If this is the second coming he certainly took a wrong turn somewhere. Or maybe he's the way he was - a rabble rouser and criminal. We're just seeing it now through our modern eyes.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-03-26 03:09pm

Zoink wrote:Hmm, wasn't Jesus 33 when he was killed (?) ... this guy is 33... could this be the second coming?

Don't feed the fundies

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-03-26 08:17pm

Zoink wrote:Hmm, wasn't Jesus 33 when he was killed (?) ... this guy is 33... could this be the second coming?

Yes, but he has a criminal record on going back to at least 1995, so he would be 25 then.

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-03-28 06:48am

LMAO!!! This is better than that Jesus guy who got busted for porn!

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2003-03-28 06:49am

jegs2 wrote:"Jesus" is actually a popular Hispanic name, although it is generally used for first names and is pronounced, "Hey-Soos"

They had a fun incident about that in Spin City once...

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-04-11 01:18pm

jegs2 wrote:"Jesus" is actually a popular Hispanic name, although it is generally used for first names and is pronounced, "Hey-Soos"

Isn't it interesting that many Latinos(Including an uncle of mine) have that name EVEN though Jevus was a main motivating factor for idiots in silly helmets waving guns around that enslaved their ancestors? "Senor, acceptan la amor de Jesus o mueren*draws sword*" "Hmmmm. Is there a third choice, by any chance?"

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-04-11 01:20pm

jegs2 wrote:"Jesus" is actually a popular Hispanic name, although it is generally used for first names and is pronounced, "Hey-Soos"

Isn't it interesting that many Latinos(Including an uncle of mine) have that name EVEN though Jevus was a main motivating factor for idiots in silly helmets waving guns around that enslaved their ancestors? "Senor, acceptan la amor de Jesus o mueren(Or its Portugese equivalent)*draws sword*" "Hmmmm. Is there a third choice, by any chance?"

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2003-04-11 01:26pm

Darth Gojira wrote:LMAO!!! This is better than that Jesus guy who got busted for porn!

'Jesus arrested for promoting Obscenity...' Yeah, I remember that one...

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-04-11 01:47pm

Heh, reminds me of someone at my old school who was part of a large Colombian family at the sixth form there. He was called Jesus (pronounced Jez-us). I'm sure he was part of a drugs cartel...

That "The Man Who Sued God" looks good, I hope it's on rental near me.